How to write a paper 2 - jp.edanzgroup.com · Edanz Group Japan | 2 Most journals are very clear regarding their English requirements Brain Structure & Function Language: Manuscripts

How to write a paper (2):

Language

Kyushu University

Warren Raye, PhD

Senior Life Sciences Editor

Edanz Group Japan

21 January 2012

Language

Edanz Group Japan | 2

� Most journals are very clear regarding their

English requirements

Brain Structure & Function

Language: Manuscripts will be checked by our

copyeditors for spelling and formal style. Clear

and concise language will help editors and

reviewers concentrate on the scientific content

of your paper and thus smooth the peer review

process.

英語の質英語の質英語の質英語の質

査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする

� Passive voice 受動態受動態受動態受動態

� Cause/reason comes first 原因原因原因原因・理由が最初・理由が最初・理由が最初・理由が最初

� Followed by the conclusion 結論結論結論結論が後に続くが後に続くが後に続くが後に続く

� Ki-sho-ten-ketsu 起承転結起承転結起承転結起承転結

� 採用率を高める科学英語の書き方：日本人の論文に特

徴的な問題点とは. 2011. International Nursing

Review, Supplement 151, 34(3), 94−102


Japanese scientific writing style日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル

� Active voice能動態能動態能動態能動態

� The conclusion is stated first結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述

� Reasoning or explanation comes after the

conclusion理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る

Beginning →→→→ middle →→→→ end


English scientific writing style

英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル

� Information is easier to

interpret and more uniform

when placed where most

readers expect to find it

� Good writers are aware of

these expectations

� Readability

Reader Expectations


Subject

Verb

� Readers expect verbs to closely follow subjects

Verb placement


Sentence

.

Subject and verb far apart = poor readability

Subject

Verb

syntactic resolution

� Readers can be confused if subject and verb are

separated by too much content

Avoid reader confusion


The smallest of the URF's (URFA6L), a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out ofphase the [NH2]-terminal portion of theadenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene,has been identified as the animal equivalent of therecently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene.

Avoid reader confusion


The smallest of the URF's is URFA6L, a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frameoverlapping out of phase the [NH2]-terminal portion of theadenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene; it has been identified as theanimal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene.

The smallest of the URF's (URFA6L) has been identifiedas the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeastH-ATPase subunit 8 gene; URFA6L is a 207-nucleotide (nt)reading frame overlapping out of phase the [NH2]-terminal portion of the adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase)subunit 6 gene.

We identified the smallest of the URF's (URFA6L) as theanimal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene. URFA6L is a … .

Which voice? Active vs. passive


� Use the active voice unless your target

journal states otherwise

Blood samples were collected from 256 patients.

We collected blood from 256 patients.

Active voice


� Sentences written in the active voice are:

SIMPLE

DIRECT

CLEAR

EASY TO READ

Subject

Verb

Active

Stress position


� Readers focus on information at the end of a

sentence.

.“Save the best until last”

take-home information

SubjectVerb

Stress position


The dog sat when her mistress offered a treat.

The dog sat when a treat was offered by her

mistress.

When the mistress offered her a treat, the dog sat.

� Readers, without thinking, concentrate on the

end of a sentence.

Topic position


Topic position

.Stress position

SubjectVerb

� Readers expect a sentence/phrase to be a story

about whoever shows up first

Topic position


� Linkage and context

The family went into the courtyard to see the new

puppy. The dog sat when her owner offered a treat.

Everyone was so excited they broke into applause.

However, as the courtyard was situated right next

to my bedroom, the sound woke me from my sleep.

idea ideaideaidea

Topic link

sentence

� Indicates to the reader the main idea of

a paragraph

� Provides the writer with a focus

� Should be the first sentence of a

paragraph

� Then discuss/explain the topic

� Summarize with a concluding sentence

Topic sentences Easier to read


Beginning →→→→ Middle →→→→ End

トピックセンテンストピックセンテンストピックセンテンストピックセンテンス

Topic sentences Example


IN HIS STUDIES OF THE CONDITIONED REFLEX,

PAVLOV WORKED ALMOST ENTIRELY WITH DOGS

AND WITH THE SALIVARY REFLEX. Implicit in all of his

work is the notion that everything the dog learns from

puppyhood on is a result of the association of certain

events (which happen to occur at the same time) with the

biologically adequate stimulus to some native response

such as withdrawing, struggling, eating, sex behavior, or the

like. What the dog can learn…

Henry Garrett, “Great Experiments in Psychology”

Readability


“only 4% of readers understand a 27-word sentence

first time”

� Reader objectives

� Only need to read once

� Do not have to read slowly

� Can understand author logic immediately

可読性可読性可読性可読性

Sentence length Keep it short & simple


� We examined numerous peer-reviewed journals

� Easy to read articles had an average sentence

length of around 17 words

� Sentences that are 15−20 words

� Long sentences and repetition

One sentence: one idea

１文１文１文１文にににには１つのアイデアは１つのアイデアは１つのアイデアは１つのアイデア

１文は短く簡潔に１文は短く簡潔に１文は短く簡潔に１文は短く簡潔に

Goals to aim for …


� Maximum 25–30 words per sentence

� Not more than four 30-word sentences in the

whole manuscript

� Use punctuation to your advantage

� periods (.) and commas (,)

� Think about ‘reader expectation’ and match the

expectation with the contents

Reader expectation Example


� Match the expectation with the contents

All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM)

every day to prevent any effects of circadian variation

and then stored after treatment at 5°C until assayed.

2?

1

All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM) every

day to prevent any effects of circadian variation.

They were then stored after treatment at 5°C until assayed.

� Simple language IS best

� Makes YOUR science more relevant

� Minimizes confusion – maximizes understanding

� Science is often complex

� Use simple language to help more people

understand your work

Simple is best


簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事

PREFERRED AVOID

more additional

enough adequate

clear apparent

try attempt

show demonstrate

try endeavor

very exceedingly

Simple words Examples


簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語


� In order to…

Unnecessary words Write simply

In order to determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of

ApoE −/− mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on

fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we

studied …

To determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of ApoE −/−

mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on

fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we

studied …

簡潔に書く簡潔に書く簡潔に書く簡潔に書く


AVOID

For the reason that

In the first place

In the not too distant future

Four in number

Green color

Subsequent to

Prior to

Except in a very few instances

Unnecessary words Further examples

PREFERRED

Because

First

Soon

Four

Green

After

Before

Usually


� Frequently made in the Results section

� Compare “like” with “like”

� Avoid ambiguity

� Use with, NOT to

The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with the

liver.

The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with

that from the liver.

Common mistakes Comparisons


� Relative terms, such as more, higher and greater,

require a reference for comparison

� Use than or compared with

Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster

than those with the old cycler.

Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster.

Faster than what?

Avoiding ambiguity Comparisons

Possible resources


� Books

� Style Manuals

� Writing courses

� BUT … not always practical

Online resources


� Paradigm Online Writing Assistant

http://www.powa.org/

� Springer Exemplar

http://www.springerexemplar.com/

� Google Scholar

http://scholar.google.com/

� Purdue Online Writing Lab

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/


“If you can’t explain something simply,

you don’t understand it well.”

– Albert Einstein

� Write to express NOT impress

� Consider your audience – their native language

may not be English

“Plain language … means clear and effective communication”

– Joe Kimble

Help your readers understand

Resources and links


http://edanzediting.co.jp/kyushu201201

�This presentation

�Templates

�Guidelines

参考資料参考資料参考資料参考資料

Any questions?


Appendix Simple words


Prefer Avoid

size magnitude

aim objective

take part participate

done performed

asked requested

lives resides

keep retain



Prefer Avoid

later subsequently

enough sufficient

end terminate

use utilization

Appendix Simple words


Language Hyphens


�Hyphen (-): for joining usually separate words

�Incorrect use can lead to ambiguity

twenty-four hour reactions

twenty four-hour reactions

is different to

Language Dashes


En dash (–): means “through”

October 26–29; pp. 2–5. (don’t use ~)

Em dash (—): Used to break a sentence, introduce

something, or introduce an afterthought.

These two metals—that is, titanium and magnesium—

are very light.

Language Asian fonts


� Beware of Asian fonts, such as MS Mincho and

SimSum

� DO NOT use Asian fonts in your manuscripts

Why not?

Because they look like this on some computers:

□ or ?

、、、、，；（），；（），；（），；（）××××％＜＜＜＜＞＞＞＞℃℃℃℃

アジアフォントアジアフォントアジアフォントアジアフォント

� Spell out the numbers one through nine and use

numerals for 10 and greater, except:�Units of measurement

2 mL, 4 min

�Beginning a sentence

Two patients with…

�Reporting a series including numerals

We enrolled 5 patients with AD, 12 with PD and 20 control

individuals.

�Reporting numbers consecutively

five 2-mL tubes

�Reporting a range including a number greater than nine

5–12


Numbers in the text General rules

数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール


� Always use a space between numbers and units

10 mL not 10mL

� No space is needed before %

56%

� The word “of” should be used to describe

amounts

6 mg of caffeine was …

� The word “of” is not needed for concentrations

rats were administered 6 mg/mL caffeine

Numbers in the text General rules

数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール

Comparisons


Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with

non-smokers

Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with p53

levels in non-smokers

Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with

those in non-smokers

Comparisons Between & among


� Use between for comparisons of two groups

� Use among for comparisons of more than two

groups

… significant differences were observed in the H values

among bio-, fully- and semi-synthetic molecules

… the only difference between the original molecule and

the new molecule is ...

“Between” とととと “among”


� Respectively is often misused by non-native

English speakers.

� Use respectively only if your sentence would

be unclear without it.

� Use to refer to two corresponding lists, but

not more

Respectively“Respectively”は必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用する


Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow

85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min

Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set

at 85, 7 and 4 mL/min, respectively.

The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min; the

nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min; and, the

hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words

15 words

Respectively Example

Language Colons & semi-colons


� Colons (:) are used to introduce a list or a clause

that explains what precedes it

� Semicolons (;) are used to separate the items in

a list too long for commas or where commas

could be ambiguous.

� Use ‘and’ before the last item in the list.

There are a number of journals for surgery manuscripts:

General Surgery, published by Springer; the World

Journal of Emergency Surgery, published by BioMed

Central; and the British Journal of Surgery, produced by

Wiley & Sons.

コロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロン

Language UK or US spelling


Be consistent 一貫させる一貫させる一貫させる一貫させる

� Check the journal’s Guide for Authors

� Generally, American journals require US spelling and

British journals require British spelling, but many accept

either form as long as the spelling used is consistent

fibre or fiber

centre or center

labelling or labeling

colour or color

Exceptions: Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare; your references

UK英語か英語か英語か英語かUS英語か？英語か？英語か？英語か？

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How to write a paper 2 - jp.edanzgroup.com · Edanz Group Japan | 2 Most journals are very clear regarding their English requirements Brain Structure & Function Language: Manuscripts