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Day #3 of 8Types of Attachment

&Communication

Day #3 of 8Types of Attachment

&Communication

Roster: Handouts:

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Love & Loss Day #3 of 8

3 Types of Attachment FormationMary Ainsworth

Attachment Formation & Adult Relationships

Men’s vs. Women’s Communication Styles

Deborah Tannen2

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3 Types of Attachment Formation

Mary Ainsworth

Secure(Anxious) Avoidant

Anxious Ambivalent Resistant

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A video clip on our Day #3 Information Page The Strange Situation – Mary Ainsworth (3:15)

Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” Parent & Baby play

Parent as a secure base - Parent sits while Baby plays

Stranger Anxiety - Stranger enters and talks to Parent

Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves – Stranger lets Baby play & comforts if needed

Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, Stranger leaves

Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves

Stranger Anxiety and Ability to be soothed by stranger - Stranger enters, comforts if needed

Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, lets Baby return to play

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Four Attachment Types Secure Attachment: A child who is securely attached to its caregiver will

explore freely while the caregiver is present, will engage with strangers, will be visibly upset when the caregiver departs, and happy to see the caregiver return. The child will not engage with the stranger if the caregiver is not in the room.

Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-resistant attachment style is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the caregiver is present.  When the caregiver departs, the child is extremely distressed.  The child will be ambivalent when she returns and will seek to remain close to the caregiver, but will be resentful, and also resistant when the caregiver initiates attention.

Avoidant Anxious-Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-avoidant attachment style will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the caregiver departs or returns.  The child will not explore very much, regardless of who is there.  Strangers will not be treated very differently from the caregiver.  There is not much emotional range displayed regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty.

Disorganized/Disoriented attachment: Characterized in Ainsworth's "strange situation" task as a child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. "unorganized") patterns of interaction with a caregiver.

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Attachment Style

Nature or Nurture?

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Identical TwinsSeparated at Birth

Twin Female Teenagers

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Attachment Style

. . . and memory.

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Attachment Style

measured at 12 months old.29 Secure and 24 Insecure

(Ambivalent & Avoidant)

. . . and memory for good events & bad events

measured at age 3

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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS

ChildAttachment Type

at 12 months

Memory forGood Event

Memory forBad Event

Secure

Insecure

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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS

ChildAttachment Type

at 12 months

Memory forGood Event

Memory forBad Event

Secure Very Good Very Poor

Insecure

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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS

ChildAttachment Type

at 12 months

Memory forGood Event

Memory forBad Event

Secure Very Good Very Poor

Insecure Very Poor Very Good

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Attachment Formation&

Adult Relationships

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See the last page of today’s notepages.

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REJECTION SENSITIVITY

is related to poor attachment formation. Insecure Attachment

FormationMania love style

Safety & Belongingness needs

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Rejection Sensitivityis related topoor attachment formation.

If Relationship Involvement is

Low…

…The person will likely terminate the relationship at any sign of rejection. 17

Rejection Sensitivityis related topoor attachment formation.

If Relationship Involvement is

High…

…The person will likely become jealous, controlling, hostile, and

then abusive at any sign of rejection.

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Communication Styles

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Eden & MandyThey have been

married8 years

and have3 young children.

(14:12)

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A Brief Break, during which…

Please ask someone else, what they thoughtwas most importantfrom today’s classso far.

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ROMANCE

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DESIRE&

“THE BASES”

TO INCREASEROMANCE & DESIRE

INCREASETHE NUMBER OF “BASES”

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See Gottman’s 7 Principles on our Day #3 NotePages.

LOVE &COMMUNICATION STYLES:COMMUNICATION STYLES:WOMEN’S AND MEN’SWOMEN’S AND MEN’SDEBORAH TANNENDEBORAH TANNEN

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ExpressiveExpressive

InstrumentalInstrumental

FEMALE COMMUNICATION - EXPRESSIVE - The person already feels intimate

(willing to share concerns) and expresses (shares) thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as a means to express and enhance the intimacy.

Sharing a concern is an expression of intimacy.

Silence = no intimacy.29

MALE COMMUNICATION - INSTRUMENTAL –

The person wants to change the universe (solve a problem or increase status) communication is an instrument (a means) to change things.

Silence = no problem. Sharing a concern may decrease status.

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HOMECOMING GREETINGS

AND COMMUNICATION

STYLES

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John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery“How can a person go to work each dayCome home in the evening And have nothing to say?”

LOVE & SEX

AND

COMMUNICATION STYLES

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LOVE & SEX

1st 2ndFemale Love - Sex

Male Sex Love

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“Sex” as a mode of communication:Expressive of love felt or Instrumental in

getting love

Two versions of “The Love Song”Female & Male

LOVE or SEX?

#1Female Love

Male Sex

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Which is most special?

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TREASURE TREASURE MOMENTS MOMENTS TOGETHER.TOGETHER.

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“May you find your treasure

everyday!”

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The End.