Managing Conflict With Confidence

Managing Conflict With Confidence:7 Tips for Conflict Resolution

Jamie Notter

http://twitter.com/jamienotter

Texas Society of Association Executives

#newideas10September 21, 2010

Welcome!

Managing conflict...

Handouts

Giveaway!

CONFLICT

Theory:

CONFLICT IS GOOD

Practice:

AVOID CONFLICT LIKE THE PLAGUE

How do you feelabout conflict?

HATEDISLIKEOKAYLOVE

AvoidAvoid

Resolution

Self-Perpetuating Cycle

Conflict exists

We avoid either the

conflict or its resolution

Conflict gets worse!

We avoid more

BREAK THE CYCLE:7 Tips for Managing Conflict

3 Attitude Tips

3 Behavior Tips

1 Challenge

Tip #1:(attitude)

Know yourself.

Tip #1:Know yourself

I S T JE N F P

TJTPFJFP

Tip #1:Know yourself

Tip #2:(attitude)

Humans are emotional.Get over it.

Tip #2:Accept Emotions

Tip #2:Accept Emotions

Tip #3:(attitude)

Move toward the conflict.

Tip #3:Move toward conflict

Tip #4:(behavior)

Put learning first(ask questions).

Tip #4:Put learning first

converge

diverge

Tip #5:(behavior)

Value stories over “truth”(ladder of inference).

I take ACTIONS based on my beliefs

I adopt BELIEFS about the world

I draw CONCLUSIONS

I make ASSUMPTIONS based on the meanings I added

I add MEANING (cultural and personal)

I SELECT data from what I observe

Observable DATA and experiences

Source: Peter Senge, et al., The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, p. 243

Ladder of Inference

Tip #6:(behavior)

Feedback over judgment and

requests over demands

The Secret to Effective Feedback:

Behavior Impact

Judgment

Behavior-Impact Feedback Model

WHEN YOU [do something...] I [react this way...] BECAUSE [of these reasons...] SO I HAVE A REQUEST...

Behavior

Impact

Giving Feedback

• Exercise: Micromanager or Public Shame

• Read the scenario.• Discuss with your table.• Come up with feedback, using the

Model (you can use the four questions as a guide)

• One person prepare to report your answer.

Tip #7:(challenge)

Change you, not them.

Questions?

Jamie Notter

http://www.getmejamienotter.com

http://twitter.com/jamienotter