Why Study Communication?

The Only Completely Portable Skill You will use it in every relationship You will need it regardless of your career path

The “Information Age” The history of civilization is the history of information Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of

information and knowledge through time and space

Why Study Communication?

Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills

You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication People Overestimate Their Own

Communication Skills

We Want Others to Change

What Is Communication?

Transfer of Meaning—No Influence of Mental Maps—Yes Redundant

Visual Auditory Kinesthestic Energetic

What Is Communication?

Conscious and Intentional Nonverbal Verbal

Unconscious and Unintentional Nonverbal Verbal

Unconscious Processing

Conscious Processing = 7±2/Second Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec. Short-term Memory Long-term Memory Habits

Physical Mental

Habits

Learned Behavior Established Over Time

Practice Self-talk

Change

Learning

Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence Mastery

External Reality

The Map is Not the Territory We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning

Models of the World

Sensory Data

The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience What we see What we hear What we touch, taste, and smell

The Four-tuple Meanings and Memories

Filtering Experience

Primary Mediation Secondary Mediation

Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state

Perception Can Be Tricky

The Communication ProcessS

enso

ry D

ata

Sen

sory

Dat

aSender Receiver

Filters

BeliefsValues

Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type

State

Filters

BeliefsValues

Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type

State

Decision-Making

Message

Channel

The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003

Encoding

Decision-Making

Encoding

Metaphor: The Language of Perception

Metaphors and Similes My love is a flower. My love is like a flower.

Core Metaphors Argument is war Business is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building

Core Metaphors

Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies Perceptual Filters Common Operational Metaphors

Time is… Learning is… Men/Women are… Success is... Life is…

Experience, Language, and Meaning

Experience

Sensory Data

Mental Maps

Language Meaning

Symbol Systems

Language Words and sentences Meaning and labels

Mathematics Money

History of Communication

Nonverbal: 150,000 years Oral: 55,000 years Written: 6,000 years

Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

Communicating Meaning

Physiology and Appearance: 55 percent Paralanguage: 38 percent Language: 7 percent

Sensory Data and Mental Maps

Bridge Between Internal and External Internal and External Processing Internal Processing

Posture and breathing Language and paralanguage Eye accessing cues

Sensory Modalities

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic

Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)

Preferred Sensory Modalities

People Use All Their Available Senses Some Prefer Visual Some Prefer Auditory Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster

Senses of touch, taste, and smell Associated emotional responses

Some Prefer “Digital” Processing

Visuals

Vocabulary I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Let’s stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. He’s always in a fog.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Auditories

Vocabulary I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? That’s music to my ears. He’s always blowing his own horn.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Kinesthetics (Kinos)

Vocabulary I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. She’s still rough around the edges. He’s a smooth operator.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Eye Accessing Cues

Vr

Ar

Ai

Vc

Ac

K

Exercise: Observing Eye Movements

Ask questions that require internal processing. Visual Auditory Kinesthetic

Taste or smell Touch Emotions

Exercise: Flexibility

Determine your preferred system. What are you doing when you “think”? Speak for two minutes using predicates from one

sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two.

Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

Rapport

Finding Commonalities Values Vocabulary and paralanguage Physiology and appearance

Matching and Mirroring Cross-over Matching

People who are like each other, like each other.

Developing Rapport

Nonverbal (what you see and do) Physiology Appearance Congruence

Verbal (what you hear and say) Sense-based predicates Values, beliefs, and criteria Voice tone and rate of speech

Reading Nonverbal Messages

Sensory Acuity Agree and Disagree Posture and Movement

Associated or dissociated Bodily response

Exercises: Rapport

Matching and Mirroring Observing others Practicing

Calibration Like/dislike Yes/no

Congruence

Physiology Left/right body Left/right brain

Nonverbal and Verbal Messages “Parts” Groups

Strategies

The Structure of Subjective Experience Four-tuples Syntax

Learned Behavior TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) Habits Skills

Common Strategies

Spelling Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically) Visual

Making Decisions Communicating

Listening and speaking Writing

Decision-making Strategies

Purchasing An inexpensive product Dinner in a nice restaurant An expensive product or service

Relationships Career Choices

Communication Strategy, 1 & 2

Pace Match (nonverbally and verbally) Meet expectations

Lead Set direction Maintain interest Maintain rapport

Communication Strategy, 3 & 4

Blend Outcomes Understand objectives and desires Create win-win solutions

Motivate Clarify who does what next Future-pace possibilities Presuppose positive results

Exercise: Eliciting Strategies

Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant Learning Something New Teaching Something for the First Time

Personal Profiles

Achiever Communicator Specialist Perfectionist

C

SP

A

Profile Characteristics

Achiever Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. Sees life as a competition.

Communicator Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.

Specialist Likes to plan work and relationships. Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.

Perfectionist Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.

Metaprograms

Action — Initiate or Respond Direction — Toward or Away From Source — Internal or External Conduct — Rule Follower or Breaker

More Metaprograms

Response — Match or Mismatch Scope — Global or Specific Cognitive Style — Thinking or Feeling Confirmation — VAK and Times

Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms

Metaprograms are revealed by Nonverbal messages Language

Question s What do you mean? How do you know? What’s important to you about that?

Changing Behavior

Patterns and Pattern Interrupts Anchors and Anchoring

Stimulus-response conditioning Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors

Advanced Language Patterns The Metamodel The Milton Model

Exercise: Anchoring

Setting Anchors Kinesthetic Visual Auditory

Stacking Anchors Collapsing Anchors Using Sliding Anchors

The Structure of Subjective Experience

Sorting for Time Past, present, and future Timelines

Sorting for Like and Dislike Creating and Changing Meaning

Modalities and Submodalities

Visual Submodalities Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view Color or black & white, moving or still

Auditory Submodalities Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)

Kinesthetic Submodalities Location, strength, duration, movement Quality (warm, cold, “tingly,” etc.)

Exercise: Changing Submodalities

Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better.

Elicit submodalities for Things you like. Things you dislike.

Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.

Belief Systems

Cultural Parental Group Individual

Global (Identity) Cause-effect

If X, then Y If I study, then I will...

Rules Can/can’t Must/must not Should/should not

Values

A Type of Belief Hierarchical Either Positive or Negative

Something desired Something to avoid

Congruent or Incongruent

Core Questions

Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities

Exercise: Belief and Disbelief

Elicit the submodalities of something you believe absolutely.

Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt.

Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve.

Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.

Frames and Reframes

The Filters That Determine Meaning Influence State and Behavior Creating and Changing Frames

Anchoring Reframing Context Reframing Content

Reframing Context

Key Questions Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful? When would the characteristic or behavior be useful? What would have to be true for this to be useful?

Common Context Reframes Rudolph’s red nose Oil Procrastination

Reframing Content

Key Questions What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?

Common Content Reframes The ugly duckling Plastic or sawdust Failure

The Metamodel

Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions

What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?

Metamodel “Violations”

Unspecified Nouns Abstract nouns (a student, teachers) Nominalizations (freedom, justice)

Unspecified or Missing Pronouns Someone you know. . . . It’s wrong to think that.

Metamodel “Violations”

Unspecified Verbs You have to learn this. You will solve your problems.

Unwarranted Generalizations You never want to do anything. Politicians are crooks.

Metamodel “Violations”

Unwarranted Comparisons Brand X gives you more. Sally is the best.

Unwarranted Rules You can’t do that on television. Clean your plate. No pain, no gain.

The Milton Model

Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps Used to Create New Possibilities Used to Influence

Milton Model Techniques

Metamodel “Violations” Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs. Generalizations Comparisons Shifts in referential index

More Milton Model Techniques

Presuppositions Embedded Questions Embedded Commands Negative Commands Metaphors Quotes Ambiguities

Basic Language Skills

My automobile prefers to warm up slowly. The organization is in excellent shape. For

example, the record profits last year. The company has decided to purchase new

furniture. While busy working at the computer all day

was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

More Basic Language Skills

Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president.

The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.

Language Skills for Case 1

As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention.

I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotel’s accommodations.

How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?

More Language Skills for Case 1

Does your hotel have banquet facilities? How many conference rooms does your hotel

have with audio/visual equipment? I must have your answer by July 10th so that I

can make a decision. Thank you in advance for sending this and

other helpful information.

Block Format andMixed Punctuation

Date goes on left margin 5 January 2004 January 5, 2004 NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004

Inside address includes the following: Name of the individual with courtesy title Professional title and/or office or department Organization plus “mail stop” information City, state, and ZIP code information

Block Format andMixed Punctuation—Part 2

Salutation Dear Ms. Goldman: Dear Director: Ladies and Gentlemen:

The signature block includes the following: An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,

Cordially, Best Wishes) The signature of the person who wrote the letter The typed/printed name of the writer

Message Structure for Case 1

Ask the most important question. What is the make-or-break question? Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms? Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?

Explain your needs. What does she need to know to help you? What does she not need to know? What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?

More Structure for Case 1

Ask your secondary questions. What is implied by the numbered list? How do you ensure that the information you receive will

help you make a decision?

Set and justify an end-date. Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t

asked about? Why do you need a time index to justify a specific end-

date?