In#macy  &  Social  Media    The  rela#onship  between  digital  

technology  and  roman#c  rela#onships  of  today’s  youth  

Sarah  Boucher  

"Young  people  are  at  the  forefront  of  developing,  using,  reworking,  and  incorpora8ng  new  media  into  their  da8ng  prac8ces  in  ways  that  might  be  unknown,  unfamiliar,  and  some8mes  scary  to  adults"  (p.  117).  

History  of  Contemporary  Da#ng  •  Contemporary  da#ng  and  

courtship  prac#ces  are  a  20th  century  development  

•  Emerged  out  of  working-­‐class  "calling"  prac#ces  

•  Supported  by  "the  movement  of  youth  from  work-­‐places  to  public  schools,  the  development  of  school  dances,  and  the  independence  afforded  by  the  spread  of  automobile  

•  Current  rituals  are  less  formal  and  uniform  than  those  of  their  historical  counterparts  

Modern-­‐day  Rela#onships  •  Romance  is  a  salient  feature  of  social  

development  in  adolescence  •  Teens  learn  about  da#ng,  in#macy,  and  

romance  from  their  friends  and  social  circles  •  Teen  romance  and  rituals  take  place  both  

publicly  and  collec#vely  •  Da#ng  and  romance  prac#ces  and  themes  are  

a  central  part  of  teens'  new  media  prac#ces  •  "Using  social  media,  contemporary  teens  

con#nue  to  craM  and  reshape  da#ng  and  romance  norms  and  rituals  that  are  now  deeply  #ed  to  the  development  of  new  media  literacies"  (p.  120)  

•  Youth  u#lize  3  primary  technologies  in  their  in#macy  prac#ces:  mobile  phones,  instant  messaging,  and  social  network  sites  

“Controlled  Casualness”  of  Digital  Communica#on  

•  New  media  allows  teens  to  meet  and/or  further  poten#al  roman#c  interests  in  a  way  that  might  feel  less  vulnerable  then  face-­‐to-­‐face  communica#on  

•  The  asynchronous  nature  of  technologies  provides  teens  with  the  ability  to  deliberate  and  carefully  construct  messages  that  appear  to  be  casual  

Language  of  “Controlled  Casualness”  

•  Online  communica#on  supports  the  “whatever  theory  of  language”,  in  which  people  are  increasingly  using  more  informal  linguis#c  forms  to  write  and  communicate  

•  Casual  online  language  is  used  to  create  an  inten#onal  ambiguity  •  Such  communica#on  is  a  “contextually  specific  literary  prac#ce,  

acutely  tuned  to  the  par#culars  of  given  social  situa#ons  and  cultural  norms”  (p.  125)  

•  The  text  cites  Bob,  a  white  19  year  old,  who  reported  carefully  edi#ng  his  grammar  and  spelling  to  give  the  appearance  of  an  “off-­‐the-­‐cuff”  comment  

•  Public  venues  afforded  by  social  network  sites  (such  as  “walls”  on  Facebook)  provide  yet  another  layer  of  casualness  and  protec#on  

New  Media’s  Role  in  Mee#ng/Flir#ng  

•  Flir#ng  via  the  online  networks  of  “controlled  casualness”  promotes  offline  mee#ngs  and  deepens  casual  #es  to  online  friends  

•  Networks  are  relied  upon  to  do  some  of  the  verifica#on  work  in  online  secngs  

Con#nuous  Contact  •  Technology  mediates  teens’  long-­‐

term,  steady,  and  commided  rela#onships  

•  The  “always  on”  possibili#es  of  new  media  intensify  teens’  high  expecta#ons  of  contact  with  and  availability  of  their  significant  others  

•  Much  of  rela#onship  and  emo#onal  work  is  done  through  the  usage  of  new  media  

•  Affec#on  is  demonstrated  through  private  and  public  media  channels;  such  as  intensified  reciprocity  in  online  communica#ons,  exchanging  digitalized  symbols  via  text  or  instant  messenger,  and  affirming  their  rela#onship  publicly  via  social  network  sites  

Social  Network  Sites  &  Rela#onships  

•  Social  network  sites  are  the  embodiment  of  teens’  rela#onships  

•  Friends  are  ranked  to  according  to  strength  and  seriousness  of  their  rela#onship  and  commitment  

•  Rela#onship  status  indicates  dedica#on  to  their  significant  other  

•  Public  messages  and  posted  “couple”  pictures  further  convey  the  nature  of  the  rela#onship  

•  Facebook  Manners  &  You:hdp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iROYzrm5SBM  

Breaking  Up  Online  

“New  communica#on  prac#ces  oMen  require  that  teens  take  a  variety  of  steps  to  sweep  up  the  digital  remnant  of  a  given  rela#onship  and  to  deal  with  access  to  and  the  con#nuing  digital  presence  of  their  former  significant  others”  (p.  132).  

Breaking  Up  Online  

•  Breaking  up  online—whether  through  tex#ng,  IM’s,  or  a  SNS—is  generally  viewed  as  disrespeclul  

•  The  consensus  views  face-­‐to-­‐face  interac#on  as  the  preferable,  more  respeclul  course  of  ac#on  when  ending  a  rela#onship  

Breaking  Up  Online  •  For  teens  today,  changing  a  public  representa#on  of  a  rela#onship  is  a  normal  part  of  the  now-­‐mediated  rela#onships  

•  Digital  representa#ons  of  rela#onships  on  public  venues  ensues  a  public  performance  of  breakups,  showcasing  individuals’  emo#onal  reac#on  to  the  situa#on  

•  Public  documenta#on  of  rela#onships  and  breakups  indicate  the  need  for  valida#on  and  support  from  one’s  peers  

•  Breakups  can  be  reflected  passively,  or  displayed  ac#vely  

Passive  Communica#on  

•  Despite  the  demise  of  a  rela#onship,  teens  oMen  s#ll  inhabit  the  same  networked  publics,  and  thus  retain  an  indirect  channel  to  monitor  each  other  and  communicate  aMer  breaking  up  

•  Teens  can  passively  communicate  through  their  online  profiles  and  presence  

Privacy  &  Boundaries  

•  Digital  communica#on  circumvents  geographic  and  ins#tu#onal  constraints,  providing  teens  with  a  sphere  of  privacy  to  communicate  with  their  significant  others  

•  However,  it  requires  a  nego#a#on  of  new  boundaries  and  spheres  of  privacy  in  one’s  in#mate  rela#onships  due  to  the  expecta#ons  of  high  contact  it  creates  and  the  amount  of  personal  informa#on  shared    

Vulnerability  

•  New  media  allows  teens  to  manage  their  emo#onal  vulnerability  (i.e.  controlled  casualness)    

•  However,  new  media  also  makes  youth  more  suscep#ble  to  the  sharing  of  informa#on  about  them  outside  of  their  control  

Conclusion  

•  For  teenagers  today,  par#cipa#ng  in  the  mediated  world  of  technology  is  essen#al  to  being  part  of  an  offline  social  world  

•  Youth  are  developing  new  kinds  of  social  norms  and  literacies  through  the  rela#onal  and  emo#onal  prac#ces  of  digital  technologies  

•  This  peer-­‐based  learning  is  significantly  changing  how  in#mate  communica#on  and  rela#onships  are  structured,  expressed,  and  publicized