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Notes on negotiating & interviewingtechniques
How to get to YES when negotiating
with difficult people
Definition of Negotiation
The process of back-and-forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with others when some interests are shared and some are opposed.
Three Criteria to fairly judge a negotiation
Produce a wise agreement
Be efficient Improve or at
least not damage the relationship
Definition of a Wise Agreement One that meets the
legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable and takes community interests into account.
Negotiation takes place at two levels Substances Implicitly - procedure for dealing
with the substance
Positional Bargaining Locked into positions Agreement less likely
Principled Principled NegotiationsNegotiations
oror
Negotiations on the Negotiations on the MeritsMerits
Four Basic Points People - separate the people from
the problem Interests - focus on interests, not
positions Options - generate a variety of
possibilities before deciding what to do
Criteria - insist that the result be based on some objective standard
People Recognize parties
as human Have strong
emotions Different
perceptions Different
communication styles
Interests Designed to
overcome positions
Focus on underlying interests of the other party
Options Difficulty
designing solutions under pressure
Brainstorming
Criteria Fair standards
Stages of Negotiations Analysis Planning Discussion
Analysis1. Diagnose the situation 6. Options already presented
2. Gather information 7. Suggested criteria
3. Organize it
4. Think about it
5. Consider the people problem
a. Hostile emotions
b. Unclear communications
c. Your interests
d. Their interests
Planning
Discussion
The Method of Principled Negotiations
Remember 4 Criteria
1. Separate the people from the problem
2. Focus on interests-not positions
3. Invent Options for mutual gain
4. Use objective criteria
Separating the People from the Problem Recognize dealing
with a person who has:a. Emotionsb. Deeply held valuesc. Different background & viewpointd. Unpredictablee. You have the same things
Two kinds of interesta. Substanceb. Relationship
Relationship becomes entangle with the problem
Separating the People from the Problem
People see the world from their own personal vantage point, and they frequently confuse their perception with reality. Routinely, they fail to interpret what you say in the way you intend and do not mean what you understand them to say.
-Getting to YES
Separating the People from the ProblemDeal directly with the people problem Perception - fact/truth doesn’t matter,
how each side perceives the other is what matters
See the situation as the other side sees it. This is one of the most important skill you can possess
Don’t deduce their intentions from your fear. People assume that what they fear the other side will do.
Dealing directly with people problem con’t Don’t blame them for your problem Give them a stake in the outcome by
making sure they participate in the processa. Will be easier to accept a disagreeable conclusionb. Gives them ownership in outcomec. Once claim ownership will defend outcome to others
Separating the People from the Problem
Separating the People from the ProblemEmotion1. Recognize & understand their’s, your’s2. Ask what is producing emotion then work
to solve it3. Make emotion explicit & acknowledge
thema. Be pro-active & discuss them
4. Allow the other side to let off steama. listen without respondingb. don’t take it personally
Separating the People from the Problem
Emotion continued5. Don’t react to emotional outburst
a. lose sight of negotiationsb. feeds their outburst morec. maybe attempt to unnerve you
6. Use symbolic gesturesa. apologyb. thank you cards
Separating the People from the Problem
Communications1. Problems to good communications
a. not talking to each otherb. not listening to each otherc. misunderstanding
Separating the People from the ProblemCommunications2. Solutions
a. listen actively & acknowledge what is being said - mirroringb. speak to be understood - focus on the problem togetherc. use “I” messagesd. Speak for a purpose
Focus on interests not positions Interests define the problem, what
makes you decide on a position. Identify interest
Ask why Ask why not or why haven’t they
asked
Focus on interests not positions Basic human needs in order of
importance1. Security2. Economic well-being3. Sense of belonging4. Recognition5. Control over one’s life
Focus on interests not positions Be specific with your interests, give
details Acknowledge their interests Put the problem before your answer
give reasons and interests first then conclusions, proposals last.
Be hard on the problem, soft on the people, attack the problem don’t blame the people.
Invent options for mutual gain
1. Obstacles preventing inventing optionsa. Premature judgmentb. Searching for the single answerc. Assumption of a fixed pied. Thinking, “solving their problem is their problem”.
Invent options for mutual gain2. Inventing creative options
a. Separate inventing from judging (brainstorming)b. Broaden options instead of looking for single answerc. Look for mutual gainsd. Invent ways to make their decision easy
BrainstormingBefore beginning Define purpose Chose a few
participants (5-8) Change
environment Design informal
atmosphere Chose a facilitator
Brainstorming
During Seating
Side by Side Facing the
problem Clarify ground
rules No criticism rule
Brainstorming
Don’t forget to record the ideas that are generated
BrainstormingAfterwards Mark most
promising ideas Invent
improvements for most promising ideas
Evaluate and chose best ideas
Invent options for mutual gain
Expanding the pie Identify shared interests Dovetail different interests - orange
exampleMaking their decision easy Address/anticipate their fears with
options/solutions they can say yes to
Objective criteria Needs to be independent of each
side’s will Be legitimate and practical
BATNABATNA
Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement
BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement Your worse case scenario Gives you direction during
negotiations Remember to consider other side’s
BATNA Can anticipate their actions and
have response ready
BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement To develop a BATNA
1. Listing of actions you would take if no agreement were reached
2. Improve most promising ones and converting them into practical alternatives
3. Select the best alternative
FINI
Breaking Through Barriers to Cooperation
Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation To Cooperation
Five Barriers to Cooperation
1. Your ReactionWhen attacked or encounter NO, feel like striking back
Five Barriers to Cooperation
2. Their EmotionBehind attacks may lie anger/hostility or fear/distrust.
Five Barriers to Cooperation
3. Their PositionPositional Bargaining as was discussed earlier.
Five Barriers to Cooperation
4. Their DissatisfactionCan’t see benefit to them, fear of losing face, or not their idea.
Five Barriers to Cooperation
5. Their PowerSee negotiation as win-lose
Five Barriers to Cooperation
Breakthrough Strategy Indirect actionRequires you to do
opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in a difficult situation
Change the gameInstead of playing
their game; let them have your way - joint problem solving
Five Corresponding Strategies Go to the Balcony Step to Their Side Reframe Build Them a Golden Bridge Use Power to Educate
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare Before each interview - prepare After each interview-assess your
progress/adapt your strategy-prepare again
secret of effective negotiations is simple: prepare, prepare, prepare.
Map to Help Prepare Interests Options Standards Alternatives Proposals
Go To The Balcony
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
-Ambrose Bierce
Go To The Balcony
Useful image: imagine yourself standing on a balcony looking down on your negotiations. Metaphor for a mental attitude of detachment. Going to the balcony means distancing yourself from your natural impulses and emotions
Go To The Balcony
Three Natural Reactions1. Striking back2. Giving in3. Breaking off
Go To The Balcony
Unfair Tactics Stonewall (obstructive) Attacks (offensive) Tricks (deceptive)Identify unfair tactics and you break
the spell they castAlso, know your hot buttons
How To Go To The Balcony
Pause and say nothingBy saying nothing
the other side has nothing to push against
How To Go To The Balcony Repeat what the
other side just said
Buys time to cool down
Used to spot tricks
How To Go To The Balcony Take a breakhave a preplanned
excuse for leaving
How To Go To The Balcony Summary: first thing you need to
do in a negotiation is not control the person’s behavior but to control your own.
Step To Their Side
Involves three elements1. Listening2. Acknowledging3. Agreeing
Step To Their Side Listening
give the other side a hearing paraphrase/ask for corrections
Step To Their Side Agree wherever
you can agree without
conceding accumulate yeses tune into their
wavelength
Step To Their Side
Show respect to get respect
Step To Their Side Express Your Views Without
Provoking standard mind-set is either/or change mind-set to both/and don’t say “But” say “Yes…and” use “I” statements not “you”
statements
Reframe
Definition: redirecting the other side’s attention away from positions and towards the task of identifying interests, inventing creative options, and discussing fair standards for selecting options.
Reframe Ask Why
“Why do you want that?”
Ask why not “Why not do it this
way?” Ask what if
Brainstorming Ask for their advice
Ask what Makes That Fair
Make questions open ended
Remember the power of silence - once ask a question, be silent until the other side speaks.
Reframe Tactics
Stone Walls Ignore it Reframe demand
as an aspiration Test it
Reframe TacticsDeflect Attacks Ignore it Reinterpretate attack
on you as attack on the problem
Reframe personal attack as friendly
Reframe past wrongs to future remedies
Reframe “you” & “me” to “we”
Reframe TacticsExposing Tricks Ask clarifying
questions play dumb, like a fox
Reasonable Request Test
ask a reasonable request that the other side would agree to if they were genuinely cooperative
Build them a Golden Bridge
Definition: Making it easier for the other side to surmount the four common obstacles to agreement.
Golden Bridge Obstacles to Agreement1. Not their idea2. Unmet interest3. Fear of losing face4. Too much too fast
Golden Bridge Involve the Other Side ( not their
idea) Ask for & build on their ideas Ask for constructive criticism Offer them a choice
Golden Bridge Satisfy Unmet Interests
Don’t dismiss them as irrational Don’t overlook basic human needs
Security Economic well-being Sense of belonging Recognition Control over one’s life
Don’t assume a fixed pie Look for low-cost, high-benefit trades
Golden Bridge
Definition of Saving Face: Short-hand for people’s self-worth, their dignity, their sense of honor, their wish to act consistently with their principles and past statements, plus, of course, their desire to look good to to others.
Golden Bridge Help them Save Face
Show how circumstances have changed
Ask for third-party recommendation
Point to a standard of fairness Anticipate counterpart’s critics and present persuasive counterarguments
Golden Bridge Go Slow to Go Fast
Guide them step-by-step Don’t ask for a final commitment until the end
Don’t rush to the finish - summarize
Use Power to Educate Last Obstacle to breakthrough -
Power Plays
“An eye for an eye and we all go blind”
Mahatma Gandhi
The harder you make it for them to say no, the harder you make it for them to say yes because they may still think that they have to win.
Use Power to Educate
Use Power to Educate
Inform Them of Consequences - Ask Reality Testing Questions
“What do you think will happen if we don’t agree”?
“What do you think I will do”?
“What will you do”?
Use Power to EducateWarn, don’t threaten Threat is an
announcement of your intention to inflect pain, injury, or punishment on the other side.
Warning is an advance notice of danger.
Use Power to Educate Use a deadline Deploy your BATNA without provoking
use minimum power necessary Tap the Third Force
A peer Co-worker Supervisor Their spouse Their parent
Use Power to Educate Constantly remind
them of the Golden Bridge
may feel trapped, this is their escape route
Keep implementation in mind
design the deal to minimize your risks
Turning Adversaries into Partners Your goal is not to win over them,
but to win them over
Final Exercise
Final ExerciseThere is a man who left 17 camels to his 3 sons. He
left half the camels to his eldest son, a third to his middle son, and a ninth to his youngest. The 3 set up to dividing up their inheritance but soon despaired of their ability to negotiate a solution-because 17 could not be divided by 2 or 3 or 9. The sons approached you to help solve their problem. So here’s your task: help the sons solve their inheritance dilemma.
One final hint: you’re in the desert, so everyone has camels.
Camel SolutionAfter pondering the problem, give
the sons one of your camels. So the sons had eighteen camels. The eldest son took half-that was nine. The middle son took his third-that was six. And the youngest son took his ninth-that was two. 9 and 6 and 2 made 17. They had one camel left over. They gave it back to you.
Summary Go to the Balcony
First step is not to control the other person’s behavior. It is to control your own
Summary Step to their Side
Before you can negotiate, you need to create a favorable climate
Summary Reframe
Next challenge is to change the game. Don’t reject: Reframe
Summary Build Them a Golden Bridge
Draw them in the direction you would like them to go
Summary Use Power to Educate
Educate them about the costs of not agreeing
Your goal is mutual satisfaction, not victory
Make sure they know the Golden Bridge is always open
Bon Voyage