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How to Write E-Mail to People Who “Don’t Read”
Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE@LeslieOCenter for Disease Control and PreventionApril 26, 2013
Thanks for the opportunity to present this webinar!
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Download today’s PPT and handouts
• Handouts only: bit.ly/Xxmlya
• Handouts and PPT: bit.ly/Zlu22c
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How can we tell people aren’t reading our e-mails?
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Are e-mail readers lazy? Hateful?
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E-mail readers are overwhelmedTo: All Staff, Prime Products Inc.
From Mike Mansfield, Facilities Supervisor, Prime Products
Subject: Temperature control
I hope everyone has had a nice summer. As we move forward to the fall and the winter months I wanted to go over some things as we prepare for the cold weather. I have been working with the landlord closely throughout the summer and will continue to do so to address one of our main concerns here in the office, HVAC. During the summer we have experienced some problems with areas on our floors being too warm and some being too cold. As a reminder, per our lease, ABC Management is required to keep our temperature ranges between 70 degrees and 74 degrees annually. I have noticed during walks around the spaces that there are personal space heaters and or coolers beings used. Unfortunately these unites are considered a safety hazard and are not allowed to be use in our spaces. This is also written into our lease and they can be taken should the engineers see them. I have asked them not to do so as we continue to pro-actively address our problems. In the course of working with the engineers we have determined that these units have attributed to our heating and cooling problems. Here are some things that our Prime Products team can do to help correct these issues.•Do not tamper with the thermostats. (they have been calibrated accordingly in order to keep our space within the optimum temperature range)•Do not use space heaters. (the units affect the immediate temperature at or near thermostats and can cause additional cooling when not needed, thus making the space even cooler)•Keep a light weight jacket or sweater in the office during cooler days.•Please notify me or Bill Edwards (main lobby reception area) with any hot or cold concerns so the landlord can be notified immediately•Turn in your space heater (if purchased by Prime Products) for donation!
I will be working in conjunction with the landlord to set up a Space Heater Day in order to show Prime Products’ commitment to having a safe and warm winter this season. All heaters can be turned in for collection and will be donated accordingly to those less fortunate this winter. I look forward to working with ABC Management as well as Prime Products staff to help keep this a safe and warm winter season.
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Today’s topics
1. How to write a must-open subject line
2. Why and how to present the most important information at the beginning of your e-mail
3. How to control your e-mail tone so you can connect with colleagues and customers
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Part 1: How to write a must-open subject line
Q. Why is the subject line so important?
A. Readers use it to do inbox triage.
Good subjects line helps reader answer these questions:
1.When should I read this e-mail?
2.What is this e-mail about?
3.Will I need to do anything?
4.Can I delete this e-mail without reading it?
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Which of these subject lines helps readers answer the 4 questions? 1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 2013
2. Silver Seal Sample Bottles
3. Re: CHANT meeting
4. Payment for Eddy Breeze
5. Join me in the Director's Box this Sunday, June 22?
6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 16
7. Re: Arts Academy
8. Sales Plan - Feedback
9. Vacation Leave
10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!
11. RE: Project update
12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by January 23.
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Which of these subject lines helps readers answer the 4 questions? 1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 2013
2. Silver Seal Sample Bottles
3. Re: CHANT meeting
4. Payment for Eddy Breeze
5. Join me in the Director's Box this Sunday, June 22?
6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 16
7. Re: Arts Academy
8. Sales Plan - Feedback
9. Vacation Leave
10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!
11. RE: Project update
12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by January 23.
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How to write a useful subject line
Begin with a noun that identifies the type of message you’re writing
• Question• Inquiry• Request • Recommendation• Suggestion• Proposal• Instructions• Procedure
• Policy• Schedule• Invitation• Announcement• Follow-up• Update• Alert• Agenda
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Improve the subject lineFrom: [email protected]
To: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-L
Subject: Historical Society Photographs
SSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides online images covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history and even current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from the SSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school. These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.
You have the Historical Society's permission to download these digital images to use in class presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc. Check it out. There are some interesting images athttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you would like more information or need some help.
Catherine Howe
Director of Media Relations, SSU
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Improve the subject lineFrom: [email protected]
Subject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptions
Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change our accounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreement signed and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having a meeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it over to them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you to contact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on it for you.
Have a great holiday!
Larry
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Improve the subject lineFrom: [email protected]
To: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-L
Subject: Historical Society Photographs
Subject: Recommendation – download Historical Society photos for class use
SSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides online images covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history and even current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from the SSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school. These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.
You have the Historical Society's permission to download these digital images to use in class presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc. Check it out. There are some interesting images athttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you would like more information or need some help.
Catherine Howe
Director of Media Relations, SSU
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Improve the subject lineFrom: [email protected]
Subject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptions
Subject: Follow-up on your pricing agreement
Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change our accounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreement signed and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having a meeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it over to them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you to contact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on it for you.
Have a great holiday!
Larry
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Part 2: Why and how to present the most important information at the beginning of your e-mail
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Why present the most important information first?
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BLUF: Put the Bottom Line Up FrontFrom: Eleanor Richter, NRS Human Resources Manager
To: All NRS employees
Subject: Purchasing Comnet Computers at a Discount
Because of our ongoing relationship with Comnet Computers, we’ve worked out an agreement that enables NRS employees to buy Comnet Computers for personal use at a discount - as much as 20 percent off retail prices.
Who Is Eligible?
All full time employees who have worked for NRS for at least one year are eligible. Part‑time permanent employees are eligible when their work‑hours equal one full year. Temporary employees, interns and contractors are not eligible.
What Products Are Available?
NRS employees can order any Comnet computer hardware at a discount. These products include desktop and laptop computers, monitors, and printers. You may also buy software from Comnet and it will be loaded on the computer you purchase. However, there’s no discount for software.
What Is The Ordering Procedure?
Call Comnet at 800‑224‑7600 and request a catalog and NRS price sheet. After completing the order form, e-mail it to Max Sluter in Purchasing. He will verify your eligibility and forward the order to Comnet. Comnet will then ship the order within 7 business days. You may order up to $6,000 of equipment each year through NRS.
How Do I Pay For The Computer?
There are two payment options: direct pay and payroll deduction. If you select direct pay, you arrange payment with Comnet directly and pay for the order by check or credit card. If you select payroll deduction, the cost of your order will be deducted from your paycheck over 2 years. There is no interest charge added for the payroll deduction option.
If you have any questions about ordering a computer please contact Max at [email protected] or 866-999-5555.
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Practice: Write a BLUF and subject line
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Part 3: How to control your e-mail tone so you can connect with colleagues and customers
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Tone = how you say what you sayBureaucratic tone Personal, professional tone
To whom it may concern Hello, Dear, Hi
As per our discussion As we discussed
Utilize Use
The applicant will be required to…
You will need to …
It has come to my attention that..
I have noticed, I have learned
On or before September 16 By September 16
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Choose a tone that supports your purpose for writing
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Does this writer’s tone support his purpose?From: Swanson, Charles To: Financial Aid OfficeSubject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K Drive
Attached please find a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as being used. All financial aid employees should review the summary, examine the K drive once again, contact me immediately to make me aware of any omissions from the summary.
Employees who mistakenly assume that I realize they utilize particular items on the K drive are thoroughly mistaken. It is your responsibility to identify items you do NOT want removed.
The deadline for your response is January 7th. Any responses received after that date will be disregarded.
Charles Swanson, Director of Financial Aid
University of Silver Spring
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Does this writer’s tone support his purpose?From: Swanson, Charles To: Financial Aid OfficeSubject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K Drive
Attached is a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as being used. (No one identified any items on the H drive as being used.) Please take a look at the summary, and take one more look at the K drive and let me know whether there’s anything that you use on the K drive that isn’t included on the attached summary.
Please don’t assume that I realize that you use it. If it’s not listed on the attached summary, then it is scheduled for removal, so make sure you let me know if I need to add something.
I’ll start working on this once I’m back from the Colloquium, so let me know any updates that I need to add by January 7th. Thanks for helping me make the K drive more useful for everyone.
Chad
Charles Swanson, Director of Financial Aid
University of Silver Spring
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Mirror your respondent’s tone (or at least be aware of it)From: Kevin Shapiro
To: Watkins, Marta
Subject: Need retainer contract
Hi, Marta –
Good morning. Thanks for mailing the retainer contract to me; I received it last Friday. Do you want me to complete it now or just wait until a customized training opportunity arises?
I’m looking forward to working with you.
Thanks –
Kevin Shapiro, The Education Company
From: Watkins, Marta To: Kevin ShapiroSubject: RE: Need retainer contract
Kevin:
I received your reply. If you would, execute the retainer document and return three copies to my attention. We can add the addendum with the individual courses if and when we receive inquiries.
Marta Watkins, Ph.D. Manager, Member Services
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Questions? Comments?
Contact info:
Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE
301-989-9583
www.ewriteonline.com
@LeslieO
www.linkedin.com/in/leslieoflahavan
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