EPHESIANS 4:25-3225 Therefore each of you must put offfalsehood and speak truthfully to yourneighbor, for we are all members of onebody. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do notlet the sun go down while you are stillangry, 27 and do not give the devil afoothold.

EPHESIANS 4:25-32

28 Anyone who has been stealing must

steal no longer, but must work, doing

something useful with their own hands,

that they may have something to share

with those in need.

EPHESIANS 4:25-3229 Do not let any unwholesome talk comeout of your mouths, but only what ishelpful for building others up according totheir needs, that it may benefit those wholisten. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spiritof God, with whom you were sealed forthe day of redemption.

EPHESIANS 4:25-3231 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and

anger, brawling and slander, along with

every form of malice. 32 Be kind and

compassionate to one another, forgiving

each other, just as in Christ God forgave

you.

ARE YOUMARA?

RUTH 1:20

20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them.

“Call me Mara, because the Almighty has

made my life very bitter.

CHARACTERISTICS OF BITTER PEOPLE

(1) Bitter people are archeologists, always digging up the past.

(2) Bitter people remember intricate

details because they keep a record of

wrongs.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:5

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-

seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps

no record of wrongs.

(3) Bitter people are triggered less by the offense and more by

their love for the offender.

(4) Bitter people are prone to be self-

righteous since they are the perceived

victim.

If I sin against you, am I prone to feel guilty or bitter? Guilty. If I perceive that

you’ve sinned against me, and I choose not to forgive you, am I prone

to feel guilty or bitter? Bitter.

Bitterness is, by definition, the possession of the one who is

perceived to have been wronged. This contributes to their sense of self-

righteousness and judgmentalism.

FIVE WAYS PEOPLE BECOME BITTER

The first four are illegitimate, and the fifth is legitimate.

(1) You wrongly think that they have sinned

against you.

(2) They rebuked you, and you were hard-

hearted, and you were hurt, so you’re bitter against them.

(3) You are jealous of them.

JAMES 3:14

14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish

ambition in your hearts, do not boast

about it or deny the truth.

(4) You are jealous of them.

If you’re bitter against someone for any one of those four reasons, you are in

sin. You’re in sin.

(5) You have been sinned against.

YOU HAVE BEEN SINNED AGAINST.

When we are sinned against, we have two choices: bitterness or forgiveness. There’s no third option. When you are

sinned against, it’s bitterness or forgiveness.

Who is it that you are bitter against, or potentially bitter against, or will be bitter

against?Who has sinned against you?

Whose face comes into your mind’s eye? Whose name comes into your mind?

Who has betrayed you? Who has abandoned you?

Who has harmed you? Who has disappointed you?

Who has hurt you? Who do you blame for your bitterness?

What tends to happen is, when we have been sinned against—we have been victimized—we tend to justify

our bitterness.

But, no one can make you bitter. They’re responsible for their sin, but

you’re responsible for your bitterness.

“For a cup brimful of sweet water

cannot even spill one drop of bitter water, however

suddenly jolted.”

- Amy Carmichael

If there’s bitterness in you, they’re going to expose it. They’re not causing it; they’re exposing it. If there’s sweet water in your

soul, and someone sins against you, they’re exposing, not changing, what is

in your soul.

SIX COMMANDS FOR BITTER BELIEVERS

EPHESIANS 4:25-2925 Therefore each of you must put offfalsehood and speak truthfully to yourneighbor, for we are all members of onebody. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do notlet the sun go down while you are stillangry, 27 and do not give the devil afoothold.

EPHESIANS 4:25-29

28 Anyone who has been stealing must

steal no longer, but must work, doing

something useful with their own hands,

that they may have something to share

with those in need.

EPHESIANS 4:25-29

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk comeout of your mouths, but only what ishelpful for building others up according totheir needs, that it may benefit those wholisten.

(1) WATCH YOUR GOSSIP

Gossip is when we talk about people; we don’t talk with them. That’s gossip. The Bible has nothing good to say about gossip, and just because you’re hurting

doesn’t mean there’s an exception clause.

PROVERBS 26:20

20 Without wood a fire goes out; without agossip a quarrel dies down.

God’s people are to bring water to the fire, not wood. Gossip is just dry kindling.

Sometimes this means you literally need to sit down with them face to face. Matthew 18 says if there’s a personal offense between the two of you, you start face to face. And if that

doesn’t produce any result, then you bring along two or three other godly people to help mediate

and observe the process.

(2) WATCH YOUR EMOTIONS

EXODUS 34:6

6 And He passed in front of Moses,proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, thecompassionate and gracious God, slowto anger, abounding in love andfaithfulness,

(3) WATCH YOUR CLOCK

In saying, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” what it’s saying is, “Don’t let

things extend or delay.”

It doesn’t mean you can’t go for a walk and say, “Look, I’m really frustrated. I need to pray. Let me

journal, think my thoughts through, get my head on straight. Let me cool down. Let me go read my

Bible. I’ll be ready in an hour or two. Let me just get ready to talk to you so I don’t bring a lot of wood to

this fire.”

(4) WATCH YOUR ENEMY

Satan loves it when a Christian shoots a Christian, saves them the bullet, and it also publicly damages the reputation of

Jesus. It’s all spiritual war.

(5) WATCH YOUR HANDS

What do you do with your hands when you’re bitter? Do you punch something? Do you shove someone? Do you grab someone? Do you throw something?

Do you slam a door? Do you jump in a car? Do you slam it into gear and speed away? What do you do

with your hands?

(6) WATCH YOUR MOUTH

Bitter people tend to rewrite, revise history. Watch your mouth. Tell the truth about them and you. You do not have a

right to respond to sin with sin. The Bible says, “Do not respond to evil with evil.”

THE CYCLE OF BITTERNESS

EPHESIANS 4:31

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and

anger, brawling and slander, along with

every form of malice.

DIG UP THE ROOT OF BITTERNESS

HEBREWS 12:15

15 See to it that no one falls short of the

grace of God and that no bitter root

grows up to cause trouble and defile

many.

Bitterness has roots. Forgiveness is the shovel that digs up the root of

bitterness.

HOW TO BUILD A FIRE

PROVERBS 26:20

20 Without wood a fire goes out; without agossip a quarrel dies down.

First thing, you need a spark, and then a little flame. OK, now we have the beginnings of a potential fire. There’s an opportunity here.

That’s what wrath is. Bitterness is like the spark. Wrath is the first flame. Now, through

gossip, you’re literally breathing on it.

Bitter people don’t intend to burn down everything in their path. But the two options are bitterness or forgiveness, wood on the fire, or water on the fire. And sometimes,

hurt people like to hurt people. Some fires move slow. Some fires move fast.

FORGIVEN PEOPLE

FORGIVE.

EPHESIANS 4:29-3229 Do not let any unwholesome talk comeout of your mouths, but only what ishelpful for building others up according totheir needs, that it may benefit those wholisten. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spiritof God, with whom you were sealed forthe day of redemption.

EPHESIANS 4:29-32

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and

anger, brawling and slander, along with

every form of malice. 32 Be kind and

compassionate to one another, forgiving

each other, just as in Christ God forgave

you.

It takes a miracle for a bitter victim to forgive, and the name of the miracle is the Holy Spirit. He is the one who will allow you,

empower you, enable you to forgive. And if you resist or quench Him—we grieve the

Holy Spirit.

Sin is not just breaking God’s laws. It’s breaking God’s heart, because God is not

just a law. He’s a Person. Are you grieving the Holy Spirit? Is there sadness? Is there grief,

because of you, in Him?

BECAUSE GOD IN CHRIST

FORGAVE YOU

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS

IS

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS IS

(1) Forgiveness is canceling a debt owed to

you.

(2) Forgiveness is removing the control that

the offender has over you.

(3) Forgiveness is giving a gift to yourself

and to your offender.

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS IS

(4) Forgiveness is forsaking revenge.

(5) Forgiveness is leaving ultimate justice in

God’s hands.

(6) Forgiveness is an ongoing process.

(7) Forgiveness is wanting good for your

offender. .

ROMANS 12:19

19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends,

but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is

written: “It is Mine to avenge; I will repay,”

says the Lord.

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS

IS NOT

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS IS NOT

(1) Forgiveness is not denying that sin

occurred or diminishing its evil.

(2) Forgiveness is not enabling sin.

(3) Forgiveness is not necessarily a

response to an apology.

(4) Forgiveness is not forgetting.

SEVEN THINGS FORGIVENESS IS NOT

(5) Forgiveness is not covering up crimes

committed against us.

(6) Forgiveness is not trust.

(7) Forgiveness is not reconciliation.

WHO DO YOU NEED TO FORGIVE AND WHO NEEDS

TO FORGIVE YOU?