Conflict Resolution: What NOT to Do Brandon Mathis: Director, Sales & Marketing and Conflict Resolution Specialist Phillips Management Group

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Housekeeping tips

• Six (more common than we care to admit) behaviors that sabotage our efforts to resolve a dispute or manage conflict

• What we should do differently

What’s in store

Brandon Mathis, M.A. Director, Sales & Marketing and Conflict Resolution Specialist

Presented by

Navigating Conflict in Property Management

While the Lease agreement, community policies and applicable laws are helpful, there’s no “magic bullet” when it comes to resolving this conflict or tension. However, it can be managed in great part by how we behave when disputes arise through the course of the relationship. This is why we should avoid certain behaviors, responses or reactions and replace them with ones that help us maintain relationships instead of breaking them apart.

Legal Disclaimer

Please know that I am not a legal professional and this material should not be construed as legal advice. Certain situations in our business require legal advice and a licensed attorney should be consulted for that.

Today, you’ll learn about 6 common behaviors property management professionals often

demonstrate which threaten the relationships you’ve worked hard to cultivate.

In addition to learning about these “Don’ts” you’ll also learn ways to replace these behaviors with ones that better serve to maintain or strengthen

those relationships; the “Dos.”

Conflict or Dispute: What’s the difference?

Conflict • Can define or describe a

relationship • Protracted or enduring in

nature (long-term) • Parties possess opposing

agendas or world views • General

Dispute • Can define or describe an

event which takes place (in a relationship)

• May be long-term, but not always

• Parties may or may not

have opposing world views

• Specific

Sales Tip:

Model your approach to conflict and disputes similarly to your approach when “overcoming objections” in the selling process.

The Landlord/Resident relationship is born of conflict. There is a certain tension in the relationship from the beginning because each has something the other wants or needs.

The Landlord has a piece of real estate and wants or needs money; while a resident (or a potential resident) has money and wants or needs to use a piece of real estate.

Because of this tension, the relationship is likely to be punctuated by disputes or

disagreements.

How you behave during these disputes can determine whether or not the relationship with

your resident survives.

Don’t immediately categorize every dispute and rely too heavily on “blanket” responses. Square pegs do not fit into round holes.

Do allow time to listen carefully to the concerns of the other person. What they want is only part of their agenda. The why and how are often equally important and may be key to understanding his or her full agenda. The only way to discover this is to allow sufficient time for listening.

“I’m calling about my rent. I won’t be able to pay it next week because I had an unexpected car repair. I’ve always paid on time and am hoping there’s something you can do for me.”

Don’t • Just recite the payment policy. • Avoid the resident’s call. • Dismiss any part of what the resident has told you.

Sales Tip: Don’t just present the obvious. When you meet with a prospective resident you take time to learn about his or her wants and needs. Take the same approach (and take time) when a dispute is brought to your attention.

Do • Listen to the resident’s dilemma.

He contacted you because he’s concerned about the relationship and is seeking your assistance and input.

• Thank him for his call and offer to set a time for discussion. It’s important that you give him a reasonable and sufficient amount of time because the issue is important to him. It’s also important to you and allowing time (and not avoiding his call) will afford you the opportunity to ask questions and suggest alternative solutions.

• Prepare for the possibility of not reaching a peaceable resolution.

Think about the BATNA and WATNA and be prepared!

The BA-WATNA??? BATNA: Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement The best possible outcome you and your resident can expect if no peaceable resolution (negotiated outcome) is achieved. WATNA: Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement The worst possible outcome you and your resident can expect if no peaceable resolution is achieved.

“I’m calling about my rent. I won’t be able to pay it next week because I had an unexpected car repair. I’ve always paid on time and am hoping there’s something you can do for me.”

BATNA You and the resident regretfully acknowledge that Eviction proceedings will begin on the specified day. He thanks you for your time, packs and then moves out before going to court. The relationship terminates.

WATNA Everything bad that could happen: • Social media rampage • Frivolous counter lawsuits/fair

housing claims • Negatively impacted ratings

and reviews, etc. • The relationship terminates

I don’t want the BATNA or the WATNA!

Listen to the resident’s dilemma.

How soon would you be able to pay? Could you pay with a credit card or apply for a short-term loan? Have you looked into emergency assistance?

Thank him for his call and offer to set a time for discussion. Thanks for calling to let me know. You have always paid on time and we appreciate that. I want to give your concerns the time and consideration they deserve. Could we set a time for a phone call or visit a little later today?

Disputes about rent and specific policies don’t always have much room for interpretation and residents can become angry and frustrated.

Don’t mistake anger and frustration for a personal attack and become overly defensive. It is the fastest way to escalate any conflict.

Do be analytical. Making a sincere effort to understand how and why your customer is feeling the way they are. Asking questions can help you keep your cool and can shift focus back to the problem; away from “attacking.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. All I’ve ever done is pay my rent on time and take care of my apartment. You people should be ashamed of yourselves! You are heartless and have no compassion.”

Don’t • Immediately terminate the conversation (don’t hang

up the phone or ask him to leave the office) • Lose sight of the problem and shift your focus to self-

defense.

Do • Remember that your resident may feel threatened.

He may be acting outwardly in response to his own internal fear. Terminating the conversation immediately will reinforce and encourage those feelings.

• Let your resident know that you understand he is frustrated. Remind him that a workable solution is also in your best interest .

Don’t interrupt him. He’s entitled to his feelings. He’ll be more likely to let you speak next if you don’t interrupt.

• Continue asking questions which focus on the problem; not the subject(s) of his angry outburst.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. All I’ve ever done is pay my rent on time and take care of my apartment. You people should be ashamed of yourselves! You are heartless and have no compassion.”

“I understand you’re upset and angry right now, but I do want to talk with you about this and try to work something out. You’re an important part of our community and we do appreciate you. It’s important to me also that we reach a mutual understanding. Would it be alright if I ask a few more questions, or may I do some research to see if there are other solutions, and call you back?”

Be Nice.

Don’t forget your manners. They are yours and if you let someone else’s behavior rob you of them, you have lost.

Do remember to always be polite, no matter what you’re up against. Always being polite will earn respect from customers and colleagues and make it easier for all parties to remain focused on the actual problem or disagreement during a dispute versus inappropriate behaviors.

Remaining calm is key to remembering your manners. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself:

This is my job.

This is my job.

This is my job.

This is my job.

Sales Tip: Dedicate yourself to helping someone solve a problem the same way you dedicate yourself to closing a sale!

When manners matter:

Don’t • Match wits with your conflict partner. • Respond “in kind” to tangents your conflict partner

may initiate. • Immediately shut down the interaction as a matter of

personal defense.

Do • Remember that your resident may “lose his cool” because he’s

dealing with a “personal” matter – his home. You are dealing with a professional business matter; not a contest to see who makes the quickest or snarkiest remarks. This is your job. It may not seem fair that he responds emotionally and you cannot; but this is why you are paid to be involved. Remember, this is your job.

• Think about tomorrow or the following week. Would you rather look back and say you fought a good fight or would you prefer that your resident, colleagues, and others look back and compliment your professionalism and superior performance under pressure? Remember, this is your job.

Do (cont.)

• Postpone the interaction if you must. There may be rare and extreme circumstances when it is best to postpone or shut down the interaction. If you sincerely feel that you and/or your colleagues are physically threatened, shut down the interaction as quickly as possible. If you can postpone the interaction, offer to do so. It is only in the most extreme cases that it’s appropriate to terminate the interaction without the offer of rescheduling the conversation. Is it fair or right that a property management professional has to withstand abuse from a resident, be yelled at, or condescended to? Maybe not, but from time to time, you must deal with the emotional responses of your residents. This is your job.

Many policies allow room for your expertise. If you make good decisions, you’ll be able to back them up with reasonable explanations.

Don’t rely on policies as a shield. They will undermine your authority and may prompt your conflict partner to question your competence.

Do understand policies and when using a policy to justify your position, be willing and able to explain the reasons for the policy. Be prepared for challenges to policies; a good one will withstand.

Mary is upset because she received a letter from you advising that she must remove items from her patio and that she is in violation of the patio policy, which requires that “patios must be kept neat and clean.”

Don’t • Simply restate the policy to Mary when she calls or

visits to discuss the matter. She already read it in your letter.

• Tell Mary you’re just doing your job because “it’s policy.” She knows that, too.

Do • Understand the policy you wrote to your resident about, well

enough to explain its purpose to her. Patios must be kept neat and clean for several reasons: pest control, fire safety, curb appeal, and neighborly courtesy are reasons that quickly come to mind. Explain these reasons to her, if necessary.

• Let your resident know why these things are important to

you as a property management professional. She’ll respect you, your decisions, and authority more, if she understands you’re coming from somewhere deeper than “it’s just my job.”

Mary is upset because she received a letter from you advising that she must remove items from her patio and that she is in violation of the patio policy, which requires that “patios must be kept neat and clean.”

But what if the resident just doesn’t like being told what to do?

Sales Tip: Know your policies (and the reasons behind them) at least as well as you know your competitors!

Just as you wouldn’t want to tell your resident that you blindly adhere to policy without explanation, you can’t expect her to simply do whatever you want her to without understanding her options.

Don’t issue directives to your residents. They don’t work for you and they aren’t your children.

Do educate your residents. Even when you must remain inflexible in your position and have no room for compromise, let your resident know he or she does have options to consider. Of course, all choices may have consequences and depending on the situation, it may be necessary to discuss those, as well.

Even if we would sometimes like to, we can’t control the free will of a customer and your objective is to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship, not to watch it go up in smoke because you know you’re right.

Don’t • Simply make demands or issue orders to your

residents.

Do

• Make demands only when appropriate and offer suggestions when other options exist.

Some rules have no gray area. Formal demands are sometimes necessary; especially when it comes to the issue of payment, and possible eviction.

• Educate your customer about the potential or actual consequences of each option available.

Providing your residents with this information will allow them to make their own choices and hold themselves accountable for the outcome.

Do (cont.)

• Tell your resident your next move and when it will be made; giving him or her the option of taking action beforehand.

If the situation has become heated or uncomfortable, it may be best to stop and revisit the matter later, but just shifting gears away from the point of dispute to explore future potential outcomes can sometimes de-escalate tension. Start with the “best case” scenarios to be perceived as more helpful and less threatening. “I understand that you don’t plan to clean up your patio and that is ultimately your choice. I’d like to talk with you about what may happen next if you remain steadfast in your choice. Can we shift gears for a moment and talk about that so you won’t be taken by surprise?”

Passing the buck and letting someone else decide for you leaves you out of the decision-making process and your resident will be less likely to come to you next time there is a concern-even if it’s a minor one.

Don’t “pass the buck.” Doing so is much more obvious to the other party than many people realize.

Do let your customer know they can count on you to consider and work toward a resolution to their problem. Show them that you also care about the issue at hand and whether you agree with them or not, you have an interest in the outcome.

“I’ll have to ask my regional property manager about this” is just another way of saying “I don’t know, and I’m going to let someone else decide for us.”

Don’t

• Re-direct the problem to someone else unless you want that person to handle more decision making for you in the future.

Do

• Listen to your customer’s concern. Ask questions to elicit additional information which may be important.

• Let the customer know it’s a unique situation which will require

some additional research. Set a reasonable time frame for follow-up.

• Stick to your time frame.

Even if more information or research is needed, your resident will appreciate a progress report and your consideration if you follow up when you say you’re going to.

The Short List Don’t Do

Rely on “standard” solutions to unique problems.

Allow time to listen carefully and completely to the complexities.

Mistake frustration for a personal attack.

Ask questions to keep the focus on the specific problem at hand.

Forget your manners or lose your cool.

Remember that your job is to approach the problem as a professional and an expert. You’re not here to win. You’re here to find a solution.

Hide behind policies. Explain your policies and why they are important. Own your expertise.

Tell your customer what to do. Explore options and educate your customer about the potential outcomes.

Pass the buck. Accept the challenge and own the opportunity to determine a solution.

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