Hook of the Week:

Hoop Dancing

The Hook of the Week is a featured series using from

Kevin Rogers' 60 Second Sales Hook process. Each week on Kevin's Copy Chief blog, he showcases someone's sales hook to offer examples to help people improve their marketing copy. (See the blog here: http://copychief.com/blog )

This featured Hook of the Week comes from a Hoop Dancing teacher named Sarah.

Sarah Jordan nailed this hook. I only had a few tiny notes (see below) to this near-perfect hook for a fun and interesting training product. See if you can spot what’s missing before you read my notes.

Check it out Sarah’s original hook:

I’m the creator of the Hooping with Kids Hoop Teacher Training Program. When I started teaching adults in 2009, I struggled for almost a year, paying rent to teach in a crowded market.

Until I discovered a little known secret that’s helped me teach thousands

of children’s hoop dance classes in 6 states. Now I’m one of the most in-demand performer sand hoop dance

teachers in Pennsylvania, and I never have to “pay to teach.” Hundreds of Hooping with Kids graduates are teaching my curriculum all around the world.

To learn exactly how I did this and how you can do the same, click here

and you’ll get instant access to my special free webinar, “How to Earn $100 an hour (minimum) as a hoop dance teacher for kids.”

Did you spot what was missing?

My notes to Sarah:

Excellent! Only a few small things I would change. First is adding your name to the identity, then dropping the 6 states, or the Pennsylvania because mentioning both will create a disconnect.

How about adding a line to the beginning that says, “Hi, I’m Sarah, a hoop dance teacher from Pennsylvania.” Then you can leave the 6 states in for the cool social proof. Plus, you can save the big reveal of the training program until after the discovery, so that it’s pure story leading up to that.

My rewrite:

Hi, I’m Sarah, a hoop dance teacher from Pennsylvania…

When I started teaching hoop dancing in 2009, I struggled for almost a year, barely able to paying rent on my teaching studio.

Until I discovered a little known secret that’s helped me teach thousands of children’s hoop dance classes in 6 states.

Now I’m one of the most in-demand performers and hoop dance teachers in the world, and I never have to “pay to teach” or stress over rent.

Hundreds of Hooping with Kids graduates are teaching my curriculum all around the world. And I recently created the Hooping with Kids Hoop Teacher Training Program.

To learn exactly how I did this and how you can do the same, click here and you’ll get instant access to my special free webinar, “How to Earn $100 an hour (minimum) as a hoop dance teacher for kids.”

I’ll see you there!

Check out Sarah’s website here: http://www.teachkidstohoop.com/work-with-me/

She also followed my advice to feature more of herself and her story on the site and now she’s on her way to niche celebrity status.

Makes me wanna hoop dance.

To get your own killer sales hook for your marketing, you can discover the exact process from pro copywriter Kevin Rogers by downloading the eBook for FREE here: http://www.60SecondSalesHook.com