GoTo Assist - Talking to Crazy - What makes people tick and how to avoid ticking them off

Dr. Mark Goulstoncontact: [email protected]

Mark Goulston, M.D., Inc.

Talking to CrazyWhat makes people tick and how to avoid ticking them off

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James HilliardHilly Productions

Moderator

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@GoToAssist@markgoulston@hillyprods

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Mark GoulstonPresidentMark Goulston, M.D., Inc.

Presenter

www.markgoulston.com contact: [email protected]

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What causes burnout more?

1. Too much work to do

2. Difficult people


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What you’ll learn from this webinar

1. Why irrational people get to you

2. Why they behave the way they do

3. How to deal with irrational people

PLUS, Start feeding us your most challenging interpersonal challenges during the webinar and you’ll get tools and specific tactics you can use today in the Q & A and in our follow up


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Burnout - Wikipedia

Burnout is a type of psychological stress. Occupational burnout or job burnout is characterized by exhaustion, lack of enthusiasm, and motivation, feelings of ineffectiveness, and also may have the dimension of frustration or cynicism, and as a result reduce efficacy within the workplace.


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Are You Burned Out?Circle the Items that apply to you

1. I find myself less eager to go back to work or to resume my chores after a weekend.

2. I feel less and less patient and/or sympathetic listening to other people's problems.

3. I try to get away from people as soon as I can.

4. My dedication to work, exercise, diet, and friendships is waning.

5. I am falling further behind in many of the responsibilities in my life.

6. I am losing my sense of humor.

7. I find it more and more difficult to see people socially.

8. I feel tired most of the time.

9. I don't seem to have much fun anymore.

10. I feel trapped.

Now, add up the number of items you circled, and check your score below:

1 to 3: More exhausted than stressed out

4 to 6: Beginning to stress out

7 to 8: Probably stressed out

9 to 10: Probably burned outwww.markgoulston.com contact: [email protected]

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1. Why (and how) irrational people get to you


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So why and how do irrational people get to you?


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2. Why irrational people behave the way they do

1.To get out of doing something

2.To get you do something you might not want to do

3. To take advantage of you

4.To prevent you from catching onto something they’re hiding


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The Sanity Cycle

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Tools and Tactics

Ready, Aim… (Let Them) Fire

1. Identify irrational/difficult people ahead of time

2. Never expect them not to act irrationally

3. Hold some of yourself back so you’re never blindsided


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9 Common MO’s of Irrational PeopleTHE NINE MOST COMMON M.O.’S OF IRRATIONAL PEOPLE,

AND YOUR TYPICAL RESPONSES TO THEM

IRRATIONAL PERSON’S M.O. YOUR REACTION

EMOTIONAL

Emotional people believe that they need to vent or they’ll explode. So they cry, scream, and slam doors. They tend to overpower you because they’re willing to escalate a situation to a point that’s unbearable for a sane person.

You may try to mollify these people by giving in to them so you can stop the unending emotional upheaval—or you may become so tired of it all that you just try to escape from them.

LOGICAL/PRACTICAL

These people think they’re in control only when they stick to the facts. As a result, they become terse, cold, and condescending. They tune out anything that seems illogical, and nearly always view displays of emotion as “acting crazy.”

You may start feeling and acting more emotional and angry in response to these people’s dry and logical statements and the way they cut you off with icy logic.They also have a way of causing you to feel ashamed of even having feelings.

MANIPULATIVE/NEEDY

These people believe that to be in control, they need something from you that they can’t supply for themselves. So they whine, wheedle, and make excuses. If you suggest ways that they can help themselves, they’ll say, “Yes, but...” If you don’t give them what they want, often they will try to control you by making you feel guilty.

When these people are unrelenting, you may transition from feeling guilty and frustrated to feeling annoyed, put-upon, and ashamed of your deep desire to say something mean to them. You may give in to them just to get rid of them— even though you know they’ll just come back for more.

FEARFUL

Fearful people feel like they’re constantly surrounded by threats. When triggered, they lash out wildly like a frightened dog. They also appear able to be much more comfortable being perched between fear and panic (because they are there so often) than you

These people evoke in you a nearly constant need to reassure them, which eventually gets exhausting and makes you resent them. If you go the extra mile to walk them through fearful situations, you’re likely to find yourself becoming a regular crutch because they can’t or won’t move a step without you.


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contn’d - 9 Common MO’s of Irrational PeopleIRRATIONAL PERSON’S M.O. THEIR BEHAVIOR YOUR REACTION

HOPELESS/WITHDRAWN

Hopeless/withdrawn people feel that the world will only hurt them, so their M.O. is to hide from it. No matter how hard you try to convince these people that they can be happy in the future, they’ll spend enormous amounts of energy trying to convince you that you’re wrong and that nothing will work.

These people’s negativity may leave you feeling frustrated, sad, and a bit hopeless yourself. Trying to help them increases your chances of becoming part of their downer cycle as they suck the energy out of you.

MARTYRED Martyrs make a point of refusing to ask for help, even when they desperately need it.

These people initially make you feel guilty for not helping, even though they won’t give you a chance. Over time, however, their martyr act can make you feel annoyed and exasperated.

BULLYING

Bullies believe they’re in control only if they’re making you fearful and submissive. That’s why they actively attack, threaten, or belittle you. The more afraid they make you feel, the more powerful they feel.

These people make you feel scared, intimidated, weak, and powerless—as well as angry. You may strike back, steam inside, or simply retreat and ruminate about what you could have done instead.

KNOW-IT-ALL

Know –it-alls like being the only subject matter expert on any topic, even if they’ve never “been there or done that.” They will find cracks in any idea you offer, even if it’s correct. They know that if they can make you feel stupid, you’ll lose confidence and often back off and become submissive. So their M.O. is to belittle, mock, or condescend to you.

These people may make you feel small, insignificant, less than, not good enough and sometimes ashamed—as well as resentful.

SOCIOPATHIC

These people (who technically are sane, but often are irrational in a unique way you’ll read about later) are hiding secrets. Their M.O. is to terrify you so you won’t find out what those secrets are (or worse yet, expose them to the rest of the world).

These people will make you feel afraid and even “creeped out.”


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Tools and Tactics

“Oh F#@& to OK” Speed Drill

1. Oh F#@& - Reaction Phase2. Oh Gawd – Release Phase3. Oh Geez – Recentering Phase4. Oh Well - Refocusing Phase5. OK – Reengaging Phase

3. How to Deal with Irrational People


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The Three L’s

1.Lean In

2.Look at the Reality

3.Lead the Person into the Future

Tools and Tactics


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Tools and Tactics

FUDN

1. Frustrated2. Upset3. Disappointed4. Now what?


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Tools and Tactics

Assertive Submission

Bared teeth beget bared teeth, A bared neck begets vulnerability under the crazyness


Q & A

Mark GoulstonPresidentMark Goulston, M.D., Inc.

How’d we do? Please fill out the survey that opens after you leave the webinar

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Thanks for attending

Thank you!

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GoTo Assist - Talking to Crazy - What makes people tick and how to avoid ticking them off