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‘…we must learn to understand the ‘out-of-
awareness’ aspects of communication. We
must never assume that we are fully aware of
what we communicate to someone else.
There exists in the world today tremendous
distortions in meaning as men try to
communicate with one another’
Edward T. Hall The Silent Language
.
‘The meaning of any communication is defined
by the response it elicits’
.
WHY EMBRACE NLP?
• Stretching communication to another level
• It is about maximising potential
• It is about enhancing operational
effectiveness
SCOPE
• Background
• What is NLP
• NLP Presuppositions
• Representational Systems
• Rapport and Linguistics
• NLP and Mission Command
• Vision
.
.
BACKGROUND
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
Tree hugging – pink and fluffy.
It’s just hypnosis.
No relevance to military operations.
No relevance to Military Leadership.
Just another fad.
Its just common sense.
.
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WHAT IS NLP?
WHAT IS NLP
Neuro: Our nervous system through which we gather and process information received through our 5 senses.
Linguistic: Language and other nonverbal systems through which our internal representations are coded, ordered and given meaning.
Programming: The patterns, programmes and strategies that we run in our neurology to achieve our specific and desired outcomes.
David Shephard & The Performance Partnership
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IN OTHER WORDS:
‘…how to use the minds own language to consistently achieve our specific and desired
outcomes’
David Shephard & The Performance Partnership
.
COMMUNICATION MODEL
.
EXTERNAL
EVENT
RESULTSBEHAVIOUR
Time/Space
Matter/Energy
Language
Memories
Decisions
Meta Programs
Values & Beliefs
Attitudes
INTERNAL
REP
STATE
PHYSIOLOGY
FILTERS
DELETE
DISTORT
GENERALISE
2 Billion bits per sec
NLP COMMUNICATION MODEL
100 billion brain cells
There are approximately 100 billion neurons with roughly 100 trillion interconnections. This is the thickest density known to science.
12/ 88% rule
There are two parts to the brain.
Conscious mind - short-term memory, gets us through the day-to-day living and decision-making in the now. It is very much whom most of us identify as being "who we are." Represents 12% of the overall mind functions.
Unconscious mind — keeps you alive by keeping your heart pumping, your blood flowing and your organs working. Seat of values, beliefs, and unconscious patterns of behaviours. Represents 88% of overall mind functions.
CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS MIND
WHO AM I?
CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS MIND
COMMUNICATION MODEL
7 +/- 2 Rule
Psychologists have long known that the human brain has a finite capacity to hold information in short-term or 'working' memory.
Equally, the brain is also structured to retain information in 'clusters' or groups of items.
These clusters or groups average, across the whole of mankind, at seven items, plus or minus two.
This means that your audience is only able to hold on to between five and nine pieces of information at any one time.
COMMUNICATION MODEL
2 million bits of information per second
Every single second the brain receives 2 million
bits of information and only 134 KB reach the
inner level, while the rest is filtered out.
The filters inside of us create our Internal
Representation.
EXERCISE
Choose a Partner beside you and tell three
lies and three truth. The partner supposed to
determine which are lies and which are truth.
– Change Partner.
EXERCISE CONT’
Now tell the partner which statement were lies
and truth.
The next challenge is allow your partner to
describe back what you meant by the truth that
you have just told him/her. Change Partner.
Report your findings to the class.
FRAMES
‘WAYS OF THINKING’
Cause > Effect. (Tip-off: "Makes", "If ... then" )
Results vs. Excuses. (Tip-off: “Towards Target (TT) vs Away from Target (AF)
Perception is Projection. (Tip-off: “My perceptions is your perception – Internal Character)
Responsibility for results. (Tip-off: “I am responsible for the outcome not others)
The Mind-Body Connection. (Tip-off: “I will react
according to state of my body)
.
EXERCISE
Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each
ways of thinking.
How does the knowledge helps you to deal with
people from different “ways of thinking”?
MENTAL PICTURE
NLP COMMUNICATION PROCESS
BE PROACTIVE
1 Be
proactive
Three theories of determinism affecting our
response to a certain stimulus
Genetic determinism (DNA)
Psychic determinism (childhood experience)
Environmental determinism (boss, spouse,
economic situation, notational policies)
Reactive Language Proactive Language
There's noting I can do Let’s look at our alternations
That’s just the way I am I can choose a different approach
He makes me so mad I control my own feelings
They won’t allow that I can create an effective
presentation
I have to do that I will choose an appropriate
response
I can’t I choose
I must I prefer
If only I will
SELF-TALK METHODS IN COMMUNICATION
Circle of
Concern
Circle of
Concern
REACTIVE FOCUS (Negative energy reduces
the Circles of Influences)
PROACTIVE FOCUS (Positive energy enlarges
the Circles of Influences)
BEGINNING WITH THE END IN MIND IS THE
HABIT OF PERSONALLY COMPETENT
PEOPLE Habit
Beginning with the End in Mind - Relationship
Discover a personal mission – Plan your process
Support it with chosen roles and goals - VAD
Establish personal values that will guide pro-activity
– Kinesthetic
Visualize and create a mental image of what you
want to create physically
REALITIES OF COMMUNICATION
PSYCHOLOGY RESPECT UR-WORLD
Respect for the other person's model of the world.
Behavior and change are to be evaluated in terms of context, and
Ecology
Resistance in a client is a Sign of a lack of rapport. (There are no
resistant clients, only inflexible communicators. Effective
communicators accept and utilize all communication presented to
them.)
People are not their behaviors. (Accept the person; change the
behavior.)
Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have
available. (Behavior is geared for adaptation, and present behavior is
the best choice available. Every behavior is motivated by a positive
intent.)
Calibrate on Behavior: The most important information about a person
is that person's behavior.
REALITIES OF COMMUNICATION PSYCHOLOGY
The map is not the Territory. (The words we use are NOT the event or the item they represent.)
(U) You are in charge of your mind, and therefore your results (and I am also in charge of my mind and therefore my results).
People have all the Resources they need to succeed and to achieve their desired outcomes. (There are no un resourceful people, only un resourceful states.)
All procedures should increase Wholeness
There is ONLY feedback! (There is no failure, only feedback.)
The meaning of communication is the Response you get.
The Law of Requisite Variety: (The system/person with the most flexibility of behavior will control the system.)
All procedures should be Designed to increase choice.
NLP PRESUPPOSITIONS
Everyone has a unique model of the world.
Respect other peoples model of the world.
The map is not the territory.
People are not their behaviour.
All behaviour has a positive intention.
There is no failure, only feedback
There are no un-resourceful people, only un-resourceful states.
The meaning of communication is the response you get.
Everyone can be taught to do anything
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EXERCISE
Identify a communication problem in your work
place. Then choose a partner and explain how
you could solve your current communication
problems by applying few of the NLP
presuppositions?
.
REPRESENTATIONAL
SYSTEMS
REPRESENTATIONAL SYSTEMS
& SUB MODALITIES
Visual: looks good to me.
Auditory: I been hearing good things about
it.
Kinesthetic: I feel good about the whole
project.
Olfactory: Smells like a winner to me.
Gustatory: I can taste the victory.
.
EYE PATTERN CHARTNORMALLY ORGANISED
As You look at the PersonVisual
Constructed
Visual
Remembered
Auditory
Remembered
Auditory
Constructed
KinaestheticAuditory
Digital
EYE PATTERN QUESTIONS
(REMEMBER, SOME PEOPLE ACCESS VR, AR , AD OR K BY
DEFOCUSING.)
Vr: Visual Remembered: Seeing images from memory, recalling things they have
seen before.
QUESTIONS: 'What was the color of the room you grew up in?" "What color was
the first car you ever owned?"
Vc: Visual Constructed: Images of things that people have never seen before.
When people are making it up in their head, they are using visual constructed.
QUESTION: "What would your room (car) look like if it were blue?"
Ar: Auditory Remembered: When you remember sounds or voices that you've
heard before, or things that you've said to yourself before. QUESTIONS: "Growing
up, did you have a favorite pet? What
was the sound of your pet's voice?" 'What was the very last thing I said?" "Can
you remember the sound of your mother's voice?"
EYE PATTERN QUESTIONS
(REMEMBER, SOME PEOPLE ACCESS VR, AR , AD OR K BY
DEFOCUSING.) Ac: Auditory Constructed: Making up sounds you have not heard before.
QUESTION: "What would I sound like if I had Donald Duck's voice?"
Ad: Auditory Digital: This is where your eyes go when you are talking to yourself —
internal dialogue.
QUESTIONS: "Can you recite the pledge of Allegiance to yourself?" "Is there a
poem from grade school that you remember?" "Can you say the Time Tables for
7 to yourself?"
K : Kinesthetic: (Feelings, sense of touch.) Generally you look in this direction
when you are accessing your feelings.
QUESTION: "Do you have a favorite beach or place in the outdoors to walk?
What does it feel like to walk there without shoes?" "What does it feel like to
touch a wet rug?“
1 REPRESENTATION SYSTEM reference test.docx
Improving Communication using
the Meta Model
Overview
We will consider
What is the Meta Model?
What are its uses and benefits?
The prerequisites to using the Meta Model effectively
Practice of using the Meta Model -- today and tomorrow
What is the Meta Model?
"The basic principle behind the Meta Model is Korzybski's notion that 'the map is not the 'the map is not the territory.’’
That is, the models we make of the world the models we make of the world around us with our brains and our language are not the world itself but representations of it.””
Dilts and DeLozier, EEncyclopedia of Systemic Neuro--Liming and NLP New
Linguistic Programming and NLP New Coding, , 2000.
The Meta Model
The Meta Model was first described by John
Grindler and Richard Bandler in their book
‘Structure of Magic ’’ Vol.1 (1975) Grindler and
Bandler had observed successful therapists
using certain language patterns -- essentially
questions -- that enabled them to get to the heart
of issues and assist their clients
Two levels of language
Surface structure -everything we say, eitherto ourselves or to other people
Deep structure-
the underlying meaning of what we say-
containing information neither expressed nor
consciously known about
The Meta Model gives a framework to find out the layers
of meaning below the spoken words
What does the Meta Model Do?Gathers information
Can receive important information that has been omitted
Clarifies meaning
It gives a systematic framework for asking ‘What exactly do you mean?
When you do not fully understand what the other person
means you can use the Meta Model to clarify meaning
Identifies limits
The Meta Model can be used to challenge the rules and
generalisations being applied to your thinking, to discover
where you are limiting yourself and how you could be freer Gives choicesThe Meta Model can expand your map of the world by
opening routes and doors considered closed or not
available
Allows us to see beneath thesurface of the iceberg
Using the Meta Model
Meta Model
Question
DesiredStatement + = Revealed
Response Information
NLP and the Meta Model
Selecting the most useful question is a skill which ……. is one of the most important skills .is one of the most importantskills within the NLP repertoire””
Why use the Meta Model?
To improve our communication with others
To better understand other people To
manage ourselves and others more
effectively
To help others get out of a ‘‘stuck’’state or
get into a more resourceful state To assist
others to be what they want to be To learn
new skills and behaviours
Application of the Meta Model inHuman Resource Management
Coaching
Interviewing
Disciplinary and grievance
Selection
Individual and team development
Performance reviews and appraisals
Mediating
Using the Meta ModelOutcome Setting
- What is the outcome required?
Rapport
- What level of rapport and trust will be required to achieve
the outcomes required?
Sensory Acuity
- Using the senses to recognize where the other person is,and thus how to respondFlexibility
- -A flexibility to respond to the other person and change
one owns approach if necessary
Using the Meta Model
Therefore
Know what you want to achieve (outcomesetting)
Take action-Create rapport and trust
Use the Meta Model
Notice the response (sensory acuity) Do something different (if required) … …flexibility
The Meta Model
Meta Model
13 elements divided into 3 categories
Deletions
Distortions
Generalizations (and variations)
Using the Meta the Precision Model
Fuzzy NounsI need a new job What job specifically?
Vague VerbsI will prepare the report for you How will you prepare the report?
The results have been better In comparison with what?
Opinions as Facts
It’’s bad to be inconsistent Who says?
UniversalsI always feel nervous Always? Was there ever a
time when you weren't?
Comparisons
Using the Meta Model the Precision Model
Rules
We should do this now What would happen if we didn't?
Distortions
Cause & Effect
If he ever leaves me I'll be so sad How would “him leaving you”
cause you to feel sad?Mind Reading
He doesn't like meHow do you know he doesn't
like you?Interpretation
Her being late means she doesn't love me How does her being
late mean she doesn't
love you?
Using the Meta Model
Practice of using the Meta Model -- todayand today and tomorrow
Skill1-- Recognize the pattern
Skill 2--Select the most useful response
Using the Meta Model…todayForm groups of 3’’s
Person A : makes a statement
Person B : Write downs his/her objectives.
Person B Ask questions directing Person A towards
the objectives.
Feedback on the practical exercise -- Did you notice
that the person A is suggesting based on your
questions? If yes you passed this exercise!!!
Using the Meta Model…tomorrow
Start with yourself
Listen to your own internal dialogue. What patterns do you use?
The Meta Model will give you internal clarity
Listen to your spoken words. Notice habitual patterns Use Meta Model questions with rapport and respect, context and ecology
Use Meta Model questions when you need to andnot because you can
Use a three part strategy
Decide whether you need to ask a question or make a challenge
tFrame a question and ask it
Recognize a pattern
.
RAPPORT
AND CUSTOMER COMMUNICATION
RAPPORT
Structure of Rapport:
Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., of the University
of California, Los Angles (UCLA), in 1972 in a series
of controlled experiments was able to demonstrate
that non-verbal signals were significantly more
influential than other stimuli (see numbers below).
He found that more than 90% of our ability to
influence lies outside of the actual words we use.
WHAT IS RAPPORT –
when people become like each other, they like
each other
A state of trusting and openness.
A perception of liking and being liked.
A state of feeling of closeness and safety.
A state where a person is less critical of ideas offered to them.
1 to 1
1 to many
Many to many
.
RAPPORT
.
Words
7%
Tonality
38%
Physiology
55%
RAPPORT
93% of our
communication
takes place on
the
subconscious
level
PhysiologyPosture/ Stance
Gesture
Facial Expression
Breathing
Eye Movement/
Blinking
TonalityVolume (loudness)
Tone (pitch) Tempo (speed)
Timbre (quality/ clarity)
Resonance
Words Predicates Key
Words
Common experiences
& associations
Content chunks
RAPPORT THROUGH PHYSIOLOGY
Matching
Mirroring
Crossover Mirroring
Posture
Gestures
Facial Expression and Blinking
Breathing
.
RAPPORT
Process: Rapport is established by matching & mirroring
The major elements of rapport:
Mirroring Matching PHYSIOLOGY (55%)
Posture
Gesture
Facial expression & blinking Breathing
TONALITY (38%)
Voice
Tone (pitch)
Tempo (speed)
Timbre (quality)
Volume (loudness)
WORDS (7%)
Predicates
Key words
Common experiences & associations
MIRRORING EXERCISE
A faces B with C sitting (or standing) behind B’s
peripheral vision.
C places themselves in an unusual posture with
facial expressions.
A mirror the C’ gesture to B.
Change Partners….
PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS
PURPOSE A technique for creating multiple perspectives. If
a person has only one perspective of things — then he or
she has less choice compared to one who has 3 or more
perspectives. The "other" perspectives allows one to make
contrast, and it is looking at the similarity and differences
that one gains wisdom. In this exercise, use the context of
relationships with a significant other to fully explore the
richness of perceptual positions.
3 THE META MODEL and Perceptual positions.docx
IRRESISTIBLE COMMUNICATION, INFLUENCE AND
PERSUASION
MATCHING THE OTHER PERSON'S VALUES (VALUES)
Establishing and maintaining rapport. Be sure that you are
matching the other person exactly. Start off with a second
or two delay in your matching or mirroring and then move to
matching the other person almost simultaneously within a
minute or two. Avoid matching the other person using subtle
matches. This is not a match - do and move exactly as they
do. The only way to get into deep rapport is to be willing to
do what they do - 100% the same.
Having a definite outcome. Set an outcome for everything
you do. If your are to influence and persuade you must
know the outcome you want to achieve.
IRRESISTIBLE COMMUNICATION, INFLUENCE AND
PERSUASION
MATCHING THE OTHER PERSON'S VALUES (VALUES)
Eliciting or creating emotional states. Basically we
are talking about having the ability/skill to either
elicit or create an emotional state in the other
person, that is the perfect emotional state for them
to be in if they were to naturally go ahead and carry
out the mutually beneficial suggestion or action.
This includes the ability to be able to put yourself
into this state (all your verbals and non-verbals will
indicate you are in this state) before you create or
elicit the same emotional state in others.
IRRESISTIBLE COMMUNICATION, INFLUENCE AND
PERSUASION
MATCHING THE OTHER PERSON'S VALUES (VALUES)
Matching the other person's criteria and values. Eliciting and
matching exactly the other person's criteria and values for the
context you wish to influence and persuade. Utilizing criteria
is critical! That is what this Skill Building Exercise will cover.
Matching process/strategy. Irresistible influence and
persuasion is obtained when you are able to determine the
process/strategy the other person uses for any particular
decision that they make or action that they take.. Again this is
context dependent. Find out their process and put your
content into that process and it will be absolutely irresistible
to them. (More about this in a future exercise).
ELICITATING AND MATCHING THE OTHER
PERSON'S VALUES.
Please note we will only cover just the very
basics here.
In order to understand this let's assume that we
are going to influence or persuade someone to
act or think in a certain way that would be
mutually beneficial to them and to us.
ELICITATING THE OTHER PERSON'S
VALUES.
Before we go into how we can elicit someone's
values, let's ensure that we understand what
we mean by someone's values. (Next slide
includes excerpts from my unpublished
manuscript on Meta-Programs entitled
"Patterns of Influence"
VALUESThe Values Pattern:
Values are context dependent.
Each person has their own non-verbal process for determining when something is good, right or appropriate or bad, wrong and inappropriate for them. Each person has words and phrases which describe these processes.
These words and phrases are called values. When a person's values are met they will feel good and when the values are not met they will feel badly.
It is important to note that when someone hears their own personal values they will feel good.
It will be as though they just recognized a particular situation which met their values and which gave them pleasant feelings. This is because they have learned to associate the good feelings with the values words and phrases.
HOW TO ELICITE OR FIND SOMEONE'S VALUES
We elicit or find out someone's values by asking one of two
questions. The general questions to ask are either:
What is important to you in a "X"?
or
What's important to you about a "X"?
Where "X" is the context in which you wish to obtain the values.
For example: If you were a car salesperson - you would want to
know the person's values for what they considered a good car, so
that you could be sure that the car that you sell them will met
their values. If it does, they may buy it and if it doesn't, they will
not buy it.
HOW TO ELICITE OR FIND SOMEONE'S VALUES
CONT’
So, you would ask either of these values elicitation questions:
What do you want in a car?
Or
What's important to you about a car?
In answering the question the person will give you a list of words and phrases. These will be the values which make them feel good about "X". In our example a car. If you "say" a person's values back to them, they should feel good. If they do not feel good or show a pleasant response - what you said was not their values.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE OR IDENTIFY THE VALUES
CONT’
In our example, let's say that we ask: What's important to you about a
car? And they respond, "We need something that is economical and has
enough room for my family." The two values that they gave us here are:
it must be economical.
it must have room for a family.
We could ask essentially the same question again to get more values.
We ask, "And what else is important to you?"
In answering, they might say, "It has to also have four wheel drive so we
can get around the hills." Here we get another value:
getting around the hills.
MATCHING THE OTHER PERSON'S VALUES
We Use Other Person's Values in Our Language To Create a More Complete
Understanding.
We then use the person's values in a sentence, in relation to "X", back to
them. We do not interpret the meaning of the words or phases; we use the
exact words directly as they said them to us. We do not paraphrase!
In our example, we might say, "Great, so you're looking for a car that is
economical, has plenty of room for your family and has front wheel drive so
you can get around in the hills. Is that right?"
When we "say" this values back to them, they should feel good and we
should be able to notice it in their non-verbal communication (a head
nodding, a smile etc.).
If they do not feel good or show a pleasant response, what we said was not
their values and we would re-ask the values elicitation questions.
MATCHING THE OTHER PERSON'S VALUES
In selling a car to the people in our example, what is real important to the person are:
that it is economical
that it has room for the family
that it can get around the hills
It is important to note that other features and benefits of a car are not as important as these. So if you were to attempt to sell this person with any other benefit that is important to you - they would not likely buy -because it is not important to them.
The key here is that you do not sell what features and benefits you like, the manufacture emphasizes etc. -- you sell what the buyer wants!
While we have emphasized values here, we assume that all the other skills in irresistible communicating will also be used.
IRRESISTIBLE COMMUNICATION, INFLUENCE AND
PERSUASION
VERBAL PACING AND LEADING
Verbal pacing and leading. Pacing what is undeniably true
and leading to what we want to be believed as true or what
has yet to be established as being true. In addition using
Advanced Language Patterns to covertly insert commands
to the other person's unconscious mind.
ELICITING AND CREATING EMOTIONAL
STATES.
Before we actually get into Eliciting and Creating Emotional States, let's review a little of what I call working theory or what is it that makes this work so well and so easily. We'll briefly look at these important concepts.
Start with an outcome in mind. What is the "emotional state" you want to produce in yourself and in the other person.
Almost anything is possible when you are in rapport with someone.
To create an emotional state in someone else you must first put yourself in that state.
ELICITING AND CREATING EMOTIONAL
STATES. CONT’
The mind cannot tell the difference between a very intenserecalled emotional experience and a very intenselyimagined emotional experience.
When a person is immersed in a past emotional experience,with a feeling of present reality, they will relive thatexperience exactly as the memory was incorporated at thetime it actually happened. In other words they will actuallyget into that "intense" emotion right here and right now asyou are speaking to them.
It is possible to chain a series of states together to lead aperson from say curiosity to commitment. 4 Eliciting andCreating Emotional States.docx
THANK YOU
