march/april 2012 | 91

{GOOD ADVICE}

With gratitude to Paul Staley, a San Diego divorce attorney, who came up with a list of nine nasty things one spouse often says to another in divorce cases, here are ten threats that you should avoid making or should ig-nore if made. 1. “I’ll quit my job and then what’ll you get?” This is so frequently stated that it is a cliché. Hardly anyone quits a job and, if he/she does, income will be imputed to that spouse for voluntary unemployment.2. “You can leave, but the kids stay here.” Bullying tactics don’t work in front of a judge. Don’t let them work in front of you. Most times, the parent making this threat really doesn’t want to have the day-to-day obligations of raising the children. This is just a con-trol freak being a control freak.3. You mess with me, and I’m go-ing for full custody and you’ll never see the kids again.” Tell your spouse to go for it. When the lawyer asks for $50,000 to fund a custody battle, you’ll see how much he/she means it. Again, the parent making this threat rarely wants what he/she threatens. 4. “If I have to pay child support, I want proof that you are spending it all on the kids.” The paying spouse cannot require the receiving spouse to provide receipts or account for how child support is spent. Except in highly unusual circumstances, this is another hollow threat.5. “I’ll give the lawyers every last cent before I’ll agree to that.” As le-gal fees mount, fighting over “it’s the principal” counts less and less. The

people who make this threat often are the first to find their attorneys with-drawing due to nonpayment of fees.6. “Your lawyer is an idiot; he’s just running up the bill; we can do this on our own or with one lawyer.” This is the threat of a “control freak” who is afraid your attorney will not let him/her control the situation. He/she is try-ing to regain dominance by trying to drive a wedge between you and your attorney.7. “If I have to pay it to you, I’ll just stop working overtime.” Another timeless classic. If historic earnings have included overtime and overtime continues to be available, child sup-port and alimony will take overtime into consideration.8. “The pension and 401(k) are mine; I worked for it.” Pensions and 401(k) retirement plans are marital as-sets, just like the marital home and cars. 9. “The judge can’t make me pay you that much. Business stinks. I’ll be lucky if I have a job next year.” Spouses fearing child support or ali-mony often make this threat and often try to depress their earnings in the year of divorce. They don’t usually get away with it and, miraculously, things always seem to pick up in the year after the divorce.10. “I’m contacting the IRS to tell them how you’ve been cheating on your taxes all these years and you’re going to go to prison.” A typi-cal threat that ignores that the IRS is overwhelmed as it is and, even if true, how would this help get alimony and

child support? Often, one spouse filed a joint tax return with the other and has known about the alleged tax fraud so he/she would be a co-conspirator to any fraud. {stb}

JOEL H. FELDMAN is a partner in the law firm of Feldman & Schneider-man at 401 Camino Gardens Blvd., Boca Raton, Florida (561-392-4400). He has been practicing in Boca Raton for over 32 years and is considered “Preeminent” in the field of divorce and family law. Joel Feldman is an honor graduate of Georgetown University and Duke University School of Law, twice has been honored by the Legal Aid So-ciety of Palm Beach County, is involved in multiple charities in the south Florida area and is rated “AV” by the Martin-dale-Hubbell rating service for attor-neys. Please visit the firm’s website at www.feldmanlawoffice.com or contact him at jfeldman@feldmanlawoffice.com.

THREATS FROM YOUR SPOUSE

YOU SHOULD

IGNORE IN DIVORCE CASES

JOEL H. FELDMAN

By Joel H. Feldman