decision-making-howto.compresentspresents

When Our Loved Ones Don’t Want Us to Change

3 steps to win them to your cause

Resistance from our loved ones

• Relatives and friends do sometimes resist your desire to change and they will try to influence you into not doing so.

Resistance from our loved ones

• First of all, it is important to realize that their worries are mainly based on their personal reading of your situation. They have their beliefs and expectations about it, and they act from that perspective.

Resistance from our loved ones

• They often mean well and they are concerned about your wellbeing.

Disregard their opinion?

• You can choose to completely disregard their opinions but it is not an easy thing to do.

• And in some cases, until you have their approval, you won’t be able to go on with your plans.

Disregard their opinion?

• So it is wiser to gain them to your cause or at the least to lower their resistance to it.

• Your loved ones have the potential to offer you great support in your endeavor.

For that, you need to communicate in their values why you want to change. You should do so in three steps.

1. Listen

• First of all, listen to what they have to say.

• Don’t try to argument.

• Be attentive to how you feel (angry, frustrated, exasperated,..) and make an effort to not react. Just make a mental note “I’m angry right now” and keep on listening.

1. Listen

•Often our loved ones get frustrated because they don’t feel they had a chance to be heard, and they will hassle you until you seat down and listen to what they have to say.

1. Listen

•By allowing them to express their concerns, you will show them that you respect them and that you do care about their opinions. That can be enough to have them trust you and trust your decisions.

2. Acknowledge your own worries

• When we try to convince others of a decision we want to make, we tend to solely focus on the benefits to be gained.

• That can worries others because they may think that we are naïve and overly optimistic.

2. Acknowledge your own worries

• So at this point, it is useful to share your worries

• Tell them about all the concerns you do have regarding the change you would like to make.

2. Acknowledge your own worries

• Then, tell them that as you are aware of potential challenges you still feel and think that you want to do it.

3. Ask for their support

• It can go something like this: “I now understand that you are worried by ……, and that you don’t want me to jump into something that I may regret. I know that you care about and I appreciate that. Like I just told you, I’m aware that there would be challenges but I still feel strongly that I want to proceed with my decision. If you can support me in this endeavor it’ll make it easier. I’m excited about my decision and I want you to part of it!”

In Conclusion

• By going through these three steps you will often be able to reassure your loved ones about your decision.

• It is not about manipulating them into doing so. It is about having a sincere discussion structured in a way where you can efficiently communicate how serious you are about your choice.

decision-making-howto.comThank you for watchingThank you for watching