Darth Vader, He Loves MeThe White Legacy:Generation Five, Chapter Three

Hello there! Welcome back to the White Legacy—now in Technicolor!

Last time we were here, we had a relatively quiet chapter. Jade died, and Sun disappeared. No one knows if he just left or if he “went into the light,” so to speak. Hyde ignored his children for a while, but eventually started paying attention to them and being a better father. Luckily for him, they both have high nice scores and were ready to forgive him. He was also abducted again and gave birth to Vesuvius at the tail end of the chapter.

That’s that! Let’s head over to Peachtree Valley and see what the spares have been doing, hmm?

Aranea: “OFFICERS KIKI AND PEKKIE!! HAVE YOU CAUGHT ANYONE YET!?”

Kilauea: “I’VE GOT SAGE CORNERED, OFFICER ARANEA!!”

Sagitta: “You’ll never take me alive, useless cop!!”

Ara: “Curse you, Officer Pekkie! My oldest foe!”

Vulpecula: “You can never escape the Long Arm of the Law, filthy robber!”

Ara: “I am not filthy! I just took a bath yesterday!”

Vulpecula: “Ara, stay in character! You’re a robber!”

Ara: “I was in character!”

Orion: “I’m feeling seriously outnumbered here. Why did I let you guys drag me along?”

Gemini: “Honestly, Orion. Quit complaining. We’re having fun.”

Orion: “I still don’t get how there managed to be both triplets and quadruplets born in the neighborhood in one generation, and have them all be girls. Seriously! No guys!? What is in the water!?”

Wait, wait, wait. Hold it.

Pause! Rewind!

Right there! Stop!

Why, why, why do I have thirteen girls and one boy growing up together in Peachtree Valley? How did I manage to get both triplets and quadruplets born right around the same time!? I just barely put this mod in! This is its first real chance to kick in at all! It’s only supposed to have 3% chance of quads!!

That is why I have reduced the odds for multiples. It should be much closer to the original Maxis odds now. Pfft.

Okay. You can fast forward back to the teenagers.

Okay. Play.

Spar: “WHITE CHILDREN!! FRONT AND CENTER!!”

Carina: “Uh oh. That’s Dad.”

Spar: “You, young ladies, are grounded. Mom and I told you not to come play here! It’s dangerous!”

Ara: “But Daddy, everyone else was coming…”

Spar: “Home! Now!”

Yeah, Spar was the one to have the quadruplet girls. Whatever.

Spar: “All the rest of you, too! Go home! I will be calling all of your parents in the morning—or I could do it right now if you’d prefer!”

Sagitta: “Eep! Let’s get out of here!”

Kilauea: “Roger! Over and out!”

Spar: “Good, they’re gone. …you know… I’ve always wondered why the city let this place grow instead of rebuilding it after it burned down…”

Spar: “A teddy bear… this must have been a kid’s room…”

Spar: “Come to think of it… I think this place went up in flames right around the same time Mom and Dad adopted me…”

Dane: “YEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!”

Tigris: “Hey, Great Dane. Mom sent me to tell you to keep it down; people are trying to live nice, normal, quiet, unobserved lives.”

Dane: “Tigris! Young relative of mine who is actually older than me! You would never believe what’s happened to me!”

Tigris: “Fine, I’ll bite, if it’ll get you to shut up. What happened to you, Dane?”

Tigris: “…what are you waiting for?”

Dane: “The right moment. In theatre, this brief pause between lines is called a ‘beat.’ I am using it in this situation to create dramatic tension.”

Dane: *deep breath*

Dane: “I’VE DONE IT!! I was just hired for ‘As The Stomach Turns’!! I’m playing ‘Man With Bad Facial Hair At Coffee Shop’!!”

Tigris: “Yeeeeaaaah, that’s awesome, Great Dane. Now quit banging on the walls, will you?”

Meanwhile, at Legacy Estate…

Hyde: “Hey Author! Look! I’m doing a new magic trick!”

Uh… um… that’s, uh, great, Hyde…

*snicker* Nice suit there, Hyde.

Hyde: “It’s awesome. It channels my inner gamer. Bet you don’t get to wear something like this working in an office, do you?”

Gabie: “Meheheh. Simself invasion of the legacy house.”

Hyde: “Want to see my bird impersonations? I picked them up from that one movie where they use bird signals to communicate in a forest without the bad guys knowing they’re even there. It goes like this—” *whistle whistly whistle*

Gabie: “…?”

Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up.

Sol: “There you go, Vis. That’s good, isn’t it?”

Vis: *burp*

Sol: “That, by the way, is pronounced ‘vees’, not ‘vihs.’ We decided that just ‘Vi’ was a bit too girly.”

Thanks for clarifying, Sol.

Sol: “My pleasure.”

Ella: “Come on, Sol! Let’s do something!”

Sol: “Such as?”

Ella: “Something other than painting or homework or studying or working. Sheesh, you’ve gotten boring as you’ve grown up.”

Sol: “That is where our opinions differ, dear sister.”

Ella: “Oh, don’t you ‘dear sister’ me, Mr. Stick in the Mud! Let’s go do something!”

Sol: “You’ve said that already, but I don’t know what we would do…”

Ella: “Well… I might have a perfectly ingeniously wicked idea…”

Sol: “Really…”

Ella: “It’s gonna be epic. But we’re going to need your black paint.”

Hyde: “Welp, there’s the sun. I guess that’s it for tonight.”

Hyde: “Back inside I go. Vis probably needs a bottle.”

*snicker*

Hyde: “You’ve been doing that an awful lot lately, Author.”

It’s nothing… *snort*

Ella: *snicker* “I’m getting out of here. See you after school, Dad.”

Hyde: “You, too? Is there something stuck between my teeth or something?”

Hyde: “What is that!? When did I get punched in the face!? …Oooooh, I get it now. The telescope.”

Hyde: “BWAHAHA!! Those kids got me good!!”

Birthday time already, Maugrim?

Maugrim: {Maugrim is an oooooold cub. Now, where is Master? Maugrim wants bones.}

Ella: “Heh, nice eye there, Dad. What’d you do to it?”

Hyde: “Yeah, sure, play innocent why don’t you.”

Ella: “Whaaaat? But Daddy dearest, why would you even consider—”

Hyde: “Uh-huh. Sure. I’ll get even with you two, just you wait. Less talk, more snowboarding.”

Happy birthday, Vis! Let’s see what that cute little face morphs into, shall we?

Uh… wow. I feel… a little at a loss for words here…

Does anyone else think this kid looks just a little… um…

Hyde: “Evil? Of course not! He’s my son!”

Well, you have to admit, Hyde, he does have a certain… evil… look to him.

Hyde: “I think it’s the eyebrows.”

And the perma-grin…

Hyde: “There you go, Vis, some cute panda pajamas. You’re not evil, are you?”

Vis: “Mehehehe…”

Allow me to take a moment to clarify how it is the twins and this toddler can all be alien spawn and yet look so different.

Remember this picture? These are my pollination technicians. I use a Multi PT hack, which I made myself using my own sims and a template kindly offered online. In case you’ve never used one, the hack makes it so the PT the game uses is chosen at random from these four every time someone gets alien pregnant. Birth Queen #6, the one standing in the front, is the twins’ stellar parent. She was meant to be a much toned-down version of the Maxis PT (or in the case of the nose, turned up). Pollination Technician #10, the one standing on the far left with the big ears, is Vis’s stellar parent. I pretty much went wild with him. 6 is the only one without some kind of elf ears, and the two that went unused had the recessive hair genes. Go figure.

That is all.

Hyde: “Good morning, children. I’ll have you know the paint you used doesn’t wash off.”

Ella: “Oops! Silly us! We’re awfully sorry, aren’t we Sol?” *giggle*

Sol: “We sure are, Ella. We are so very sorry for your unfortunate affliction, Dad.” *snort*

Hyde: *snicker* “You two haven’t looked in the mirror since waking up this morning, huh?”

Sol: “…Dad… you didn’t…”

Hyde: “I so did.”

Ella: “I still don’t think this is any fun, Sol.”

Sol: “To each his own.”

Does this mean what I think it means?

Hyde: “PERMA-PLAT, BABY!!”

I’m thinking I should invest in some outdoor lighting, just for these pictures. Might be a good idea.

Ella: “Your face is looking kinda red, Sol. Not green, like usual. You look a bit Christmassy, actually.”

Sol: “I’ve been scrubbing at my eye all day. The paint’s not even faded!”

Ella: “But you have to admit, it was a pretty epicly wicked idea.”

Sol: “Fix it, Ella!! This was your idea, it’s your fault! I can’t get promoted like this!!”

Hyde: “Alright, kiddo. Grandma and Grandpa taught your big brother and sister how to walk and talk and stuff, so I’ve never done this before. Let’s figure this out together, huh, Vis?”

Vis: *hiccup*

Vis’s first steps, everyone. Isn’t he cute?

Never mind the water wiggler in the foreground. It’s how we keep the dog clean.

Hyde: “You did it, Vis! You’re the bomb!!”

Vis: *hiccup* “Bomb!!”

Hyde: “Err… I mean, you’re the best. No bombs involved. No need for you to pick up that word.”

Vis: “BOOOOOM!!”

By the way.

Yeah. No nice points.

At all.

Jack-in-the-Box: *…the monkey thought ‘twas all in fun…*

Jack-in-the-Box: *…POP goes the weasel!*

Vis: “Mehehehehe!! Cwown!!”

Vis: “Wuv you, cwown…”

Awww. A good sign. Maybe this kid isn’t evil incarnate.

Jack: {Ack!! Geroff me!!}

Sol: “And you’re sure there’s nothing you can do? Hmph! See you in court!”

Hyde: “Suing the paint manufacturers isn’t going to help you any, kiddo.”

Oh, I don’t know. It might help his bruised ego. Haha, look, I made a joke!

Sol: “It’s not funny, Author!”

I think it is!

Admit it. He looks like he’s plotting your imminent destruction, but he sure is cute while he’s doing it.

Sol: “Showering doesn’t get the paint off. Maybe swimming will! This is a great idea!”

Sol: “…that water looks awfully cold.”

Sol: “NOOO!! I’VE CHANGED MY MIND!!”

Ella: “I give it a three. Your form needs a little work.”

Sol: “You know what, Ella? Shuddup.”

Ella: “Hehehe…”

Aww, look whose birthday it is again.

Butler: “This baby clearly needs a bottle.”

Get out of here, butler, you bother me. Happy birthday, Vis!

Vis: “Whoa, cool! I’ve got hands!”

Whoa, cool! He looks less evil now!

…never mind. Let’s get you a better hairstyle, huh Vis?

Vis: “Okay!”

There we go. How’s that?

Vis: “Great! Can I have some cookies now?”

You sure don’t act like you have no nice points…

Vis: “Uh… I mean, are the cookies poisoned?”

Atta boy.

Sol: “…hmm, you know, this sounds like… HEY, DAD!! C’MERE!!”

Hyde: “What’s up, Sol? I was just sitting down with Ellie for a tournament…”

Sol: “This is way more important, Dad. Listen to this. ‘The Terror of Twikkii: Rumors abound of a mysterious RV appearing in random places on Twikkii Island. Moving only at night, residents say strains of psychedelic rock are said to emanate from it on some nights. Incidentally, cases of anemia on the island are up by seventy-five percent…’ Am I overreacting, or does this sound like Grandpa to you?”

Ella: “Hey, Dad. Ready to get your butt whooped at SSX3?”

Hyde: “Nope. Pack your bags. We’re all hopping on a plane to Twikkii Island tonight.”

Ella: “Are we taking the game console?”

Hyde: “Of course!”

Ella: “Let’s go!”

So off they go to Twikkii Island, then. I think I’m going to cut off the chapter here; this seems to be a pretty good spot. Before we go, though, I believe a couple of the spares still have some things to say to us. Let’s head back to Peachtree Valley, shall we?

Life would be happy and full of big smiles,If you would consent to be mine.I'd swim ‘cross a river,I'd tremble and shiver,I'd donate my liver!If you would be mine, oh…

Arie: “…you have got to be kidding me.”

Kevin: “I would do backflips and pull out my hair,If you, pretty girl, would be mine.I'd kick my addictions,I'd have strange conniptions,I'd tamper with friction!If you would be mine, oh…”

Kevin: “I would invite Stephen Hawking for dinner,If you would say yes and be mine.My mother, she loves me;Darth Vader, he loves me;So why can't you love me??Oh please just be mine, oh…”

Kevin: “Licking a steaming hot engine blockSeemed like a worthless activity, till you were mine.Now I'm enlightened,Though others are frightened,When you wear galoshes and dance on my spine!”

Arie: “Alright, that is ENOUGH!!”

Arie: “What kind of a stalker freak are you!? I was sleeping!! You have some nerve!!”

Kevin: “Great!! So you’ll go out with me!?”

Arie: “What? No!! I didn’t say that!!”

Kevin: “Awesome!! See you tomorrow at twelve noon!!”

Arie: “NO!! I’m not going anywhere with you, you freak!!”

--------------------------------Credits for the song go to Moosebutter. It’s called “The Valentine’s Day Song,” and it is clearly the most romantic bit of music in the universe.

Baltic: “Okay, so this is really high up… no chance of just climbing down, then…”

Baltic: “There’s got to be a way out of here somewhere… think, Baltic, think…”

Arc: “Think, Merry. We’ve carried out a few different plans now, and all of them have failed. Why is that?”

Merry: “The last one didn’t fail, you dumbbell. I got to kill the bratty one, remember?”

Arc: “The idea was to get rid of all of them, Merry, and to turn Dez into our zombified slave. We have no zombie and we have no collection of generation five graves. It was a complete disaster.”

Merry: “It was not! You’re such a—”

Arc: “The point is, Merry, that I have realized why we have been failing. That is, we’ve been using much too high of stakes.”

Merry: “Meaning?”

Arc: “All of our plans up to this point have centered around death and murder. Preferably involving as much fire as we can manage to kindle.”

Merry: “Yeah, so? That’s the point, numbskull: end the legacy, remember? Anything ringing a bell? And that’s impossible without killing them all!”

Arc: “Not necessarily…”