1. @LIFECOACHERS Q4 REVIEW: CAPSLOCK OR GTFOAn @FlyoverJoel
Presentation
2. Q4 2011 Goals AchievedYou spend all your time lying to
yourself, which is good practice for lying to your family.1Dont
give up on yourself until everyone else does, that way they can
laugh at your futile2 determination.Its perfectly acceptable to cut
pictures of people from catalogs, put them in your wallet and3lie
to your coworkers about your great family.Be a better person: start
recycling your arrest warrants, credit card bills and STI test
results4instead of crumpling them into rage balls.Dont give into
your rage, or spiteful feelings. Stuff them deep inside so they can
explode later5at just the right person.Live AND die boldly.
Basically be running naked at the SWAT team with a machete in each
hand6when you go or die unfulfilled.7 Write you own LIFECOACHERS
goal here. 3. 2011 ROIBuying new pants is easierthan dieting.
Exercise daily! On one handyoull lose weight and gethealthier; on
the other youmight die any moment of a huge heart attack.
Win/win!Larder, better, fatter, stronger. 4. LIFECOACHERS Goes
CarbonNeutral, Methane Positive, in 2011Dont worry about the
environment; you are 100% biodegradable. 5. Socio-Philio-Economic
DecisionMaking Arrow (We just made that up)A strongimagination
Denial ISmakes for strong Ethics. LOL. self-delusion.an ethos. This
is a LIFECOACHERS Arrow Chart. 6. 2011 Decision Making Process 7.
Duality of Mind and Liver Act like this is the Friday you are The
most practical key to peace of going to cut loose & party like
crazy mind and happiness this holiday as you plan your Doritos,
beer andseason? Anything 80-proof in a flask horror flicks
loneliness fest.you can carry everywhere. 8. 2011 Critical Success
Factors Dont bring a baseball bat to a psychokinesis fight. Having
feelings is the leading cause of having hurtfeelings. Love your
neighbors; smite your enemies; tickle-fight yourcompetitors;
snuggle your mildly annoying but ultimatelyharmless acquaintances.
Achieve more goals by getting better at soccer. Declare yourself a
church and everything becomes a taxwrite-off. Having trouble
smiling? Put on some clown makeup androb a bank. Park your kids in
front of the TV for 10 or 20 years. Itworked out so well for you.
9. 2011 Critical Success Factors Doing this years Christmas cards
in Comic Sans is a great way of letting everyone know you hate
them. 10. 2011 Critical Success FactorsCOACHYOUR OWN LIFE MAKE IT
GET OFF ITS ASS AND DO WIND SPRINTS TILL IT PUKES THEN WHORE ITOUT
TO COLLEGE RECRUITERS 11. 2011 Critical Success FactorsSometimes a
$7 pitcher of beeris just a $7 pitcher of beer. If you keep
digestion in mind,youre always multi-tasking. 12. The Four
Quadrants of Pie(Sweet, Delicious, Pie) You can go to jail for The
unexamined life ismurdering people but youhilarious.cant go to jail
for murderingpeoples hopes and dreams. Harmony Proactivity
SynergySuccess The best joke is the Why believe in yourself one you
play onwhen you can believe in yourself every timebooze?you try to
succeed. 13. 2011 Strategic AlliancesWhen it comes to children,
there are no returns or gift- receipts. However, you can regift
them at an orphanage. 14. Forward Looking Statement PracticeThe new
"American Way" is to never stop 1eating. Even while youre asleep,
sopractice your night-chewing.The universe laughs at theUnderstand
grandeur of your hopes anddreams. Unless your dreamlife 2When you
wonder why your friends arefriends with you, the reason is because
theyconsists of Lunchables, daytime TVneed someone to feel superior
to.& Diet Mountain Dew.ResolveThe secret to success is praying
that the 3part of you that loves failing isnt strongerthan the part
of you that loves gloating. 15. Build to Your Dreams Hot coffee in
the crotch is better than warm Pepsi up the butt.TAKE UP SMOKING
WITH EXTRAGLUTEN AND SOY Combat the symptoms of Seasonal Affective
Disorder (SAD) with plenty of tropical drinks! If youre too ugly to
sleep your way tothe top, do your best to at least napyour way to
middle management.Nothing is wrong with two pyramid metaphors on
one slide. 16. A New Year and a New ParadigmYour New Failure
Paradigm:1. Begin by failing2. Consume alcohol3. Accept failures
arent lessons4. Consume alcohol5. Embrace failure 17. Success Is
the Final FrontierYou can achieve anything in life except for being
anastronaut. Probably not going to happen. 18. QUESTIONS?
LIFECOACHERS is a collection of Twitter personalities providing you
the best life advice you can get on the internet. You can follow
them on Twitter at https://twitter.com/lifecoachers or if you arent
as cool, on Facebook at
http://www.facebook.com/LIFECOACHERSFlyoverJoel is not a member of
LIFECOACHERS but youcan still read his daily musings
athttps://twitter.com/FlyoverJoel
orhttp://www.facebook.com/FlyoverJoel.
