…says don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

…says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering

…wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose.

You know you need to get a life when you've just spent half an hour compulsively rearranging your trees in Farmville.

…had a brief but terrifying bout of sanity, but everything is back to normal now.

…was almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank god the walmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing

To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!

That FML moment when you have diarrhea and you get up from the toilet thinking finally then you stomachs' like "aww hell naw. Sit yo butt back down. I ain't done with you yet."

Don’t be afraid to reply a FUNNY status!

You might just get a chance to have your status submitted in my next video…

I’ll be glad to take anyones status and put it in my next video(whenever that will be).

LMAO! That last one was funny!