Friday 30th October 2009

Dear o2,

I have just come back from visiting my local o2 store in Kingston upon Thames and am quite frustrated with the lack of customer service that I received in store and from your customer service call centre.

Let me tell you how it all happened, but be warned - this is not a story with a happy ending and I have added some images to illustrate my anger and disappointment. Everyone loves images. I feel it helps break up the text.

I woke up this morning, yawned a little, got out of bed and decided that I would like to upgrade a week earlier than my upgrade is actually due. Now, I understand that by upgrading early I would incur a cost of the remaining months on my contract, which is fine because I am more than happy to pay that.

You see, I currently have a BlackBerry Curve which has recently been switching itself off whenever it runs out of battery – but, the cheeky little bugger doesn’t actually warn me that I have a low battery and just decides to die on me whenever it feels like it. As I’m sure you are aware, to restart a BlackBerry one must take the battery out and put it back in again for it to reboot itself. Only, it takes 10 minutes to do so and as I am rather impatient, I therefore decided that I cannot wait another week to upgrade.

I had it all planned out. Which phone to upgrade to and which tariff I wanted. And after months of debating with my friends about the iPhone I was 100% certain that I had to have it. I was more certain about this than I have ever been about anything. It’s like when you’re choosing your one big Christmas present from Santa and you just know exactly what you want and you HAVE to have it.

So, I phoned your infamous 202 number this morning and selected 2 in order to speak to your upgrade team, where I was greeted with a lovely gentleman on the other end of the line. When I told him about my temperamental phone and asked him if I would be go to one of your lovely blue stores to upgrade early, he told me that I could do so.

After a couple of hours of procrastination, I asked my brother to take me into town (which I was quite surprised that he did because he’d only woken up not so long ago when I asked him – which meant this had to be a good day) so that I could pop into your store. Only, when I got there I found the shop floor full of customers and only 3 store employees to help.

After waiting in line for 10 minutes, I decided to go to the other o2 store in the Bentall Centre. And everyone loves the Bentall Centre because.. Well who doesn’t??

Anyway, I went into the o2 store in the Bentall Centre and started to inquire about my early upgrade. The lovely chap seemed ever so helpful until he told me that the only iPhone’s the store had in stock were “business iPhone’s” and that they did not have the “normal iPhone’s”.

He then told me to visit the Apple store as they “will be able to help with your upgrade” bearing in mind that I did mention to him that I wanted an early upgrade.. But who am I to argue? He works at

the o2 store so he can’t be lying can he? Because lying is dishonest and if you lie you will burn in hell. Everyone knows that.

Off I went to the Apple store filled with excitement that I will finally receive my iPhone.. Only I got there and was told that Apple does not deal with early upgrades and that I had to go to an o2 store.. So you know what this means, don’t you? That’s right. He lied to me. The lovely chap at the o2 Bentall Centre store that I once thought was lovely had lied to me.

Not to be disgruntled with this, I decided to go back to the other o2 store by the market place rather than going back to the not so lovely lying chap to tell him that he’s a big fat liar and will burn in hell for lying.

I finally got to the store and waited around 15 minutes as it seemed that some kind of o2 monster had eaten one of your store employees and had left the remaining two to live.

I’ve also noticed that every time they go through the door to get something for a customer – they always disappear for up to 40 minutes at a time. What goes on behind that door is beyond me, but my guess is that they are fighting for their lives from the o2 monster, which is why it takes them so long to come back.

You may need to invest in some kind of monster catcher because sometimes, the store is left unattended with zero employees around with the customers walking around the store aimlessly back and forth like an animal at the zoo.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Everyone is different and some are weaker than others who need help fighting this o2 monster which is why the store is left unattended, because they call upon their fellow colleagues to help them battle it out behind the door. Surely this is the explanation for this.

Once I had explained to Joe that the other o2 store only had “business iPhone’s” in stock, Joe told me that “there’s no such thing as a business iPhone”, so I went onto telling him that this was the information that I was told. Only, Joe didn’t seem to believe me and repeated himself in saying “there ain’t no such thing as a business iPhone”.

Now let me ask you something o2, why would I make this up?? I’m not some serial liar who spends all their time going into different stores of the same company and lying to them. Because you will burn in hell if you lie. Everyone knows that.

Joe then started looking up my details on the system and told me that in order to pay for the outstanding months on my contract – I had to call customer services to do so before being able to upgrade in store. There was no offer that he would call them for me on my behalf, god no. That would mean he would have to actually help somebody. And Joe does not want to do that because Joe couldn’t care less. This is something that seems to be a common trait in around 98% of your employees.

OM NOM NOM!

As I phoned your customer service, I explained the situation to the lady on the other line and was told that yes, I could pay the outstanding months over the phone with her but no, I would not be able to pick up my upgrade phone in store.

So not only is the chap from the o2 store in the Bentall Centre going to hell for lying, but also the lovely gentleman from the morning was too.

I explained that this was not the information that I was told this morning, but this lady was adamant that this could not happen. She then went onto to telling me that there had been an email sent around this morning explaining the new procedure change and that early upgrades can no longer be processed in store.

I told her that I was actually in your store, sitting on one of your rather uncomfortable blue chairs with Joe in front of me and passed the phone over to him as he also told me that once I had paid the outstanding amount, I would be able to upgrade in store.

Their conversation was short lived and he confirmed that he was unable to process the upgrade in store – CONTRADICTING WHAT HE TOLD ME EARLIER.

Now, if this email was sent around this morning – why did the store not receive this email about the new procedure? It just doesn’t make sense does it? I mean, by now on my account there are three of your employees that are liars. And I’m pretty sure that hell will be a lot scarier than the o2 monster.

So, after an uneventful day I went back home and called your customer service number again and explained everything that had happened from this morning to this afternoon to another gentleman.

I also reiterated the conversation that I had with the woman I had previously spoken to, who crushed my iPhone dream – only to be told by this gentleman that the woman must have misinterpreted the email as I am allowed to pay for the outstanding months over the phone and pick up my iPhone in store as long as I make the payment call when I am at the store!

My iPhone dream had been revived, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. At this point, I was so excited that I decided to go back into town to get my iPhone from the store.

I got there and it seemed that the o2 monster had claimed another one of your employee’s lives as there was now only one employee on the shop floor, which was the store manager Adnan.

I told him everything that had happened and he informed me that I needed to speak to the dealer upgrade team… So off I went again, calling your customer service number where I got through to Shelly who put me through to the dealer upgrade team without me asking her because all she said was “I don’t deal with that, I have to put you through to someone else”, where I was on hold for

The devil will get you if you lie.

over half an hour… but my call was in a queue and my patience is appreciated and that you will answer my call as soon as possible.

Whilst I was on hold, I decided to rip the pages of your free in store o2 magazine to alleviate my frustration and anger, and also to see how many pages I could rip whilst being on hold. I got up to 20 pages in case you were wondering.

When I finally got through to the dealer upgrade team, I was told that they do not deal with early upgrades and that they could not put me back through to the upgrade team as they did not know which upgrade team to put me through to because the upgrade team that they deal with are in India.

At this point, Shelly was definitely going to hell in my opinion and my anger and frustration was reaching boiling point that I hung up on your useless dealer upgrade team and decided to call the 202 number again.

I got through to Shelly again and told her that she put me through to the wrong team as they do not deal with o2 early upgrades and demanded to speak to her manager to tell her what an incompetent useless lying twat Shelly was. Only, she put me on hold for another god forsaken 10 minutes and came back to the phone telling me that her manager will listen to my previous calls to see if I was told that I would be able to upgrade early in store.

That’s right. Shelly and her manager were accusing me of lying... Which brings me to ask you if all your customers are treated in this sickening manner? Now, I know there are dishonest people out there that will have tried to lie their way to a cheaper tariff – but this was it.

Your useless customer service team had pissed me right off and Shelly was going to hell because Shelly is a big fat liar. The image on the right is how I envision how your staff at your customer service call centre to be.

Lazy and pointless.

“I work at o2 and I am useless! I enjoy lying to customers because that is what we are taught to do! We don’t appreciate our customers because we don’t know how to and we don’t know what

customer service actually means!!”

I now fear that having spent so much time on the phone to your customer service team today, that I may incur a brain tumour in the near future and would like you to know that if I do – I will come back and haunt you. But don’t worry; I won’t do it in the Poltergeist kind of way... I would imagine it would be the Drag Me to Hell way because that witch was way scarier than Poltergeist in my opinion.

I mean, just look at the dodgy eyes and her teeth. That’s enough to scare anyone for a lifetime.

I had also asked Shelly if I would be able to cancel my contract in store and she said yes. So that settled it then. I was to cancel my contract in store because it seems that no one at o2 can tell the truth. Anyway, I ended up hanging up on Shelly the liar as I could feel a tumour like headache coming on.

I was furious and this time, there was no one on the shop floor besides myself and three other customers. That’s right. They were all fighting the o2 monster behind the door!

The first to come out was Joe. Lying, unhelpful Joe. Only this time, I did not want to speak to him because I wanted to speak to Adnan. The manager who was dealing with my query and then disappeared to fight the monster.

Joe became quite annoyed that I didn’t want to speak to him and told me that Adnan was on his lunch break.

Now answer me this: WHO HAS THEIR LUNCH BREAK AT 17.15PM?????? THAT’S NOT EVEN A LUNCH HOUR! IF ANYTHING IT WOULD BE TEA TIME!

But I was adamant that I had to speak to the store manager, so I had to wait. And whilst I was waiting, I was hoping that the o2 monster would not eat him because I wanted to sort this out. Finally, the magical door opened.. But it wasn’t Adnan. It was the assistant manager. The monster had gotten Adnan.

So, after explaining myself for the millionth time today to the assistant manager, she told me she could not help me. This brings me to ask you:

If you cannot upgrade early in store or cancel your contract in store – Why do you even bother having a store if you have to call customer service for everything??????

I am going to haunt you.. RARRRR!

Needless to say, I have wasted a whole day going back and forth to the store with contradicting information.

I decided to call the god forsaken 202 number once more to cancel my contract and was put through to Nicola in the retentions team. And thank god for Nicola, because after I had told her what happened she was so shocked that she was speechless.

Lovely Nicola apologised on behalf of her lying colleagues at the store and at the customer service centre and I have yet to call her back regarding my decision as my BlackBerry had decided to switch itself off.

So there you have it o2. Your employees are liars and your customer service sucks. In fact, it is worse than Orange’s customer service and theirs is bad. For yours to be even worse is like opening your Christmas present only to find dog faeces in the box instead of what you were hoping for.

As a “gold” customer who has been with you for 5 years, I usually let things like this go, because this isn’t the first time this has happened… But this time you really have taken the biscuit. In fact, you’ve taken more than just the biscuit. You’ve taken the whole tin.

Just a quick word of advice, maybe you ought to put potential employees on a lie detector during their interviews. Oh, and get rid of the monster. It’s just common sense to never leave a shop unattended.

Sort it out.

Best wishes,

Teresa.