Big Dick

Once upon a time there lived a priest

which was the finished skinflint.

The priest had gone to market to search for some wares.

He met Big Dick there, who went where his fancy took him.

"Why, father, have you got up so early?

What are you looking for?"

The Priest said to him in reply:

"I need a hand - the jack of all trades.

But where could I find such worker at a reasonable price?"

Big Dick said: "I shall serve you splendidly, diligently

and properly for three flicks a year on your forehead,

by the way, I shall eat the boiled spelt".

The priest had become thoughtful,

he began to keep scratching his forehead.

After all, there is a flick and a flick.

However he had made up his mind to take a risk.

The priest said in reply to the worker:

" Agreed! It will not be unprofitable for both of us.

Just live for a while at my farmstead

and show me both your zeal and agility".

And so the worker lived at the priest home.

He slept the sleep of the just on straw.

He ate as much as four men did,

but he worked for seven ones to fill in.

By daylight he already had all things coming right.

He would harness a horse and plough a field,

heat the stove, buy up all and stock up with everything,

boil an egg and then peel it, cook porridge and mind a baby.

The priest's wife could not praise Big Dick enough,

the priest's daughter merely longed for him,

at the same time by the priest's son he was called Daddy.

Only the priest, thinking quite often of payment,

did not like the worker and never said a good word to him.

The time went by and the due date

was already round the corner.

The priest neither ate nor drank, nor slept at night.

His forehead was cracking in advance.

At last he admitted all of this frankly to his wife:

"So and so, what have to be done? I am at a loss!"

Female wits are very ingenious

and capable of all sorts of tricks.

His wife said: "I know a way

how to remove such disaster from us:

give an order to the worker which he could not exactly fulfill.

It will save your forehead from punishment

and leave Big Dick without his payment".

It became a bit more cheerful at the priest's heart

and he began to look at his worker rather bravely.

Then he called out, "Come here,

my faithful manservant Big Dick.

Listen to me: devils are obliged to pay me

a rent for the duration of all my life.

It could not be found better income than that

but there are arrears for three years on them.

As soon as you'll fill yourself with your spelt

then collect their debt in full".

Without arguing in vain with the priest

his worker went and sat by the sea.

He began twisting a rope and wetting its end in the water.

There and then the old devil had got out of the sea:

"Big Dick, why have you, bastard, come here?"

-"You know, I wish to wrinkle the sea with the rope

so that you, cursed tribe, to have cramps in pain".

The old devil had become gloomy.

"Tell me, why such disfavor?"

-"How do you mean? You do not pay your rent.

Just you wait! I'll get you dogs yet!"

"Big Dick, please stop wrinkling the sea.

You will receive the rent in full soon.

Wait a bit, I will send my grandson to you".

The worker thought to himself:

"To cheat that one, it's a piece of cake!"

The messenger imp had come up

and began to mew like a hungry kitten:

"Hail, Big Dick! What on earth the rent do you wish?

We have not ever heard of any rent,

there was never such grief for us devils.

Well, so it be - take it, but on condition that

you will overtake me in the run round the sea."

The worker had given a laugh craftily:

"What really are you up to?

How can such one like you compete with me the very Big Dick?

What a competitor they have sent!

Just wait for my younger brother."

The worker headed for the nearest woods,

there he caught two hares and put them into his bag.

He came to the sea again, by the sea he met the imp.

Big Dick held up one hare by its ears:

"Imp, you are too young and

weak as water to compete with me,

it's just the waste of time.

At first overtake my brother. Ready, steady, go!"

The imp and a hare had started running:

the imp ran along the coast of sea,

still the other ran home into the forest.

And so having run around the sea,

with its tongue hanging out,

lifting up its muzzle the imp had come running,

being out of breath and all wet from head to hooves,

with its paw wiping its forehead

and thinking to itself: it's in the bag.

Lo and behold - Big Dick was stroking his "brother":

"My favorite brother, poor thing,

you're tired! Please take a rest, rogue".

The imp was taken aback.

With its tail between its legs

it had fairly quieted down.

It glanced askance at the "brother".

"Wait a minute, - it said, - I'll go after the debt".

The imp went to see its grandfather and said:

"We have got into trouble!

I was outrun by the younger Big Dick!"

Then the old devil began brooding.

Meanwhile the worker had kicked up such a racket

that the whole sea was agitated.

The imp had got out: "All right, Big Dick,

we will send the debt to you - just listen.

Do you see this stick?

Who throws it further that one will get the rent.

Why? Are you afraid to dislocate your arm?

What are you waiting for?"

-"Well, I wait for that cloud.

I am going to fling your stick there and

at once to get into a fight against you devils".

The imp was frightened and ran to its grandfather

so that to tell about the Big Dick's victory.

Meanwhile that one made a noise again

and threatened devils with his rope.

The imp had got out another time,

"What do you exert yourself?

There will be the rent to you, if you want..."

- "No, said the worker, - now it is my turn to make conditions.

I am going to appoint you a very difficult task.

Let's see how strong you are.

Look, there is a gray mare over there.

Lift up the mare and bear it.

If you carry she half-mile, the rent will be yours.

The poor devil crawled under the mare,

made an effort, lifted the mare up,

had stepped two steps, on the third one

had fallen and stretched out its legs.

Big Dick told it: "Silly devil,

how can you compete with me?

You could not carry the mare on your arms,

but then I am going to bear she between my legs".

The worker mounted the mare and so galloped a mile away

that even there was a pillar of dust.

The imp was frightened and had gone to its grandfather

to relate about the new victory of Big Dick.

There was nothing to be done -

the devils collected the rent and charged

the worker's shoulders with a sack of gold.

Big Dick walked quacking now and then.

Meanwhile the priest, having seen him,

leaped to his feet and hid squatting behind his wife.

The worker found him there.

He had given the rent and began to demand his payment.

The poor priest had laid his forehead open to attack.

From the first flick the priest had jumped up to the ceiling.

From the second flick the priest stayed speechless.

From the third flick the skinflint was left without his wits.

Whereas Big Dick was speaking with reproach:

"You priest should not pursue cheapness".