Concordia University SOCI 276 / Gender and society Professor : Salinda Hess

Wednesday, March 12th, 2002

2ND TERM – RESEARCH PAPER

The “male status”: some supposed advantages but a lot of constraints of which we are not aware

Tristan DENÉCHAUD # 4989236

1

Most people in our Western societies consider men to have a kind of “privilege” of

being male. It is often dealt with the “dominant man”, implying that it is more comfortable to

be a man, but actually, isn’t it often more comfortable not to be dominant? This mental

association between “dominance” and “comfortable situation” comes from our social

individualist values, which always emphasize dominant positions, i.e. power in the public

sphere and in private life, and all that can provide this power: prestige, often linked with

money and wage, physical strength, etc. In this way, we like distinguishing winners/insiders,

from losers/outsiders, then glorifying the first ones and ignoring (more or less openly) the

others.

Moreover, happiness usually rests on two pillars: being comfortable mentally (in one’s

self-perception and in one’s relationships with others) and being comfortable materially

(money, decent house...), but the second pillar tends to be more emphasized by our values. It

means that a rich person, living in a great apartment in the center of Manhattan, is supposed to

be in a better situation than a middle-class wage-earner living in Laval! Whatever the way they

live, whatever their personal situation – the rich one may be divorced and live alone, being

hated by others and hating himself, while the other one may have a comfortable life with his

wife within a happy family – we judge, without knowing their real situation, from an economic

point of view, while, obviously, it is only one of the components of “happiness” (as defined

earlier).

In addition to those two mental associations we make about society in its entirety,

another association is made about men and women in particular: women are meant to be

“weak”, “innocent”, “soft”, “smiling”, “caring”, etc., while men are “strong”, “reliable”,

“violent”, “insensitive”, etc. Thus, both sexes have always lived in two different social

frameworks, which have been more or less flexible depending especially on social categories,

2

age and conjugal situation, but for women, this framework has evolved, above all for the last

thirty years, becoming more flexible, allowing more and more women to follow a “man’s”

fate... while men have stayed in a much more rigid “harness”, as Goldberg calls it.

But actually, on the one hand, men face most of the risks and hazards women face, but

in different proportions – sometimes less, sometimes more – and second, they have to face a

couple of situations women don’t know in general, related to this everlasting “dominant male”

status. Since any status, even a social informal status, includes rights and duties, men have

hidden rights and duties within the society, which are different from women’s, but which don’t

make their lives easier. In developed countries, men don’t commit suicide four times more than

women and don’t have a life expectancy between five and ten years lower as women’s because

they are biologically “fragile” and they “like taking risks”.

First, most people are not aware that men live under so many constraints. How do

they show they’re not aware of it, and why don’t they realize it? Second, how does this

male “harness” look like?

Part I. People are usually not aware that men live under specific constraints.

I.1/ How do they show they are not completely aware?

The survey1: I submitted a questionnaire on line to 20 persons living in France and

Canada, including 13 men and 7 women, including 13 male and female students aged

between 18 and 25, and including 3 gay males. My intention was to target people who are

supposed to be at least a bit aware of the issue of gender relationships, being advanced

students in human science for several of them, and/or simply being women (women appear 1 See Annexe 1 (questionnaire) and Annexe 2 (detailed results) for more information

3

generally more conscious about gender issues). The results show the respondants perceive

to a certain extent that men also have to cope with difficulties. Thus, the main answer

emerging from the questions is: “not necessarily”. Indeed, the people I asked are aware a

man’s life is not a long peaceful river but they still consider, on the whole, men have

“normally” an easier fate (6 ans.) than women, even if it’s not necessary (14 ans.), while

admitting that private life can be more comfortable for women, few persons answering it is

normally (2 ans.) or surely (1 ans.) easier to be a man in the private sphere.

Dominance is not always seen as providing a more comfortable life: 9 persons

answered a middle-class wage-earner should be more comfortable in life than a CEO, and

only 5 answered the contrary2. However, according to open questions, a CEO or any

dominant status is still seen as the position of a “winner” (not opposed to “losers” but to

“normal people”), showing that we tend to emphasize these “winners” even if we

recognize they are maybe not as happy as we are. About power within public/private life,

having power in the public sphere is considered more comfortable by 8 people (versus 6)3,

while concerning the private life, it is thought that having power is not more comfortable at

all (12 answers versus 2).

Concerning the reasons that make a man a “loser” (the term “loser” couldn’t be

applied to women, since women are not usually expected to “win”, unlike men), the first

answer was “getting easily manipulated/being psychologically weak” (16 ans. out of 19),

followed by “being dependent” (9 ans.). When asked about what would make me ashamed,

6 out of the 13 men answer: “to be considered unreliable”, then 5 of them (including 2

gays!) answer: “to be suspected of having homosexual tendencies”, and 5 of them would

be ashamed if they lost their job. But only one would be ashamed to be seen as

2 « Not necessarily » answers are not counted here, considered neutral. 3 « Not necessarily » answers are not counted here, considered neutral.

4

“insensitive”, while 2 of the 7 women feared the same. Thus, even among well-educated

people, stereotypes and fears remain the same, even if they are less systematic than within

the working class, for instance.

Concerning the first question asked by relatives when one meets a man or a woman,

as a friend or a fortiori as a (potential) partner, the most usual question are “what’s his/her

profession?” and “what does he/she look like?”. On the one hand, women generally ask the

same question about men and women, either “profession?” or “looks like?”, while men are

more interested in professional occupation for other men and in appearance for women: if

it concerns a woman, 13 people would ask first how she looks like, while 5 would ask first

what her profession is. For a man, 13 would ask first what his profession is, while 5 would

ask first how he looks like. Nobody answered at the same time “profession?” for a woman

and “looks like” for a man. It shows again men are rather judged by professional

expectations, while women have to concentrate more on their own bodies.

I.2/ Why don’t we realize it?

According to the results and to general assumptions, having a dominant status is

considered more comfortable in the public sphere. Although it is not necessarily the same in

the private life, because of our socio-economic point of view, a status which provides power is

regarded as more comfortable for life “in general”. People seem to consider today a man’s

private life is neither more difficult nor easier than a woman’s private life, but most people

remain convinced that, at work, it is much easier to be a man than a woman. But let’s try now

to regard it from another point of view: taking feelings and emotions, personal relationships,

etc., into account, it is much more difficult to assert a male’s life goes easier than a female’s. In

our Western societies, especially in countries like Canada or Northern Europe, I could even say

a man’s life is potentially more difficult, in average. Not materially, but in relationships,

5

feelings, emotions, etc. That is to say, the issues that are deeply important for a human being.

Our eyes, used to seeing the world through money and material comfort, often see “poor”

women and “rich” men, supposedly linked with “submissive” women and “dominant” men... It

forgets all the cases in which some women actually dominate men, and above all it forgets that

being supposedly better-off4 in average doesn’t mean at all that there is a global “male

dominance”. It really works differently for a lot of men and women, and only a broad

perspective, freed from those material blinders, can allow us to regard it differently.

Moreover, the recurrent stereotypes about women and men play a big role in our

perceptions. Men “being stronger, less sensitive, less emotional”, etc., which is quite

observable in male behaviours, since socialization perpetuates these ideas in women’s as well

as men’s minds, they feel actually stronger, more self-confident, but rarely like males. If they

are discriminated against, they feel it is because they were not good enough as individuals,

while when a women experiences the same, feeling first as a women, she feels she was not

chosen because she was a female. Men being unconsciously defined as the “regular” sex, their

self-consciousness is much weaker than women’s, who belong to the “deuxième sexe”

described by Simone de Beauvoir. In a way, females have a self-consciousness which

resembles the way minorities regard themselves, while men, especially in the public sphere,

see themselves as a normal majority. Therefore, they are much more attentive to discrimination

against themselves, and men are also pay much more attention to women’s problems than to

their own difficulties. For instance, in the survey, 3 women out of 7 answered they had

experienced discrimination based on their sex, while only 2 of the 13 men answered the same

(they were two of the three gay males). While conducting short interviews with male friends,

when they were asked the general issue: “have you ever been discriminated against because

4 « supposedly » better-off, because most of men and women living in a couple, they share a big part of their incomes : few men are reluctant to contribute more to the household finances than their wives if they receive a higher salary than her. According to a sizeable number of analyses, talking about « men’s » and « women’s » average wage can be interesting for some purposes, but doesn’t show their respective (male and female) life standards, since only the concept of household income is really relevant.

6

you were a guy?”, they all first answered: “no, you kidding, that just happens to women!”.

Then, I asked them about precise situations, such as: “have you never been told you couldn’t

rent this appartment because the owner only accepted girls?”, “have you never been told you

had to pay $20, whereas it was free for girls?”, “have you never been told you couldn’t work

in this shop, because if was only for women, who are better to welcome customers, but try to

apply in that factory, they have night jobs for young fit men like you”5, or more informal

situations, such as: “have you never been told by girls, even if one of them was much stronger

than you: hey, who’s going to carry this big heavy stuff outside?... Ah, Mike, since you’re a

strong man, you’ll do it!”, and each one had to think of it for a long time to admit finally that

yes, they had often experienced discrimination based on sex. In the first three cases, men

accept it because they think it is “normal” (a guy is much more messy and noisy than a girl6,

and girls don’t have to pay to enter many places because they are too few compared to guys;

even on the web, it occurs more and more often, finally a girl is of course better to welcome

customers because she can smile and be nice, not like guys, who are insensitive and potentially

violent), in an informal case like the fourth one, men even don’t realize at all their situation;

they even find it good, because it allows them to show they’re strong “real” men! But a very

simple way of making men and women aware of the importance of these cases is to reverse the

roles: “I regret but I only make this appartment available for boys, they are cleaner and more

quiet”, “for boys it’s free, but as a girl you’ve to pay $20” , “Sorry, I don’t hire girls for this

good job, only boys, they’re better”, or “ah, Jenny, since you’re a girl, you’re gonna make our

dinner”! In these cases, discrimination is obvious! In the reverse case, it is considered normal

by men as well as women.

Thus, discussing, explaining, men can understand they also experience situations

women undergo. But most of them still don’t want to complain openly, because a man who

complains with his fate is not a real man!

5 I personally experienced that kind of situation in 2001, while I was searching a job in offices (I wasn’t interested at all in these « male » jobs, i.e. waking up at 5am to load 50kg boxes on trucks, etc.) 6 According to several landlords I could talk with, I was told boys weren’t more disturbing than girls, and some even say (I was surprised, for I’m also under the effect of stereotypes) some boys were quieter !

7

II. What does the male “harness” look like?

Thus, what is to be a “real man”, and why don’t most men dare to challenge these

unwritten rules?

II.1. The male “harness”7

For Professor Goldberg, the harness in which a male lives has kept him “out of

touch with his emotions and his body”. In the first chapter, he gives an example of a man

who, like most of men, wasn’t aware he was under such pressure: “Most men live in

harness. Richard was one of them. Typically he had no awareness of how his male harness

was choking him until his personal and professional life and his body had nearly fallen

apart”. Men have to be strong (to be like a “sturdy oak”) and to assume all that it implies:

they have to take risks, not to show emotions and any kind of weakness, etc. As Warren

Farrell8 says, “men are not human beings, they are human doings” ; then he presents how

men take almost all the risks that have to be taken in our societies: “when The Jobs Rated

Almanac ranked 250 jobs from best to worst based on a combination of salary, stress,

work environment, outlook, security, and physical demands, they found that twenty-four of

the twenty-five worst jobs were almost-all-male jobs.” And of course, men are often

encouraged to do these “male” jobs, since, as the survey showed, profession is still an

important criteria to define a man, and “male” professions are usually more encouraged

than “female” professions, and when a profession becomes more “feminine”, it is

sometimes said to young men “well, you shouldn’t do that job, you know, even girls can do

7 The term « harness » was first used by Herb Goldberg in his book The Hazard of Being Male (1976). 8 Warren Farrell belongs to the Board of the National Organization for Women (NYC) and is the author of 4 famous books about men including the one I used (cf. references).

8

that now”... Farrell also deals with war9, and how men are ecouraged to kill other men to

“defend their country”, more broadly to defend their society, their civilization, and of

course their wives and children. From a personal point of view, I find it shocking that,

when it is dealt with war in Iraq, many male and female journalists talk about “women and

children” who could be killed, as if men’s deaths weren’t as important. In these

assumptions, they simply put women at the same level as kids, i.e. women are, once again,

supposed to be innocent and fragile, while men (they would have sought that war!?), who

are born to make war, i.e. to kill or to be potentially killed, can die “quietly”: they serve

their country! These assumptions are sexist against women and men at the same time,

implying that women are innocent and uncapable to think of bad intentions, and that men

are violent and seek confrontation and war. The same sexist point of view can be

concretely harmful to men when there is any catastrophe: “women and children first!”

(implying: “men can die, women are more important, since men can’t take care of children

and can’t live without women”.)

Concerning males’ dependency on women, Herb Goldberg, in his chapter “Earth

Mother Is Dead”, describes how men are emotionally dependent on women, which would

explain in a large part why widowers commit suicide much more than widows. In The

Manipulated Man10, Esther Vilar explains how, according to her, “men have beein trained

and conditioned by women, not unlike the way Pavlov conditioned his dogs, into becoming

their slaves”. Vilar’s point of view is, of course, quite extreme, but it is however very

interesting for it provides a very different way (from the usual one) of thinking

relationships between women and men. Are men “trained and conditioned” to live in a

dependency on women? It could be true, but certainly not intentionally.

9 « War Hero or War Slave : the Armed Prostitute ». 10 The book was published in 1972, therefore it has to be taken with much caution, for she bases that conception of « slavery » on the fact that men work outside while women stay at home.

9

In any case, why don’t most men dare to challenge the unwritten rules that maintain

them under a subjugation towards women, maybe, but more certainly towards society in its

entirety?

II.2. How males are led not to try to escape from these constraining forces?

Males who don’t follow the rules, that I would define as “atypical” males, are

regarded as “not real men”, “bad fathers”, “bad husbands”, etc. Unconsciously, a strong

social pressure is put on men so that they respect the social informal conventions that

enclose them in defined roles, while atypical women are regarded by most of us as modern

women, liberated women, etc.

Usually, males who challenge the rules are considered “losers”. Thus, as the survey

shows, a man who is dependent, either psychologically or materially, on someone else (his

wife, in particular), is considered a loser. The same thing occurs for men who are

unemployed and “stay at home”: they are seen by most people as losers and lazy guys,

while a woman in the same case is considered hardworking, since she cares for children or

at least the household (of course, unemployed men don’t pay attention to their households

and children and keep watching TV all the day!). A small or a not very sportive man or

boy usually suffers the same outlook: at school, not sportive boys are generally considered

“gays”, in the best case, or “fags”, “wimps”, or any type of degrading words like those

ones. Gays (the real ones, this time!) often endure the same kind of response: “you gay,

you’re not a real guy, since you desire guys”… That means each boy or man who don’t

respect the standards of the “real man”, heterosexual, sportive, independent, courageous,

active, etc. is a “loser”. He loses his “dominant” status. That split between the “winners”

10

and the “losers”, or between the “normal” ones and the “outsiders”, occurs with every

supposed dominant status: when you can’t maintain your status, you “fall” down in the

lower one. But, as we saw, the “dominant male” status is only hypothetical, and is not

always true. Moreover, women talk of “losers” as well as men (although a women couldn’t

be characterized as a loser, for she isn’t meant to “win” like men), and they contribute

widely to the bad image atypical males have of themselves.

As Farrell wrote, women are not the only victims of this supposedly patriarchal

system, men are the victims too, within a system that is both matriarchal and patriarchal,

and they share it with women in quite an equal proportion. But women as victims are much

more visible, since they are not afraid to show how they suffer of sexist behaviours, while

men are still either unaware or scared at the idea of confessing they have already been

discriminated against, deliberately or not. To analyse it through extreme cases, there are

the battered males, or the males who have experienced sexual assault. The taboo remains

very strong. It is demonstrated by some studies that they exist in a sizeable proportion, but

that only very few of them dared to declare it, why women had less fears to say it, once

again because the image of the independent dominant guy (who can’t be seriously hit by a

woman, since women are weak, and who can’t be victims of sexual assault, simply since

they’re not women), opposed to the dependent devoted woman (a female is usually seen as

a potential victim by both men and women), is omnipresent. Dominance is emphasized in

our societies, therefore, the image of dominant males make most of us consider a guy’s life

is more comfortable than a woman’s life. I don’t know any other group of people whose

members, in addition to being less educated, commit suicide 4 times more and die 7 years

earlier in average, which is considered “more powerful”, or even “happier” than others. As

Farrell explains, a lower life expectancy and a higher suicide rate inside a group usually

shows a lack of power compared to the rest of the society.

11

References

- Men’s Lives (handbook)

- Warren Farrell , The Myth of Male Power, New York: Berkley Books, 1993

- Herb Goldberg, The Hazards of Being Male: Surviving the Myth of Masculine

Privilege, New York: Nash Publishing, 1976

- Esther Vilar , The Manipulated Man, New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1972

- Violence Conjugale, statistiques 1997, Gouvernement du Québec.

- Gillian C. Mezey, Michael B. King, Male Victims of Sexual Assault, Oxford

Medical Publications, 2000

Next pages

ANNEXE 1: Questionnaire (submitted on line)

ANNEXE 2: Table of data collected through the questionnaire (answers)