Style 2:Syntax

In Essay #1, we reflect on reactions by tying them to at least one topic covered in weeks 1-3. The week 1 covered diction (word order).

This week 2 lecture covers syntax and sentence structure.

All 3 together—diction, syntax & sentence structure—make up a writer’s style

Note: We have not yet read all the pieces quoted here.

How do writers create their Style?

To quote the Style 1 lecture: A constant stream of choices shapes a writer’s style. In revising, skilled writers make small changes that bring out their style. To achieve the style they want, they make basic choices about what order to put their words in – syntax. Related to that are the types of sentences they tend to use.

In revising something for work or school, or in your social media posts, do you ever change the order of your words to add a little style or spin? Might you make a sentence longer or shorter to better fit those you’re communicating with? If you can think of a good example, tell me about it by email for 10 Bonus Points. kgordon@northampton.edu

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The order a writer puts their words in (the syntax) is important for meaning. First, the writing must make sense.* Beyond that though the order can be unusual or even surprising. Stylish. As with musical notes, various effects are created by changing word order. Every sentence adds to and shifts tone and feeling.

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*Heads up: Some poetry is less concerned than prose about making (easy) sense. Yes, weird syntax. See e.e. cummings et alia.

Expected, usual order: Common, plain. What we’re used to hearing. Follows the main sentence structure in English: Subject first, then the verb, then the object. We went to the store.

Surprising, unusual order: Uncommon, fancy, poetic. Not what we’re used to hearing. Plays with sentence structure to create a distinct style and voice. To the store we went.

Expected to Surprising

Syntax

Expected, usual order of words Surprising, unusual order of words

They shopped for a chair. For a chair they shopped

Joy came to them [I’m happy for them]. To them joy came [woo-hoo, yes!]

What do you want? You want what?

Hand me that pen please. That pen, please hand it to me.

I can dance Dance I can / Can I dance!

Now is the time The time is now [okay, LET’S DO IT!]

In much communication, the usual word order is best. Be concise and clear.

In literary writing, it’s not about giving instructions or explaining what happened. It’s about creating experiences for us—the readers—with the language.

Meaning might stay the same but tone & emphasis are different.

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Eloquent you have becomeHow changing word order can add eloquence

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Expected, usual syntax Surprising & eloquent syntax

Don’t ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country

I’ll go where you go Where you go, I will go

The sailor is home Home is the sailor

(S/)He who loves everything Both large and small prays better

(S/)He prayeth best, who loveth best all things both great and small (line 615)

You have become powerful. I sense the dark side in you.

Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.

For 10 Bonus points, go to any link on the right. Email in a sentence that sounds eloquent to you. Say how the syntax adds to the eloquence. Extra 5 for good point about the diction. Include these instructions.

Changing Syntax from unusual to usual

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Before – Unusual – With style After – Usual – Less Style

From The Road: When he woke in the woods in the dark and the cold of the night he'd reach out to touch the child sleeping beside him. Nights dark beyond darkness and the days more gray each one than what had gone before.

When he woke up at night in the cold, dark woods he'd reach out to touch the child sleeping beside him. The nights were beyond dark and each day was more gray than the one before.

From “Raymond’s Run”: There is no track meet that I don’t win the first-place medal.

I win the first-place medal at every traffic meet.

From Shakespeare’s play Hamlet: To be or not to be, that is the question.

The question is whether to be, or not. (And changing the diction as well): The question is whether to live or die.

Syntax questions to help start Essay #1

• Is the word order in the piece I chose usual or unusual?• What sentence or short passage shows this writer’s

style of syntax?• What does the style of this piece have to do with my

reaction to it? (If anything)• When there’s dialog (characters talking) is the syntax

different? What might the writer have been trying for?• Does the syntax change at any point? If so what effect

does that have?• Is the style of the piece I chose for the essay similar or

different from another writer I know well? Can I add a section on that for some or all of the 25 Bonus points?

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A tip for writers: Syntax relates to grammar. Wrong word order = wrong

meaning. Keep related words together. Say what you mean to say.

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Syntax changes change meaning Um…

I will call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about Marcel taking me out to dinner for just two dollars.

Will your mother like this cheap guy? Is that what you meant? Oooh, you meant: For just two dollars, I can call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about Marcel taking me out to dinner. Oh…cheap phone card.

He found only one good sale at the outlet. There were supposed to be lots of good sales.

He only found one good sale… He’s not the best shopper.

Only he found a good sale No one else found any good sales; he’s an amazing shopper!

Sentence structure

Related to syntax (word order), are the types of sentences a writer tends to use. Sentence structure also shapes style.

Long sentences

Short ones

Complex - With sub clauses, commas, words in parenthesis and between dashes

Compound – Two or more main parts joined by and

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Simple and Compound Sentences

Short & Simple - One independent clause

• Then one day the lion was wounded in a fight with an elephant. He retired to his cave and stayed there for several days. His friends came to offer their sympathy. They tried to catch prey for the hungry lion but failed. The camel had no problem as he lived on grass while the others were starving.

• I do not dance on my toes. I run. (Raymond’s Run)

• Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. (Their Eyes were Watching God)

Compound – Two+ simples sentences joined most commonly by and, or or but

• Then the second-graders line up and I don’t even bother to watch because Raphael Perez always wins. (Raymond’s Run)

• Now, women forget all those things they don't want to remember, and remember everything they don't want to forget. (Their Eyes were Watching God)

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A very compound sentence

Some authors like to stack three or more clauses into one sentence, all joined by and. Hemingway was known for this, and here Susan Minot stacks up simple clauses to create a distinct effect in “Lust” (274). In your essay, you discuss the effect on you of the sentence structure choices.

We started off at the end of the couch and then our feet were squished against the armrest and then he went over and turned off the TV and came back after he had taken off his shirt and then we slid onto the floor and he got up again to close the door, then came back to me, a body waiting on the rug. (The only subordinate clause not joined to the rest with and.)

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Cormac McCarthy’s diction is unusual, as mentioned last week. In his sentence structure he likes to mix

short and long sentencesSchmoop has a brief analysis of McCarthy’s diction here. They quote this stunning passage from The Road. I’ve put long and short sentences in different colors.

He rose and stood tottering in that cold autistic dark with his arms outheld for balance while the vestibular calculations in his skull cranked out their reckonings. An old chronicle. To seek out the upright. No fall but preceded by a declination. [< 3 sentence fragments capture his wandering thoughts.] He took great marching steps into the nothingness, counting them against his return. Eyes closed, arms oaring. Upright to what? Something nameless in the night, lode or matrix. To which he and the stars were common satellite. Like the great pendulum in its rotunda scribing through the long day movements of the universe of which you may say it knows nothing and yet know it must.

Notice that this paragraph, which is the very first of the novel, starts and ends with a long sentence. The first sentence has 27 words and the last 29. All the sentences in between, except one, are fairly or very short fragments.

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Complex sentencesA complex sentence combines simple independent clauses with dependent clauses. A dependent clause is just a group of words that can’t stand alone, such as this.

Complex sentences need joining words to add on those dependent clauses: but, because, since, after, while, although, when, that, who, which. Some clauses interrupt the sentence and are separated by dashes – like this – or commas, in this way, or (sometimes) parenthesis.

•Although we went to the park, it wasn’t windy enough to fly our kites, whichwas disappointing – very disappointing – because we had to go back to the city the very next day.•Once, when my older sister, Sourdi, and I were working alone in our family restaurant, just the two of us and the elderly cook, some men got drunk and I stabbed one of them. (“Saving Sourdi”)•And this passage from Their Eyes… has only one simple sentence: The men noticed her firm buttocks like she had grape fruits in her hip pockets; the great rope of black hair swinging to her waist and unraveling in the wind like a plume; then her pugnacious breasts trying to b ore holes in her shirt. They, the men, were saving with the mind what they lost with the eye. The women took the faded shirt and muddy overalls and laid them away for remembrance. It was a weapon against her strength and if it turned out of no significance, still it was a hope that she might fall to their level some day.

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Complex sentences create exciting action

They were yelling at us to break it up and Tatlock spun me half around with a blow, and as a joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene, I saw the howling red faces crouching tense beneath the cloud of blue-grey smoke. From “Battle

Royal” by Ralph Ellison (optional extra this semester)

For up to 10 bonus points, write a complex sentence of at least 35 words about an intense physical experience you have had. Write in a style that recreates the intensity. And if you can fit in a simile like this one, “and as a joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene” all the better, extra 5. Serious attempts only please. This may take some time. Run-on sentences will not earn points. Must be solid grammatically.

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Complex sentences can also paint a busy,

cluttered scene. Is this a style you like?

They set forward; and, with a grandeur of air, a dignified step, which caught the eye, but could not shake the doubts of the well-read Catherine, he led the way across the hall, through the common drawing-room and one useless antechamber, into a room magnificent both in size and furniture -– the real drawing-room, used only with company of consequence. It was very noble -– very grand -– very charming! -– was all that Catherine had to say, for her indiscriminating eye scarcely discerned the colour of the satin; and all minuteness of praise, all praise that had much meaning, was supplied by the general: the costliness or elegance of any room’s fitting-up could be nothing to her; she cared for no furniture of a more modern date than the fifteenth century. From Jane Austen’s novel Northanger Abbey

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This is ONE long complex sentence with joining words underlined

So I’m strolling down Broadway breathing out and breathing in on counts of seven, which is my lucky number, and here comes Gretchen and her sidekicks: Mary Louise, who used to be a friend of mine when she first moved to Harlem from Baltimore and got beat up by everybody till I took up for her on account of her mother and my mother used to sing in the same choir when they were young girls, but people ain’t grateful, so now she hangs out with the new girl Gretchen andtalks about me like a dog; and Rosie, who is as fat as I am skinny and has a big mouth where Raymond is concerned andis too stupid to know that there is not a big deal of difference between herself and Raymond and that she can’t afford to throw stones. (Bambara 2)Toni Cade Bambara’s word choice and word order in this Week 1 story are fairly casual and expected, but her sentences are mad complex. They build momentum and convey real thinking, which tends to be rapid and many layered.

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Short sentences right after long pack a punch

From the opening of “Saving Sourdi”

Once, when my older sister, Sourdi, and I were working alone in our family restaurant, just the two of us and the elderly cook, some men got drunk and I stabbed one of them. I was eleven.

!!! Wow, eleven. That fact hits hard.

From the end of “Miss Brill”*

But Today she passed the baker’s by, climbed the stairs, went into the little dark room – her room like a cupboard – and sat down on the red eiderdown. She sat there for a long time.Aw, how sad. The tone shifts with that short sentence, doesn’t it?

*Not all pieces in the lectures are ones we’ll study.

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Watch what the very short sentence does here in “Raymond’s Run”

I was once a strawberry in a Hansel and Gretel pageant when I was in nursery school and didn’t have no better sense than to dance on tiptoe with my arms in a circle over my head doing umbrella steps and being a perfect fool just so my mother and father could come dressed up and clap (57 words!) You’d think they’d know better than to encourage that kind of nonsense (12). I am not a strawberry (5). I do not dance on my toes (7). I run (2 words!). That is what I am all about (7).

Indeed! We see that, Ms. Hazel Elizabeth Deborah Parker. Running sure is what you are all about.

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Insert your favorite writer here

Send a passage by a writer whose style you like. Say what you like, using terms from Style lectures 1 and 2, for up to 20 Bonus Points. That’s 1/5 of a whole essay!

Kevin Marquez from my Spring ‘16 class sent in a very stylishly distinct passage from Frank Herbert’s sci-fi classic Dune.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

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You are a WriterWhat is your writing style? Are you aware of it? Or are you like a

fashion-illiterate friend who shows up for a wedding in jeans and

sneakers or a backyard BBQ in business attire?

Can you change your style for different audiences – BFF vs

grandma? And for different purposes – Cover letter applying for a

position you really want vs a memo to a co-worker who never

reads their memos?

Notice your style choices and take charge of your writing style.

Then you can choose the best fit for every audience and purpose.

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Sentence Structure questions to help with a React & Reflect Essay

• What does the sentence structure style of this piece have to do with my reaction to it? (If anything)

• Are most sentences simple, compound, complex or is there a mix?

• Do the sentences change style between parts of the piece or depending on who is speaking?

• Is the sentence style of the piece I chose similar or different from another writer’s? Can I add a section on that for bonus points?

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Tips for the Essay – If you choose to link your reaction to syntax and/or sentence structure

• Study this lecture. Use terms and ideas from it.• Be specific and concrete. When you make general statements, give

examples right away. Use the phrase “for example” a lot. • Syntax may be harder to see than sentence structure or diction. If you

achieve a cogent discussion of it, even if just one paragraph, I’ll be impressed.

• Sentence structure should be easy to see. Pick out a long, hard, unusual sentence to discuss.

• I love analyzing style. If stuck, send me a passage from your piece and I’ll analyze it with you.

• What if you say something wrong about style? Don’t worry. This is a writing class not an upper level lit class. I’m interested in concrete, detailed writing that shows thought and revision (often the same thing). If the point you make is wrong, or not quite the way I see it, no harm done. I might take the time to explain how I see it. If you show engagement I will too.

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