Preparing Students for College: Social Life

July 10, 2013

Cyndy McDonald, President MyCCA.net Wendie Lubic, The College Lady

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll and More!

Wend ie Lub ic , The Co l lege Lady Wash ing ton , DC

I n t e r v i e w w i t h C h a n n e l 9 :

A r t i c l e i n W a s h i n g t o n

P a r e n t

Guest Presenter

Wendie is an IEC practicing in the Washington DC area with more than 17 years of experience teaching at the Parent Encouragement Program in Maryland.

It’s Tough Parenting a Teen …

Adolescents are go ing through two th ings:

1.  Separation

2.  Individuation

The bottom l ine: Don’ t take anyth ing personal ly, and even i f they ro l l

the i r eyes, they are l is ten ing.

Parents Need to Know…

•  Adolescent bra in is “under const ruc t ion”

•  Bra in deve lopment is not complete unt i l age 25

•  Bra in c i rcu i ts must be used in order to deve lop

•  Exper ience p lays a major ro le in the bra in wi r ing

•  Addic t ion can be “hardwi red”

The Teen Brain

•  Educate parents on bra in deve lopment •  Encourage parents – use log ic & l imi ts •  Prepare parents for change •  Help teen exerc ise “dec is ion-making”muscles •  Don’t of fer unsol ic i ted adv ice •  Approach teen as emerg ing adu l t , not as a ch i ld

How Can IEC’s Help?

The Art of Closed Questioning

•  Open vs . C losed Ques t ions

•  Avo id why ques t ions

•  Ask one ques t ion a t a t ime

•  Pause & re f lec t a f te r answers

•  L i s ten at least tw ice as much as you ta lk

•  Be c lear & d i rec t

•  Use the “ask , don ’ t te l l”method

•  Ask permiss ion be fo re g iv ing adv ice .

Ways to Improve Communication

•  New chal lenges

•  New f reedoms

•  Sel f - regu la t ion is essent ia l

to success

Adjusting to New Freedoms

•  Coach parents to : •  Get the facts about drugs/alcohol •  Understand the consequences in

underage indulgence •  Make s tudents aware o f l imi ts

& consequences •  Parents must be the best

source o f in format ion •  Set up fa l lback p lans •  Don’ t re ly on the ce l l -phone

umbi l ica l cord •  Model hea l thy behav ior

Drugs & Alcohol

What students need from Parents/Adults: •  Aff i rmat ion •  In format ion •  Clar i ty about va lues •  Limi t set t ing & so l id boundar ies •  Ant ic ipatory gu idance

Teen Sexuality The topic that scares parents the most!

Senior year and the summer before co l lege begins is a great oppor tun i ty for parents to ta lk about expecta t ions and consequences o f behav ior.

Emphas ize that the s tudent w i l l make the i r own dec is ions once school beg ins.

Values & Expectat ions: •  Fami ly •  Personal •  Socie ta l •  Rel ig ious

Making Good Choices

•  Don’ t room wi th h igh school f r iends

•  Don’ t pre- judge the roommate based on the i r Facebook page

•  Set ground ru les and agreements ear ly, don ’ t wa i t unt i l there is a prob lem

•  Give your roommate the benef i t o f the doubt when a prob lem occurs

Getting Along with Roommates

•  Don’ t be a f ra id to ta lk to the RA i f you have an issue

•  Speak out i f someth ing bothers you •  Make sure to d iscuss sens i t ive sub jects :

•  Overnight guests •  Sexiling •  Cleanliness •  Shared food/items •  Times for lights on/off

•  Be aware that th ings may change dur ing the course o f the year.

Roommates…continued

•  Get o ff o f the computer & get out

•  Door open s t ra tegy •  Don’ t be a f ra id to go up

to a tab le o f people you don’ t know dur ing meals

•  Exper iment wi th new groups and act iv i t ies

•  Avoid exc lus ive ly hanging out w i th h igh school f r iends

•  Reach out to o thers who may be s t rugg l ing as wel l

Making Friends

Students who know how to do the fo l lowing th ings are more conf ident and less l ike to embarrass themselves

wi th peers , s ta f f , p ro fessors

•  Laundry •  Personal f inance •  Budget ing •  Personal hyg iene •  In teract ing respect fu l ly w i th un ivers i ty s ta ff •  Keeping proper ty safe •  Emai l & in ternet e t iquet te

Training Opportunities

When us ing these t ips , r emember : •  t h i s i s n o t a p e r m i s s i o n s l i p •  a c k n o w l e d g e t e e n h a s c o n t r o l

Parent Tip Sheets

Wendie’s Talking Points for: • Drinking • Relationships, Sex & Intimacy

Find tips on MyCCA website – available ONLY the next 30 days:

-Per fec t use o f shared documents- to post Ta lk ing po in ts to s tudents /parents

-use broadcast email funct ion to announce workshops, meet ings, for graduat ing sen iors -

Open the Conversation Online

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Questions & Answers

Cyndy McDonald Cyndy@MyCCA.net

Wendie Lubic wendie@col lege ladydc.com