Negotiation Best Practices

Mona AlZeer

Outline

Preface What , why we’re doing it ,two different type in reality ,principled negotiation The Method People Separate the People from the Problem, people first ,two interests communication and body language Interests Focus on interests, not positions, talk to make interests come alive.Options Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do.Criteria Insist that the result be based on some standard.What if guidance

Having a choice ?

• Like it or not you are a negotiator.

• We negotiate every day where to have dinner ,which room ,time to have a meeting. we negotiate even when we don’t think that we are.

What

• A back and forth communication to agree when the two sides are having some shared interests, and others that are opposed.

Why

• Every one want to participate in decision affecting them.• Will not accept enforced decisions .• People differ ,and they negotiate to handle differences.

We all do it ,but doing it right?

• We all negotiate and every day but not all of us do it right .• Soft neg. Vs Hard neg.• A trade-off between getting what you want and getting along with people.• A need to principled negotiation.

Soft Hard Principle-BasedParticipants are friends. Participants are enemies. Participants are problem-solvers.

The goal is agreement. The goal is victory. The goal is a wise outcome reached efficiently.

Be soft on the people and the problem.

Be hard on the problem and the people.

Be soft on the people, hard on the problem.

Accept one-sided losses to reach agreement.

Demand one-sided gains as the price of agreement.

Invent options for mutual gain.

Search for the single answer: the one they will accept.

Search for the single answer: the one you will accept.

Develop multiple options to choose from; decide later.

Insist on agreement. Insist on your position. Insist on using objective criteria.

principled negotiation

• principled negotiation unlike other strategies whenever the other sides learn it ,it does not become more difficult to negotiate, It becomes easier !!

The Method

Separate the People from the Problem

Negotiators are People First

• Negotiators are People First• You ‘re not dealing with abstract representatives of "the other side“.• People are just like you can get angry depressed frustrated offenced ,and they have egos too.• Occasionally they fail to interpret what you say in the way intended ,and may not mean what you have understood.

• Failing to deal with others sensitivity as human beings can fail negotiation.

• Ask yourself every now & then am I paying enough attention to the people’s problem.

Negotiators are People First

• Every negotiator has two interests: relationship ,substance "object”.• Sometimes The two tends to become entangled because of egos or anger …• ”the kitchen is a mess ” it intended the problem but when the other is angery it may be heard as personal attack.

Two Interests

Utilize:• Perception • Emotion • Communication & Body language

Techniques

Perception :• Each side has his own perception .• How you see the world depends on where you sit.• Its good to discuss perceptions.

Put yourself in their shoes:• the ability to see the situation as the other side see it ,and feel it as they do, well narrow conflicts area .

Techniques

Emotions :• First recognize and understand emotions ,theirs and yours.• Go explicit telling your feelings not too far!! ,it’ll make the talk less rigid and give the other some sort of trust.Listen..• If a wife came home wanting to tell her husbanded about everything that went wrong at work she become even more frustrated if he said “Don’t bother telling me ,I'm sure you had a hard day .let’s skip it ”.

Techniques

• Let them let off steam, and the best way for handling it is to listen without responding asking them occasionally to keep on ,this will put you into control ..

Techniques

A rule for conflict“Only one can get angry at a time” …its Ok its his turn .

Communication Problems :• Not talking to each other• Not listening• Misunderstanding

Techniques

Communication :Listening

• The beginning of all communication.• We speak at about 125 words per minute but can take in information at four or five times this rate .

Communication : Not listening

If we ‘re not listening ,So what we ‘re doing :• We think about what we are going to say rather than about what the other person is saying .

• We interrupt them to respond with what we ‘re thinking and since we were not listening we may repeat what been said but with our own phrases and words .

• Consequences !!• signals that we don’t care what ever they we ‘re saying ..insulting them and encourage them to respond aggressively.

Communication : Not listening

Communication : Listening

• A good listener Listen and uses this extra time to think about what is saying. • A bad listener miss crucial

information ,you will miss tones and body language that hint as well as clearly spoken words .

Communication : Non-Listeners

• Switch –off mode(not really listening ) :– Attention declines after just a few minutes and is affected by factors a heavy lunch ! ,late night …we take less words than spoken and also understand less.• listen through a filter, selective listening :– Our preconceptions and prejudices filter what been said ,we hear what we want to hear and edit ,,omit the rest .

Communication :Listeners

When its their turn to talk they refer to the other parties words .Summarize back what been said :– So does that mean that ..– So you ‘re saying that…

Why?– Check understanding.– Send positive message that you’re listening & interested ,shows empathy .

Communication :Listeners

do eye contact ,why?• Its hard to slip attention away if you ‘re looking at someone and him at you .• Pick up visual clues to their thinking .

do not let the other talk too much ..• The longer they speak the more likely your attention to wander .

Communication :Talking

• Choose words carefully and equally listen carefully.• Speak to be Understood!• Speak for a purpose , Don’t talk for so long why?– The other party may get bored and switch off .– Hard to talk and observe them at the same time .• Don’t use jargons .. The aim is to communicate ,they may not tell you that they have no clue what you were saying ..ending up with dis- connection.

Communication :While talking

• Tone :is it effective ? ,do you raise your voice without awareness .• link what you say to people’s interests and life.• Use Flag “Now this is the most important point”… they just won’t miss it !!.• Don’t kill to be right !...its not about being right its all about getting someone to do what you want…even with their way .

Communication: Talking

• Do not talk too much :– even when the deal is done ,,,a foolish word can ruin it .– It ‘ll give the other party irrelevant issue to exploit they ‘ll concentrate on it and leave any other .. And the battle is lost.– Don’t offer two arguments if one will do.

Communication: Talking

• Use open questions, it do not allow yes or no and the other may tell you thing you would not thought to ask about .• Use close questions when you need to trap the other ,in which he ‘ll give a precious and specific answer, ‘are you goanna be able to deliver next week ?’

Communication: while Talking

• Utilize interests and Show benefits :

• The most powerful statements in selling and negotiation those that show how can you satisfy the need of the other party .

Communication :Misunderstanding

• Having different interpretation ,,the ultimate cause the deal to fail .• The fasts and easier why to overcome is : put them in other words “so are you saying …” its commonly miss interpretation rather than misconception!! .• Two approach to avoid reaching misunderstanding:

1. check understanding – Every now and then check that you’re having the same understanding cause its very frequently isn’t.

Communication : avoid Misunderstanding

Communication :Misunderstanding

Exampleyes can not be mistaken…oh yes it can!!!!• yes >> I hear you .• Yes >>yes calm down we ‘ll talk tomorrow • Yes >>I’ll have to go • Yes >> I’ll make it happen.But what about other clues here comes body

language.

Communication :Misunderstanding

• Reaching a critical point in negotiation means that both parties was having misunderstanding but they were not knowing so .

• Since you never know what you don’t know the best solution is to check and recheck understanding …”let me confirm that we agree on this ”

Communication :avoid Misunderstanding

2. let me summarize :• When emphasizing what has been agreed on we reach a point of progress its like a milestone for closed point …enforcing progress and not allowing getting back again.

• If you’re the one who summarize you ‘ll influence the direction of the talk .

Body Language

• Over 50 percent of the messages we convey are through body language .

• We should bear it in mind .

• Not to much in a way you’re not paying attention to what been said.

• Listen look feel (we all recognize a lot unconsciously like feeling that someone is getting bored or is laying )and think about what the other say and do ..

Body Language

• But be aware of yourself as well.• Many of the signals sent do not require a

deep study of psychology ..it need awareness and readiness to do something regarding the signals .

• The more signal you interpret the stronger your position is .

Examples

• Laying: avoid eyes ,look downwards touch face around the mouth .

• Evaluating :head on one side ,hand to chin.• Negative :head supported heavily with hands

indicates boredom or detachment .• Aggressive :hands on hips .• emphasize your size :Hands on the back

pushing shoulders up and chest out .

Focus on Interests, not Positions

• Positions : what you decided. Interests : why you decided.• For each one interest ,multiple positions that satisfy it .• Position ‘s of others are clear while interest are not.• How do you identify interests :• Ask why they’re taking these positions .

Talk , make interests come alive

• Its your job to make them know how important the thing is to you …you should not hope for much relief if you describe headache as a stomach to your doctor.

• Its good while talking about your interests to :– shows openness : ” correct me if I'm wrong” – Acknowledge their interests: People listen better if

they fell that you have understood them.

Talk , make interests come alive

• Put the Problem before the answer: put reasoning first, opponent will be hearing , not preparing arguments.

Options

•Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do.

•In this step time is for parties to to generate alternative candidate solutions.

•A Brainstorming to create a mutual gain Win-Win agreement.

•Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.

•The final step is to use mutually agreed and objective criteria ”fair standard ” for evaluating the candidate solutions.

•Should apply to both sides

Criteria

What if

• What if he don’t want to play ?• Started attacking you :

– Never defend :sit back and relax, let them let off steam– Recast: as attack on problem

• Attacking your ideas:– don't defend!.– don't ask for acceptance– ask what's wrong with it– turn sides: ask for advice, "what would you do if you were in

my side?“..statements generates resistance ,whereas questions generate answer .

What if

• What If they're more powerful?– Protect yourself by putting in advance your bottom line ..the worst acceptable outcome ,otherwise the non-agreement is the solution.

• -if you don’t know his weakness point at least you know his strength area.(if your opponent has big gun ,you don’t want the negation turned into gunfight ).

Common mistakes

Accepting statements: Assuming what the other person says is wholly true. Cornering them: Giving them no alternative but to fight. Hurrying: Negotiating in haste .Hurting the relationship: Getting what you want but making an enemy.

One solution: Thinking there is only one possible solution. Over-wanting: Wanting something too much. Talking too much: Not gaining the power of information from others. Win-lose: Assuming a fixed-pie, win-lose scenario.

• Learn from doing:Reading a book about tennis will not make you Andre Agassi !

Q & A