Editing of script

E D I T I N G O F S C R I P T

L U A

LUA

By

Hattie Upton-Dance

SCENE 1 - THE HOSPITAL

A small, bright hospital room, Lua lies on a bed in thecenter attached to some machines. Lua’s Mother and Fatherstand huddled in the corner talking in hushed voices.

Lua’s Mother: How much did you putin the machine?

Lua’s Father: Three Eighty, I’llmove it at four.

Lua’s Mother releases an intense sigh. They continue talking

in hushed voices but the sound scape pans away and focuseson the sound of the machines. Lua opens her eyes gradually,she shares a brief moment of eye contact with her Mother who

looks away immediately. The Mother steers the Father out ofthe room to continue their conversation away from Lua.

POV CU SHOT

Lua gently examines the hospital wristband, then slowlyremoves the heart rate checker and sits up.

SCENE 2 - THE HOSPITAL FRONT

DOLLY SHOT OF LUA RUNNING

Lua runs away from the hospital, staggering she falls

against a brick wall.

OUT OF FOCUS SHOT OF THE CITY LIGHTS

Lua slowly slides down against the wall.

POV FADE TO BLACKTom: (gently) Lua?

POV EYES OPENING, LOW ANGLE SHOT OF TOM.

EXTREME CLOSE UP OF LUA’S CONFUSED EXPRESSION

Tom drapes his jacket over Lua. Lua takes Toms hand.

Tom attempts to hail a taxi but they all drive past ignoringhim. They walk down the street together as the sun rises.

CHANGES MADE TO PAGE 1 OF THE SCRIPT

I added the times of events to the script, such as when Lua wakes up and when she

leaves the hospital. I think this will make the plot clearer to people reading the script, it is

especially important for the actors to understand the timings of Lua’s actions, it is especially important to note that it helps the actors realise that Lua has remained in the

hospital the entire time.

I also added a soundscape to the hospital scene, to create an eerie mis-en-scene, and

to establish the location (hospital) and mood (tense).

2.

SCENE 3 - CAFE

Tom pours some coffee from the counter into a cup withoutarousing suspicion. He brings it over to Lua who is sittingby the window with the light shining through her hair. Tom

sits opposite her.Tom: (smiling) I’ve missed you.

Lua smiles back. Tom pushes a strand of hair behind Lua’sear.

Tom: Let’s go

SHOT OF THE COUPLE WALKING ROUND A CORNER

SCENE 4 - THE STATION/TRAIN

Tom attempts to order a ticket at the kiosk.Tom: Two tickets to ______ please

Tom is ignored by the ticket officer, they walk through theguarded open barriers unnoticed.

OMINOUS SHOT OF THE TRAIN GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL

ON THE TRAIN

SHOTS OF THE COUPLE LAUGHING AND DRINKING.

SCENE 5 - THE BEACH

SHOTS OF THE COUPLE ENJOYING THEMSELVES AT THE BEACH,POSSIBLY ON SOME RIDES IF IT IS NEXT TO A FUNFAIR/THEME

PARK.

Lua and Tom sit side by side by the sea,

Lua: (mouthing) I love you.

LONG SHOT OF LUA SITTING ON THE BEACH ALONE, THERE IS NO ONEIN THE PLACE OF TOM.

SCENE 6 - THE BEACH/HOSPITAL

SHOT OF TOM WALKING INTO THE SEA AND OFFERING HIS HAND.

SHOT OF LUA AND TOM WALKING INTO THE SEA TOGETHER UNTIL THEYDISAPPEAR INTO THE FOG.

CUT

BIRDS EYE VIEW SHOT OF LUA LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.

(CONTINUED)


I changed a lot to page 2 and even expanded some scenes by a page. I expanded Scene 2: The Streets as it needed to

be more descriptive and a little bit longer, so that the audience can gage the character that Tom represents, his

intentions and the reaction from Lua. I have also paid more attention to detail to the camera shots and angles, inputing my knowledge on how these details can reflect

emotions and mood, (for example low angle shots of Tom to show his power and responsibility to look after Lua). I

also expanded Scene 3: The Cafe for similar reasons; I added a section where Tom pushes Luas hair back to reveal a fading bruise. Thus presenting a clue to the

ending of the film.

2.

SCENE 3 - CAFE




Tom: Let’s go






ON THE TRAIN


SCENE 5 - THE BEACH


PARK.







CUT


(CONTINUED)


I completely reformed Scene 4 : The Station/Train, which is why I have highlighted all of it. I decided to change the section of Tom asking the

ticket officer for a ticket and being ignored – this was meant to indicate the fact that he was invisible / not real. I don’t think that this is a very achievable idea because it will be hard to get a ticket officer to agree to act as they have a very busy job. Instead I have given Luasome dialogue; she asks Tom if they need a ticket and he shakes his head solemnly, giving the same suggestions as the previous idea. I

have put a lot more detail into the scene on the train as well; I have decided on a collection of shots following the convention of arthouse

films, including a lot of Point of View/Extreme Close Up shots.When they arrive at the beach I have planned a smooth transition

focusing on Lua’s eye – another style of camera style/editing technique that follows the conventions of an arthouse film. I also have instructed the use of smoke bombs as I think this will indicate that Lua

is dreaming and also make for some beautiful cinematography.

CONTINUED: 3.

(Sound of the heart monitor confirming that she is dead)

FADE TO BLACK

2.

SCENE 3 - CAFE




Tom: Let’s go






ON THE TRAIN


SCENE 5 - THE BEACH


PARK.







CUT


(CONTINUED)


I changed a few things including the: structure, variety and dialogue, in the final page of the script to clarify the ending. I adjusted the

structure, moving some lines of action and shots to the next scene, “Scene 6: The Beach/Hospital” as I felt that there needed to be a stark

change in mood between scene 5 and 6 when the audience (hopefully) realizes the reality of the plot. I decided to fade the shots of the beach and the hospital together, using a cross transition. This kind of transition will create the “Dreamy” feel that I require, rather than a serious feel that may indicate that the previous scenes have

been reality rather than a dream. I have added a soundscape, confirming the change back to reality. At the very end of the film I

have added some dialogue; the nurse announces the time of death. This dialogue helps the audience to understand the point and

meaning of the film incase they are a bit lost.

Education

Editing of script