Conflict resolution by the Miriam College Center for Peace Education

Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

Center for Peace EducationCenter for Peace Education

Miriam CollegeMiriam College

What is conflict?What is conflict?

From the Latin word From the Latin word conflictusconflictus which which means striking together with forcemeans striking together with force

Occurs when one’s actions or beliefs Occurs when one’s actions or beliefs is unacceptable to—and hence is unacceptable to—and hence resisted by the other (Forsyth, 1990)resisted by the other (Forsyth, 1990)

Center for Peace EducationMiriam College

WAYS TO DEAL WAYS TO DEAL WITH CONFLICTWITH CONFLICT


AVOIDANCE (FLIGHT)AVOIDANCE (FLIGHT) We MOVE AWAY or withdraw from We MOVE AWAY or withdraw from

the situation of conflictthe situation of conflict We allow the other party to get We allow the other party to get

away with his/her behavior.away with his/her behavior. We hope that the conflict will, in, We hope that the conflict will, in,

itself, disappear.itself, disappear. We believe that it is hopeless to try We believe that it is hopeless to try

to resolve the conflictto resolve the conflict WIN-LOSEWIN-LOSE


AGGRESSION (FIGHT)AGGRESSION (FIGHT) We MOVE AGAINST the We MOVE AGAINST the

opponent or try to overpower opponent or try to overpower adversary/force him/her to adversary/force him/her to yield. yield.

We want to do things our wayWe want to do things our way We view winning as an We view winning as an

indication of strength and indication of strength and losing as an indication of losing as an indication of weaknessweakness

WIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSEWIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSECenter for Peace Education

Miriam College

PROBLEM-SOLVINGPROBLEM-SOLVING(FACE)(FACE)

We MOVE TOWARDS the We MOVE TOWARDS the adversaryadversary

We dialogue/negotiate for a We dialogue/negotiate for a mutually beneficial solution. mutually beneficial solution.

We show our desire to get We show our desire to get out of the mess by out of the mess by collaborating in finding collaborating in finding constructive ways to solve constructive ways to solve the conflict.the conflict.

WIN-WINWIN-WINCenter for Peace Education

Miriam College

ACCOMMODATION ACCOMMODATION (GIVE UP)(GIVE UP)

We give up our goals to maintain We give up our goals to maintain “harmony” in the relationship“harmony” in the relationship

We give in because we realized that the We give in because we realized that the other person is right.other person is right.

We concede because we have very little We concede because we have very little chance of winning.chance of winning.


COMPROMISE COMPROMISE (GIVE HALF(GIVE HALF))

We find the middle We find the middle ground.ground.

We give up part of our We give up part of our goals because we goals because we and our adversary and our adversary cannot get what we cannot get what we want.want.


When I am When I am angry, I angry, I usually…usually…


What is Anger?What is Anger?

It is a strong emotion of displeasure that may It is a strong emotion of displeasure that may take the form of verbal or physical attack, rage take the form of verbal or physical attack, rage or animosity.or animosity.


The Anger Thermometer

In some ways anger is like a thermometer.It has degrees, from cool to very hot.The higher you go on the Anger Thermometer,the angrier you are!Try to cool off and bring yourself down the Anger Thermometer.

Annoyed

Irritated

Angry

Furious

Enraged


When can anger be destructive?When can anger be destructive?

When we express it in a way that will create harm, When we express it in a way that will create harm, hatred or alienation.hatred or alienation.

When we repress it. When we repress it. It can make us sick. It may It can make us sick. It may displace our feeling. It may hinder us from solving displace our feeling. It may hinder us from solving the cause of our problem.the cause of our problem.

When we can no longer function normally.When we can no longer function normally.


Anger ManagementAnger Management

How do we COPE with our anger?How do we COPE with our anger? Recognize that you are angry.Recognize that you are angry. Express anger in indirect ways:Express anger in indirect ways:

• Shout, cry, hit a pillow. Shout, cry, hit a pillow. • Write in a journal. Write in a journal. • Draw, paint.Draw, paint.• Engage in vigorous physical activities (run, jog, Engage in vigorous physical activities (run, jog,

swim)swim)• Physically relax the body (deep breathing, Physically relax the body (deep breathing,

muscle relaxing)muscle relaxing)

Calm your mind:Calm your mind:• Talk to yourself.Talk to yourself.• Count to 10 for adrenaline level to go down.Count to 10 for adrenaline level to go down.• Change cognitions vs. Change cognitions vs. labeling, overgeneralization, labeling, overgeneralization,

mental filtering, jumping to conclusions.mental filtering, jumping to conclusions. Talk to a friend.Talk to a friend. Change environment.Change environment. Forgive. It lowers blood pressure and eases Forgive. It lowers blood pressure and eases

muscle tension.muscle tension.


How do we How do we directly expressdirectly express our anger?our anger?

Describe the behavior that angers you.Describe the behavior that angers you. Describe how you feel about the behavior.Describe how you feel about the behavior. Describe the reason for your feeling.Describe the reason for your feeling.


How do we deal with How do we deal with other peoples’ angerother peoples’ anger??

Allow expression. Listen.Allow expression. Listen. Do not respond with the same anger.Do not respond with the same anger. Help him/her calm down. Try to stand in his/her Help him/her calm down. Try to stand in his/her

shoe.shoe. Paraphrase/clarify.Paraphrase/clarify. Explain your situation.Explain your situation. Look into options together.Look into options together.

If you can’t deal with the other person’s wrath, ask If you can’t deal with the other person’s wrath, ask for help.for help.

DIALOGUING TIPSDIALOGUING TIPS


1. Be specific. 1. Be specific.

Avoid using global words.Avoid using global words.


2.2. Speak in a gentle, Speak in a gentle, non-threatening manner.non-threatening manner.


3.3. Avoid Avoid using using words that words that would elicit would elicit anger.anger.


4.4. Use the I-messageUse the I-message


5.5. Admit Admit your own your own responsibility responsibility to the to the conflict.conflict.

I admit I lied…but twice lang naman.


6.6. The person and The person and his/her action are two his/her action are two different things. Thus, be different things. Thus, be tough on the problem, tough on the problem, not on the person.not on the person.


7.7. Be willing to tell the Be willing to tell the other person what is other person what is good about her/him.good about her/him.


8. Listen. Show the other 8. Listen. Show the other person that you are person that you are hearing his/her point of hearing his/her point of view.view.


9.9. Show positive Show positive regard and respect.regard and respect.


10.10. Listen with empathy. Listen with empathy. Try to stand in the shoe of Try to stand in the shoe of the other.the other.


11.11. Be open to Be open to criticism of your criticism of your ideas and behavior.ideas and behavior.


12.12. Paraphrase and Paraphrase and clarify when needed.clarify when needed.


13.13. Distinguish between Distinguish between your demands and true your demands and true interests.interests.


Thank you very much and Thank you very much and may peace be with you all!may peace be with you all!

For all the world For all the world by: Sandi Pattiby: Sandi Patti

Never was the world Never was the world

in such a need of peacein such a need of peace

And never has contentment And never has contentment

been so hard to findbeen so hard to find

So many men reaching out their handsSo many men reaching out their hands

Our brothers and sisters in so many landsOur brothers and sisters in so many lands

If ever kindness was neededIf ever kindness was needed

Then it’s crying out to us “the time is now!”Then it’s crying out to us “the time is now!”

Chorus:Chorus:

I want the peaceI want the peaceI want the loveI want the love

For all the worldFor all the worldPeople of joy with children hopePeople of joy with children hope

For all the worldFor all the worldFather of lightFather of light

I’ll be a light the You shine throughI’ll be a light the You shine throughYou are the peaceYou are the peaceYou are the hopeYou are the hopeFor all the worldFor all the world

What’s it gonna take What’s it gonna take before we show some charity?before we show some charity?

Compassion and mercy, Compassion and mercy, the way it’s meant to bethe way it’s meant to be

Who’ll take the time Who’ll take the time for the ones for the ones

who truly needwho truly needAnd pray for a nationAnd pray for a nation

That’s out on the streetThat’s out on the streetWhat man is greater than his brotherWhat man is greater than his brother

When in Jesus’ eyes we’re all When in Jesus’ eyes we’re all the same?the same?

Learn a song of freedomLearn a song of freedomAnd teach it to our childrenAnd teach it to our children

Let the pipes of peace ring outLet the pipes of peace ring outAnd pray the grace of God And pray the grace of God

will lead the waywill lead the way

You are the peaceYou are the peaceAnd You are the joyAnd You are the joy

You are the loveYou are the loveAnd You are the hopeAnd You are the hope

For all the worldFor all the world