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4.14.1
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
TECHNIQUES & SKILLSTECHNIQUES & SKILLS
Copyright
Brandy Ann Coffee Marks 1990
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This is part of a complete learning program.
Many of the skills you’ve learned up until now will aid you in managing conflict and resolving power struggles once you have a good grasp on these basic communication skills.
If conflicts continue as a constant problem in your relationships, then check out the video on power struggles and resolving conflict.
Otherwise, on to basic communication skills.
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Skill Areas
SKILL 1: Verbal and Nonverbal Behaviors
SKILL 2: Starting Friendly Conversation
SKILL 3: Keep the Conversation Going
SKILL 4: End a Conversation Pleasantly
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Skill Area 1: Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Know and use both verbal and nonverbal
communication such as:
– eye contact, facial expression, hand and body gestures, body postures, and voice qualities (pitch, volume and pacing).
– Learn to recognize signals that tell you when another person is willing to talk and when they are not willing to talk.
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Skill Area 2: Start a Friendly Conversation Go where there are people to talk with, people
who are willing to talk with you, and discover topics you can use that may involve . . .
• Sight – what you see in and around you.
•“I like your scarf; it’s colorful.”•Sound – what you can hear being said.
•“I enjoy that music; it’s lively.”•Touch – how something feels to you.
•“I hate getting shots; needles hurt.”
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Skill Area 3: Keep the Conversation Going. Use ’Active' listening,
– ask open-ended questions; identify topics of conversation; use healthy self-disclosures.
• “What do you think of ___ as an actor?”• “I never cared for him, but sure like ___”
Active listening is an excellent skill and a skill worthy learning and using. – Paraphrase: “So you think __ is a good actor?” – ask the other person: “What do you mean by . . .?”
Practice active listening as often as possible so you get good at using this skill.
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Skill Area 4: Ending a Conversation
Let the other person know you want to end the conversation but you are still open to talk later.
You can tell them:
– “I need to get to work, or whatever is true.”
– “Why don’t we finish this conversation later, maybe have lunch this week.”
– “I have other things on my mind, but would love to talk later. When’s a good time?”
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ACTIVITIES TO BUILD SKILLS
Introduction - Steps that will help to learn these basic skills and the benefits.
1. Video tapes - Video tape yourself with someone else practicing the skills.
2. Role plays - Rehearse the skills yourself. You learn best by doing.
3. Resources - Identify things you need to do to use your skills and how to find them.
a. List ways you can use your skills then write about how you will put them into practice.
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MORE ACTIVITIES
4. Obstacles - Overcome obstacles when you
first begin to use your new skills.
a. Learn a new strategy for solving problems.
5. Exercises - Practice your new skills in a safe
situations, with group members, etc.
6. Homework - You're on your own.
a. Find a support group; someone to call on
when you need help or support.
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BENEFITS
1. Interactions with friends, family. will improve.
a. Leads to more rewarding relationships.
2. Better interactions with your neighbors.
a. This will increase opportunities and options within the community.
3. New friends in support environment.
a. Makes for sharing of enjoyable activities.
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INTRODUCTIO
N TO SKILLS
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WHEN YOU TALK How you sound when you talk is as important as
what you say.
Voice quality is determined by pitch, volume, pace, and clarity.
Non-verbal communication includes:
– body orientation, posture, vocal pace, and expressions like:
• nods, sighs, eyes and tone of voice.
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Gestures help us to be understood because they enhance what we have to say, and show our enthusiasm for our topic.
Good eye contact lets others know we are interested and we are paying attention
Gestures 2
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Showing Interest 3
We can show people we are interested by: by paying close attention – but we may still nod, smile and glance away occasionally.
Another way to show we are interested is to lean slightly forward and toward them.
You can tell when a person is not interested if they yawn and fidget with clothes or hair or they are constantly looking away
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Posture 4
Tense posture can signal a person needs
– answers but wants to continue talking.
– is afraid of something or very excited.
– is preoccupied with something else
A listener who yawns and slouches is probably bored or preoccupied.
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Meeting New People 5
A speaker who feels happy and good – speaks rapidly, smiles, and looks around.
Two things you need for a conversation– a topic and another person to talk with.
A good way to meet new people is to:– go to familiar places on a regular basis.
An easy place to start a conversation – Is in a waiting room, bank or grocery line
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Making Contact 6
Making eye contact when you want to talk – can give you a hint as to the person's mood.
If a group is involved in conversation – look to see if they make eye contact or smile at
you before you join.
A good opening line for a conversation – can help you find a good topic.
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Finding Topics 7
Sometimes it's easier to meet new people at a party because they usually aren't shy.
Asking for information or help can be effective and easily lead to a topic.
If you’re shy, a good way to learn to talk is find a topic you know and talk about it.
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Listening 8
Active listening (brief comments, questions) will help to keep the conversation going.
– Verbal encouragers, expression of interest, brief comments are verbal active-listening.
– Say things like: “That’s interesting”; "I didn't know that." are minimal verbal encouragers.
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Summary of Conversation Skills
All of these skills are useful in conversation and in developing friendships.
Learn these skills before you move on and you will have more enjoyable contacts with other persons who may be new to you.
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Solutions to Poor Communication
Don’t simply read or review these skills and believe that is all you need to do.
Read, review, write them down on cards, and keep them with you.
Then, practice each one, over and over, until you master every one of them.
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Basic Communication Techniques
Listen actively
– Pay attention to what is said
– Listen without forming an opinion
– Restate what has been said so the speaker knows you understand
– Summarize what you heard the person say.
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Basic Communication Techniques
Nonverbal Messages– Show you are interested by sitting up and
leaning toward the speaker
– If the speaker is standing you also stand
– Feelings are reflected in facial expressions
– Gestures reveal your view of the message, and sends signals of anger, bordom, etc.
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Basic Communication Techniques
Thoughts and Feelings
– Be open and honest with what you think and how you feel about things.
– Speak clearly and don’t mumble or talk too quietly. If you don’t know a word, then describe what you mean so both you and the speaker understand.
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Basic Communication Techniques
Not Adversarial
– Express disagreement without judgmentalism or blaming the other person.
• If angry about not getting theatre tickets, then rather than blame the person, express your anger/disappointment about situation.
– Use “I” messages and rather than say:
• “You should not have . . .”, instead, you can say, “I am upset because I really wanted to see that movie while it was in town.”
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Basic Communication Problems
Informate does not communicate
– Often we give and receive information rather than communicate meaning.
– Example:
• “Speed” often means different things
– Velocity, drugs, a Keanu Reaves film
• Our filters change the meaning of words.
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Information vs Communication
If you work with drugs and addicts, then speed makes you think of drugs while a race driver thinks of how fast their car will go; its velocity.
– Our individual experience changes the information we are receiving.
We must communicate meaning for increased understanding.
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Don’t Assume
In informating tends to assume everyone hears the same message.
– Assumptions = make an “Ass of U and Me.”
Feedback
– The problem is overcome by feedback; by asking for and getting feedback from the people listening so both of you hear and understand the message.
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Effective Communication
Give information - informate
Ask for feedback for clarity
Check for clarity of meaning
If both are in agreement, then communication has taken place!
If contradict, repeat using different words to convey meaning and recheck feedback.
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Basic Communication Skills
Check your understanding of this information with your counselor so you know you heard the message.
If you heard accurately, then your communication skills should improve.
If not, listen to this message again, and review with your counselor, sponsor or mentor.
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Dr Brandy MarksBiblical & Licensed Mental Health
Counselor
360-696-8909
Vancouver WA
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