‘Are you ok?’Helping a friend through mental illness

Is there someone in your life that you think might be having a hard time?

Is there someone in your life that you think might be having a hard time?

Not sure what you can do to help?

Is there someone in your life that you think might be having a hard time?

Not sure what you can do to help?

Each person’s experience will be different, but there are certain things that are and aren’t helpful when supporting a loved one through mental illness.

Is there someone in your life that you think might be having a hard time?

Not sure what you can do to help?

Each person’s experience will be different, but there are certain things that are and aren’t helpful when supporting a loved one through mental illness.

Check out these helpful DOs and DON’Ts to help you be there for the ones you love.

Do

Pick your timing carefullyIf you feel you’ve reached a point where you need to voice your concerns for your friend or family member’s health, then you need to give some consideration to where and when you’ll start the conversation. You don’t want to set up a formal meeting that’s out of the ordinary, as your friend will most likely feel that they’re being interrogated or put on the spot. Try to find a time in your normal routines where just the two of you will be together in a neutral environment and aren’t likely to be interrupted.

ListenOften the hardest step for a person dealing with mental illness is that first conversation where they finally voice how they’ve been feeling, whether it’s of their own admission or they’re responding to you voicing your concerns. Be receptive, attentive and truly listen to what they have to say, without trying to plan your response. You don’t need to have the right words, you just need to hear what they’re saying.

Ask questionsTake a genuine interest in what your friend has to say and ask them more about how they’re feeling, when they started to feel this way, how it’s affecting them (work, relationships etc) and what could help them feel better (keep in mind, they might not know!).

Do

Pick your timing carefullyIf you feel you’ve reached a point where you need to voice your concerns for your friend or family member’s health, then you need to give some consideration to where and when you’ll start the conversation. You don’t want to set up a formal meeting that’s out of the ordinary, as your friend will most likely feel that they’re being interrogated or put on the spot. Try to find a time in your normal routines where just the two of you will be together in a neutral environment and aren’t likely to be interrupted.

ListenOften the hardest step for a person dealing with mental illness is that first conversation where they finally voice how they’ve been feeling, whether it’s of their own admission or they’re responding to you voicing your concerns. Be receptive, attentive and truly listen to what they have to say, without trying to plan your response. You don’t need to have the right words, you just need to hear what they’re saying.

Ask questionsTake a genuine interest in what your friend has to say and ask them more about how they’re feeling, when they started to feel this way, how it’s affecting them (work, relationships etc) and what could help them feel better (keep in mind, they might not know!).

Do

Pick your timing carefullyIf you feel you’ve reached a point where you need to voice your concerns for your friend or family member’s health, then you need to give some consideration to where and when you’ll start the conversation. You don’t want to set up a formal meeting that’s out of the ordinary, as your friend will most likely feel that they’re being interrogated or put on the spot. Try to find a time in your normal routines where just the two of you will be together in a neutral environment and aren’t likely to be interrupted.

ListenOften the hardest step for a person dealing with mental illness is that first conversation where they finally voice how they’ve been feeling, whether it’s of their own admission or they’re responding to you voicing your concerns. Be receptive, attentive and truly listen to what they have to say, without trying to plan your response. You don’t need to have the right words, you just need to hear what they’re saying.

Ask questionsTake a genuine interest in what your friend has to say and ask them more about how they’re feeling, when they started to feel this way, how it’s affecting them (work, relationships etc) and what could help them feel better (keep in mind, they might not know!).

Do

Help and encourageNow that the lines of communication are open, it’s important to help and encourage your loved one to take the next step. Encouraging them to make an appointment with their doctor or a healthcare professional is important, as this is where their treatment and recovery can really begin.

You might find your friend is hesitant to see a doctor and is nervous about going alone. Offering to book the appointment for them and go with them is a simple way to put their mind at ease and is also a good opportunity for you to learn about their illness and be part of their recovery process.

If you’re not sure where to start, the counselling staff and doctors at Student Services can be your first point of contact and will then refer your friend on to the appropriate health professional.

Do

Learn with themThe saying ‘knowledge is power’ applies well to the issue of mental illness. One of the best ways to support your loved one is to try, as best you can, to understand what they’re going through and what their recovery process is likely to involve.

The internet is a great resource for finding out the facts and statistics of mental illness, but also for reading about others who have overcome their condition and those who have supported someone they love on their journey to recovery.

Online forums can be a great place to share your concerns, frustrations and feelings with other people who may be in the same situation.

Do

Be yourselfOne of the biggest fears for many of those living with a mental illness is that those closest to them will reject them or act differently towards them because of their condition. While you may need to be a little more attentive to your friend, it’s important to still be yourself and interact with them as you normally would, even if you’re not getting the response from them that you’re used to, and assure them that their relationship with you is stable. There’s no need to suddenly start treating them differently. Simply being aware of what they’re going through and providing them with additional support as they need and want it will be enough. They’re still the same person, they’re just having a hard time at the moment.

Keep them activeA common behavioural trait in those living with mental illness is a tendency to withdraw from their loved ones and activities that they would usually find enjoyable. While it’s not fair to force someone to come out and about with you, it’s important to encourage your loved one to keep in touch with their support network and try to keep as active as possible with their interests. Often, you’ll find your loved one will turn down invitations to social events, but it’s important to continue to invite them nonetheless. It’s a known fact that physical activity releases feel-good endorphins and does wonders for our moods and stress levels. Encourage your loved one to get active as much as possible.

Do

Be yourselfOne of the biggest fears for many of those living with a mental illness is that those closest to them will reject them or act differently towards them because of their condition. While you may need to be a little more attentive to your friend, it’s important to still be yourself and interact with them as you normally would, even if you’re not getting the response from them that you’re used to, and assure them that their relationship with you is stable. There’s no need to suddenly start treating them differently. Simply being aware of what they’re going through and providing them with additional support as they need and want it will be enough. They’re still the same person, they’re just having a hard time at the moment.

Keep them activeA common behavioural trait in those living with mental illness is a tendency to withdraw from their loved ones and activities that they would usually find enjoyable. While it’s not fair to force someone to come out and about with you, it’s important to encourage your loved one to keep in touch with their support network and try to keep as active as possible with their interests. Often, you’ll find your loved one will turn down invitations to social events, but it’s important to continue to invite them nonetheless. It’s a known fact that physical activity releases feel-good endorphins and does wonders for our moods and stress levels. Encourage your loved one to get active as much as possible.

Do

Don’t

Become their only confidantWhen dealing with a mental illness, a person can feel emotionally vulnerable and, without a diverse support network, may become overly dependent on the support of one person. This isn’t healthy or helpful for either person in the situation and may even hinder the recovery process if your friend is unwilling to accept support from others. It’s also important to pay attention to your own health when a friend or family member is living with a mental illness. Are you feeling overburdened or isolated? Helping your friend to form a trusted support network will not only improve their recovery, but share the responsibility of their care and support so that it doesn’t fall solely on your shoulders.

Take it personallyYou need to be prepared that in some cases your loved one may not be willing to open up about or acknowledge your concerns, and may even react badly. It’s common for people to become defensive or upset if they feel they’re being ‘accused’ of having a mental illness. This is usually due to the person having been exposed to the negative connotations that society tends

to associate with mental illness. They may not want to identify with a condition that carries a ‘stigma’. It also depends largely on how you choose to broach the subject with them and whether they feel you’re expressing concern or posing an accusation. If your loved one does have a negative response to your concerns, remind them that what you’ve said is coming from a place of genuine care and that you’ve only spoken up because you want to make sure that they’re happy and healthy.

Don’t

Become their only confidantWhen dealing with a mental illness, a person can feel emotionally vulnerable and, without a diverse support network, may become overly dependent on the support of one person. This isn’t healthy or helpful for either person in the situation and may even hinder the recovery process if your friend is unwilling to accept support from others. It’s also important to pay attention to your own health when a friend or family member is living with a mental illness. Are you feeling overburdened or isolated? Helping your friend to form a trusted support network will not only improve their recovery, but share the responsibility of their care and support so that it doesn’t fall solely on your shoulders.

Take it personallyYou need to be prepared that in some cases your loved one may not be willing to open up about or acknowledge your concerns, and may even react badly. It’s common for people to become defensive or upset if they feel they’re being ‘accused’ of having a mental illness. This is usually due to the person having been exposed to the negative connotations that society tends to associate with mental illness. They may not want to identify with a condition that carries a ‘stigma’. It also depends largely on how you choose to broach the subject with them and whether they feel you’re expressing concern or posing an accusation. If your loved one does have a negative response to your concerns, remind them that what you’ve said is coming from a place of genuine care and that you’ve only spoken up because you want to make sure that they’re happy and healthy.

Don’t

Broadcast their situationIt’s normal when someone you care about is having a hard time to want to shelter them from anything and anyone who may be negative or insensitive to their situation. But you need to be careful that you’re not belittling your loved one or making them feel pitied by others in their social circle or workplace. While your friend or family member may not be themselves at the moment, they’re still an individual and the choice to disclose their circumstances to others is entirely their own. Mental illness can be a very personal battle and it’s not something that is easy for a lot of people to understand. If your loved one has chosen to focus on their recovery privately and only share what they’re experiencing with a select few, then as their friend you should support their decision and privacy and simply be there for them as best you can.

Get your doctor onIt’s important to remember that while you need to be there to support your loved one, you’re most likely not a mental health professional and your support and advice shouldn’t replace proper mental health care. Trained professionals can create a treatment plan that will include the best and most appropriate form of therapy for their specific condition and, if required, a plan for medication. A healthcare professional is an essential part of your friend’s recovery.

Don’t

Broadcast their situationIt’s normal when someone you care about is having a hard time to want to shelter them from anything and anyone who may be negative or insensitive to their situation. But you need to be careful that you’re not belittling your loved one or making them feel pitied by others in their social circle or workplace. While your friend or family member may not be themselves at the moment, they’re still an individual and the choice to disclose their circumstances to others is entirely their own. Mental illness can be a very personal battle and it’s not something that is easy for a lot of people to understand. If your loved one has chosen to focus on their recovery privately and only share what they’re experiencing with a select few, then as their friend you should support their decision and privacy and simply be there for them as best you can.

Get your doctor onIt’s important to remember that while you need to be there to support your loved one, you’re most likely not a mental health professional and your support and advice shouldn’t replace proper mental health care. Trained professionals can create a treatment plan that will include the best and most appropriate form of therapy for their specific condition and, if required, a plan for medication. A healthcare professional is an essential part of your friend’s recovery.

Don’t

Give upMental illness isn’t known for being easy to overcome. Your friend or family member may suffer setbacks on their path to recovery and it may take longer than you expect. When things are hard, take some time out to remember your loved one as they were before their struggle began. What kind of things did you use to do together? What memories do you have with them? The person you remember is still there, they’re just fighting a difficult battle that is both mentally and physically exhausting and, naturally, takes a toll. With love, support and the right treatment plan, your friend can learn to overcome or manage their condition.

Don’t

Still not sure how to support your friend?

Still not sure how to support your friend?

Feel like you might need some help?

Still not sure how to support your friend?

Feel like you might need some help?

The team at Student Services have the experience and resources to assist both you and your friend, so contact the team today!

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Still not sure how to support your friend?

Feel like you might need some help?

The team at Student Services have the experience and resources to assist both you and your friend, so contact the team today!

You can also check out some other great mental health resources on Social Hub.