Andrea Baron

REFLECTION OF WORKS

Overall Portfolio Questions• I would like my fellow students to know that although some of my poems seem

dark or sad I am actually a very happy person! I write sad poems because I think it brings more emotion from the reader than a happy poem. I have tried to write happy poems before and I always find it to be extremely difficult.

• I used to only write poems with about 3 stanzas and an ABABAB pattern. I always stayed away from free form because to me it didn’t seem like poetry. But after writing an Italian sonnet and some free form poems I can tell there are other ways than just rhyming the last word to make poetry actually be poetry.

• What I like about this portfolio the most is the revision of my short story. When I turned in my short story I still felt as though the ending was abrupt which both peers and teacher pointed out. After some time away from the story and reading the comments on it I was able to make adjustments and I’m a lot happier with the outcome.

• In this portfolio I see evidence of growth. I was forced to venture into unchartered waters and I was extremely nervous about it. The Italian sonnet really threw me for a loop and I thought my poem was not very good but after reading the comments I found out that the two people who reviewed it actually enjoyed it a lot. Just because something is new does not mean you should stray from it.

Short Story: Creative Process• My story is of a 13 year old boy, Collin, struggling with anger

problems fueled by two dead-beat parents who do not care for him and (you don’t find this out till the end) his ADHD medication. He is cared for by Alice, a woman who is not related to him at all, but has raised him since taking him home from the hospital the first day he was born. Collin tries to deal with his anger by torturing and killing small woodland animals until he gets caught and finally has to face his problems. • My story is actually based off a true story. Although the boy the story

is based off of does not torture or kill woodland animals but he did get caught throwing a kitten over a bridge and it was found out that his ADHD medicine caused anger in him. I knew I wanted to write about this because I also went through a childhood with two failing parents so not only could I use the actual story for the plot but I could use my own feelings to make Collin seem real and believable.

Short Story: Revision• Two big reveals are in my story and for both of them my peers and

teacher said they were very abrupt and were not worked up to. Usually when reading a book you have a general idea of where the story is going to go but with my story it was more of an explosion in the readers face leaving them dazed and confused. For my revising I focused on dropping more hints as to what was the cause of Collin being angry and what he doing in the woods to release his anger. • Ways I dropped more hints was by talking about Collin’s ADHD

medicine more throughout the story. He talks about unknown anger and a “poisonous weed” growing inside him. As for him torturing and killing woodland animals instead of this being found out after Collin returns from the woods from one of his killings I instead had Collin bring it up in one of his deep thought sections. He talks about why he does it and where he first got the idea to do it from. Collin strives for the love of his dad and since his dad does it he feels it is okay for him to do it as well.

Short Story: Revision• “You and I have a special conference on

Monday.” Alice finally said. “Officer Tom will be joining us.” Collin stiffened at the mention of a cop. It wouldn’t be the first time he had been involved with the police. But he couldn’t remember doing anything recently that would cause him to have cops be looking for him. His heart sped up as he thought of the traps he had set up in the woods. At first it was only one trap; one animal every few days if he was lucky. It was his secret release for the rage that grew in him like a poisonous weed. In the beginning he couldn’t stand the squeal of terror or the look of fear in the animals eyes and would kill them almost instantly. But he has grown cold to it now as if something was transforming him. Day by day his traps grew and he started taking more trips to the woods. But had he taken it too far? Had someone finally found them? But they couldn’t possibly know he had set them or for what purposes.

• “You and I have a special conference on Monday.” Alice finally said. “Officer Tom will be joining us.” Collin froze at the mention of a cop. It wouldn’t be the first time he had been involved with the police. But he couldn’t remember doing anything recently that would cause him to have cops be looking for him. His heart sped up as he thought of his traps in the woods. What if someone had come across them? They couldn’t possibly know he had set them.

Here is where I added more detail about Collin’s trips into the woods as well as dropping several hints as to something else being the cause for his anger. He says his rage grows like a poisonous weed and he feels as though something is transforming him. This is foreshadowing and helps lead up to the big reveal.

Short Story: Revision• The mention of the medication

caused Collin’s temper to slowly flare. Alice was the reason he had to take those awful things. Alice is the reason he is different, the reason his parents don’t love him.

• The mention of the medication caused Collin’s temper to slowly flare. The pills were to help him be normal? He was normal! The pills were what made him different and it was Alice who made him take those awful things. If he weren’t so different than maybe his parents would actually love him. But that wasn’t possible. It was if a neon sign hung from his neck flashing “DANGER! DO NOT APPROACH!”

For this part one peer wrote that Collin blaming Alice for everything was a big jump and might need some leading up to. Rather than Collin blaming her I again wanted the focus to be more on his medicine as well as him seeming paranoid and lost. I brought the story back to the pills by saying how Collin says the pills are what makes him different and he just wants to be normal.

Short Story: Revision• “Collin, don’t you understand? I

love you. You are my family. You are my son.” Collin’s stomach squeezed so tight he thought he was going to throw up. He looked into Alice’s eyes and saw her for the first time without his anger getting in the way. Alice looked at him the way his parents never had. She had stayed up all night worried about him even though she worked early the next morning. Alice did love him. She always had. Collin threw his body at Alice, this time crushing her as tightly as he could.

• “Collin, don’t you understand? I love you. You are my family. You are my son. I have done everything in my power to protect you from this. I don’t want you to hurt Collin. If I could make your parents love you the way I love you I would do it. Even if it meant you leaving and never being able to see you again, I would do it, because I know how happy it would make you.” Collin’s stomach squeezed so tight he thought he was going to throw up. He looked into Alice’s eyes and saw her for the first time without his anger getting in the way. Alice looked at him the way his parents never had. She had stayed up all night worried about him even though she worked early the next morning. She took off when he was sick so that she could stay home and take care of him and when she found out he was struggling with school she got him medication, not to make him different, but to help him focus. It was all so clear now, like a breath of fresh air. Alice did love him and she always had. Collin just had never taken the time to notice it. Collin threw his body at Alice, this time enjoying being crushed against her.

Short Story: Revision Continued• A comment made here was that Collin’s ‘epiphany’ seemed very

rushed. He goes from hating Alice to realizing her love too quickly. It needed more depth as to why he finally realizes she loves him. To do this I added more detail explaining all the things she does for him and how she would sacrifice never seeing him again so that he could go live with his parents because that is what would make him happy

Short Story: Revision• It had been a week since the fight

with Alice. Collin had started counseling with a therapist and had been taking his pills every day. It seemed to be helping, but there were days when he still found himself to be angry for no reason.

• It had been a week since the fight with Alice. Collin had started counseling with a therapist and it had helped a lot being able to finally talk to someone. But there were still days when Collin was overcome with anger. He no longer went into the woods but had taken up running for a release.

I found this part of my story was contradicting. Taking his pills every day would not be more beneficial. I kept making it seem his pills were for anger management rather than ADHD so instead I said talking to someone has been helping but he still gets angry for some unknown reason.

Short Story: Revision• The medication you have been

taking has been proven to cause aggression in kids. It hasn’t been you Collin. It has been the medicine.” Collin felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. The medicine had never been the solution. It had been the problem. Collin looked at Alice and she smiled down at him. Someone had been looking for him after all.

• The medication you have been taking has been proven to cause aggression in kids…” Collin felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. Collin smiled up at Alice, as everything seemed to fall into place. He was not a poisonous weed; he was only ingesting it. And the medicine had never been the solution. It had been the problem.

In the beginning I wanted to tie something back around to him comparing himself to Nemo and feeling as though no one was looking for him. But this seemed weird because once again the main problem was the medicine and not Alice. I decided to word the ending differently and make the connection that the poisonous weed Collin had felt was inside him was actually his medication.

Short Story: Further Plans• With this story I realized I am actually capable of writing a complete

work. One comment made by the teacher was that I needed to take the story farther than one room and let the readers see Collin in a different light. I considered doing this but I felt that it would take the story passed being short, especially with the detail I like to throw into my writings. I rather have a more one scene story full of detail rather than adding another scene that was brief and not as detailed as the rest of the story.• Something I would like to add but chose to leave out for the courtesy

of the readers is a scene with Collin in the woods and torturing one of the animals. It would give more look into why he does what he does and whether he truly feels no emotion or if he feels guilty. I would have him break down and cry in the woods and this would show Collin is more than a cold misguided boy, but he is really hurting.

Love Never Forgets: an Italian SonnetCreative Process • I usually only write poems with an ABABAB pattern and about three stanzas. I

noticed that these poems can read childish and almost in a nursery rhyme kind of way. So for my fixed form poem I decided to venture out of my safety zone and try a completely new form. I ended up with an Italian Sonnet.• How I come up with my poems is really simple. I sort of just talk until I find a

line that sounds “pretty.” The first line that came to mind was “I kissed you first you ran away.” That was going to be the opening line of my poem but I decided I needed more of an opener. Basically after that I just worked with trying to find words that rhymed as well as getting what I wanted to say across.• My poem is about two lovers. They first meet when they are three and the girl

wonders if the boy will remember her. Then they get married and are married for sixty years and the boy gets Alzheimer's and the girl wonders how will the boy remember her. The ending talks about how the girl reminds the boy about their love every day even though she knows he will never remember. She says that although he cannot remember their love she will remember it for him.

Love Never Forgets: an Italian SonnetRevision• For my poem I wanted to focus on word choice and getting the

poem to read more smooth. I have a problem with starting out lines with “and” and “but.” These words are unnecessary in most cases and causes the poem to read choppy and disjointed. In both peer reviews they each pointed out different spots in which I started a line with “and” when it was unnecessary. • I also wanted to focus on taking out what I like to call “filler words.”

Words I put in for when I need extra beats in the poem. This poem did not follow a set meter so the filler words were not necessary.

Love Never Forgets: an Italian Sonnet RevisionIve known you for years since we were three

I kissed you first but you ran away

Girls have cooties that’s what you would say,

and I always wondered would you remember me?

 

You asked for my hand right under that tree

Sixty years now and I’ve loved you each day,

but now your mind is lost; the memories gone away

And I always wonder how will you remember me?

 

I show you pictures from our past

and you always question if they are real

You don’t remember me. It is all new

 

The words I tell you never seem to last

But that will never change how I feel

You don’t remember me, so I remember for you.

I’ve know you since we were three

I kissed you first but you ran away

Girls have cooties you would say,

I always wondered would you remember me?

 

You asked for my hand under an oak tree

Sixty years now and I’ve loved you each day,

but now your mind is lost; the memories gone away

I always wonder how will you remember me?

 

I show you pictures from our past

You always question if they are real

You don’t remember me. Everything is new

 

The words I tell you never seem to last

But that will never change how I feel

You don’t remember me, so I remember for you.

Love Never Forgets: an Italian SonnetRevision• The first stanza has the most revision. I started the poem with “I’ve know you

since we were three,” because if you have known someone since they were three than it is redundant to also say “I have known you for years.” I changed the third line and took out some what I believe to be filler words so that the line does not read so disjointed. The last change was suggested by a peer which was to remove the “and” from the start of line four. I like this change and agree that it helps the text read more smoothly. • For the second stanza I decided to replace “right under that tree” with “under an

oak tree.” “right under” really gives no imagery and does not add to the poem whereas “oak tree” creates an image for the reader. Again, I removed the “and” from the start of the 8th line as suggested by a peer. • The only change to the 3rd stanza was at the end of line 11. A peer suggested I

reword “It is all new” because she said it seemed forced. I agree that again it was as if I was trying to create a meter when none is present. I decided to change the words to “Everything is new,” instead and think it fits better.• There was no revision to the 4th stanza and no comments were made about needed

revision to this area.

Love Never Forgets: an Italian SonnetFurther Plans• I am happy with the sonnet but think that more could be added. I

would love to run through the sonnet two or three times adding more detail about the lovers lives. I would tell about how the two moved away from each other and maybe the girl helps the boy through a rough relationship and she never stops loving him even though she has to listen to him talk about the relationship. She still always wonders if he will remember her. Then I would bring it back to them finding each other again and falling in love. There is just a huge gap from when they are three to being married for sixty years that I think this poem could really go more in depth while following the repeated line of “will you remember me.”

Precious Gem: Metaphor PoemCreative Process• At first I had no idea how I was going to write a metaphor poem. I am a huge fan of

the simile. But after reading examples and going through the lesson I realized metaphor is also close to a symbol. When I discovered that I also decided I wanted my poem to be free form so that I had more breathing room. Taking on a metaphor poem as well as having it fit fixed form was just a bit too overwhelming for me.• My poem compares a couples love to a small gem. In this case it is a ring. The

poems starts out with the ring being important and precious to the narrator but then the ring gets lost. This suggests how in a relationship everyone starts out in what is known as the “honeymoon phase.” Everything is knew and you are so in love with each other but with time it is easy for this love to be lost or put aside.• The poem goes on to say how everyone once in awhile a glitter catches their eyes

but they are too tired and too busy to search for the the gem. This goes back to in a relationship when you will have sparks or moments when you are reminded of how your relationship was in the beginning. What used to be falling asleep in his arms every night has turned into sleeping alone in a cold bed. And it compares to how people always have excuses for not having the time to find or remember that love anymore. They are too tired or too busy.

Precious Gem: Metaphor PoemRevision• I had to make this Power Point early on because this weekend my

sister is getting married and on Monday I work so This was really the only day to do it. Sadly neither one of my peer reviews have been posted yet so I did not get feedback on how I needed to improve the poem. • Instead I went off of what I felt. I knew that I wanted to go a bit

more in depth with details to really show how much this gem means to the woman (I guess it could be a man also!) and I also wanted to see about making my poem into an image. I wanted to do this mostly out of self interest. The image of a ring does add a bit to the poem but it is nothing substantial.

Precious Gem: Metaphor PoemLost in wrecked house

A small gemBefore hung around my neckFilling my heart with warmthSo precious but now forgotten

Laid down and knocked behind the dresser

Collecting dust and memoriesA glitter catching our eyes at times

But we are too tiredToo busyTo search

For that small but precious gem

Precious Gem: Metaphor PoemRevision• In revision there was not much I wanted to actually change but I

wanted to go more in depth to show how at first this gem really meant a lot to the narrator. I also switched the gem from being a necklace to being a ring (does not say a wedding ring but it is implied.) Making the gem a ring seemed to add more sentimental value to the gem and to the poem. • One major change I took when revising the poem was the layout. I

tried once before in creating an image with the words of my poem but making a house proves to be very hard!! I took a chance with this poem because I really enjoy poems that are able to create that image as well as still reading proper. I don’t think that the spacing created by the image distorted the reading of the poem and I’m very happy with the outcome.

Precious Gem: Metaphor PoemFurther Plans• I think this poem also could go more in depth with the story. I think

that I could tell more about the relationship in the beginning and how the two were completely head over heels for each other and compare it to a brand new gem. Then when the relationship starts going “bland” I could compare it to maybe the ring breaking or losing a few stones. Maybe the gem starts to lose its shine. I could even write about how she tries to regain that love and this could be her going to get the ring fixed or clean, but even though she tries these things, she still ends up losing the ring.