Couples and Money

COUPLES and MONEY

Over and over, research studies indicate that money is a source of conflict for couples.

One study showed that more than three-quarters of young couples separated before age 30 reported financial problems as the primary cause of their separation.

Another study found one-third of married couples cited money as their #1 issue.

Introduction

According to the survey, Couples who fight about money argue more often

about how it is to be spent, than about how much they have.

It is the set of symbols that money represents the values, expectations and personal meaning attached to money that is often the true root of the argument.

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Introduction

Money is a common cause of friction for married couples, and it's no wonder.

Introduction

What happens when these different types marry? It isn't hard to imagine some of the fights that could develop around financial issues.

Raymart and Claudine fight about how to spend money:

Consider Cesar and Sunshine purchasing a new car:

Differences in values make for conflict.

Values are deeply rooted in our history and experience of life.

From birth, we begin to learn what is important from our families.

The acquisition of values continues on through the schools, groups and teams we belong to, friendship and relationships we are part of.

Sometimes others are aware of what they are teaching us. Often they are not.

The media plays a big role in development of values.

Values and Expectations

God Owns Everything

“We have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either" (1 Timothy 6:7).

Once couples accept the fact that God owns everything and that they have been chosen to be stewards or managers of God's property, it's important for them to manage according to His principles and standards.

God's Minimum Financial Standards for Couples

God Owns Everything

"Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things" (Matthew 25:23).

It's how we faithfully manage what He has given us that will determine whether He will give us greater things to manage.


Think Ahead and Avoid Problems.

"Which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?" (Luke 14:28).

Too often couples put off planning until they are so deeply in debt that it seems impossible to get out. By then it is too late to plan, except for crisis planning. Couples need to begin planning by writing down their goals and objectives, which should include a yearly balanced budget.


Keep Good Records.

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches" (Proverbs 24:3-4)

It is impossible for couples to have their finances under control unless they understand the basics of good bookkeeping. Recently it was discovered that less than two out of 10 couples know how to actually balance their checkbooks. This means that many married couples seldom know how much money they have to spend or how much they are spending.


Get Educated.

"The naive believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps" (Proverbs 14:15)

Most financially naive couples are not stupid regarding money; they are just ignorant and do not understand how borrowing and interest rates work. As a result, their primary concern becomes "How much are the monthly payments?" rather than "How much is this going to cost ultimately?".


God's Word provides standards for managing money that are essential for marital unity. If couples study these biblical principles, learn them and put them into practice in their marriages, and adhere to those standards no matter how tempted they are to adopt the world's standards, their marriages will be strong and will remain sound.


In a marriage, there is no "my money" and "your money" or "my debts" and "your debts." There is only our money and our debts.

His, Hers, or Ours?

God will bring a couple closer if, from the very beginning, they establish God's Word as their financial guide and then follow those principles.

His, Hers, or Ours?

Budgeting

Budgeting can be difficult, if not impossible, when spouses do not agree on basic money management principles. Therefore, they should make all budgeting decisions together.


His, Hers, or Ours?

Bookkeeping

Practically speaking, only one person should keep the books.

When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace.


His, Hers, or Ours?

Bookkeeping

Practically speaking, only one person should keep the books.

When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace.


His, Hers, or Ours?

Within a marriage relationship the husband and wife are partners who are dedicated to one another.

A bond of uncompromising devotion creates a healthy atmosphere for togetherness: studying God's Word, praying, and even managing money.

Just as it takes two to make a marriage successful, it takes two to establish a clear line of communication in financial planning.

His, Hers, or Ours?

Because tithing involves money, it is a prime candidate for controversy and marital conflict.

Tithing When Your Spouse Objects

Tithing in the Bible

God's Word describes the tithe as a testimony to God's ownership. It was through the tithe that Abraham acknowledged God's ownership. Thus, God was able to direct and prosper him

And blessed be God Most High, who has defeated your enemies for you." Then Abram gave Melchizedek a tenth of all the goods he had recovered. (Genesis 14:20).


Conflict Over Tithing

Because tithing involves money, it is a prime candidate for controversy between a husband and wife. However, if both spouses are Christians, they should have a desire to please the Lord.


If One Spouse is an Unbeliever

Since it is the responsibility of the husband to be the leader in his home, if the wife is an unbeliever, husbands must obey the Lord's direction.

Husbands need to realize, however, that the Lord is more concerned about the wife's soul than about money


Giving the tithe is the outward expression of inner commitment — or lack of it.


If you and your spouse argue about the same money issues over and over, it may be time to look below the surface.

Cash Clash: What's Below the Surface?

If you and your spouse argue about the same money issues over and over, it may be time to look below the surface.


Cash Clash: What's Below the Surface? Do we have a breakdown in communication?“Be kind and compassionate to one another…—

Ephesians.” 4:32

Am I harboring unresolved hurt or resentment?

“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” — Ephesians 4:26

Am I afraid to face the truth? “Speak the truth to each other…” — Zechariah 8:16


By communicating in a clear and loving manner, getting rid of emotional baggage and embracing honesty, you and your spouse can lay a smooth foundation on which to build your financial future.

Why Does My Spouse Spend So Much?

Like many young couples, Raymart and Claudine had very different ideas about spending and how much things should cost.


Understand that you're on the same team when it comes to finances.


Understand the underlying reasons why your spouse overspends.


Understand what things cost and how often they must be purchased.


Understand that you must live on less than you earn.

How to Talk About Money

Find a neutral time and pray over together Don’t wait until spouse has charged up on the

credit card. Have a calm and relaxed discussion when there is

no money issue. Share your feelings

Volunteer your own feelings about experiences and hopes about money.

Know where you stand Be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Bring in a third party Seek out a financial/marriage counselor or

therapist.

Track Your Spending!

There are two things everyone needs to know before they begin to budget:

1. How much they earn

2. How much they spend

Track all of your spending for at least 90 days to

get started. But make it a habit to track Always!

Daily Tracking Use spending tracking Excel

forms Carry a small notebook Checkbook register Keep your receipts in a

separate envelope for each day

Use budgeting apps (chances are you already own one of these applications if you own a smartphone)

Locate a central place to put your receipts at the end of each day!

Monthly Expenses Tracking Sheet

Housing Food Insurance Medical Auto Child Support Taxes Personal Savings

Creating Your Budget

Your budget should be developed based on: Your goals Your income Your expenses.

Track Your Sources of Income

Use a chart to track all

your sources of income: Job Spouse’s job Part time job Rentals Commission/bonuses Child support/alimony Investments

Setting Goals

A short–term goal should be accomplished within one year.

A mid-range goal takes between 2 and 5 years to accomplish.

Long-term goals take over 5 years to achieve.

Write them down and post them to your refrigerator or bulletin board so everyone in the family can see them everyday.

Our Financial Goals

1. _Save for retirement_______

2. _Trip to Europe to see family

3. _New car________________

4. _Backyard Spa___________

5. _New roof_______________

Monthly Budget

Now that you’re more familiar with your income, expenses, and goals, it’s time to propose a budget.

Adding It All Up

Total Necessary Expenses

+ Total Discretionary Expenses

+ Total Debt Payments

= Total Monthly Expenses

If Your Expenses Exceed Your Income

Work to find solutions Credit counseling can help if you

have high debt payments that are upsetting your budget.

Whatever you do, don’t cut into the 10% - 20% you should be saving; you need to save up to three – six total month’s of expenses to get through an emergency

Re-evaluate your budget periodically, especially when your income or needs change.

Budget Saving Tips

Household Take advantage of sales, coupons, and

always comparison shop! Never pay more than you have to for anything.

Personal Care Find out where discount stores, beauty

colleges, and low cost dry cleaners are in your area, the money you save will be your own.

Budget Saving Tips

Child Care Can you work with your neighbors to form a

babysitting co-op? Clothing

Discount outlets, secondhand clothing stores, and thrift shops are great places for saving money on clothing.

Budget Saving Tips

Entertainment Rent a DVD/Video, make a bowl of popcorn and

have fun! Check your local paper for events in your area that

are free, or almost free for entertainment. Food

Plan your meals, make a list, and stick to it. Try to shop once a week or less. Extra trips to the

store are budget busters. Avoid fast food – this is the #1 leak in most budgets.

Always Keep Your Budget In Mind!

Plan: Plan for the future, major purchases and periodic expenses.

Set Financial Goals: Determine short, mid and long range financial goals.

Know the difference between wants and needs: Take care of real needs first. Save what is left.

Don’t allow expenses to exceed income: Your take home pay is what you have available to spend or save.

Money Tips for Couples

Pray together and lift up to God your money concerns

Set aside a regular time for discussion of money matters

Try a joint household account for routine expenses and a separate personal account for each partner.

Discuss facts and figures on paper Avoid blaming each other


Try not to bring up how parents or friends handle money

Keep each other regularly informed to avoid surprises

Have individual credit card history Look at other ways of managing your money


Divide responsibilities for financial tasks as evenly as possible

Avoid refusing to take an interest in financial matters

Avoid using money to control your spouse Discuss and agree about any unexpected

windfall


Involve your children (play educational money games like CashFlow 101, Price Challenge, etc.)

Seek help from knowledgeable friends and experts immediately if spending is out of control

Develop some short and long range financial goals together and check your progress

“In all things, give thanks.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Big Dreams on a Small Budget

By understanding the three C’s of financial contentment, you can live large — regardless of the size of your budget.


Choose what matters most..


Cherish what you have...


Commit to God what's His.


Commit to God what's His.

Economy & Finance

Couples and Money