SqueakyCleanLegacy,16.3:RomanesIteDomumPartII
InPartOneofthischapter,wereturnedtotheRomansofPleasantview,largelybecauseFlaviusinsistedandhehasconnec=onsaroundhere.Ipromisedalargescaleweddingpalooza.Onward!
SinceCassiusgotbackfromcollege,he’sbeenrollingoddwants.Like“EarnaSkillPoint.”Iamsoproud.Healsoseemstohaveacquiredsomeofhisfather’scluelessness.Cassius:What’swiththedress,De?Specialoccasion?
De:Teehee!SimMe:OW,Cassius!IfyouPunchMethathardagainnext=me,youaregoingrightthroughthewall.
Marcus:Mom!Mom,look!
BunthorneGoodytwoshoes:Hello?
Marcus:IgotanA+!GrammahelpedmewithmyhomeworkandI’msmartandIgotanA+andIbroughthomeafriendfromschool!Hey,that’sapreVydress.Bunthorne:Yoohoo?
De:Oh,Marcus,Iamsoproud.Ihaveatreatforyou!We’reallgoingtoacommunitylottogether!Oh,dear...Yournewfriendcan’tcomealong.Marcus:Eh,he’llbeherewhenwegetback.
Andsoitis=metoshuffleofftotheShuffleOffWeddingPalazzo...
...Openedfortheoccasionbyitshardworkingproprietor.
Ikeepexperimen=ngwithweddingcommunitylots.It’sprobablyadeepcharacterflaw.AndIlikeoneswithglasswalls,thoughthiscanbeabittricky.Thecherrytrees,however,stay.
(NotethatthedancefloorhasgliVerballswithnovisiblemeansofsupport.)
TheShuffleOffalsosellsthoseglamorousweddingcakes,andtheownertendsbar.Soallitneeds...
...IsareallygoodDJ.Gilbert:AndIhope,voyez‐vous,thatitisnottedious,theplayingoverandoverofthe“Yahoo,itisacelebra=on”song.Cassidy:Heckno!
Ithinkhemeantthat.
AndsotheliVleRomanfamilypartyarrivesattheShuffleOff.
Impa=ent,De?De:Justmakeeverybodygetinhereandsitdown.Theguestlistismostlysimselves.Goodluckwiththat.
Foronething,OrikesandTer=usinsistondancingtogether,justasthoughtheycouldn’tdoitathome.Lousythreebolts.
Marina’stryingtositdown,butsomeoneisinherchair,andTinaisholdingupMarina’shusbandSabinus.YouknowsomethingiswrongwhenDontheZombieisthewell‐behavedone.
Andlet’snotevenmen=ontheidiotsoutatthedancefloor.Thereisaweddinggoingon!Doyoumind?***Roughlylectoright:SamaraUglacy,DocNerd,Dicreasy,Candi,EphemeralToast,Stacilee,CassidyastheDJandGilberttendingbar.
Oh,well,De,Iguesyou’regoingtohavetomakedowiththepeopleactuallythere.
NotthattheyaremuchbeVer.Di’sVictoriansseemtohavebecomealiVlebitclumped.Theo:Onlyyou’rejustabitinmylineofsight,Stanley.Idowishyouwouldsitdown.Eddie:Psst,it’snotthepub,Stanley,sit down.
Honestly,Itrytosetagoodexample.Flaviusevenmanagedtositdownnexttome.Idon’tknowwhatailstheseSims.
Marcus:IwisheveryonewouldseVledownsoMomandDadcouldgetmarried.
Augh,disgus=nglysappy.
Alldone,ANDStanleyevenfoundaseat!Thatwasn’ttoohard,nowwasit?
Marina:Youdidn’tshowthebigredringoverhishead.
Oh,CassiustookquitetheliVleAspira=onalhit,butitdoesn’tseemtohaveaffectedhim.
He’sprobablyfocusedonthecakeorsomething.
De:It’schooooocolate.
Oh,comeon,Cassius,noonewantstohearwhatyou’recongratula=ngyourfatherabout.Nothingtoseehere.
Inlawinappropriatenessisrifeatthiswedding.PurpleBunny,Idon’tthinkyoushouldbetellingyourmotherinlawadirtyjoke.PurpleBunny:Joke?Orikes:Shh,shh,Iwanttoknowwhatcomesnext.
ThereisalsomuchLegacySimandSimselfjollifica=ononthedancefloor.
Theo: Don’t know much about dancin’, that’s why I gots this song, One of my legs is shorter than the other and both of my feet’s too long; Course now right along with ‘em, I got no natural rhythm: But I go dancin’ every night, hopin’ I might get it right, cause I’m a Dancin’ foool . . . . (“Dancin’Fool,”FrankZappa)
Doc,I’monlygoingtosaythisonemore=me;pickoneands=cktoit.Idon’twanttoletyouputastakeinpoorUlysses’fragileliVlevampiricheart.
There’snothinglikeagooddoorjam,isthere?Thisisactuallythelinetowashupplates.
Despitethis,agood=mewashadbyall,withtheolderSimselvesandRomanssoakinginthehotspring.
Hopeyoudon’tmindthechaos,De.
De:AweddingthrownbyCassbert?Areyoukidding?
DeandCassius:sappilysweetinareallyscarykindofway.
GageUglacy:So,wazzittake,huh?ImeanImean...whycomeIdon’tgetnothingandhegetsthatgirl.ImeanwhaevverhegotIgotatleasttwiceofitwhaevveritis.
Gilbert:Thisis,howdoyousayit,ahardtownfortheRomanceSims,M.Gage.
TitusreturnedhometotheofficialCaesar’sPalace,thoughhisfatherDomi=anpreferstodownplaythisandgoesby“Mr.Caesar.”TitusisactuallyPenelope,Ulysses,andAchilles’firstcousin,becauseDomi=anmarriedSophia’sindolentandpleasantlyvagueyoungersisterDiana.
Ah.ItlooksasthoughtheofficialMariuscon=ngentinvitedthemselvesover.
Ter=us:Youprobablydon’tremembermefromourfratdays,butI’maPleasureSim,too!Domi=an:Cool!Sorry,we’vebeenmeaningtogetthatbowlingalleyputin.You’llhavetocomebacklater.
Penguingirl:WethoughtthatifwestrolledbyastheWelcomeWagon,wecoulds=ckaroundforthewedding.Domi=an:Wedding?
Yes,Ithinkwe’llbehavingoneofthoseanymomentnow.
IthinkthisdressissoMeadow.
It’salovelysetup,buttherearealwaysSNAFUswhenIthrowweddings.
IwishI’ddoublecheckedontheformalwear.You’llseealotofladiesintheirweddingdresses,andIdon’tknowwhathappenedtoSophia’sformalwear.Shelooks...Flavius:Amazing.Well,yes.She’sSophia.
Algernon:Yourweddingdresslooksso...Penelope:SoWHAT,Algernon?MydresslookssoWHAT?Algernon:...Nice?Penelope:Oh.Well,that’sbeVer.
Onceagain,afairnumberofpeopleseemtobeunclearabouthowtositdown.
Penelopealsostubbornlyposi=onedherselfrightinfrontofthebridalcouple.
OritcouldbethatshewasenjoyinglookingathermotherandherauntDianasiingnexttoeachother.IknowIwas.(ThegentlemansiinginbackbetweenJackandAchillesisBrandonBroke,whohappenedtobestrollingby.)
Isn’tthispreVy?Allinall,itwasalovelyceremony,andIdon’tknowwhysomepeoplecouldn’tgetittogethertositdownordressupor...
Scratchthat.I’msuretheyallhadperfectlygoodreasons.
Onceagain,it’sTituswhogetstheAspira=onpointsformarryingMeadow,whilesheswoonsoverAchilles.Nevermind,shedidrollthewantforababy,atleast.
PenelopeseemstohaveforgivenAlgernonforno=cingthatshewass=llinherweddingdressandisexplainingallabouttheLegacyethos.
Orsomething.
ThisiswhyIdidnotallowAlgernonandPenelopetohangaroundtogetheralotincollege.
Waytogo,Ter=us,strollinfrontofthehappycouplerightduringthecake‐cuing.
Turningthecameraaroundisn’tmuchbeVer,asMeadowtenderlystabsherlovinghusbandintheeye.
TheblueofOrikes’WaterfordManorandtheweddingthemeandthepinkofMeadow’sdresshasacertainBarbiefeeltoit.
Flavius:WhentherearelotsofRomanshavinglotsofpar=esandgeinglotsofface=me,IfeellikeI’mdoingmyjob.
IthinksomepeoplearepuzzledaboutwhymySimselfkeepsmarryingFlavius.
Facialexpressionslikethis.Honestly,doesn’thelooklikeabigenthusias=cSpaniel?
LikesomanySims,mySimselfisuVerlyuninterestedintheceremony,butrightin=meforthecake.Youmustadmitthatit’sanicelookingcake,though.
IthinkPenguingirlchosetositwithTitusandMeadowbecauseTitusisNelsonPenguino’sgrandson.You’llno=cehe’sinheritedNelson’selfears,whicharefairlyunusualforaRoman.
DianaandDomi=anoriginallybondedovergames,andDomi=anpromisedthathewouldfilltheirhousewiththem.(HewassomewhatquietaboutbeingEmpress—Ithinkhe’sjustashappytoignorethatpart.)
Hekepthispromise,andseveraloftheweddingguestsgothungupontheGamerpinballmachine.FirstPurpleBunny‐‐‐
‐‐andthenCassiusandJack.
It’snotunusualformypartythrowerstobeinbedasleepbythe=metheirpartyends.MeadowandTitusdidn’tjustre=reforsomeWooHoo—theyreallywereexhausted.
Obviously,therewassomeWooHooinvolved,too.
Orikes:Ididn’tevenhaveachancetogohome.
Theremayalsohavebeenafew=mecheatsinvolved.
AndsoMeadowbecamethemotherofthenextCaesarboy,thoughthereissomethingaboutherexpressionthatcreepsmeout.Meadow:Mine!Allmine!
TheynamedhimVespasian,whowasofthesamedynastyasTitusandDomi=an.Inactualhistory,VespasianwasTitusandDomi=an’sfather,butthat’satadconfusing.Vespasianhashisdaddy’sbrownhairandhismother’sdarkblueeyes.Onceagain,owingtotherebuild,mySimsarehomozygous.There’sreallynohelpforit.S=ll,Ithinktheresultswouldn’thavebeenmuchdifferent,asTituswasbrown/blackandbrown/green.
Oncethebabywasborn,Meadowreallybeganac=nglikeaFamilySim.
Infact,TitusinsistedongivingVespasianaboVlebeforehewouldagehimup.Ifeltabitguiltyaboutthis.Itwasclearthattheywouldhavelikedtoenjoytheirbaby,butIreallyamworriedaboutmyLegacy’sstasisandbabyhoodissomethingIdon’treallymiss.
HasanyonegoVenarunoftuxedos?Alotofmykidsareagingupintuxedosthesedays.
Anyway,thisiswhatVespasianlookslikeaceraquicktriptothemirror.He’saclassicallyneatandmeanRoman:aTaurus,9/9/3/10/1.
Tituslosesno=meingeingtotheimportantbitofVespasian’seduca=on.
Titus:WhatdidDaddysayaboutwhatmakesaRomanRoman?
Vespasian:Plumbing.Titus:Goodboy!
Atanotherhouse,anotherweddingistakingplace.Tolookathim,youwouldscarcelyknowthatAlgernonisRomanatall.ThismayhavesomethingtodowithhisfatherEarnest’sKnowledgeSimunconcernwithoutwardappearances.OritmighthavesomethingtodowithrunningoutofRomanaireforboys.
TheweddingguestsaremostlyRoman,however.Algernon’sfatherEarnest,onceofmyfavoritegrandchildren,isfirst,nexttoTitusCaesar;FlaviusandIalsocame,ofcourse.TheotherredheadinbackisDaniellePleasant,whocrashedtheparty.
VictoriaGoodytwoshoeswasagoodfriendofthebrideincollege,andasaPopSim,shelovesagoodparty.Soofcourse,shehadtobethere.Andnaturally,CassiusandDewereinvited.You’llno=cethattheguestsareinalongline?That’sbecausewhilethishouse,designedbyBastDawn,isafabulouslyplayableone,thereisn’talotofroomforweddingpar=esoutside.
MadeleineandAlgernondidn’tseemtoworryaboutittoomuch.
AndneitherdidCassiusandDe,whohadotherthingstotalkabout.
Cassius:Psst!YouknowRhys?Cassius,doyoureallyhavetoaskifDeknowsRhys?
Cassius:Youknowwhohecan’tstand?
De:No,who,who?
Cassius:SpiderJerusalem!De:KKkkt!Noway!Cassius:Way!I’mafraidRhysandSpiderJerusalemdidgetintoaregreVableearlysmackdown,attheLegacyhouse,noless.
Everyonemanagedtomakeitinsideforthecake.You’llno=cethatCassidy,Algernon’sadoptedbrother,invitedGilberttobehisplusone.
Somepeopledon’tknowwhentogohomefromawedding.
Somepeopledon’tknowhowtobehaveatall.
Cassidy:Algernon really seems happy. Huh.
Cassidy:Gilbert,Iknowyoureallyaren’tthemarryingkindandIdidn’tthinkIwasgoingtobe,butIreallydoloveyouandIdon’twanttobedroppedbytheMatchmakerand...
Cassidy:AndeventhoughtheguyinthehottubismakingmealiVlenervous—
Flavius:Oh,don’tmindme.Ienjoyeavesdroppingonareallygoodproposal.
Cassidy:‐‐Ireallywishyou’d,like,getengagedtomeanywayandI,um,boughtyousomething.
Cassidy:Ithoughtitlookednice.It’sapresent.Youcankeepit,evenifyoudon’twantto.
Gilbert:Cassidy,IdonotkeeptheringwithoutIalsokeepyou,cheri.
OK,soGilberttooka=nyliVleAspira=onalhit.ButCassidywashappierthanGilbertwasunhappy,andIneversawanymeltdowns.
Gilbert:Well,yes,itisthe“mee=ngsomeonenew”we‘aveincommon,n’est‐cepas,M.Marius?
MadeleinehadherandAlgernon’sbabyboy,Worthing,shortlyacerwards.
AlgernonisactuallyalsoMarina’sgrandson—MarinamarriedSabinus,andtheirdaughterPoppaeamarriedEarnest,andtheyhadAlgernon.Iknowshewillbepleasedtohaveared‐headedgreat‐grandbaby.Worthingisactuallymygreat‐greatgrandsononononesideandmygreat‐great‐greatgrandsonontheotherside.Romansmarrytheirownrela=ves:that’sallIhavetosayaboutthat.
Otherthan“isn’thecute?”
D’aw.
Fortherecord,Worthingisalsosuper‐Nice:anAquarius,4/1/6/8/10.
Cassidyfeltthatthehousewasgeingkindoffull,andsoGilbertaskedhimtomovein.Andthen,unbelievably,therewasyetanotherwedding.
FullofmisbehavingRomansandSimselves.
Marina:Ihavesomeredheadedgreat‐grandbabies,trala...
Cassius,thisisn’tthesameoldthingaboutRhysandSpiderJerusalem,isit?
Flavius:Kkt,that’shilarious...Whyisithilarious,again?
SpiderJerusalem:Don’taskme.Idon’tthinkit’sfunnyatall.
DocNerd:Meeither.
SpiderJerusalem:AndthisoldbroadhasaboutfiveminutestogetoffofmylapbeforeIgetseriouslyannoyed.
GilbertandCassidyactuallyhadtoholduptheceremony...
Becausesomepeoplewouldnotsitdown.
PurpleBunny:My,you’vegrownsincemywedding,Cassius.
IgaveuponDeniseacerawhileandjustmovedherwithMoveObjectsOn.
Andsomepeoples=llwouldnotsitdown.
Cassius:AndhebeatupSpiderJerusalem!Doyoubelievethat?De:Teehee!It’sjustashilariousthetwen=eth=me!
Flavius:You’llhavetoexcusehim.Hewasbroughtupinabarn.Webroughthimup,Flavius.Flavius:You’llhavetoexcusehim.He’saspecialsnowflakeanditisinnowayourfault.
Well,noone’sgoingtoruinthispartoftheceremony,right?
De:I’mborednow.IthinkI’llwalkrightinfrontofthearch.
Notthatourboysno=ceorcare.
Cassidy:Wereallyshouldgetsomegirl‐girlandboy‐boycaketoppersintheshop,don’tyouthink?
Gilbert:Nowthis,itisagenoise.Youknowthegenoise?Esponge,andabuVercreamwithItaliansilkmeringue.Cassidy:Mphm.Noshoptalk.
SpiderJerusalem:Ah,Idon’tcareaboutthegossipaslongasthere’skickybag.
AndDoc,you’vejustmadeFlaviusveryhappybybeingsomeoneNewforhimtoMeet.
Cassidy:Hasyourmothersaidanythingaboutgrandchildren?
Gilbert:No.Itisprobablethatshewouldwishforgrandchildren,butsheknowsitisathingimpossible.
Cassidy:Well,maybenot.Imean,Iwasadopted.IwastakenawaybytheSocialWorker,soIdon’trememberanything,butIhearmyfatherwasanastypieceofwork.AndDadadoptedmeandgavemeachance.Maybethere’sakidouttherewho’sbeenbadlytreated—maybehedeservesagoodeduca=onandsomelove,too.
Gilbert:Itisathingtothinkof.
Cassidy:Well,wedon’thavetothinkaboutitrightnow.
Holdit.Ithoughtyousaidyouweren’tgoingtothinkofitnow.Cassidy:It’slater,isn’tit?I’msureGilbertwon’tmind.
Andthusthewaitbegins.Ittakesaboutadayandahalfforanadoptedchildtoshowup,andit’simportantthatheorshearriveonaweekend,unlessyouwanttofacegradetroubleandtheSocialWorkershowingupagain.Sowehavesome=metokill.
Stanley:Didyoujustmovein?
Cassidy:Yes,IjustmovedinwithGilbert.We’rewai=ngforachildtoarrive.Ihopeyoudon’tfindthatodd.
Stanley:Huh,well,ifyouknewmyfamilyarrangements,you’dknowwhyIdon’tfindthatoddatall.Idon’tevenlivewithmyliVlegirl,butIseeherallthe=me,andeveryoneseemstobehappythatway.
Stanley’snottheonlyonetopassby.
Gilbert:Mlle...Didyousay“Kiko”Tellerman?
Gilbert:AndperhapsIoughttoknowyou,Mlle.?
Dicreasy:IbelieveyouhaveoneofmySimsonthepremises.
Dicreasy:CanItellyouhowmuchIadmireyou,Stanley?
Stanley:No.
Atlastthenewadoptedboyarrives.
Boy:Mr.Jacquet?Theladysentme.Shesaidyouwantedaboy.MynameisZane.
Gilbert:I...amnotrememberingthis.Andhowdoesthiscometobe?
Zane:Well,IwasstayingwiththisveryniceladynamedDonna,andwereadtogetheronthecouch,andIneverwenttoschool,andIwasn’t=redofea=ngpopcornyet.
Zane:Andthenthisotherladycametogetme.
Zane:AmIreallysupposedtobesomeone’sboy?CanIcomebackandstaywiththenicelady?
SocialWorker:No,youmaynot.
Don’tworry,Zane.DonnaLotharioisquitefondofboys.You’rejustabitoutofheragerange,butI’msureoneofthemwillkeephercompany.
Zane:Sotheotherladybroughtmehere.ButIguessitwasallamistake,andIdon’twanttobeabother,so...
Idon’tthinkyou’llbeabother,Zane.
SocialWorker:Bye‐bye,boys!
Zanealsoquicklymakesfriendswithhisotherdaddy.
Zane:IknowImusthavehadamotherandafather.Ijustdon’trememberanythingaboutthem.AndsomenamelikeDe...Dev...Cassidy:Iknow.Idon’tremembermine,either,exceptforanamelikeVet‐something.‐‐It’sprobablybestnottotrytoremember,Zane.We’reyourfamilynow.Zane:But‐‐‐
Gilbert:Ithinkitwillnotdoanyharm,justthisonce.
Zane:Isthatcake?
‐‐Idon’tthinkIeverhadcakebefore.IknowIwouldhaverememberedcake.
Gilbert:Thereismorecake.TodayyouareaJacquet,yes?Andsobeginstheeduca=onofyourpalate.
Cassidy:Oh,God,don’ttalkcookingtothepoorkid,Gil,hejustgothere.
Zane:ButMr.Jacquet—Gilbert:Papa—Zane:Um...Papa.Idon’tunderstand.Ilikeeggs,butIdon’tunderstandwhythey’resoimportant.Youjustfrythem,right?
Gilbert:(sharpintakeofbreath)
Gilbert:Ah,enfant.Itisclearyouhavemuchtolearn.
ManythankstothewriterswhoseSimselvesandSimsI’veborrowed:DocNerd:VeFnari Dualegacy:Cassidy,SpiderJerusalem,andhersimself;
Marina/Smoothiequeen:Villainous Apocalypse,RhysFitzhughandhersimself;
PurpleBunny:PiraFcal Legacy,JackandEddieBuccaneerandhersimself;
Orikes:Pseudo Legacy,hersimself;
De/Fireflower314:Morgan Legacy,hersimself;Ben/Blite27:Ten Caesars,FlaviusandCassiusMarius;
Dicreasy:Victorian Legacy,EddieandStanleyLegacy,TheodoreHarrison,andhersimself;
Candi:Chili Catastrophe,Don,Samara,andGage,andhersimself;
Penguingirl,Penguino Legacy;EphemeralToast,RubyBlue,WriterTina,Stacilee,andothersimselves—AndspecialthankstoPeasant007,Devereaux Legacy,forallowingmetogiveZaneahappierlife.