THE COMPARISON TRAP

We live in the UGLY Land of “ER”• Rich er• Skinny er• Smart er• Tall er• Pretty er• Happy er• Hip er

• Kids• Tall er• Pretty er• Grades bett er• More athletic er• Popular er

•No Win in Comparison

How to get out of the Comparison Trap with your kids!

• Unconditional Love is loving them…

• No matter what the teenager looks like

• No matter what his assets, liabilities, and handicaps are

• No matter how he acts (not always liking his behavior, but still loving him when you detest his behavior)

100% Love 100% of the Time

• REMEMBER…• Teenagers are children• Teenagers usually act like children• Much of teenage behavior is unpleasant• If you love them only when they please you that is Conditional Love-

they will not feel genuinely loved-thus they will feel insecure and bad about themselves

• If you love him only when he meets your requirements or expectations, he will feel incompetent, he will believe it is fruitless to do his best because it is NEVER ENOUGH.

Backpacks and Boulders…• BACKPACKS- Galatians 6:5- For all must carry their own loads• “What about Me?” turns into “You can handle this”• things they should be figuring out how to handle in high school

(takes 4 years)- homework, scheduling, sleep, almost EVERYTHING ,media, social)***when they mess up-respond with an empowering, empathetic tone

• BOULDERS- Galatians 6:2- Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ

• Physical injury, mental inability, trauma, major disappointments they need help processing

• Not to help is cruel, rarely see it coming-counselors help to break boulders down into pieces they can carry

What about grades??? • Grades=choices• Be Quiet and DELETE Parent Portal (3 week rule)• Advice- positive good grade peer pressure, college visits,

learning is a lifetime, family values learning, make your home the fun place to STUDY. Boy Scouts, find a high school transcript, vocabulary(A powerful vocabulary is the single most important determinant for academic achievement and success in life.)

• Let them be NORMAL-doesn’t count until 9th grade-be blunt about high school/choices and classes if THEY CAN HANDLE IT, OR THINK THEY CAN HANDLE IT

• Tutors-let them ask

Ecclesiastes 4:4-8• SOLOMON WAS “EST”Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from one person’s envy of another. This also is vanity and a chasing after wind.5 Fools fold their hands    and consume their own flesh.6 Better is a handful with quiet    than two handfuls with toil,    and a chasing after wind

7 Again, I saw vanity under the sun: 8 the case of solitary individuals, without sons or brothers; yet there is no end to all their toil, and their eyes are never satisfied with riches. “For whom am I toiling,” they ask, “and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

Questions to make you uncomfortable

1. How can I change and love my child/teen no matter what he looks like or I detest his behavior?

2. What does it look like for me to hold one hand open to God?