Download pdf - In a nutshell About Observing and Knowing Your Childctf4kids.org/.../2010/05/observing-knowing-your-child.pdf · 2018. 6. 29. · Observing and Knowing Your Child How-to’s Birth

6 months birth to

In a nutshell•Observation,orwatching,yourbabyfromtheverystartofhislife

isonewaytogettoknowhim.•Throughyourobservations,youwilllearnyourbaby’slikes,dislikes

andpersonality.•Understandingthedifferentareasofdevelopmentisawaytoknow

whattoexpectasyourbabygrows.

About Observing and Knowing Your Child

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Yourbabyisaspecial,uniquehumanbeing.Yourbabystartedtoshowyouhispersonal-ityevenbeforehewasborn!Youcangettoknowyourbabyfromtheverystartofhislifebyobserving,orwatchinghim.Observingdoesn’ttakeanyspecialequipmentortrain-ing.Itisoneofthemosthelpfulandenjoyableactivitiesnewparentscando.Itstartswithcountingthoselittlefingersandtoeswhenyoufirstlayeyesonyourchild!Whenyouarepuzzledorconcernedaboutsomethingyourbabyisdoing,takeastepbackandjustob-serveforawhile.Yourbabywillmostoftenbetheonetogiveyouanswerstoyourquestions.

Observingyourchildisonewayforyoutoknowyourchild.Youarebecomingtheexpertonyourchild!Gettingtoknowthisuniquelittleper-sonwillhelpyourespondtoher.Whenyoulearnthecuesyourbabygivesyou,youcanmeetherneeds.Whenyoumeetyourbaby’sneeds,shelearnstotrustyou.Shelearnsthattheworldisagoodplacetobe.Youandyourbabycandevelopastronglovingrelationshipthatwilllastalifetime.Itallstartswithobservation.

Knowingthedifferentstagesofchilddevelop-mentisawaytolearnwhattoexpectasyourchildgrows.Thinkaboutthedifferentskillar-eas.Learnabouthowababy’sskillsdevelopinLanguage,Intellectual,Social-EmotionalandMotor.

www.ParentsAsTeachers.org www.ctf4kids.org

• Observationcanbeinformal.Taketimetowatchyourbabyassheeats,sleepsandplays.Makesomementalnotesaboutwhatyouseeherdo.You’llsoonseechangesinthesoundsshemakes,thewayshenoticeshersurroundings,andthewaysheholdsandmovesherbody.

• Formalobservationmeansyoukeepnotesoruseachecklist.Forexample,youmaywanttokeeptrackofthetimesandhowmanyminuteshenurses.Reviewyournotesoftentoseepatternsandnotechanges.

• Watchthecuesyourbabygivesyou.Babiescommunicatethrougheyecontact,facialexpressions,bodypositioning,andbyusingtheirvoice.Whenyouobserveyourbaby,youbegintoseepatternsinherbehavior.

• Acryingbabycanbeveryupsetting.Asaparentyouwanttomakehimfeelbetterrightaway.Butifyouarecalm,yourbabywillhaveaneasiertimecalmingdown.Takeafewdeepbreathsandobserveyourbabytoseewhattheproblemis.

• Learnaboutwhatyoucanexpectyourchildtodoatdifferentages.Therearemanyreliablewebsitesthatofferinformationtoparentsonmanytopics,includingmilestonesindevelopment:•TheAmericanAcademyofPediatrics—www.aap.org•TheCentersforDiseaseControlandPrevention(CDC)—www.cdc.gov.•ParentLink—http://extension.missouri.edu/parentlink

• ContactParentsasTeachersatwww.ParentsAsTeachers.orgforinformationonhowyoungchildrendevelop.Whenyouknowwhattoexpect,youwillbeabetterobserverofyourchild.

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Observing and Knowing Your Child How-to’sBirth to 6 Months

6 to 12 months

In a nutshell•Yourbabyisonthemove,andyouwillbeobservingonthego!•Youwilllearnmanythingsfromobservingyourchild.•Childrendevelopfavoritesveryearlyinlife.


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Ifyourbabyhasn’tstartedtomovearoundyet,getready!Shewillsoonberolling,scoot-ing,creeping,crawlingandwalking.Haveyouleftyourbabyinoneplaceonthefloorforjustafewminutes,onlytoreturnandfindheracrosstheroom?Ifyourbabyisonthemove,youwillbeobservingonthego!Thebasicsofobservingarethesame:

•Learnabouttheagesandstagesofchilddevelopmentsoyouknowwhattoexpect.

•Pickatimeorabehaviortokeeptrackof.•Watchherinformallyorwriteobservations

down.

Whenyouwatchyourchildmovearoundthehouseyouwilllearnwhatchallengesher.Youwilllearnhowyourchildislearningtohandlefrustration.Youalsoneedtolookattheenvi-ronmentnow.Lookforthingsthatmightneedtobechanged.Forexample,ifyourchildkeepscrawlingtothelowshelfthatholdsyourcollectionofDVDs,youmaydecidetomovethemoutofherreach.Youcanchangetheenvironmenttosupportyourchild’sdevelop-mentalneeds.

Whenyouobserveyourchildyouwilllearnmanythingsthatwillhelpyoumakedeci-sionsasaparent.Youcanbetterunderstandwhyheactsthewayhedoes.Itiseasiertobepatientwhenyouunderstandwhyyourchilddoessomething.Yourchildisauniquelittleperson.Observinghelpsyouknowhowheexpresseshisneedsanddesires.Itwillalsohelpyouunderstandhowyourchildrelatestoothers,bothpeersandotheradults.

Youhaveprobablynoticedthatyourchildhassomelikesanddislikes.Childrendevelopfavoritesveryearlyinlife.Maybeit’sacertainstoryatbedtimeortheplaygroundthatex-citesher.Yourchild’sfavoriteswillbeappar-enttoyouwhenyouobserveherplayanddailyroutines.Youngchildrenwanttorepeatafavoriteactivityoverandover.Youmaythinkyoucan’treadthatfavoritebookonemoretime,buttoyourchildit’safamiliaroldfriend.Soonyouwillseeyourchild’sfavoriteschange,andthoseearlypreferenceswillbepreciousmemories.Aslongasherchoicesarehealthyones,letyourchildenjoyherfavoritesaslongandasoftenasshewants.


• Getdownonyourchild’slevelandlookaroundhisenvironment.Youwillgetadifferentviewofwhatneedstobechangedtokeephimsafe.

• Observehowyourchildrespondstodifferentsettings.Youmayfindsheismorecomfortableinfamiliarsurroundingsoradventurouswhensheisinnewplaces.

• Observehowyourbabyrelatestootherpeople.Thismightbeabigchangeatthistimeinhislife.Aroundtheageof8or9months,babiesbecomemoreawareofadultswhoarenottheircaregivers.Yourbabymayseemfearful,cryandclingtoyouwithpeopletheyseesomewhatfrequently.Thisistypicalandshowsyourbabyknowshecantrustyou.The6-month-oldwhowillinglywentintohisuncle’sarmsmaybecomea10-month-oldwholookswaryandturnstohisparent.Offeryourchildsecurityandbepatient.Don’trequirethathegotosomeonehedoesn’ttrust.

• Considerkeepinganotebookofobservationstosharewithyourbaby’schildcareprovider.Eachday,recordobservationsmadeduringthetimeheiswithyou.Askyourcareprovidertodothesame.Youmightwanttodeveloparecordingsheetthatasksforthesameinformationeachday.Blankpaperwillalsowork.Makesuretoincludethedateoftheobservation.

• Keepupwithyourmobilechild.Spendsometimeeachdayobservingyourchildasshemovesfromplacetoplace.Watchhowsheinteractswithherenvironment.

• Keepalistofyourchild’sfavoritethings:— thewordsheunderstands,andthosehesays— whatheusestohelphimcalmdown— whathelikesanddoesnotliketoeat— afavoritebabygame— asongthat’ssuretobringonsleepYouwillbegladyouobservedyourchild’sfavoritethingsateachage.

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Observing and Knowing Your Child How-to’s6 to 12 Months

12 - 24 months

In a nutshell•Observationwillhelptounderstandwhattriggersmisbehavior.•Yourchildwilllearnfromthegoalsyouset.•Respondtoyourchildinwaysshecanunderstand.


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Everyparentwantsthebestfortheirchild,andeveryparentwantsthebestfromtheirchild.Parentswanttheirchildtolistentothem,respecttherulestheysetup,andshowgoodbehavior.Sometimeswhatmayseemlikebadbehaviormaybeunderstandablewhenyouobservethewholesituation.Forexample,takinganactivetoddlertoarestaurantandexpectinghimtositquietlymayresultinacrabby,fussychild.Picnickingintheparkfordinnermaybemoresuitableforthischild.Watchyourchildtolearnhiscues.Youwillbeabletotellwhenheisoverstimulatedornotabletomeetthedemandsofthesituation.

Yourchildmustlearnfromyou,herfirstteach-er,whatbehaviorisappropriateindifferentplaces.Canyouimaginehowdifficultthatisforatoddlertofigureout?It’sokaytorunandshoutintheparkbutnotinthegrocerystore.Daddywantsyoutogetupinthemorning,butstayinyourbedatnight.Toddlersdoalotoftestingtolearnhowtobehave.Learningaboutstagesofdevelopmentcanhelpyousetgoalsforyourchildtolearnhowtobe-

have.First,thinkabouthowyouwouldlikeyourchildtobehaveinthefuture.Thisisthegoalyouwouldlikeyourchildtoachieve.Thenobservewhatsheactuallydoesindifferentplaces.Finally,developaplantoreachthegoalsyou’vesetbasedonyourchild’sindivid-ualtemperamentandstageofdevelopment.Continuingtoobserveyourchild’sprogresswillhelpyoudecidehowwellyourplanofactionisworking.

Yourtoddlerisjustlearningtounderstandandspeaklanguage.Hewon’tunderstandlongspeechesorverbaldirectionswithmanysteps.Sinceyourchildisn’ttalkingmuch,youcanunderstandwhatheisthinkingandfeelingbyobservinghim.Observationcanbethoughtofaslisteningwithallyoursenses.Watchyourchild.Lookathisbodylanguage.Listentonotonlyhisspeechbutothersoundshemakeslikesighs,gruntsorcries.Usegentletouchtocalmanddirecthim.Respondtoyourchildwithwords,facialexpressions,touchandbodylanguagetoassurehimyouaretryingtogethismessage.


• Learnhowchildrendevelopsoyouwillunderstandhowyoumightexpectyourchildtobehave.It’seasytohaveunrealisticexpectationsifyoudon’tknowhowtoddlerstypicallybehave.

• Spendtimeeachdayobservingyourchildfromadistance.Quietlywatchheratplay.Whensheapproachesyou,don’tignoreher,butkeepinteractiontoaminimumsoshewillreturntowhatshewasdoing.

• Trytobeobjective.Ifyouarerecordingyourobservations,writeexactlywhatyousee.Itmightbehardnottoputajudgmentonwhatyourchilddoes,butyouwilllearnthemostifyouremainobjective.

• Whenyouobserve,giveyourchildtimetodemonstratehisbehavior.Unlessheisreallyindanger,don’trescuehim.Allowhimtimetosolvehisproblemshimself.Supporthimbytellinghimyouknowhecandoit.

• Thinkaboutwhatyouhaveseenyourchilddo.Youmaybesurprisedathowmanythingsyourchildiscapableofdoing.

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24 - 36 months

In a nutshell•Knowingyourchild’spersonalstyle,ortemperament,willhelpyousetuproutinesfor

himthatfithisnaturalrhythms.•Observeyourchildtoprovidechild-centeredlearning.•Parentsplayimportantrolesinnurturingtheirchild’sdevelopment.


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Youngchildrenneedroutines.Itistruethatsomechildrenadapttoroutineseasierthanothers.Observingyourchildandknowinghistemperamentwillhelpyousetuproutinesthatfithisnaturalrhythms.Two-year-oldsarejustbeginningtoexperiencetheworldout-sidetheirfamily.Knowingwhattoexpectcanmaketheworldmorepredictable.Routinesallowyourchildtoorganizehisthoughtsandexperiences.Whenheknowswhattoexpect,yourchildismorelikelytobehavethewayyouwanthimto.

Yourchildlearnsmoreeasilywhensheisin-terestedinwhatshe’sdoing.Observeyourchildwhilesheisplaying.Playisyourchild’swayoflearningmanythings.Whenyouwatchyourchildplay,youfindoutherinterests,heractivitylevel,andherlevelsofunderstandingandproblemsolving.Youcanthenintroducehertoactivitiesthatfitherpersonalstyle.Forexample,ifyouknowyourchildreallylikesplayingwithtoyanimals,choosebooksaboutpetstokeepherinterest.Showherhowtosort

herpettoysintogroups,perhapsthosethatarelargeversusthosethataresmall.Pretendwithherandherpets.Whenyoufocusonyourchild,youcanbesurethatherlearningischild-centered.

Youplayanimportantroleinnurturingyourchild’sdevelopment.Youarethedesignerofyourchild’senvironment.Youcanobservehowheinteractswiththeworldaroundhim.Youpro-videtoysandlearningexperiencesbasedonwhatyouobserveaboutyourchild’sinterestsandlearningstyle.Youarealsothepersonyourchildcangotolearnabouthisworld.Throughobservation,youwillknowjustwhentoprovidehelportogivehimtimetoworkthingsoutonhisown.Whenyouhaveconfidenceinyourchild,hewillgainconfidenceinhimself.Youarealsothefinalauthorityforyourchild.Yousetlim-itstokeephimsafeandtoprovideforhishealthandwell-being.Youarealsohisadvocate.Yourobservationsareimportanttoyourchild’shealthydevelopment.


• Observeyourchild’spersonalstylewhenitcomestoroutines.Doeshefallasleepandwakeupeasilyataboutthesametime?Canyoupredictwhenhe’llneedasnack,ordoyouhavetorelyonsignsthathe’shungry?Somechildren’sbodiesareveryregular;othersdon’tseemtohavemuchofaninternalclock.Whenyouestablishroutinesforyourchild,buildonhisnaturalrhythmsifyoucan.

• Whencreatingaroutine,stickwithit.Somechildrentaketoroutineseasilyandrelyonthembeingthesamefromtimetotime.Withothers,parentshavetotryharderandlongertohelptheirchildgetintoaroutine.Thechildwhohasmoredifficultyfollowingaroutinemaybethechildwhoneedsitmost.Childrenneedroutines.Theyhelpthemfeelsafe.

• Two-year-oldsneedthepredictabilityofroutines.Theyalsoneedafew,consistentrules.Yourtwo-year-oldisdevelopingselfcontrol.Routinescanhelpherknowwhattoexpect.Knowingwhattoexpectcanhelphercontrolherbehavior.

• Beyourchild’splaypartner.Observeherinterestsandseewhatsheislearning.Followyourchild’sleadassheplays.Beapartnerwhocangiveherhints,guidanceandencouragementwhenshe’sworkingoutaproblem.You’llsoonlearnwhentohelpandwhentoletherworkitoutherself.

• Haveconfidenceinyourchild’sabilitytoguidehisownlearning.Lethimknowyoutrustinhisabilities.

• Giveyourchildonlyasmuchhelpassheneedstomovetothenextstepindevelopingaskill.Letherdeterminethetimingofherlearning.

• Giveyourchildyourattentionoften.Provideexperiencesthatsupporthislearning.Fieldtripsaregreatforthis.Youdon’thavetotakeyourchildtoexpensiveplacestohaveafieldtripexperience.Takeyourchildtothegrocerystoreandtalkaboutthefoodsyoueat.Whenyouincludeyourchildinyourdailyactivitiesyouarehisconsultantontheworld.

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young preschooler

In a nutshell•Asyourchildgrows,yourexpectationsforherbehaviorneedtochangetoo.•Youcanuseobservationtohelpyoumodelbehaviorsforyourchild.•Earlyfriendshipsareimportant.


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Leavingthetoddleryearsisabigmilestoneforyouandyourchild.Haveyounoticedhowmuchyourchildhaschangedfromjustafewmonthsago?Asyourchildgrows,yourexpec-tationsforhisbehaviorneedtochangetoo.Observingyourchildhelpsyouhaverealisticexpectations.Yourchildisphysicallybiggerandmorecapable.Hecanunderstandyouandtellyoualotusinghisgrowinglanguageskills.Butheisstillaveryyoungchild.Heneedsyourpatience,understandingandsupporttohelphimashelearnstocontrolhisbehavior.Whenyoucarefullyobservehim,youwillbeabletoseewhatyourchildcandoandwhereheisstilllearning.

Youngchildrenaregoodobserverstoo.Theylearnbyobservingtheirparentsandothersaroundthem.Modelbehaviorsyouwouldliketoseeinyourchild.Forexample,ifyouwouldlikeyourchildtoremovehisdinnerdishesfromthetableandcarrythemtothekitchen,dosowithyours.Youmightsaysomethinglike,“Inourfamily,weeachtakeourdishestothesink

afterdinner.”Childrenarenaturalimitators.Whenyouseeyourchilddoingwhatyoudo,tellher.Youdon’tneedtogivelavishpraiseorrewards.Justsaywhatyouseeandexpressthanks,“Youtookyourdishestothekitchen!Thankyou.”

Thefirsttruefriendshipsstarttoshowupinthepreschoolyears.Therearemanyreasonstoobservethisnewphaseinyourchild’ssocial-emotionaldevelopment.Earlyfriendshipsareimportant.Theyprovideopportunitiesforyourchildtolearntogetalongwithchildrenthesameage.Thereistrueaffectionbetweenyoungfriends,formingfoundationsforfuturerelationships.Aschildreninteractandplaytogethertheylearntonegotiateandtosolveproblems.Thismaynotalwaysbesmooth.Don’tintervenetooquicklyinyourchild’sstruggles.Letyourchildexperiencethechal-lenges,aswellasthejoys,ofgettingalongwithhisfriends.Heislearningsocialskillsthatwillbeimportantforhissuccessinschool.


• Trytoobserveyourchildwithouthimknowing.Ifyouareworkingnearby,keeponeeartunedtowhatyourchildisdoingandsaying.Sitorstandoutofthewayandjustwatchorrecordwhatyourchilddoes.

• Beopenandreceptivetowhateveryourchildisshowingyou.Trynottointerruptyourchildtocorrecthimoraddtohisplay.Ifheapproachesyouandengagesyou,youcandecidewhetherornottojoinhiminplay,ordiverthimbacktowhathewasdoing.

• Beobjective.Concentrateonwhatyousee,notonplacingavaluejudgmentonyourchild’sbehavior.Practicesayingexactlywhatyouseesoyoucanreflectyourchild’sbehaviortohim.Forexample,ifheisbecomingfrustratedbecausehisblockskeepfallingdown,youcouldsay,“Iseeyouareworkinghardtobuildthattower.”Yourchildislearninghowtoproblemsolve.

• Concentrateonthebehaviorsyouwanttoobserve.Forexample,youmightwanttobetterunderstandhowyourchilduseslanguage.Soyouwouldfocusonthewordssheusesandunderstands.

• Noteyourinnerresponsestowhatyousee.Observingcanteachyoualotaboutyourselftoo.

• Beapositivemodelforyourchild.Whenyouwanttoteachyourchildsomethingnew,thinkhowyoucanmodelit.Usefewwords.Childrenlearnbestbyimitatingthosewhocareforthem.

• Don’tworryaboutbeingaperfectmodel.Yourchildwilllearnalotbyunderstandingthatyousometimesmakemistakesthatyouneedtocorrect.Andthatyouhavetocontrolyourtempertosolveproblems.

• Providechancesforyourchildtoformfriendships.Arrangeplaydateswithotherchildren.Letyourchildtaketheleadindecidingwhotoinvite.Justlikeadults,childrenhititoffbetterwithsomepeersthanwithothers.Makesuretherearetoysandactivitiesavailablesoeveryonehasachancetoplay.Observeyourchildandhisfriendfromcloseby.Givechildrenachancetoworkthingsoutforthemselves,butsupportthemiftheyarejustlearninghowtoplaytogether.

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Observing and Knowing Your Child How-to’sYoung Preschooler

older preschooler

In a nutshell•Watchingandlisteningwillhelpyoucommunicatewithyourchild.•Observetoguideyourchild’sbehavior.•Makerespectapartoffamilylife.


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Observationhelpsyoucommunicatewithyourchild.Whenyouwatchherplayandlistentohertalk(sometimeswithherselforwithimaginaryfriends),youmaylearnhowshethinks.Youngchildrenareveryconcreteintheirthinking.Theyinterprettheworldaroundthemjustastheyseeit.Theylearnaboutthingsbyexperiencingthem.Byobservingyourchild,youcantellifwhatyouaretryingtosayhasbeenheardandunderstoodasyouintended.Clearandaccuratecommunica-tionisessentialtoparentingpositively.

Observingyourchildwillhelpyouguidehisbehavior.Disciplinemeansteaching,notpun-ishment.Whenyouwatchyourchild,youcandecidewhatyouneedtoteachhim.Knowingwhatleadsuptoaproblembehaviorwillalso

helpyoudecidewhattodo.Animportantjobofparentingistoteachyourchildwaystodevelopself-controlandfosterpositiverela-tionships.Parentpositively,withoutangryfeel-ings,physicalpunishmentorshame.Naturalorlogicalconsequencesareoftenthetoolstohelpshapebehavior.Youaretheauthorityinyourchild’slife.Youcandothiswhilestillbeingrespectfultoyourchild.

Inordertolearntorespectothers,yourchildmustberespectedbytheadultsinherlife.Onewaytorespectyourchildistoknowherpersonalityandlikesanddislikes.Observeyourchildtolearnthesethingsabouther.Youarethenreadytorelatetoyourchildwithwarmthandtenderness.Childrenlearnbywatchingadults.


• Questionsareanimportantpartofcommunication.Whenyouaskquestionsthatareclear,yourchildisbetterabletorespond.Askrealquestionsthathaveanswersyourchildcangivebacktoyou.

• Childrencanbeconfusedbyalotofquestionsatonetime.Askonequestionandgiveyourchildenoughtimeanswer.Youngchildrenarestilldevelopingtheirlanguageskills.Itmaytakeyourchildlongertorespondthanitwouldanadult.

• Listeningisatypeofobservation.Youcanlearnalotfromlisteningtoyourchild’sdevelopingspeech.Youngchildrenlovetopracticetheirnewwords.(Youmaywonderwhyyouweresoanxiousforyourchildtotalk!)Beanactivelistenerwhenyourchildtalkstoyou.Showyouarepayingattentionbyusingbodylanguage.Turnyourbodyinhisdirection.Focusonyourchild’sface.Repeatsomethingyourchildhassaidtoencouragehertocontinueandtochecktherealityofwhatsheistellingyou.Showyourchildyouhavereceivedhermessagebyresponding.

• Acceptthatyourchildmaynotlikeasituation,orhavefeelingsthatdifferfromyours.Thatisok.Setlimitsandsticktothem,butacknowledgethewaythathefeels.Whenyoustatewhatyouthinkyourchildfeelsbasedonyourobservations,youhelpyourchildgetpasthisfeelingsandthinkabouthisbehavior.Giveyourchildthechancetodisagreewiththefeelingsyouidentify.Hemaybefeelingsomethingdifferent.Youhaveshownhimthatyouarerespectinghisfeelings.

• Itisalwaysokaytofeelsomething,butitisnotalwaysacceptabletoactonthosefeelings.Thisistrueforbothchildrenandadults.Asparentswetoohavemanyfeelingssuchaslove,frustration,confusion,empowerment,anger,etc.Actonpositivefeelings,butdon’tignorethosethatarenotpositive.Findhealthywaystodealwithstressandanger.Strongfeelings—yoursandyourchild’s—won’tgoawayifignored.Beamodelforyourchild.Acknowledgeanddealwithyourfeelings.

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Observing and Knowing Your Child How-to’sOlder Preschooler