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Chapter 4
Objectives:This chapter aims to help trainees understand andbe able to apply:
1. Natural and logical consequences
2. Setting up regulations and rules in school and amily
3. Time Out
Positive disciplines
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72 Positive Disciplines
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73Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
While the idea o applying natural and logical consequences may sound like a new concept, parents
and teachers already commonly employ this method in schools and at home. However, as will be
discussed, i used improperly, as it so requently, it may be ineective or even harmul to children.
A natural consequence is anything that happens naturally, with no human intererence: when you standin the rain without raincoat, you get wet; when you dont eat, you get hungry; when you orget your
coat, you get cold; i you pull the cats tail, you will probably be scratched.
Unlike natural consequences, logical consequences require the intervention o adult or other children:
i you dont do your homework, you will get a bad grade; i a boy breaks his toy car on purpose, his
parents will not buy him a new one in order to teach him to look ater his toys.
There are two main purposes or using this method. Firstly, both natural and logical consequences
teach children to be responsible or their own behaviours, enabling and encouraging them to
make responsible decisions such as going to school, going to bed on time, wearing warm clothes
in cold weather and doing their homework. Secondly, this approach can work as a replacement or
punishment: children can still learn good behaviours without being beaten or scolded by adults. Itstrengthens the relationship between parents and children and teachers and pupils, making it warmer,
with less conict.
I the situation is not dangerous or the child, the maxim experience is the best teacher is an
excellent instruction principle. This is very important or the learning process: children learn rom the
consequences o their behaviours. I the experience is positive, the child tends to repeat such behaviour.
Conversely, i the experience is negative, a child is less likely to repeat the behaviour. Either way, they
learn that each o their behaviours has a certain consequence.
In order to apply this approach, it is important that the relationship between parents and children or
teachers and pupils should be based on mutual respect. Here the challenge is how to make both parties
cooperate with and encourage each other. I you want tochange certain behaviours exhibited by your
child, you must frst ensure that your
child will cooperate with you rather
than conront or be in conict with
you. In order to achieve this, you
must be prepared to cooperate as
well. In order to earn the respect
o your child, you must equally
show your child that you respect
him or her.
Apply natural
and logicalconsequences
Suggestedknowledge
1
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74 Positive Disciplines
t picips usi u csqucs1. Make sure that the child is not in danger: Natural consequences are a way to help a
child learn the results o behaviour. However, adults must make sure that the child is not indanger. No one should let children learn about inherently dangerous situations - such as
accessing electricity, boiling water or crossing crowded streets - just to teach them cause
and eect and natural consequence.
2. Do not interere with other people: For example, do not allow your child to throw rocks at
another person. While they will quickly learn that this behaviour has negative consequences,
someone else may have suered in order to teach your child that lesson. I a child cannot
understand the negative consequences o his or her behaviour, natural consequence will
not be practical and eective. When the results o childrens behaviour do not seem like a
problem to them (or example, not taking a bath, not brushing their teeth), children will not
learn the lesson.
t picips ppyi ic csqucs
The application o logical consequences is most eective when you ensure that the solutions
are logical and not punishment. There are three basic principles that underlie the successul
application o this concept:
Related:1. Cause and consequence must be related: when a child throws his or her toysaround the room, the logical consequence is that the child either puts them back in
order or stops playing with them. When a child spills water, the related consequence is
to have him or her clean up the spill. When a child writes on a desk, the related conse-
quence would be to have him or her clean up the desk, rather than to have him or her
clean the classroom or the toilet.
Respectul:2. I adult does not respect the child and, in particular, makes the child eel
humiliated (How messy you are, How can you be so clumsy? That is the last time Ill let
you pour the milk!) when orcing the child to tidy up the mess he or she has made, it
becomes a type o punishment and scolding rather than a logical consequence.
Reasonable:3. I adult is not reasonable and requests a child to clean up their toys or scrubthe oor again to make sure he or she has learned a lesson, it is no longer a logical conse-
quence. Reasonableness has been eliminated, along with act that adult has used his or
her power to orce the child to learn a lesson. As such, the child will probably not change
his or her behaviour or cooperate next time.
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75Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
I these three principles are not properly applied, the logical consequence methodology will not be
eective. Children may exhibit 3 negative responses as ollows:
Resentment:1. This is unair. I cant trust adults.Revenge:2. They are winning now because they have power, but next time Ill get even.
Retreat, lose condence:3. I wont try to do anything mysel I only ever make a mess and
get in trouble or reduced sel-esteem (I am a bad person or I am a ool).
Like adults, children also want to have the opportunity to make their own choices. Making a choice o one
rom two possible solutions is better than no opportunity or making a choice at all. Do you want to go
to bed at 9:00 or 9:30? is much better than In this house, children have to go to bed at 9:30.
Sometimes adults should make children aware o the possible consequences o their actions in advance.Children must understand that the choice, though limited, is theirs and they must accept the conse-
quences o their decision. For example, a mother brought her child to supermarket. Once there, he pestered
her or many things, crying until his mother nally gave in and bought him what he wanted. Next time, his
mother could say, I need to go to the market to buy some ood or our amily. You can come with me but
are you are not allowed to buy anything, or you can stay at home and I will go alone and come back quickly.
Which do you preer?
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76 Positive Disciplines
tb 1. dics b puism ic csquc
Puism lic csquc
1. Emphasise the power o personal
authority, make demands:
For example: Trung, turn o the music, we
are taking a rest.
1. Express the reality o the lie, showing
mutual respect:
For example: Trung, I know you like that song
but we are taking a rest. So please either turn
the volume down or turn the music o.
2. Arbitrary, indirectly related to
situation or not related at all:
For example: Why do you have to turn on
the music when we are taking a rest? You
are not allowed to listen to any music romnow on.
2. Directly related to the childs
misbehaviour:
For example: You should not turn the music
up so loud at noon when people are taking a
rest.
3. Identiy childrens behaviour with
personality, imply moral judgment:
For example: You acted like a thie when
you used my motorbike without asking
permission. From now on, you are not
allowed to touch it!
3. Separate the deed rom the doer, no
moral judgment:
For example: You used my motorbike
without asking or my permission. It is not
right. From now on, you must ask me beore
taking it.
4. Concerned with past behaviour:
For example: You are not allowed to invite
your riends to our house again. Last time
you made a big mess and your riends
used bad language.
4. Concerned only with present and uture
behaviours:
For example: You can invite your riends to
our house i you tidy up ater yourselves and
nobody uses bad language.
5. Threaten, disrespect, or put the child
down:
For example: Last time you made me lose
my ace with my riend. You know what
will happen i your riends come to our
house next time
5. Discuss the behaviour in a riendly
manner, ater the adult and the child
have calmed down; imply good will:
For example: Because you were not
respectul to my guest, next time may you
stay in your room when I talk with my guest?
6. Demand obedience:For example: Do it now, go! I you dont do
it now, I will beat you!
6. Permit choices:For example: You can do it whenever you
want but it should be completed beore I
come back.
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77Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
In addition, there are dierences in adults attitudes between the two approaches:
Puism lic csquc
Angry voice and expression Calm voice and expression
Unriendly, detesting attitude Friendly but determined attitude
Dont accept childrens choice
For example: Go to your bed now, or I will
beat you.
Can accept childrens decision, with limits
For example: You can continue reading but do
not stay up ater ten oclock.
It should be noted that some adults, rather than beating or scolding their children, choose instead to
ignore their children as a orm o punishment: no talking, no listening, and no looking at the child when
he or she is disobedient. This method is a negative discipline approach as it reduces the interaction,
sympathy and understanding between adults and children. Children can eel when your behaviour astheir parents or teachers is careless and disrespectul, not loving. When children believe that their care-
givers do not actually care about them, they may eel rejected and that they dont need those that dont
want them. As such, they may reuse to cooperate, and the adults may lose their authority.
Unlike the autocratic discipline and punishment, logical consequences are usually accompanied by an
adults explanation to enable the child to understand the consequence o their actions (see Table 1).
Explanation encourages children to be responsible or their behaviour without punishment and threats
rom adults. I, however, we wish our children to live responsibly, we should provide them with role
models o responsible behaviours as well as opportunities to practice responsibility, not just hollow
lectures on moral responsibility. When a child exhibits inappropriate behaviour, he or she should have
an adult explain how his or her behaviour aects other people. He or she should then be given a respon-
sibility such as reduce the volume or turn o the cassette, or tidy up the house ater the riends havelet - relating to the actual behaviour. The child might not eel very comortable but this eeling is more
useul than making him or her eel angry, scared, insulted, or disrespected through dictatorial discipline.
When children make mistakes and adults explain the possible consequences o their behaviour to them
while still expressing their care and love, the explanation is much more powerul.
Explanations also gradually help children to understand and accept the eelings and opinions o other
people - parents, teachers, and riends - as well as their inuence on other people. As they mature, they
will need ewer lectures because they have learnt how to see the situation rom other points o view.
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78 Positive Disciplines
ObjectiveTo practise how to use logical consequences in specifc
situations
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 20 minutes
Method Quick thinking and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk,
Pcss
Step 1
(5 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Distribute the handout Applying Logical
Consequencesto each group. Groups discuss and answer the questions given in
the situation (situation at home). I time is not available or everyone to look at
both situation cards, hal the groups should discuss situation at school. Groups
then write their answers on the card.
Step 2
(10 mius)
Ask groups to share their answers. You can add urther suggestions as you go. At
the end, explain how Longs mother used logical consequences, based on Handout
Applying logical consequences situation analysis.
In the situation at school, the teacher uses punishment rather than logical consequence
as it violates all three underlying principles: relate, respect and reason.
Conclusion
(5 mius)
Long has learnt cause and eects/consequences o his action, a lesson about being
responsible or his behaviour.
In Lans case, the teachers used a punishment that is in violation o the three key
principles and, as such, it is harmul to Lan. However, i she asks Lan, in calm and
respectul manner, to clean up the desk and the wall she drew upon, the teacher is
using logical consequence.
Activity:using logical conseqences
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79Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
ObjectiveTo understand the dierences between punishment and
logical consequences
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 20 minutes
Method Quick thinking and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk
Pcss
Step 1
(7 mius)
Continue activity with the Handout o Punish the child in chapter 2. Ask
participants what they can do without resorting to punishment? What can they
do to employ logical consequence? (See the Handout Punishment or logical
consequences
Step 2
(8 mius)
Ask participants to share their ideas. You can add urther suggestions based on
Handout Punishment or logical consequences a comparison o two ways.
I more time is available, you can use the Handout Punishment or logical
consequences to create a situation in school: when a child breaks one o his class
learning aids, the teacher usually uses punishment not logical consequence todiscipline the child. How will that child react? What will he learn? Is it similar or
dierent to Kien in the situation oPunishment or logical consequences
Conclusion
(5 mius)
Summarise the dierences between punishment and logical consequences based
on knowledge given in Suggested Knowledge 1.
Activity:Dierences between
pnishment and logical
conseqences
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80 Positive Disciplines
ObjectiveTo practise using logical consequences in three specifc
situations
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 25 minutes
Method Small group work and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk.
Pcss
Step 1
(10 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout Dierences between
punishment and logical consequenceto each group. Groups discuss given questions
and write their results in one o two columns: punishment or logical consequence
o the situation described on situation
Step 2
(8 mius)
Representatives rom each group share with the plenary. Ask other participants to
raise questions and give comment.
Conclusion
(7 mius)
Recap how to use logical consequences in specifc situations. The dierences between
punishment and logical consequences can be seen more clearly in the comparison
handout.
You may ask trainees to try applying logical consequences in appropriate situations in
school as homework. Discussion and sharing can then take place in the next session.
Activity:Contine to practice logical
conseqence
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81Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
S up buisWhile natural and logical consequences aim to educate children about responsibilities, rules and
regulations help to protect children. Rules and regulations are essential or education, rearing and
ensuring childrens healthy and sae development. Most parents and teachers want their children to
become decent, disciplined and responsible adults. The establishment and reinorcement o rules,
regulations and disciplines at home and at school, thereore, is very important.
Rules and regulations help children to understand what behaviours are appropriate and what behaviours
are unacceptable. They also help the children to understand the boundary o principles that cannot
be destroyed. Maintaining those rules and regulations also helps to maintain order and decency in the
amily and the school as well as later in society. I those behavioural regulations are appropriately and
consistently developed and exercised, children will accept them as principles guiding their behaviour
throughout their lie.
There are some rules and regulations consisting o
strict principles set by adults that children should ollow
without negotiation or their saely and the saety and
comort o others. As an example, children may be
asked to respect each other, to be honest, not to touch
electricity and not to smoke. Other rules and regulations
may be discussed and agreed upon between adults and
children and may be open be change ater a period
o time or when children reach a dierent stage, orexample, regulations on when to study or what to wear,
or their responsibilities around the home. Children will
learn very quickly what kinds o regulations are non-
negotiable and which are negotiable and changeable.
The logical consequence approach plays an important
role in assisting adults to teach children these regulations
and principles.
In Table 2 below, the frst column (Yes) shows examples
o those rules and responsibilities that children must
ollow according to their age and stage o development.
The third column (No) shows examples o those things
Set up regulations
and rules in thefamily and the
classroom
Suggestedknowledge
2
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82 Positive Disciplines
prohibited by parents, teachers or other adults or the good o childrens health, saety and development.
The middle column (Maybe) shows examples o those things that may be open to change as the child
matures and develops: those things that may move rom the No column to the Yes column. This
process will be based on ongoing discussion between children and their caregivers to renegotiate
the regulations and evidence o childrens increasing sense o responsibility. For example, as children
become older and more responsible, they may be allowed to go alone to their riends birthday partyin the evening i they arrange to be home at a certain time and to behave responsibly, or they may be
allowed to invite their riend over i they all agree to be polite and not to cause any disturbance.
Whilst children are growing up, they tend to seek greater independence while their parents tend to
still want to maintain strict control. This may result in conict. It is important, however, that parents and
caregivers do not relax the established norms and disciplines too readily as setting new boundaries
can be dicult and time consuming once children are used to a more ewer rules.
tb 2: Sm xmps ys-myb- (msy us s)
Yes Maybe No
Do homework Attend a riends birthday
party
Smoking cigarettes
Go to bed beore a
certain time
Go out on the weekend Driving a motorbike
Wear neat clothes to
school
Use the Internet Fighting
Help with the housework
ater school
Play games and
participate in other extra-curriculum activities
Playing games during
lectures
B cu syi cis qusAdults should be careul when saying yes and
especially when saying no. In many cases,
when childrens requests are denied, theycry, insist and sulk in an attempt to get their
way. This conict can lead parents to become
unhappy and stressed when their children
challenge their decision. Some parents may
use punishment to repress the conict and
protect their decision. Later, they may eel
regret or their behaviour and compassion or
their children. On reviewing their childrens
request, they may no longer eel the request is
unreasonable and thus reverse their decision.
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83Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
This type o inconsistency can make children think that:
Even though their parents said no this may not be the last word.
Behaviours such as crying and sulking may be used as tools to change parents decisions.
When parents are busy, they may not have the time to careully think the situation through, so saying noseems saer. Some parents do not really care about or respect childrens opinions so they immediately
say no without properly considering their requests or how to respond to them. When children dont
know why their request is reused, it can make them eel disappointed, suspicious and that they
have perhaps been treated unairly. In some cases, parents give children perunctory permission and
then have to go back on their decision once they think it more thoroughly. It makes adults appear
inconsistent and untrustworthy. As such, it is important to consider each situation careully and think
beore answering childrens requests.
w yu mmb sbisi
uis us sc miy?
Pis mmb si up us i ciIs that regulation/principle based on reality or just the adults perception?
Is that regulation/principle in the childs best interest and to ensure the childs
security?
Does that regulation/principle help children to avoid conict with other people?
Does that regulation/principle help children to learn how to think and consider the
consequences beore taking action?
What are consequences o ollowing or not ollowing that regulation/principle?
Every amily or school class need rules and regulations but these should not be arbitrarily established
by adults. Regulations are ar more eective i set up with participation rom all and practiced by the
whole amily or class. The regulations might relate to what and how to eat, what clothes to wear,
hygiene and good health, studying at home and in school, entertainment, timeliness, appropriate
responses and so on. The regulations should reect both adults and childrens needs and concerns. It
is important that children, especially teenage children, participate and cooperate in determining theregulations. When devising regulations it is important to consider the ollowing:
regUlatIonS wIthoUt PartICIPatIon no CooPeratIon and oPPoSItIonor CooPeratIon
By getting involved in the decision making process, both adults and children eel that they are the
owners o the decision and thus tend to carry out the decision ar more readily than when they eel
they are orced.
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84 Positive Disciplines
Css miy misTo establish a norm or principle or to solve any problem or conict, participatory class and amily
meetings can be very useul. They provide a chance or members o the amily or class to discuss, change
and adapt some established agreements. Discussions in class and in the amily provide an opportunity
and orum or children to learn how to share responsibility. They also provide an opportunity or adults
to show their respect and understanding toward children and to make joint decisions that are owned
and ollowed by all.
While there are clearly dierences between amilies and school classes, some similarities in the
establishment o norms and principles exist. The main purpose o class or amily meetings is not to
criticise or moralise. Teachers and parents should not use the class or amily meeting as a way to exertexcessive control. Children will know i they are being manipulated and will not cooperate.
Pupss css miy mis:
(1) To recognise and praise what has been achieved.
(2) To help each other.
(3) To solve problems.
(4) Plan events.
tu css miy mis, ci c ciic skis, suc s:
Mutual respect, talking in turn, listening to other people.
Giving compliments, recognising other peoples strengths and assets, being riendly, sharing
and cooperating on certain tasks.
Using logical consequences: or example, what to do when someone writes on a desk, on the
wall, uses oul language, is late or school or doesnt do their work during class time. Always keep
in mind the three key principles o logical consequences: related, respectul and reasonable.
Family meetings enable parents and grandparents to better understand each other through establishing
consistent norms. This can help to avoid any conusion over expectations and help children to stick to
their amilys principles and norms (see Activity 4).
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85Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Sps css/miy mi:
Start with a positive statement or praise to remove any deensiveness and promote cooperation.
Review the meeting agenda. For example, a teacher might ask: This is our class. I want you to
be involved in making our class rules. What do you want them to be? What points should beincluded?
Problem solving: For example, ask children who make mistakes such as making the table dirty by
drawing on it, come late to school, use bad language and so on, what they suggest to solve this
problem or diculty. I they make a suggestion, ask the other children to give their comments
and see i everyone agrees with the suggestions. I not, ask everyone to make other suggestions.
I those suggestions are counterproductive, ask the children with an encouraging manner way
or more easible and positive suggestions.
Create plan or putting the ideas into practice. Children should be able to decide when - within
a limited timerame, such as rom today or tomorrow - they have to begin to ollow the agreed
suggestions.
exmp
a ci i css sy hu is qusm by, ysskippi css ui up is css mi. ty sy picks s, ss b, ss s b mks. I csks, su bu is? ms u pbby sy
su b iscipi. Bu i c sks: wy yu ik hu ss is? t ss icu is suc s bcus is m, is buy. Fiy, ci suss, myb i is bcus s y is. a ci sys, is ii i is sibis bcus is p. t ci sk iscuss i ms b p. ty is suc s i mus b s yu miy,
s muc by yus, s . ty xpssi usi hu is siiy. w sk, h my yu u bii p hu? y i css is i . a is s
m i susis y cu p.l, hu s css iscuss pbms bi. w s sk i y i my pupis p im, k u pi, Pbby m.w s y pupis p im, kup i i ys sk s u cu bi i, y?
w css ci p hu by bi is i, suc ss bi is biu suyi pmc
imp micy.
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86 Positive Disciplines
rus uis my icu i pis
Mutual respect. Try using positive norms, such as be kind to each other or help those that need
it instead o prohibitions such as no fghting or no teasing,
Allowing others to be heard
Keeping quiet, no private talk when it should
be quiet
Being riendly
I rules and regulations proposed by children
are unreasonable or impossible, adults can raise
open questions such as Are you sure that that
is what we want? Any other solutions? We
cant do that right now. I you like, we can try
another solution and when its possible we willtry your suggestion. Ater the establishment
o the norms and principles, maintenance and
reinorcement is critical and oten more dicult.
Pis mmb mii suis ci
Instruction:Instructions must be clear and concrete, or example, Its time or you to put
your toys in order.
Reminder: Reminders will help children to think, recall and then decide their action, or
example, Do you remember that we agreed that you will not open and look thorough
other peoples drawers when we are visiting them?
Oer the child at least two alternatives:allow the child to choose one o the two acceptable
options in order to encourage childrens ability to think and making decisions. For example,
What do you want to wear today, the blue or the white trousers?
Let the child become aware o the consequences o their choice:telling children what will
result rom their behaviour is very useul. For example, I will be very worried i you
continue to beat your riend like that when you are angry.
Warning: a warning is not a threat but a reminder or the child to think o possible negative
consequences o certain behaviour. For example, you should think o what might happen
i you dont look careully when crossing the road on the way to school.
Express expectation: letting a child know your expectations is a way to encourage the child
to exhibit or rerain rom certain behaviour. For example, I would preer it i you did not
write dirty words on your desk.
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87Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Objective To practise how to discuss the establishment o norms in amily
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 25 minutes
Method Small group work and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk, post-it notes
Pcss
Step 1
(10 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Each group is to represent a amily or class
with dierent issues (or example, timeliness, housework, smoking, drinking,
watching TV while others are studying; a child in dicult situation who is always
talking and is quarrelsome at school and in the playground or a newcomer is oul-
mouthed and excessively boisterous when playing games) Ask each amily or
class to practice conducting a meeting to discuss and agree upon some useul
norms or the amily or classroom. Those norms can be put in a table with columns
or the days in a week and rows or the member responsible.
Step 2
(10 mius)
Ask representatives o the amilies and classes to share their agreed norms with the
plenary. Other participants and the trainer listen and raise question and comments
Conclusion(5 mius)
By participating in the decision making process, both adults and children eel
ownership o the decision. As such, the likelihood o putting the decision into
practice is higher than i the decision had been orced upon them.
Activity:A meeting to establish the rles
for family and class
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88 Positive Disciplines
ObjectiveTo understand the importance o the consistency o adults in
setting and maintaining rules/regulations the in amily
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 15 minutes
Method Small group works and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk, Post-it notes
Pcss
Step 1
(3 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout Inconsistency between
adultsto each group. Ask groups to discuss and answer the questions.
Step 2
(7 mius)
Groups share their answers with the plenary. Other participants to listen and raise
questions and comment.
Conclusion
(5 mius)
Summarise that parents need to discuss together and agree on how to establish rules
and regulations or their amily. This is even more critical or three-generation amilies.
Give homework, or example, those who are experiencing inconsistency over home
rules and regulations should discuss the situation with their spouse and, i necessary,
with the grandparents o the house and try to develop a set o rules and regulations
that suits everyone.
Activity:Inconsistency between adlts
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89Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
ObjectivePractice positive disciplines with teenagers in common
situations
Target
audienceParents, teachers, caregivers
Time 25 minutes
Method Group discussion and sharing
MaterialsA0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk and Post-it
notes
Cc i
Step 1
(10 mius)
Divide the class in small groups. Give each group Handout Positive disciplines with
teenagers. Each group should discuss the question and write their results in the
blank space on the handout.
Step 2
(8 mius)
Each group presents and shares their discussion results. Other groups may ask ques-
tions or give comments or input.
Give the ull version or trainees.
Conclusion
(7 mius)
Clearly defne the dierence between types o disciplines - arbitrary, relaxed, and posi-
tive disciplines - exercised by parents and the impacts or inuences that may result.
You may give the trainees homework: or example, trainees are to consider how they
treat children and whether or not their methods are eective. Next session, spend a
ew minutes or sharing the trainees fndings.
Activity:Positive disciplines with
teenagers
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90 Positive Disciplines
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91Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Time Out is an eective discipline but its use can be controversial. As with logical consequence, i
certain principles are not ollowed, Time Out can become a punishment, which may be harmul or
children.
The aim o Time Out is to isolate a child who is exhibiting or at risk o exhibiting undesirable orunacceptable behaviour - such as ridiculing or beating his or her riends or siblings, or destroying toys.
During the Time Out, the child has to sit separately without playing, talking or joining in the activity
with other children. It should last a set period o time in a particular Time Out place so that the child
can calm down and think about his or her inappropriate behaviour beore be able to continue with
the activity.
It is important that Time Out is used as a last
resort, when the child is at risk o hurting
other children or themselves. I adults use
this approach appropriately - inrequently
and or a short time - the child should
calm down and regain sel-controlrom a highly charged situation. By
contrast, i you use it requently and
improperly, it will not be eective and
have a negative impact on the child. It
may make the child more aggressive
and angry rather than sel-controlled or
it may become a physical and/or mental
punishment, or example, asking the
child to stand acing the wall or the whole
teaching period, to kneel in the corner o the
room or outdoors in the sun.
There are still debates about what is the most
eective length or a Time Out. Many educators
suggest that the Time Out method is most eective or
children aged three to nine years. The length o time, then,
depends on the age o the child. A good guideline is one minute
o Time Out or every year o age, so three minutes or a three year old, eight minutes or an eight
year old and so on. Extra minutes can be added or severe mistakes, as long as this message is ully
conveyed to the child.
Time outSuggestedknowledge
3
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92 Positive Disciplines
Sm bsic picips (to avoid Time Out becoming apunishment)
Dont use with very young children. Very young children can become rightened whenseparated rom adults, especially their parents and kindergarten teachers. Some may
become scared at even the threat o being let alone.
Use this method immediately ater the child makes the mistake or exhibits bad behaviour.
This allows the child to more easily make the connection to the behaviour and the logical
consequence o a Time Out. I possible, you should oer the child some other positive
choices, such as tidying up the mess he or she has made or apologise to his or her riend,
rather than immediately isolate him or her rom the activity happening in the class or at
home.
The Time Out should not be insulting. While the child is in Time Out, she should not be
made to eel scared or ridiculed. I this happens, the Time Out will become a mentalpunishment.
The length o the Time Out should not be longer than the time needed or the child to calm
down. When the child has calmed down, explain to him what behaviour is appropriate
and what behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable. You must help the child to clearly
understand why he or she had to have a Time Out, otherwise he or she will tend to repeat
the behaviour.
Dont threaten. Dont tell the child: i you repeat that behaviour, you will be asked to stand
in the corner. The child will become conused, eel that it is a negative punishment and
will not cooperate. As a result, the Time Out will be less eective. Dont use Time Out as a
punishment.
I the child is worried, embarrassed or irritated, you should help him or her to calm down beore using
Time Out. I you have used Time Out several times or a child but the behaviour has not changed as
expected, the reasons might be:
1. The child is too young to understand the purpose o being isolated rom his riends
2. The child is too amiliar with isolation thereore Time Out is ineective
3. The child may have a deep-seated aversion to isolation, or
4. The child has physical problems such as malnutrition.
When adults are angry, children may bear the brunt o their anger. When adults become angry, they
may need a Time Out o their own (Chapter 7). Try to give children Time Out beore you become angry
as once you are angry it is easy to ignore the three basic principles: reason, respect and relate.
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93Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
tb 3: dics B Psii ni discipi (puism)
Psii iscipi ni iscipi (puism)
1. Focus on what children need to do/shoulddo. Oer them positive choices. 1. Focus on what children are not allowed to do. Prohibitthem rom doing something without explaining the
reasons why.
2. A regular, continuous, consistent
and determined process. It should be
instruction-oriented.
2. Only occur when a child is caught making mistakes
or having a problem. It is a premeditated action that
aims at making children ashamed or humiliated.
3. Logical consequences are directly related
to childrens negative behaviours.
3. Consequences are irrelevant or illogical and
unrelated to childrens negative behaviours.
4. Listen to children, give examples or
children to ollow.
4. Never or rarely listen to children. Demand that
children obey.5. Accustom the child to sel-control. Enable
him or her to learn responsibility or him or
hersel, becoming proactive and confdent.
5. Children increasingly depend on adults, are
controlled by adults, may develop a ear o ailure, less
sel-independent, passive, unconfdent.
6. Help children to change and ocus on
their misbehaviours.
6. Focus on easing adults anger rather than correcting
the childs misbehaviour. May be a way or the adult to
vent their anger over something else entirely
7. Positive, respectul towards children. 7. Negative, disrespectul towards children
8. Encourage childrens ability to think and
make choices.
8. Adults think and make decisions and choices or
children.
9. Establish, develop desired behaviours. 9. Punish and criticise the child or his or her mistakes.
This may result in another negative behaviour.
10. Understand childrens capacity, needs
and developmental stages.
10. Inappropriate to the childs stage o development. Does
not take into account childrens capacity and needs.
11. No physical and emotional violence 11. Physical and emotional violence
12. Children ollow regulations and
disciplines because they have been involved
in the discussion and decision-making.
12. Children ollow regulations and disciplines because
they are araid o being punished or bribed with money
or rewards.
13. Teaches the child to understand the
reason or rules and discipline so that he
or she internalises them and ollows them
subconsciously.
13. Teaches the child to passively ollow the rules
knowing that violation o the rules will result in
punishment. There is no real understanding o why one
behaviour is permitted and another is not.
14. Consider mistakes to be a learning
opportunity or sel-improvement.
14. Mistakes viewed as unacceptable - the child is
punished when he or she makes a mistake. Force the
child to be obedient because the parents or teachers
say so, rather than through understanding the right
and wrong o the situation
15. Focus on the behaviour o the child
rather than the childs personality.
15. Criticise the childs personality rather than his
behaviour.
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94 Positive Disciplines
ObjectiveTo practise using Time Out or children in conict in specifc
situations at school and in the home
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 20 minutes
Method Small group works and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk
Pcss
Step 1
(10 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout What should be done with
children in confict to each group. Groups discuss the given questions and write
their results in the blank space on the card.
Step 2(7 mius)
Representatives rom each groups share their answers with the plenary. Ask otherparticipants to raise question and comments.
Conclusion
(3 mius)
The conclusion will be made based on Suggested Knowledge 3. Adults should be
careul to use Time Out properly. Vinh should be given Time Out to avoid hurting his
riend and to cool down. Ater he has cooled down, the adult can explain why his
behaviour is unacceptable. Next time, the adult can suggest that Vinh selects other toy
to exchange with Ngoc or suggest that both o them should share the toy. Whenever
children ollow the behaviour suggested by parents or teachers, they should be praised
and encouraged immediately to reinorce the good behaviour (Chapter 6).
Activity:Time-out for children in conict
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95Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Objective To practise using time out or angry children
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 20 minutes
Method Small group works and sharing
Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk
Pcss
Step 1
(10 mius)
Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout What should be done
with angry childrento each group. Groups discuss the given questions and write
their results in the blank space on the card.
Step 2
(7 mius)
Representatives o each group share their answers with the plenary. Ask other
participants to raise question and comments.
Conclusion
(3 mius)
Adults should be careul to use Time Out properly. Vinh should be given Time Out to
allow him to cool down and control his anger and to stop him destroying his toy. Ater
he has cooled down, an adult can teach him that anger is acceptable - parents and
teachers are also angry sometimes - but hurting toys or other people is not acceptable.
You can tell Vinh that as the toy is hurt, it is also angry and thereore it must be put
in the Time Out box (combine with logical consequence) so he can only play with it
tomorrow. Consider the Time Out place as a sae cornerrather than apenitence corner
or dead-time corner. You can decorate the Time Out place accordingly.
Activity:Time ot for angry children
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96 Positive Disciplines
Objective To test, review and reinorce positive discipline
Target
audience
Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with
children
Time 25 minutes
Method Individual works and sharing
MaterialsBoard, chalk, photocopy o the test distributed to each
participant
Pcss
Step 1
(5 mius)
Distribute Handout Test Used or both parents and teachersand/or Handout Test
Used or teachers only. Ask them to complete it on their own.
Step 2
(10 mius)
Ater fnishing, the trainer writes the correct answers on the board or people to compare.
I exchange, clarifcation or questions are needed, the trainer will acilitate. This is a very
useul exercise that can either be done in the class i time is available or at home.
Conclusion
(10 mius)
Recap the knowledge and skills that have already been delivered, in particular, chapter 4.
Stress that (1) the purpose o discipline is to educate and guide children but not punish
them. The nature o discipline is to help children to become more mature and responsible
or their lie, actions and to allow them to make good decisions and choices; (2) positive
discipline is more eective than punishment; (3) the more they use positive discipline,
the less they will need to use punishment; (4) adults themselves can make a change. I
we change, our children will change, too.
Activity:Test
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97Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Applying Logical Consequences (at home)
Siui
l, i-y- by is csy
by is m pu is iy cs i mp bi s is uim ib c y sc k. l s sp i bu csy cm-
pis bcus cs s c. his m is i quickys spci s l cmpis s is uim x y.
as i qusis:
If you were Longs parent, what would you do?
If that, what could he realise?
Handouts
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98 Positive Disciplines
Applying Logical Consequences
(situation analysis)
Siui (at home)
1. l, i-y- by is csy by is m pu is iy cs i mp bi s isuim i b c y sc k. l s sp i bu csy cmpis bcus cs s c. his m isi quicky s spci s l cmpis s is uim x y.
2. ls m cis y ic csqucs. S kiybu my l s cc i is biiy bspsib is iy cs. S xpi m s u s y cs i mp uy ys. S u l xpic u
csqucs i is cs i mp buy y. l ci s is p. o Suy i, k is uim b x y f
sui cmy. I b sii i is m sic pius Fiy. w l cmpi, m mpicysi, I b yu y iy cs. wl p i spci s, m si Im su
yu c u u sui. S i s i u iscussi ui is im cfic. l s
ups i smi s y mi b ciicis by c cu iy uim. l s cus c.
Using consequences can develop childrens sense o responsibility.
It strengthens the relation o parents and children - warmer with
less confict. The case itsel gives children a lesson that adults
dont have to preach anything else.
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99Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Applying Logical Consequences (at school)
Siui
l, 12-y- i, pms by sc, is sk s ims.t c s pim y bul s c biu. t ccis l s b uy kic i icu ci cssm
i.
as qusis:
1. What do you think about the teachers decision? Why?
2. If you were the teacher, would you do the same? Or different?
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100 Positive Disciplines
Punishment or logical consequences
Siui
Ki, 11-y- by, is pyi i is ibus us i ci bk p by misk.
Qusi:
If you were Kiens parent, what would you do?
If that, what lessons would Kien learn?
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101Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Punishment or logical consequences
(comparison o two ways)
Ki, 11-y- by, is pyi i is ibus us i ci bk p by misk.
Puism lic csqucs
Beating (some smacks on the bottom, earpulling and other painul punishments).
What does Kien learn? He learns:
- Not to do it again
- Try to hide his mistake
- Try to blame another child
- Tell a lie
- Try not to be caught next time
- Conclude that he is bad, might eel angryand want to take revenge against the person
who beat him.
w bi b, ci mi smb b bcus s is sc i m bis. h, yu yu ci c i biubcus y i yu bcusy spc yu?
You say to your child that I know you broke ourneighbours tea pot. So what will you do about
it? Use sot but determined voice.
The child will apologise to the neighbour and
decides to help him to pick up the spilt tea leaves
to compensate or the tea pot i the neighbour
agrees.
Kien will learn that:
Mki misks is i p i(y c mk misk). t imp
i is mi mks misk b spsib. w su b is misk bu spsibiiy ciyi misk.
t ci i y k is is ps. Impy, cis s-sm cc u.
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102 Positive Disciplines
Dierences between punishment and
logical consequencesDiscuss in small groups and propose parents solutions in different styles (punishment and logical
consequences)
Siui Puism lic csqucs
The child is enjoying a song romcassette player or CD player
while parents are taking a short
nap ater lunch.
An 18-year-old child drives his
athers motorbike without his
permission. The motorbike is not
available when the ather needs
it so he cannot do his work.
The child invites his riend to his
house. They mess up everything.
Some o the riends use bad
language.
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103Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Dierences between punishment and
logical consequences (comparison handout)
Puism lic csqucs
1. Make a demand, showing the adults
power.
(Trung, turn o the music, we are taking a rest.)
1. Express the reality o the lie. Adults and children
have mutual respect.
(Trung, I know you like that song but we are taking
a rest so please either reduce volume or turn o the
music.)
2. Autocratic or less relevant to the situation.
(I you turn on the music when we are taking
a rest, you will not be allowed to touch that
cassette player rom now on.)
2. Directly relate to the childs behaviour.
(Because you were not home by the time we
agreed, you will have to stay at home this Saturday
evening.)
3. Identiy childrens behaviour with personality,
imply moral judgement.
(You acted like a thie when using my motorbike
without asking or my permission. From now on,
you are not allowed to touch it.)
3. Dierentiate between behaviour and
personality.
(You used my motorbike without asking or my
permission. I think you are not ready yet to ollow
our amilys rules so tomorrow you will not use it. I
will give you another chance to show you want to
ollow the agreed rules this Friday.)
4. Concerned with the past
(You are not allowed to invite your riends to our
house. Last time you made a mess and some o
your riends used bad language.)
4. Concerned only with what will happen now
and in the uture
(You may invite your riends to our house i you tidy
up ater yourselves and you make sure that no one
uses bad language.)
5. Threaten to behave disrespectully
(Last time you made me lose ace with my riend.
You will know what will happen i your riends
come to our house.)
5. Implication o riendliness, goodwill ater both
parent and children are calm.
(Because you dont want to behave respectully
towards my guests, you will stay in your room next
time they come to visit.)
6. Ask or immediate obedience
(Do it now, go! Or else )
6. Give the child a choice
(Do it in your own time but make sure it is done
beore I return.)
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104 Positive Disciplines
Inconsistency between adults
Siui
K, 15 ys , s is i biy py. Bu ism s s py ss s is i K i cm m . w is s m, K sis i p im i mbik pis k(y mbik pii si). t is ppy s Ks is k b. a , K psus is
im py. t s iu ki m.
Qusi:
Is the fathers decision reasonable or not? Why?1.
Is the mothers decision reasonable or not? Why?2.
What do you think Khanh might do if he wants to go to friends birthday party or do similar3.
things later on?
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105Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Positive disciplines or teenagersThree styles of parenting: what will you do if your children do the following? Discuss in small
groups and ll in the blanks!
dicuy/ caucic
msPmississ Psii ms
The child stays out late
or the night
The child doesnt help
his or her parents with
the housework
The child is angry with
his or her parents
The child has an
irregular diet
The child has poor
school results
The child has a small
problem when riding
his or her bicycle to
school.
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106 Positive Disciplines
Positive disciplines or teenagers
(ull version)
dicuy/c
dici/sicms
Pmississ Psii ms
The child stays
out late at night
Scolding,
giving a lecture,
prohibiting
Expressing the
expectation o
punctuality but
taking no action
ater that
Discussing and agreeing on
the returning time beore
going out. Using logical
consequences (next time, next
week, the child will not be
allowed to go out)
The child doesnthelp his or her
parents with the
house work
Asking, givingcommand,
denigrating the
child, or example,
Youre useless.
Doing it or thechild. No longer
giving/asking the
child to do other
tasks
Gathering the whole amily todiscuss and agree on who does
what around the house and
using the logical consequence
method i this agreement is not
ollowed
The child is angry
with his parents
Threatening,
reacting with
anger
Taking
responsibility or
the childs eeling
(agreeing that it is
the parents ault)
Using positive listening and
message I because
(Chapter 5); considering other
ways o expressing eelings. Or
ignoring the childs anger and
discussing it when he or shehas calmed down.
Irregular diet Giving lectures,
trying to orce the
child to eat an
appropriate diet
Dont care at all
about the dietary
habit o the child
Discussing and working
together to make a diet
plan. Using natural or logical
consequences.
Poor school
results
Forcing the
child to do
more exercises,
punishing, giving
a lecture, bribing
Dont care about
the childs school
results
Giving the responsibility or
studying to the child. Focusing
on improvement and strengths
o the child (Encouragement,
see Chapter 6)
The child has a
small problem
when driving his
or her bicycle to
school.
Becoming angry,
giving a lecture,
not allow the
child to go to
school by bicycle
anymore
Showing excessive
compassion,
taking
responsibility
or that problem
(taking the child
to school by
motorbike)
Discussing with the child to
fnd a solution to avoid this
problem, showing that the
parent believes the child can
learn to ride the bicycle more
saely
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107Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
What should be done with children in
confict?
Siui
1. vi, 5 ys , is pyi i is y c i css. Suy,is cssm, nc us css ks y c, s nc ss py i i. vi uss c bck. t bys
pu pus c . I , vi bis nc s
i mks nc cy u u. vi s cis. t isk mcfic is ppi.
2. a simi siui pps i sibis.
Qusi:
1. What would you do if you were a teacher or parent in the above situations?
2. What would Vinh learn from your action?
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108 Positive Disciplines
What should be done with angry
children?
Siui
vi is pyi i y bcks. w is y isbuii up bcks, kcks m by cci y cmumbi . h s s y is ys is ms s m.
Qusi:
1. What would you do if you were his teacher or parent?
2. What would Vinh learn from your actions?
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109Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Points to remember when applying
Time Out
Time Out should be the last resort, not the frst solution. The Time Out method is most eective
or children aged three to nine. The length o time spent in Time Out time depends on either
the childs age (an easy way to remember is one minute per yearo the childs age) or level o
mistake the child made, as long as parents message is ully conveyed to the child.
Some basic principles: be careul when using Time Out to avoid it becoming a mental
punishment
Dont use it or very young children.
Use this method immediately ater the child has hurt someone else or himsel.
The Time Out should not be insulting.
Length o the Time Out should not be longer than the time needed or the child
to calm down.
Dont threaten.
I the child is worried, embarrassed or irritated, you should help him or her to calm down
beore using Time Out. I you have used Time Out several times or any child but his or her
behaviour has not changed as expected, the reason might be
1. The child is too small to know the goal o being isolated rom his riends
2. The child is too amiliar with isolation thereore time out is ineective
3. The child may have a deep-seated aversion to isolation, or
4. The child has physical problems such as malnutrition
When adults are angry, children are usually the victims. I so, you may need a Time Out or
yoursel.
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110 Positive Disciplines
Dierences between positive and
negative discipline
Psii iscipi ni iscipi (puism)
1. Focus on what children need to do/should do. Oer them positive choices.
1. Focus on what children are not allowed to do.Prohibit them rom doing something withoutexplaining the reasons why.
2. A regular, continuous, consistentand determined process. It should beinstruction-oriented.
2. Only occur when a child is caught makingmistake or having a problem. It is a premeditatedaction that aims at making children ashamed orhumiliated.
3. Logical consequences are directly relatedto childrens negative behaviours.
3. Consequences are irrelevant or illogical andunrelated to childrens negative behaviours.
4. Listen to children, give examples orchildren to ollow.
4. Never or rarely listen to children. Demand thatchildren obey.
5. Accustom the child to sel-control. Enablehim or her to learn responsibility or him orhersel, becoming proactive and confdent.
5. Children increasingly depend on adults, arecontrolled by adults, may develop a ear o ailure,less sel-independent, passive, unconfdent.
6. Help children to change and ocus ontheir misbehaviours.
6. Focus on easing the adults anger rather thancorrecting the childs misbehaviour. May be a wayor the adult to vent their anger over somethingelse entirely
7. Positive, respectul towards children. 7. Negative, disrespectul towards children
8. Encourage childrens ability to think andmake choices.
8. Adults think and make decisions and choices orchildren.
9. Establish, develop desired behaviours. 9. Punish and criticise the child or his or her mistakes.This may result in another negative behaviour.
10. Understand childrens capacity, needsand developmental stages.
10. Inappropriate to the childs stage o development.Does not take into account childrens capacity andneeds.
11. No physical and emotional violence. 11. Physical and emotional violence.
12. Children ollow regulations and
disciplines because they have been involvedin the discussion and decision-making.
12. Children ollow regulations and disciplines
because they are araid o being punished orbribed with money or rewards.
13. Teaches the child to understand thereason or rules and discipline so that heor she internalises them and ollows themsubconsciously.
13. Teaches the child to passively ollow the rulesknowing that violation o the rules will result inpunishment. There is no real understanding o whyone behaviour is permitted and another is not.
14. Consider mistakes to be a learningopportunity or sel-improvement.
14. Mistakes viewed as unacceptable the child ispunished when he or she makes a mistake. Forcethe child to be obedient because the parents orteachers say so, rather than through understandingthe right and wrong o the situation.
15. Focus on the behaviour o the childrather than the childs personality.
15. Criticise the childs personality rather than hisor her behaviour.
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111Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
Test(used or both parents and teachers)
Complete the below sentences by selecting and circling the most appropriate optionfor you
1. Punishment teaches a child to
a. Be sel-controlled
b. Use violence or problem solving
c. Respect his or her parents
2. Positive discipline helps the child to
learn
a. To behave appropriately
b.To be sneaky and not get caught
misbehaving
c. To ear their parents
3. Child development educators think
that children are born
a. Bad
b. Good
c. With the possibility o becoming eithergood or bad
4. The logical consequence o leaving
dirty clothes messily in a room is
a. Having to wear dirty/unwashed clothes
b. Not being able to watch TV
c. Having a parent pick up ater you
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112 Positive Disciplines
Please decide whether the actions below
are positive or negative and mark the ap-
propriate box.
acis ps cs m i sc
Psii nih yu us is
m: ys/
1. Giving direct and specifc
instruction (tell children exactly
what they have to do).
2. Coming to a conclusion or makingan assessment beore having
evidence.
3. Using orce (beating, smacking,
ear pulling and so on)
4. Giving a command or demanding
children to do something without
any explanation.
5. Acting and behaving in a way that
children will replicate.
6. Making a judgement about the
child based on one or two incidents.
7. Publicly comparing the child with
other children.
8. Predicting possible problems/
diculties that may happen to the child.
9. Keep insisting that the adult is
correct or superior.
10. Making regulations and rules
clearly and consistently and
always towards maintaining and
strengthening them.
What is your result? How many positive and how many negative disciplines have you used in the past?
AnswerforsessionA:1.=B2.=a3.=C4.=a
AnswerforsessionB:actions1,5,8,10reforpositive.
Actions2,3,4,6,7,9arefornegative
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113Chapter 4: Positive disciplines
exciss1. Take a good look at the way you have disciplined your children over the past couple of weeks.
Complete each section below:
w i ci (pupis) ?
w i yu ?
2. Then ask yourself Was that method effective? Will
I do the same thing next time? Is there a more
positive or effective way to discipline the child if he
or she makes a similar mistake?
3. This week, you will try to use logical consequence.
Select some behaviours exhibited by your child
that made you worried or frustrated. It is difcult
to use a positive approach when you are irritated
and angry.
(a) What did the child do?
(b) What consequences did you and your child decide on?
(c) What was the result? Was it eective? Do you know why?
After a week, please answer the below questions (select all methods that you used last week)
1. t ms I us iscipii icu:
Yelling and screaming Ignoring the childs misbehaviour
Scolding Isolating the child (in a separate room,
in a corner, in a classroom)
Explaining the reasons very calmly Spanking
Removing privileges (or example,
did not allow the child to watch his
or her avourite TV programs)
Letting the child experience
consequences o his or her behaviour
Oering some limited choices. Threatened but didnt ollow through
Showing disapproval Directing the childs attention to other
issues to make him or her orget the
situation at hand
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114 Positive Disciplines
2. I s k, I:
M lss n c
Acted calmly
Acted frmly and
kindly
Used kind, not unkind,
words
Gave limited choices
and let the child learn
rom consequences o
his/her own behaviour
3. t msp miy css s c s i:
M lss n c
Friendliness
Cooperation
Understanding
Conusion
Fun
Tension
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Test used or parents only
Yu pi sys (with teenage children)
In child rearing and education, as a parent, I usually
True False
1. Criticise and become angry
2. Shout, scream
3. Forbid
4. Threaten
5. Punish (beat, scold)
6. Usually suspect that my child is telling a lie
7. Criticise my childs school marks
8. Reproach my childs clothes and riends
9. Decide when my child must do his or her homework
10. Search my childs room, desk or bag to fnd proo o his or her
mistakes
11. Dont accept my childs opinion i its dierent rom my own
12. Think that parents will trust children who show they can be
trusted, while children think that they will show they can be
trusted i given the chance
13. Rarely discuss the situation with the child to fnd an acceptable
solution
I most o your answers are true, you tend to be strict. Autocratic adults usually orce children
to ollow them and do not accept any other way. This makes children dependent on adults
and rigid because they become araid o making mistakes because they will be punished. A
consequence o this style o parenting is a gap in the relationship between parents/teachers
and children.
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