1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry

• Can You Hear Me Now?

• Communication Keys for Couples

2. II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

==========D A T I N G ===========

Opposites Attract

=========M A R R I A G E ==========

Opposites Irritate!

4. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1 Pet 3:7

Husbands, in the same waybe considerateas you

live with your wives, and treat them with respect as

the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the

gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your

prayers. (NIV)

Youhusbands in the same way, live with your

wives in anunderstanding way (NASB)

5. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

After laying a foundation of character

in our lives, the next essential key of

effective communication is to develop

mutual understanding.

6. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

Gen 1:27

So God created man in his own image, in the

image of God he created him; male and female

he created them.

7. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

Anatomical Differences

Brain Chemistry

Differences in Senses

8. 9. 10. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

Anatomical Differences

Brain Chemistry

Differences in Senses

Brain Processes

11. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

12. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

2.Natural Abilities

Exodus 31:3-6

I have filled him [Bezalel] with skill, ability and

knowledge in all kinds of crafts to make artistic designs

for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to

work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of

craftsmanship...I have appointed Oholiab to help him.

Also I have given skill to all the craftsmen to make

everything I have commanded you .

13. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

2.Natural Abilities

Arts, Music, Drama paint, draw, sing, act, play

Sports baseball, football, hunting, etc

Verbal skillsword puzzles, reading, stories

Mechanical abilitybuild things, mechanical

Concepts/Ideas teacher, thinker, writer

14. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

3.Family Background

15. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

1John 4:5

They are from the world and therefore speak

from the viewpoint of the world.

16. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Whatever world (family) we are from has a

HUGE impact on how we interpret life and

react to it.

In fact, it defines our concept ofnormal .

17. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Food Healthy vs. Southern

18. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Religion Spiritualvs. Not so much

19. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Finances Spenders vs. Savers

20. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Pets Many vs. None

21. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Politics Republic vs.Democrat

22. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Expressive Huggersvs. Reserved

23. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Child-Rear Spankers vs. Non-spankers

24. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

HolidaysSanta Clausvs. None

25. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

Chores Hisvs. Hers

26. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

3.Family Background

How we were raised becomes our normal .

When we discover our spouse does things

differentlyWell, theyre justwrong !

We all need to learn that in most situations,

theyre not wrong, justdifferent .

27. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

3.Family Background

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

28. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

Gen 2:18

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be

alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Eph 5:22-23

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.For

the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the

head of the church

29. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

Eph 5:22 - 28

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the

church and gave himself up for her. In this same

way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own

bodies.

Eph 5:33

However, each one of you alsomust love his wifeas he

loves himself, and thewife must respect her husband .

30. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

Primary

Spouse Primary Role Need

Husband Loving Servant-Leader Respect

Wife Respectful Helper-Comp Love

31. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

3.Family Background

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

5.Love Languages

32. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

5. Love Languages

(1)Words of Affirmation

(2)Quality Time

(3)Receiving Gifts

(4)Acts of Service

(5)Physical Touch

33. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

5. Love Languages

While all languages should be expressed, we

generally haveone or twothat we hear best.

Our tendency is toexpresslove the way that

wehearlove.

34. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

5. Love Languages

To be fully received, our expressions of love

need to be communicated in a way that our

spousecan understand.

We need todiscoverour spouses language

andlearnto speak that to them regularly.

35. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

3.Family Background

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

5.Love Languages

6.Spiritual Gifts

36. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

6.Spiritual Gifts

1 Corinthians 12:7, 11, 18-20

Now to each one themanifestation of the Spiritis given for

the common good.

All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he

gives them [gifts] to each one,just as he determines .

...in factGod has arranged the partsin the body, every one

of them,just as he wanted them to be .If they were all one

part, where would the body be?As it is,there are many

parts , but one body.

37. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

6.Spiritual Gifts

Spiritual gifts aregivenTO eachbelieverBY

theSpirit FOR thecommon good .

TheHoly Spiritdetermines which gift(s) we

receive.

God gives usdifferentgifts because the

Church and the world need themall!

38. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

6.Spiritual Gifts

Service Gifts Sign Gifts

Prophesying Wisdom

Serving Prophecy

Teaching Knowledge

Encouraging/Exhorting Discernment

Giving Faith

Leading Speaking in Tongues

Showing Mercy Interpreting Tongues

Miracles

Healing

39. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

6.Spiritual Gifts

The spiritual gifts we possess influence

how weperceiveandrespondto our

world and our spouse!

40. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

1. Physiological

2.Natural Abilities

3.Family Background

4.Primary Role and Emotional Need

5.Love Languages

6.Spiritual Gifts

7.Personality Type

41. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Byunderstandingour own personality type and

that of our spouse wegain a huge advantageto

improving our communication.We will have a

better insight as to whatmotivatesour spouse,

how they are likely tointerpret a particular issue ,

and how theymight respondto a specific situation.

Gaining an understanding of these differences

enables us to decrease the conflictin our life!

42. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

We areborn with our basic personalityand will exhibit many of these strengths and weaknesses over our entire lifetime.BUT we must not fall prey to the belief that our natural-born tendencies can keep us frommaturingover time .

43. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

LaHaye DISC Smalley/Trent

Choleric D Lion

Sanguine I Otter

Phlegmatic S Golden Retriever

Melancholy C Beaver

44. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Mature Immature

Description Strengths Weaknesses

Lion Determined Demanding

High D Decisive Dictatorial

Choleric Direct Blunt Assertive Argumentative

Aggressive Overbearing

Goal-Oriented Impatient

45. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Mature Immature

Description Strengths Weaknesses

Otter Charismatic Impulsive

High I Confident Overconfident

Sanguine Gregarious Superficial

Stimulating Self-Centered

Talkative Poor Listener Enthusiastic Emotional

46. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Mature Immature

Description Strengths Weaknesses

Golden Easy-Going Non-Confront

Retriever Accommodating Indecisive

High S Patient Indifferent

Phlegmatic Calm Apathetic Loyal Passive

Dependable Plodding

47. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Mature Immature

Description Strengths Weaknesses

Beaver Orderly Obsessive

High C Thorough Nit-Picky

Melancholy Systematic Legalistic Quality Perfectionist Cautious Indecisive

Analytical Critical

48. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

God gives us our core personality to help us

accomplish Hispurposesfor our life .

By Gods Spirit, we can grow beyond our

naturalweaknessesand do things that are not

natural for us .

49. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

Philippians 2:13

for it is God who works in you to will and to act according

to his good purpose.

Philippians 4:13

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of

power, of love and of self-discipline.

50. II. Understanding Impact of Differences

7.Personality Type

You can use your background as an excuse

for present behavior only until you receive

Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and

Savior.After that you have a new power

within you that is able to change your

conduct.Dr. Henry Brandt

51.

Five Major Keys of Effective Communication

1.Maturing Character

2.MutualUnderstanding

Do you know who I am?