You are an empty vessel.You have nothing to give. You huddle alone in the alley, thinking back the quiver of his fingers, the names of the ghosts that live across your chest, and the shades of the bruises that thrive in your soul instead of on your skin. The weather has been horrendous as you watch people escape the worst of Gods rage by fleeing into surrounding shops. With your fingers numb and rosy from the wind, you are damp around the collar of your shirt and down your back. No one sees you as you desperately try to run away from the strength of the broken mans desire. Confusion, you inhale close your eyes when you hear the whispers of ghosts begin to make your mind their home, ghosts born from confusion and something else, an emotion you do not understand yet. You know it feels like a beacon lit, strong and wild- like a flame that will never burn out. You seek help and dig deeper, making the mistake to allow yourself to drown into the memory. You unlock the door and step in, the wave crashes over you as you scream. You are now in fear, an empty vessel no more.You open your eyes and sink further back into the corner, suffocating at the gentle touch of his hands, the smell of his smoke that curls around you, and the bitter taste of alcohol that settles in your mind instead of on your tongue. The overpowering echo of the rain engulfs you in the tiny alley as you tremble at the sudden drop of temperature around you. You hold yourself a little bit too tight, digging your fingers into your palm, tearing up the skin as red begins to enter your vision. It hurts, you should have felt the pain but there is this gnawing feeling at the back of head, it is the tears you do not know you are holding knock you over.Sadness, you exhale bite your lips as you try so hard to wipe away the persistent marks of ghosts begin to ascend their ways onto your body, eating parts of you that have been very much alive. The roaming hands around your body are being strongly envisioned and you could not recall if you have fought the monster or caught in a silent state. You are trying hard to push blood into bruises again and again just to watch them fade moments later. Everything is thumping loudly against your eardrums, beating over yourself for not able to erase the shade on your skin. Sadness is flooding in through an open gate, but just when you are about to give up, the strange fiery emotion is back and you surprise yourself by jumping straight into the flame to escape the pain. You know this feeling; it is strange but not unfamiliar with, and you know this is anger.You hold yourself up and finally walk out from the dark alley, accepting the warning sign of his blinding smile, the chaos of the ghosts wandering eyes on your body, and the venom of his words drips on your life instead of on your mouth. The pouring rain is not enough to wash the sins out of this land as you make your way to a nearby caf. Your clothes are a mess that clings desperately on your tired body, the bell rings above you and all eyes are suddenly on you. You actually recognize a few of the emotions; there is confusion on an office ladys face, fear gathers in one of the workers eyes but theres one that you notice that flickering alive in most of them. Sympathy, you halt hold your breath as you hear the footsteps, approaching your way in random rhythms and warm jackets start to drape around your shivering body, no longer feeling the sting from the harsh wind. A hot coffee is handed into your numb hands, you might cringe at the comforting hands on your back but you are managing very well, you understand they are not the hands of the ghosts. The lady in red is the first to ask, a question that you know it is coming sooner or later. Her sapphire eyes tell you she already has the answer but she needs it, she needs it from you and she knows you need to say it yourself. You want to be fine, but you are not. You are not okay because you are tainted by the ghosts. Your heartbeat races wildly and you are suddenly missing the cold, the air around you burns your skin, -like the biting of fire ants- leaving a trace of their brutality behind. Still you stare into the eyes that are as blue as the wide ocean; the words leave your mouth so carelessly that you do not even have memory of saying them. The expected humiliation did not come, and a small light explodes in your heart when the arms wrap themselves around you. You do not understand this unbearable feeling, tears are welled up in your eyes but it is not sadness that you have experienced before. You are confused, you are shaken in fear of not knowing, and you still have some anger left inside of you. This is neither sadness nor sympathy; you just never dwell into it until now.You hold your head high up as you approach the podium, smoothing down the bubbly energy in your heart, calming down the fire in your soul and nodding at the crowd seated in front of your life. Cameras are flashing at you and the buzzing energy is spreading around the room like wildfire, everyone is waiting for you and now you are finally here. Nothing else exists beside you and the crowd, or maybe, you and the survivors. You tap on the microphone and smile, desperately clutching onto the hundreds of emotions swelling inside of you. Most of the women out there chose to stay anonymous when it comes to this issue, hiding the harrowing stories about their pasts. Our stories arent always pretty and they dont always end well. They hurt to tell and they hurt to hear. I was once afraid but no more, I waived my right to anonymity and decided to stand here and share this to my fellow survivors and to the world that is watching this and witnessing this moment right now. I was just a kid when I was attacked after leaving my fathers restaurant in the alley, I was drugged into submission and I had no idea what happened to me until the frightening flashbacks suffocated me. I wish to give strength to the victims and change the societys view on this taboo subject.It is this moment you realize what the feeling is all along, the one that you start having in your years of acceptance and bravery, that one emotion that allows you to feel there is indeed someone out there supporting you and trying to learn to stop living in misery. You smile lightly as you have found it inside of you for the first time, and soon you will be able to share this pleasure to the survivors in the world. To truly know what youre going through, you have to be stripped down to nothing, be emotionless, be an empty vessel. My name is Pandora Meera and I was raped when I was a kid, and this is my story on how I reclaim my life.You are an empty vessel no more.You lost it once but now you are sharing it to the world.And this is a joy that will last forever.

By Eric