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www.onefamilylaw.ca

“Parental Alienation”What is it? What can you do? How is it

connected to abuse?March 27, 2014

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Tamar Witelson, Legal Director, METRACVictoria Starr, Lawyer, Starr Family Law

Funded by:

METRACMETRAC, the Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and

Children works to end violence against women, youth and children a not-for-profit, community-based organization

www.metrac.org

 

METRAC’s Community Justice Program provides accessible legal information and education for women and service

providers focuses on law that affects women, from diverse backgrounds, especially

those experiencing violence or abuse

Family Law Education for Women in Ontario -- FLEW provides information on women’s rights and options under Ontario family law in 14 languages, accessible formats, online and in print

www.onefamilylaw.ca

www.undroitdefamille.ca

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Presenters

Tamar WitelsonLegal Director, METRAC

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Victoria StarrFamily Lawyer/Mediator/Arbitrator,

Starr Family Law, Toronto

Topics to be Covered1. What Does “Parental Alienation” Mean?2. Reasonable Child Behaviour3. Signs of Parental Alienation4. Is Abuse Part of the Picture?5. What To Do:

a) Out of Courtb) Going to Court

6. What Is the Office of the Children’s Lawyer?

7. Conclusion8. Additional Resources Accurate as of the date of this webinar presentation: March 27,

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What Does “Parental Alienation” Mean?

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What Does “Parental Alienation” Mean?

• “Parental Alienation Syndrome” term introduced by child psychiatrist Richard Gardner (1985, United States)

• Gardner described a condition in which a child criticizes and pulls away from one parent, without reason

usually after parental separation

usually the other parent is blamed for influencing, indoctrinating or “poisoning” the child’s view

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What Does “Parental Alienation” Mean?

• “Parental Alienation Syndrome” is not a medically recognized disorder

• Gardner’s observations were limited, focused on child custody cases where he believed fathers were “falsely accused” of child abuse

• High conflict parental separation can affect children in many ways:strong bond with one parentdistance or estrangement from other parentmay or may not involve abuse

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What Does “Parental Alienation” Mean?• A child who persistently expresses

unjustified negative feelings and beliefs about a parent that are out of proportion to the child’s actual experience with that parent is a legitimate cause for concernsuch as anger, hatred, rejection, fear

• May be called “Parental Alienation”

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

• When separating parents fight over custody of a child, it is common for child to feel:sadnessguiltprotective of one or both parentsanger at one or both parentsconflict over loyalty to one or both parentsa need to reduce conflict and bad feelings

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

• Child behaviour that is justified, or has a reasonable explanation is not “parental alienation”

• Strain, tension, distance in the relationship with one parent is not always “Parental Alienation”

• There are expected and typical reasons why a child may feel more positive/negative with each parent

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

• Some explainable reasons for a child’s positive/negative feelings towards one parent:greater comfort with the usual primary caregiverseparation anxiety when leaving a comfortable

environmentidentity with parent of same gender or interestspreference for more material comforts and/or

fewer demands on behaviour

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

• A child’s reasonable positive/negative feelings towards one parent, related to family breakdown:anger at the parent who leavesmoral judgement of a parent’s behavioursympathy or worry for rejected parentdisruption in social life and routinedislike of a parent’s new partner or step-

siblings

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Reasonable Child Behaviour

• Signs of reasonable child behaviour:negative attitudes towards the rejected parent

are occasional or reduce over time

negative attitudes may be mixed with positive attitudes and affection

negative attitudes may be directed at both parents at various times

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Reasonable Child Behaviour• Behaviour related to abuse or neglect, such

as:child is/was physically or sexually or otherwise

abused by one parent, or by someone else while in care of the parent

child witnessed a parent’s violence or abuse against someone else

child was threatened or has a reasonable fear of harm by parent

child’s needs are or were neglected by parent

child was abandoned by parent27/03/2014

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”

• Context increasing number of claims of “Parental

Alienation” (PA) in Canadian child custody cases

from 1989-2008, 60% of PA claims upheld

mom was 2 times more likely to be considered the “alienating” parent (moms are more likely to have custody or most time with child)

dad was 3 times more likely to claim PA which is not upheld

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”

• Negative child behaviour becomes progressively more severe, for example:

feeling pressure and loyalty conflict between parents

reducing pressure by siding with one parent

adopting more negative views of rejected parent

resisting contact with rejected parent, even when contact has been positive in the past

extreme anger and complete rejection of alienated parent27/03/2014

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”• Concerns about a child’s behaviour arise

when there is no reasonable or justifiable explanationview of parents is one-sided; one parent is

“good” and the other is “bad”towards the rejected parent:

• vicious response or hatred – verbal and physical• negative to associated family, friends, pets,

possessions• blamed for separation and current life conditions• reasons for rejection are false, irrational, trivial

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”

view of parents is one-sided; one parent is “good” and the other is “bad”

towards the favoured parent:• worried about parent• cares for or feels the need to care for parent• defends parent• denies worry or protection for parent• mimics what the parent says without an

individual view• parent is idealized

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”• The favoured parent (the alienator)

direct or indirect signs of encouraging the rejection or alienation of the other parent, such as:o rarely talks about other parent or regularly says

negative things about other parentodenies other parent has any positive qualitieso interferes with child’s contact with other parent

• lets child decide if/when to visit• is upset if child does visit• discourages phone calls, email, birthday or

celebrations of other parent

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”• The favoured parent

encourages the rejection of the other parent:o sends messages through child, puts child in the middleo ignores or destroys messages from other parent to the

childo talks about the other parent with disdainomakes child feel guilty for any positive feeling towards

other parento unjustifiably portrays other parent as damaging to childo discusses legal/separation issues with childo asks child to spy on or keep secrets from other parento threatens to withdraw affection, unless other parent is

rejected

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Signs of “Parental Alienation”• The rejected parent’s behaviour can make

things worse, such as:says negative things about other parentmakes child feel guilty ignores or rejects child’s feelingsargues with child, tries to convince, or punish to

change behaviouroverly strict rules or complete resignation and

rejection of childdiscusses legal/separation issues with childsends messages with child, puts child in the

middle27/03/2014

Presenters

Tamar WitelsonLegal Director, METRAC

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Victoria StarrFamily Lawyer/Mediator/Arbitrator,

Starr Family Law, Toronto

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Is Abuse Part of the Picture?

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Is Abuse Part of the Picture?• Richard Gardner invented the label “Parental

Alienation Syndrome” to combat claims of child sexual abuse against fathers, which he viewed as commonly false

• Research shows 50-70% of child sexual abuse claims are valid

• A child’s fear and rejection of a parent for abuse is justifiable and not “Parental Alienation”

• A parent’s legitimate concern for a child’s safety is not “Parental Alienation”

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Is Abuse Part of the Picture?• Partner Abuse and Violence

criticism and de-valuing of a parent in front of a child by the other parent is a form of domestic partner abuse

encouraging a child to reject a parent without justification may be a continuation of partner abuse

the risk of partner abuse and violence increases immediately after separation

custody battles can be used as a tool to attack a person’s competence as a parent, identity and dignity

interference with a mother-child relationship may be a profoundly damaging tactic of woman abuse27/03/2014

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Is Abuse Part of the Picture?• Child Abuse

child’s right to have a meaningful and beneficial relationship with both parents is threatened or lost

alienating parent exploits child’s lack of power and control

risks of harm to child from “Parental Alienation”oShort Term

• stress• emotional distress• taking on adult responsibilities to protect favoured parent• guilt or regret from loss of rejected parent• health: depression, self-harm, eating problems, cutting

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Is Abuse Part of the Picture?

Risks to child from “Parental Alienation”oLong Term (still being researched)

• ongoing emotional distress• low self-esteem; belief in inadequacies like rejected

parent• ongoing dependence on favoured parent• fear of loss of favoured parent• rigid, black/white view of world• self-blame• depression• difficulty with interpersonal relationships

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Presenters

Tamar WitelsonLegal Director, METRAC

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Victoria StarrFamily Lawyer/Mediator/Arbitrator,

Starr Family Law, Toronto

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What To Do: Out of Court

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What To Do: Out of CourtTips to avoid or deal with “Parental Alienation”• Both parents should:

follow terms of a custody agreement or Court Order

stay positive with child

avoid being negative about other parent

not involve child in legal or parental discussions

not use child as messenger between parents

use an online program to communicate with other parento e.g. Our Family Wizard

keep personal record of positive activities and concerns

save or copy all notes, cards, documents, email, texts, record of phone calls27/03/2014

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What To Do: Out of Court• Services to Support Parents

Talk to a lawyer

Parenting Course o geared to child’s ageo to better understand child’s needs and concernso to respond and positively interact with child

Conflict Resolution Courseo specifically for separating parentso to improve communication, respect, trusto e.g. Families in Transition

Mental Health Professionalo expert in high conflict parental separationo more specific to the individual parents and childo help to reasonably respond to difficult situations27/03/2014

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What To Do: Out of CourtAlternate Dispute Resolution (ADR)

o consult a lawyero to resolve disputes between parents

• mediation (best at early stage)• parenting coordinator• arbitration

o See webinar: “Conflict, Court or Another Way? Different Ways of Resolving a Family Dispute”

www.onefamilylaw.ca/en/webinar/

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What To Do: Out of Court• Services to Support Child

Talk to a lawyer

Child Therapisto emotional outlet and counselling

Mental Health Expert Reporto report on child’s views and preferences; provide opinion

Brief Focused Assessmento report on parental conflict and effects on childo provide ideas for practical solutions

Children’s Aid Societyo may assist or refer child and family to community serviceso can intervene if CAS believes child is in need of protection

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What To Do: Out of Court• Family Counselling

should have expertise on “Parental Alienation” and child rejection of a parent (estrangement)

identify your concerns about parent/child relationships

child, both parents, new partners, other family members should prepare to attend

only a parent with custody can agree to involve child

consider: will counselling be confidential (closed) or open, with a professional report and recommendations

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What To Do: Out of Court

• Keep in mind: you may end up in Courtcourses, counselling, assessments and reports

may be viewed by the other parent in a Court proceeding

“out of Court” information could become evidence in Court

you can agree in advance that a document will not be used in Court and an expert will not be called as a witness

if it is to your benefit, you can agree in advance that a document and witness can be used in Court27/03/2014

Presenters

Tamar WitelsonLegal Director, METRAC

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Victoria StarrFamily Lawyer/Mediator/Arbitrator,

Starr Family Law, Toronto

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What To Do: Going to Court

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What To Do: Going to Court

• Other solutions are not working• Court involvement may be appropriate• Court has broad powers, can order one or

several of the following:ask judge to caution parties about behaviour

ask judge to “case manage” and keep case moving

Review Order: parties return to Court every week or two to report

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What To Do: Going to Court

• Court can: order “Section 30 Assessment” (under Ontario

Children’s Law Reform Act)o in custody/access case, Court can appoint a

professional to “assess and report” on the needs of the child, and whether the parents can satisfy those needs

o Court can order parents and child to attend assessment

Request involvement of the Office of the Children’s Lawyer

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What To Do: Going to Court

• Court can order: a parent or child to participate in a course or

counselling, such as:o parenting, conflict resolution, individual or family

therapy

psychological assessment Brief Focused Assessment a very specific parenting agreement supervised exchanges of child supervised visits with child police enforcement

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What To Do: Going to Court• Court can order:

spousal support reduced to pay for counsellinga parent is declared “vexatious”a parent must pay the other parent’s legal costsa parent is “in contempt” of Court and order a

penalty, such as fine or jaila limit or increase on parental time with childa change in child custodyno parental contact with child

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What Is the Office of the Children’s Lawyer?

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What Is the Office of the Children’s Lawyer?

• Ontario Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL)

free, government-funded lawyers and clinical investigators who will assist the court to help children under 18

Court, or usually at one parent’s request can request OCL to get involved in a case

OCL may: Not take case appoint a lawyer to report to Court on child’s views and

preferences and take a position on behalf of the child conduct a “clinical investigation” and make recommendations to

the parents and Court

determines strength, consistency and independence of child’s views and preferences27/03/2014

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What Is the Office of the Children’s Lawyer?

advances a position on behalf of the child makes recommendations to the Court position might not mirror child’s stated views and

preferences

does not represent either parent does not take instructions from parents may speak to parents and others to get more

information about the child

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Conclusion• High conflict parental separation and custody disputes

may affect children and their parental relationships

• Justified withdrawal from a parent is not “Parental Alienation”

• Make sure arrangements and Court Orders are detailed

• Follow custody agreements and Orders

• Stay positive with child

• Consider out of Court supports

• Consult a lawyer

• Don’t wait, take action sooner rather than later27/03/2014

Presenters

Tamar WitelsonLegal Director, METRAC

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Victoria StarrFamily Lawyer/Mediator/Arbitrator,

Starr Family Law, Toronto

Additional Resources

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Online Basic Information Ministry of the Attorney General www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/

• 1-800-518-7901 (toll free)• 1-877-425-0575 (TTY)

Family Law Information Program (FLIP) www.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting/flip.asp

Family Law Information Centres (FLICs) www.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting/type_family.asp

Family Law Services Centres (FLSCs) www.legalaid.on.ca/en/contact/contact.asp?type=flsc

Family Law Education for Women (FLEW)www.onefamilylaw.ca/en/resources/

Ontario Women’s Justice Network (OWJN) www.owjn.org 27/03/2014

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Domestic Violence and Abuse• Assaulted Women’s Helpline www.awhl.org

24 hours/7 days; multiple languages Toll-free: 1-866-863-0511;TTY: 1-866-863-7868

• Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres http://www.sexualassaultsupport.ca/

• Network of Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Treatment Centres www.sadvtreatmentcentres.net.

• Victim Services Directory www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/pcvi-cpcv/vsd-rsv/index.html

• Barbra Schlifer Legal Clinic Toronto: 416-323-9149 x278 (legal intake) TTY: 416-3231361 Free counselling, referral, legal and interpreter services to survivors of violence

(Family, Criminal and Immigration law)

• Family Violence Authorization Program (Legal Aid Ontario) Free 2-hour emergency meeting with a lawyer Offered through some shelters and community legal clinics Toll-free: 1-800-668-8258; TTY: 1-866-641-8867

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“Parental Alienation” Resources• co-parenting communication guides

www.afccnet.org/Portals/0/PDF/AzAFCC%20Coparenting%20Communication%20Guide.pdf

www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/

www.afccontario.ca/resourcesparentschildrenprofessionals.html

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Looking for a Lawyer• Helpful to talk to a lawyer

ask for free first consultationdiscuss cost of fees and disbursements

• Legal Aid Ontariowww.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting/default.asp

416-979-1446 (Toronto)(accepts collect calls)1-800-668-8258 (toll free) 1-866-641-8867 (TTY)

• Office of the Children’s Lawyer

www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/ocl

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Looking for a LawyerLegal Aid Ontario• for low income people• 20 minutes Summary Legal Advice• Family Court advice lawyers

at Family Law Information Centres (FLICs)

• Family Law Service Centres help with documents help to get lawyers

• If your partner is violent or abusive Family Violence Authorization Program free 2-hour meeting with lawyer offered through some shelters and community legal

clinics Toll-free: 1-800-668-8258; TTY: 1-866-641-886727/03/2014

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Looking for a Lawyer• JusticeNet

not for profit service reduced legal fees

www.justicenet.ca/professions

• Canadian Family Law Lawyers Network (National)www.cfln.ca

• Law Society of Upper Canada Lawyer Referral Service

www.lsuc.on.ca/with.aspx?id=697 416-947-3330 (Toronto) 1-800-268-8326 (toll free) 416-644-4886 (TTY)27/03/2014

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Looking for a Lawyer

Community Legal Clinics • can refer to services; may do some family lawwww.legalaid.on.ca/en/contact/contact.asp?type=cl

Toolkit for a good Client-Lawyer Relationshipschliferclinic.com/vars/legal/pblo/toolkit.htm  • Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic

See FLEW Webinars: • Where to Look for a Family Law Lawyer • Your Day in Family Court: How to Prepare and What to

Expectwww.onefamilylaw.ca/en/webinar/

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Resources

Ontario Courtswww.ontariocourts.on.ca/• Online guide provides an overview of all courts in Ontario• Information on family courts:

– Superior Court of Justice www.ontariocourts.ca/scj/en/famct/– Ontario Court of Justice

www.ontariocourts.ca/ocj/family-court/overview/

Ontario Court Locationswww.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/courts/Court_Addresses/• Find court addresses across Ontario

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