Workbook - CPPDSM4056A · 2015. 2. 3. · S:\ASTC Main Folder\RTO\Cert IV Property Services (Real Estate) - CPP40307\CPD 2015\NSW\Managing Conflict in the Property Industry\Workbook

$Page 1: Workbook - CPPDSM4056A · 2015. 2. 3. · S:\ASTC Main Folder\RTO\Cert IV Property Services (Real Estate) - CPP40307\CPD 2015\NSW\Managing Conflict in the Property Industry\Workbook$
Communication Skills

Property Services Industry

Continuing Professional Development 2015

Edited by

David Jackson

The Australian Salesmasters Training Co Pty Ltd

A Registered Training Organisation #6854

Manage Conflict and Disputes in the

Property Industry

________________________________________ Manage conflict and disputes in the property industry

© The Australian Salesmasters Training Co www.thesalesmasters.com Version 3, 10/01/2014 2S:\ASTC Main Folder\RTO\Cert IV Property Services (Real Estate) - CPP40307\CPD 2015\NSW\Managing Conflict in theProperty Industry\Workbook - CPPDSM4056A.doc

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Table of Contents

Unit Descriptor.........................................................................................................4

Section One: Getting Started ..................................................................................6

Section Two: Introduction to Conflict Resolution................................................7

Section Three: Effective Conflict Resolution Styles ...........................................10

Section Four: Creating an Communicative Atmosphere...................................13

Section Five: Mutual Understanding ...................................................................16

Section Six: Focusing on Individual and Shared Needs .....................................18

Section Seven: Analysing to the Root Cause .......................................................22

Section Eight: Creating Options...........................................................................26

Section Nine: Solution Building............................................................................28

Section Ten: Additional Tools...............................................................................30

Section Eleven: Resolving the collision of gender-linked values .......................33

Section Twelve: Handling Complaints................................................................55

Section Thirteen: Difficult Clients........................................................................57

Section Fourteen: Difficult clients over the telephone........................................59

Section Fifteen: Signs of Conflict .........................................................................60

Section Sixteen: Tenancy issues...........................................................................61



CPPDSM4056A Manage conflict and disputes in the propertyindustry

Unit Descriptor

This unit of competency specifies the outcomes required to use communication techniques to

manage and resolve conflict and disputes in the property industry. It requires the ability to assess

conflict or dispute situations, accurately receive and relay information, adapt interpersonal styles

and techniques to varying social and cultural environments, and evaluate responses.

The unit may form part of the licensing requirements for persons working in the property

industry including in the real estate sector in those States and Territories where these are

regulated activities.

Element of Competency

ELEMENT PERFORMANCE CRITERIA

1 Assess conflict ordispute.

1.1 Conflict or dispute is identified and responses areevaluated according to organisational and legislativerequirements.

1.2 Causes of conflict or dispute are recognised andappropriate responses to prevent escalation areidentified according to organisational procedures.

1.3 Effective observation and active listening skills areused to elicit and interpret verbal and non-verbalinformation.

1.4 Effective communication techniques are used toensure an accurate exchange of information.

1.5 Situations requiring specialist advice are identified andassistance is sought as required according toorganisational requirements.



ELEMENT PERFORMANCE CRITERIA

2 Negotiate resolution. 2.1 Conflict or dispute is negotiated and resolvedconstructively using strategies that comply withestablished organisational procedures.

2.2 Negotiation techniques are used to maintain positiveinteraction, and divert and minimise aggressivebehaviour.

2.3 Communication with others is conducted in acourteous manner that reflects sensitivity to individual,social and cultural differences according toorganisational requirements.

2.4 Contradictions, ambiguity, uncertainty ormisunderstandings are identified and clarifiedaccording to organisational procedures.

2.5 Factors that might impact on the safety or security ofclients and colleagues are identified and appropriateresponses or contingency measures are formulatedand implemented.

3 Evaluate response. 3.1 Effectiveness of response is evaluated and reviewedaccording to legislative and organisationalrequirements.

3.2 Response evaluation findings are organised in a formatsuitable for analysis according to organisationalrequirements.

3.3 Incident observations are provided in an accurate,concise and constructive manner when reviewing anddebriefing situations.

3.4 Business equipment and technology are used toprepare records and reports according to applicableOHS, legislative and organisational requirements.

3.5 Information is securely maintained with due regard toconfidentiality, and legislative and organisationalrequirements.



Section One: Getting Started

There are many ways to resolve conflicts - surrendering, running away, overpowering youropponent with violence, filing a lawsuit, etc. Conflict resolution, grew out of the belief that thereare better options than using violence or going to court. Today, conflict resolution is used in awide range of industries covering an array of different situations.

This unit will demonstrate the six-step process to resolve conflicts of any size. You will alsolearn crucial conflict resolution skills, including dealing with anger and using the AgreementFrame.

Learning Objectives

Research has consistently demonstrated that when clear goals are associated with learning, itoccurs more easily and rapidly. With that in mind, let’s review our goals for today.At the end of this unit, participants should:

Understand what conflict and effective conflict resolution means. Understand all six phases of the conflict resolution process. Understand the five main styles of conflict resolution. Be able to adapt the process for all types of conflicts. Be able to break out parts of the process and use those tools to prevent conflict. Be able to use basic communication tools, such as the agreement frame and open

questions. Be able to use basic anger and stress management techniques.



Section Two: Introduction to Conflict Resolution

It is very easy to view all conflict as negative, but this is not true. We are all different and thosedifferences can sometimes emerge as conflict. Viewing conflict in this way can help us considerthe possible positive outcomes of the problem at hand. This workshop will introduce conflictresolution processes that will help you better understand those differences, enabling you interactin a more positive and productive way.

Conflict, What Is It?

Let’s look at the true meaning of conflict. The Dictionary defines conflict as,“to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash.”

Wherever people live and work together there will be tensions and disagreements. Whilst someare relatively minor skirmishes which soon blow over; others become entrenched and simmeraway for years. A few escalate and explode into serious strife.

Some examples of conflict can include:

Executives receive a 10% pay increase whilst shop floor employees are laid off. An employee gains permission to work from home whilst other employees are refused. One department refuses to work with another due to a personality clash with

management. One employee is bullied by their supervisor.

Workplace conflicts will be our main focus during this workshop; however the tools we utilisecan be used in personal situations also.

Conflict can also be healthy for an organisation. Conflict can sometimes increase motivation andcompetitiveness in certain situations.

Two companies vie for the top market share. Several sales people work to be the top salesperson. AFL teams work towards playing at the grand final.

These examples of conflict can result in greater success, whether “success” means a betterproduct, better teamwork, better processes, lower prices, trophies, or medals.Everyone experiences conflict – it’s how you deal with it that matters.



What is Effective Conflict Resolution?

Conflict resolution can be obtained in many different ways, from mutual agreement tocompletely wiping out your opponent. Few of us can deny that the conflict of World War 2 waseventually resolved, but at what cost? If Germany had won the war, this would also mark theresolution to the conflict. This would imply that conflict resolution has no right or wrongoutcome, only a subsidence of the conflict. Effective Conflict Resolution implies a satisfactoryoutcome to the conflict which satisfies all parties.

Some common conflict resolution terms include:

Mediation: A process to resolve differences, conducted by an impartial third party.

Mediator: In impartial person who conducts a process to resolve differences.

Dispute Resolution: The name given to any process aimed at resolving differences

between two parties.

Apparent Conflict: A situation where the conflict is in the open.

Hidden Conflict: A situation where the conflict is not in the open.

Destructive Conflict: can result in heavy organisational and personal costs.

Constructive Conflict: can enhance problem solving, and decision making



Understanding the Effective Conflict Resolution Process

Conflict comes in many forms, and our process will help you in any situation. Below you canfind a brief overview of how we are going to spend most of this workshop.Although we have outlined the various conflict resolution phases in a particular order and with aparticular grouping, that doesn’t mean that you have to use all the phases all the time.

Learning Activity 1

List and briefly describe the steps in an effective conflict resolution process.

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________



Section Three: Effective Conflict Resolution Styles

As with many subjects that improve our working or personal environment, Effective ConflictResolution has five widely accepted styles and processes. We will concentrate during thisworkshop on the collaborative style. There may be some situations that require a different styleso during this section of the workshop we will touch on the other four styles.

Understanding all five styles and knowing when to use them is an important part of successfuleffective conflict resolution.

The Five styles include: Collaborating Competing Compromising Accommodating Avoiding

Collaborating

Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative -- the complete opposite of avoiding.Collaborating involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution that fully satisfiestheir concerns. It means digging into an issue to pinpoint the underlying needs and wants of thetwo individuals. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring adisagreement to learn from each other's insights or trying to find a creative solution to aninterpersonal problem. This is the approach that we will use during this workshop.

The collaborative approach encourages parties in conflict to work together to develop a win-winsolution. This approach promotes assertiveness (rather than aggressiveness or passiveness).

This style is appropriate when: The situation is not urgent. An important decision needs to be made. The conflict involves a large number of people. Previous conflict resolution attempts have failed

This style is not appropriate when: A decision needs to be made urgently. The matter is trivial.

Competing

Competing is assertive and uncooperative -- an individual pursues his own concerns at the otherperson's expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which you use whatever power seemsappropriate to win your own position -- your ability to argue, your rank, or economic sanctions.Competing means "standing up for your rights," defending a position which you believe iscorrect, or simply trying to win.



With a competitive approach, the person in conflict takes a firm stand. This style is often seen asaggressive, and can often cause the other party to feel injured or stepped on.

This style is appropriate when: A decision needs to be made quickly (i.e., emergencies). An unpopular decision needs to be made. Someone is trying to take advantage of a situation.

This style is not appropriate when: People are feeling sensitive about the conflict. The situation is not urgent.

Compromising

Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to findsome expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It fallsintermediate between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more thancompeting but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly thanavoiding, but does not explore it in as much depth as collaborating. In some situations,compromising might mean splitting the difference between the two positions, exchangingconcessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground solution.

With the compromising approach, each person in the conflict gives up something that contributestowards the conflict resolution.

This style is appropriate when: A decision needs to be made sooner rather than later. Resolving the conflict is more important than having each individual “win”. Power between people in the conflict is equal.

This style is not appropriate when: A wide variety of important needs must be met. The situation is extremely urgent. One person holds more power than another.

Accommodating

Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative -- the complete opposite of competing. Whenaccommodating, the individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the otherperson; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form ofselfless generosity or charity, obeying another person's order when you would prefer not to, oryielding to another's point of view.

This style is one of the most passive conflict resolution styles. With this style, one of the partiesin conflict gives up what they want so that the other party can have what they want. In general,this style is not very effective, but it is appropriate in certain scenarios.



This style is appropriate when: Maintaining the relationship is more important than winning. The issue at hand is very important to the other person but is not important to you.

This style is not appropriate when: The issue is important to you. Accommodating will not permanently solve the problem.

Avoiding

Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative -- the person neither pursues his own concerns northose of the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict. Avoiding might take theform of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time or simplywithdrawing from a threatening situation.

People who use this style tend to accept decisions without question, avoid confrontation, anddelegate difficult decisions and tasks. This is another passive approach that is typically noteffective, but it does have its uses.

This style is appropriate when: The issue is trivial. The conflict will resolve itself soon.

This style is not appropriate when: The issue is important to you. The conflict will continue or get worse without attention.

Learning Activity 2List and give an example of 5 Effective Conflict Resolution Styles

1. _____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________



Section Four: Creating an Communicative Atmosphere

Creating a communicative atmosphere is a very important step in the effective conflict resolutionprocess.

The people involved in the conflict will typically be negative. With emotions like anger,frustration, and disappointment being only a few roadblocks you will have to contend with. Byestablishing a positive communicative atmosphere, you can begin to turn that negative energyaround, and create a powerful problem-solving force. This creates a sound foundation for theeffective conflict resolution process to start.

Defuse Emotions

Before beginning the effective conflict resolution process, there must be a willingness by bothparties to resolve the conflict. This may seem a an obvious requirement but in some competingconflicts one party may not wish to discuss if there is any hint they may need to give any ground.Without buy-in from both sides, achieving a win-win solution is close to impossible.

Once participants have agreed that they do wish to resolve the conflict, it is important to defuseas many negative emotions as possible. This requires you to allow the participants in the conflicttime to vent and work through the feelings associated with the conflict.

Key steps for the people in conflict include:

Accept that you have negative feelings and that these feelings are normal. Acknowledge the feelings and their root causes. Example: “I feel very angry that Marie

never offers to make the tea.” Identify how you might resolve your feelings. Example: “If Marie would offer to make

the tea occasionally instead waiting for me to make it.”

This can generate ideas about what the root cause of the conflict is, and how to resolve it.Example: “Marie’s work may be heavier than mine. I wonder if she might be having some stressand anxiety regarding her time.”



Setting Ground Rules

Ground rules provide a framework or a set of rules for people to resolve their conflict. Groundrules should be set at the beginning of any effective conflict resolution process. They can be verybrief or very detailed – whatever the situation requires.

Ground rules should be: Developed and agreed upon by both parties. Positive when possible. Fair to both parties Enforceable Adjustable Distributed to both parties who agree to the rules prior to the meeting taking place.

If the parties are using a mediator to help them resolve the conflict, it is important that theground rules are developed by the parties and not the mediator. The mediator’s role is to guideand mentor, not to judge.

Some examples of ground rules include (including an explanation of its purpose):

Keep interactions respectful, even when feeling frustrated or hurt. Avoiding put-downs,name calling, interruptions, etc. This helps prevent conflict escalation.

Maintain emotional control, even when feeling angry. Vent or redirect emotions to avoidyelling or other intimidating behaviour. This helps provide a safe environment forresolving differences.

Keep interactions on "hot topics" within a structured process. Avoiding spontaneousdiscussions on such issues helps prevent unintended "blowups." Using a plannednegotiation or mediation helps focus and balance communication about especiallydelicate issues.

Show a willingness to understand. If others feel understood and acknowledged, they aremore likely to collaborate when problem solving. This requires focusing on andempathising with what is being communicated by others rather just waiting for a turnto respond.

Communicate honestly and openly. Holding back on what the real concerns are willonly delay or complicate the resolution of differences.

Be as objective as possible. Avoid speculation, rumours, and assumptions. Rely onpersonal observations and experiences or what can be independently verified through acredible witness or available documentation.

Express concerns in a constructive manner. Each party describing which of his/herneeds are not being met is typically better received by others than accusations ordemands for change.

Focus on future solutions rather than past blame. Emphasising what needs to be changedrather than who is at fault takes less time and energy and increases the chances ofsuccessful change.

Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs. Using an approach that tries to findcommon ground or shared interests is the most effective way for each person to gethis/her own needs met. An approach that disregards a person's needs is likely to causeresentment in that individual, which can lead to future resistance or retaliation.



Participants can use the ground rules throughout the conflict resolution process to monitor andmodify their behaviours. Ground rules give participants an objective, logical way of addressingpersonal attacks and emotional issues.

An example: “David, I feel like you have cut off my last several statements. We agreed at thebeginning of this that we would listen to each other’s statements fully before answering.”If the conflict is being mediated, this also gives the mediator a fair way to give participantsfeedback and help them work with the conflict. Since the same rules are being applied toeveryone, it can help the mediator maintain fairness and avoid bias.

Choosing the Time and Place

Thoughtful consideration of the environment in which the discussions are to take place are veryimportant. The correct location enhances the parties’ commitment, supports quality decision-making, and can enhance the appearance of the mediator’s neutrality. It could be the mostimportant decision made by the mediator.

The environment should include physical surroundings that affect people’s bodily comfort levels.It also should include some less tangible elements: the parties’ relative levels of power, theirfeelings of safety, and arrangements that convey respect.

You should remember to bring flip charts, markers, calculators, and notepads for the parties.Make sure the facility has available phones, fax machines, laptop computers, and printers. If youfeel it necessary, make tissues available. On-site tissues relieve emotional parties ofembarrassment and tension. They communicate a clear nonverbal message that crying is anacceptable and normal event that happens during this stressful time.

Make sure that there is lots of time allowed. Minimise distractions if possible: turn cell phonesoff, forward office phones to voice mail, and turn off computers.

If you are mediating a conflict resolution meeting, be conscious of the needs of both partieswhen scheduling the meeting. Make sure that the time chosen works well for both of them.Choose a location that is neutral (one that they are both comfortable with or that neither hasvisited before). Removing distractions will enable both parties to concentrate on the matter athand: resolving the conflict.



Section Five: Mutual Understanding

Two teenage brothers still living at home with their parents, both wanted to borrow the familycar at the same time. Their parents arrive home to hear a blazing row between the two youngmen. The arguments went on for hours until their mother couldn’t stand it any longer andintervened, asking the boys where they were going. One of the brothers was travelling to hisgirlfriends and the other was playing football at the other end of town. On closer investigation itbecame apparent that the brother seeing his girlfriend could easily be dropped off by the otherbrother on his way to play football. This would allow the other brother to have a few beers as hedidn’t have to worry about drinking and driving.

This model of win-win situations and mutual gain is our preferred outcome for any conflict. Inthis section, we will explore how creating mutual understanding can lay the groundwork for awin-win solution.

What Do I Want?

The previous story regarding the two brothers highlights something fundamental to effectiveconflict resolution, “what do I really want?” The possession of the car wasn’t the root of theproblem, arriving at the desired destination was.

Identifying what you personally want out of the conflict should be stated as objectively and aspositively as possible.

Examples of this could be: I want a fair share of all new customers. I want a better working relationship with my manager. I want changes to the schedule.

A good idea is to create two versions of your personal needs statement: your ideal resolution andyour realistic resolution. Or, you could frame your statement into several steps if the conflict iscomplicated.

Another useful exercise is to break down your statement into wants and needs. This isparticularly valuable if your statement is vague. Let’s take the statement, “Ben is unhappy withhis/her manager over work assignments.”

WANT NEED

More input into the schedulingprocess

To work less than 40 hours perweek

A more regular schedule More notice of any overtimerequirements

This will give you some bargaining room during the conflict resolution process, and will helpensure that you get what you need out of the solution. In the example above, you may be willingto give up a more regular schedule if more notice for any overtime work was provided.



What Do They Want?

Next, identify what the person that you are in conflict with wants. Try to frame this positively.Explore all the angles to maximise your possibilities for mutual gain.

These framing questions will help you start the process. What does my opponent need? What does my opponent want? What is most important to them? What is least important to them?

What Do We Want?

Now that you have identified the wants and needs of both sides, you need to look for anyoverlaps. These overlaps will be the start for establishing mutual ground.

Here is an example. Sam and Jane are in conflict over the current working schedule. As the mostsenior members of the production line team, they both alternate their regular duties with that ofthe line manager. Although taking on the responsibility gives the line manager an extra $250 pershift, the line manager also has to work an extra hour per shift, and has additional safetyresponsibilities.

Sam and Jane both work Monday to Friday. As a regular production line team member, theirshifts are from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. As Line Manager, they are expected to work from 8:30a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

SAM JANE

WANTS To have at least two linemanager shifts per week, as theextra money is useful.

To have at least two linemanager shifts per week.

To leave by 5 p.m. on Fridays.NEEDS To leave by 5 p.m. on Mondays

and Wednesdays to pick up hischildren.

To ensure that the line managerposition is covered by someonefrom Monday to Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

Not to have more than three linemanager shifts per week as itwill require her to pay extrataxes.

To ensure that the line managerposition is covered by someonefrom Monday to Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

The chart above shows clearly that Sam and Jane have the same goal, which is to ensure that theline manger position is covered by someone. This is a logistical conflict rather than one drivenby emotion. We can also see from the chart that there seems to be some good starting ground fora solution.

When working through the wants and needs of both parties, be careful not to jump toconclusions. Rather, be on the lookout for the root cause. Often, the problem is not what itseems.



Section Six: Focusing on Individual and Shared Needs

At this point in the process it may appear we have made hardly any progress in resolving theconflict. Indeed, most of these primary steps are focused on information gathering and problemsolving.

But by building shared interests or common ground, you will have a better understanding of eachothers' needs. Get to know the other party better, listen to their desires and assess theirstatements. Let the other party know more about you so they may better know you as well. Thiswill allow you to positively progress toward resolving the conflict. You can then make a list ofoptions you share as a way to satisfying individual needs and interests, one of the key buildingblocks for win-win solutions.

This section will look at some techniques for building common ground, and how to use commonground to create a partnership.

Identify Common Ground

In almost every situation of conflict there will be common ground between the parties. We havealready talked about finding common ground when exploring each side’s wants and needs.

In our earlier example, with Sam and Jane in conflict over the line manager schedule, they bothwanted to ensure that the position was covered during their hours of responsibility. Otherpossible areas of common ground could include ensuring the safety of the assembly line team orboth Sam and Jane needed the extra money. Try hard enough and you’ll find something incommon!

You should continue to try to find common ground throughout the entire conflict resolutionprocess. It will help you understand your adversary’s position and better position you to helpcreate a win-win solution. These positive gestures will build goodwill, and help you make theshift from being two people in conflict to being two people working to solve a mutual problem.

From an emotional perspective finding common ground between you and the other party, or youand the disputing parties (if you are acting as a mediator) will enable the two parties to see eachother as people again, rather than the enemy.

Some examples:

“I think the company needs a more unified sales team, too.” “I would really like us to win first place this year, too.” “I agree that we can get this conflict resolved and build a better widget.” “I would like to take my family on a special holiday this year, too.”



Build Positive Energy and Goodwill

There are often many negative emotions associated with conflict. No wonder – conflict makesmany people upset and anxious, and often results in negative feelings like anger anddisappointment.If you are able to turn that negative energy into positive energy and build goodwill with theperson that you are in conflict with, resolving the conflict will be much easier. Ironically, themore negative the situation, the more important this step is.

Let’s say that the person that you are in conflict with is very angry with you. Although they haveagreed that they want to resolve the conflict, they are cool towards you and putting in minimumeffort towards resolving the problem.

You may think, “Why should I bother?” This is a very important question indeed. How muchenergy and time are you willing to spend on this conflict? Is it worth resolving? (We will explorethese questions more in the next section.)

Consider, however, the power that your approach has. You have two basic options: to matchyour adversary’s demeanour, or to be a positive influence. Both will likely take as much energy,but which will yield greater results?

Here are some ways to build positive energy:

If you say, “I see where you’re coming from,” make sure you mean it. If you can’t seewhere they are coming from, ask them to tell you more. Often, sharing information canbreak down even the toughest person’s defences.

Frame things positively. Have a good attitude. The preparation steps we discussed earlier should help you identify

the positive things that will come out of this conflict. Try to focus on these things insteadof the negative aspects of the conflict.

Create actionable items. Try to keep emotions out of your statements. State feelings and opinions in as objective a

manner as possible. Label your thoughts as thoughts by starting sentences with, “Ithink…”

Take a break when you need it. Invite the other person to step into your shoes. Tell them a story, outline consequences,

and explain how you feel in an objective manner. Share as much information as you can.

Strengthen Your Partnership

Making the transition from opponents to problem-solving teammates is one of the most powerfulconflict resolution tools. We have already discussed ways to build common ground and helpbridge the gap between you and the person you are in conflict with, or the parties you aremediating. These tools are a great start, but there are some additional things that you can do tomaintain and strengthen that partnership. The Tuckman team development model to conflictresolution is one of those things, and is detailed below.



Bruce W Tuckman is a respected educational psychologist who first described the four stages ofgroup development in 1965. Looking at the behaviour of small groups in a variety ofenvironments, he recognised the distinct phases they go through, and suggested they need toexperience all four stages before they achieve maximum effectiveness.

This model can be applied to one-on-one human interactions, too.

STAGE EXPLANATION WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP

FORMING Team members are just meeting;

unsure of their role and themselves.

Encourage team building through non-

conflict laden tasks and activities.

Involve the team in task planning and

goal setting.

STORMING Team members discover differences

and butt heads; conflict can interfere

with progress.

Continue with the plan; evaluate and

adjust as necessary.

Support the team through conflict and

help them resolve it.

NORMING Team members start to discover

similarities too. Performance

typically improves, but social

interaction may also cause it to drop.

Keep the group focused on the goal;

encourage social activities outside of

team time.

PERFORMING Team members are now comfortable

with each other and work together

well.

Continue to offer resources and support

to the team. Monitor performance, as

teams can change stages at any time

(particularly when members join in or

drop out).





Section Seven: Analysing to the Root Cause

In medicine, it's easy to understand the difference between treating symptoms and curing amedical condition. When you're in pain because you've broken your leg, you want to have yoursymptoms treated immediately. However, taking painkillers won't heal your leg, and true healingis needed before the symptoms can disappear for good. In this example numbing the pain mayencourage you to walk on your broken leg causing more damage, damage that will be veryapparent when the pain killers eventually stop working.

But when you have a problem at work, how do you approach it? Do you jump in and starttreating the symptoms? Or do you stop to consider whether there's actually a deeper problem thatneeds your attention?

If you only fix the symptoms – what you see on the surface – the problem will almost certainlyhappen again. Which will lead you to fix it, again, and again, and again?

If, instead, you look deeper to figure out why the problem is occurring, you can fix theunderlying systems and processes that cause the problem.

Root Cause Analysis (RCA) is a popular and often-used technique that helps people answer thequestion of why the problem occurred in the first place.

In this section, we will learn how to delve below the current conflict to the root of the problem.This phase is important for long-term resolution, rather than a band-aid solution.

Examining Root Causes

It is important at this stage to look at the root causes of the conflict.One way to do this is through simple discussions with the parties. This involves continuouslyasking the question, “Why?” to get to the root of the problem. An example:

I was really upset when Mark dismissed my idea at the workshop. Why <did this upset you>? I felt that my idea had real value and he didn’t listen to what I had to say. Why <do you think he didn’t listen to what you had to say>? He has been with the company for a lot longer than I have and I feel that he doesn’t

respect me.

Now we have progressed from a single isolated incident to the root cause of the incident itself(and probably many more past and future incidents). Resolving this root cause will providegreater value and satisfaction to all involved.

Paying attention to the wording of the root cause is important, too.

Watch out for vague verbs. Try to keep emotions out of the problem statements.



Creating a Cause and Effect Diagram

Another way of examining root causes is to create a cause and effect diagram (also known as afishbone diagram) with the person that you are in conflict with. To start, draw a horizontal arrowpointing to the right on a large sheet of paper. At the end of the arrow, write down the problem.

Now, work together to list possible causes. Group these causes. Draw a line pointing to the large

arrow for each cause and write the cause at the top.

Now, write each cause on a line pointing to the group arrow. (Sticky notes work well for this.)



Now the people in the conflict have a clear map of what is happening.

Although this technique can be time-consuming, it is excellent for complicated conflicts or for

team conflicts where there may be more than one root cause. The drawing should be updated as

new causes are discovered.



Identifying the Benefits of Resolution

Effective conflict resolution digs deep into the issues, often exploring unfamiliar anduncomfortable territory in order to resolve the core conflict; it is only this that will prevent theproblem from reoccurring.

However, this process can be time-consuming and emotionally difficult. You and the person thatyou are in conflict with may arrive at a point (or several points) in the conflict resolution processwhere you wonder, “Is this really worth it?”

When you arrive at these stalemates, take a look at why you are resolving the conflict. It can alsobe helpful to explore what will happen if the conflict is not resolved.

What relationships will deteriorate or break up? What is the financial cost to the company or yourself? What will be the emotional cost? Who else will be affected?

Questions like these should help you put things into perspective and evaluate whether or not theconflict is worth resolving. In most situations, resolving the true conflict is well worth the effortin the long term. Visualising the benefits can provide the motivation to work through the rest ofthe process.

For complex conflicts, there are some additional ways to stay motivated. It’s acceptable to breakthe resolution sessions into parts, with a different goal for each session. It’s also acceptable totake breaks as needed – a short walk in the fresh air or a drink of water or coffee can do wondersto refresh the mind and body.

Learning Activity3

Briefly describe 4 consequences of unresolved conflict to a real estate agency. Please supportyour answer with a relevant example.

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Section Eight: Creating Options

The creation of options is an essential step in the process of resolving any conflict, includingseemingly stubborn situations. In a conflict resolution scenario, once all parties to the conflicthave identified the issues under contention, they should systematically list ALL options that theysee available to them for advancing their interests. The parties should include options they wouldnot normally choose, as these could turn out to be compatible with those of an opposing party.

This stage is all about quantity, not quality; you want as many options to choose from aspossible.

Generate, Don’t Evaluate

It’s time to begin generating ideas for resolving the symptoms of the conflict. Focus on to theroot cause and expand your list of ideas.

Don’t be afraid to offer any ideas, even if they sound silly. Remember, this stage is aboutidentifying what you can do, not what you will do.

It is very important not to censor yourself or the person that you are in conflict with, or if you aremediating allow both parties to speak freely. Record all the possible ideas or perhaps use abrainstorming diagram. If you have created a cause and effect diagram, you can record the ideasfor resolution right on the diagram. (Once again, sticky notes are ideal for this initial, idea-generating phase.)At this stage, all your work to build common ground and positive relationships will really start topay off. As you and the person you are in conflict with start to generate options, the positiveenergy will build, increasing your creative output exponentially.

If you are having trouble thinking of solutions, use these questions to jump-start your creativity. How do we not want this conflict to be resolved? How might others resolve this conflict? In an ideal world, how would this conflict be resolved?

Creating Mutual Gain Options and Multiple Option Solutions

Once you have a good list of options, review the list and perform some basic evaluation. Highlight options that provide gains for both parties. Look for options that can be combined for an optimal solution. Cross off options that are an absolute no-go for either party. Make options more detailed where appropriate. Continue brainstorming and generating ideas.

What if your entire list of options gets crossed off? Then it’s back to the drawing board! If youare having trouble coming up with ideas, consider taking a quick break, moving thebrainstorming meeting elsewhere, and/or involving outside parties.



Digging Deeper into Your Options

Once the list has been narrowed down it’s time to delve deeper into each option. Identify:

The effort for each option (perhaps on a scale of one to ten) The payback for each option (also on a scale of one to ten) Your estimation as to its likelihood of success Other options that could be used to complement it Each party’s preference for it (expressed as yes/no, or a percentage in favour)

At this point, we are still gathering information and exploring options, so try to make the list aslong as possible. For simple conflicts, three to five options is usually sufficient. For morecomplex issues, five to eight options may be necessary. If the team involves more than twopeople, you will likely need eight to twelve options.



Section Nine: Solution Building

Now we have a list of all the possible solutions, it’s time to move on to choosing a one and laying thegroundwork for a resolution. This section will explore how to create criteria and how to use those criteriato create a shortlist of options, and then to move on to a solution.

Creating Criteria

For the moment, set aside your list of options. It’s time to create a framework to evaluate those options.Try not to think about the different options as you create the criteria. Focus instead on the wants andneeds of both parties.

Criteria should basically explore what you want and do not want from the solution. You can alsoprioritise your criteria by what is necessary to have and what you would like to have (also known as needsand wants). Identify any items you would be willing to compromise on.

CRITERIA WANT? NEED? SHARED WITH

OPPONENT?

COMPROMISE

ON?

The best approach is for each party to take a few moments to write down their individual criteria, and then

come together and combine the lists to create a final set of criteria. Although it is important to work

together on this list, it is also important that the wants and needs of both parties are respected.

You may ask, why create criteria after creating options? Wouldn’t it make more sense to create a list of

criteria and then generate a list of options?

Logically, this approach does make more sense. However, it can be difficult to come up with creative

options when you already have a framework in mind. Therefore, we recommend brainstorming first, and

then creating criteria second.



Creating a Shortlist

Once the criteria have been created, bring out the list of solutions. Eliminate any solutions thatdo not match the must-have criteria that you and your partner identified. At the end of thisprocess, you should have a small, manageable list of potential solutions.If you find that there are no solutions left after following this process there are two options opento you.

1. Re-evaluate your criteria and re-evaluate the solutions, to ensure there really are nooptions left.

2. Go back to the drawing board and work on additional solution ideas.

Choosing a Solution

Now, choose a final solution. Remember, you can often combine multiple options for evengreater success!

Here is a checklist to evaluate the chosen solution. Is it a win-win solution for everyone involved? Are all needs provided for? Are all criteria met?

Building a Plan

The greatest solution in the world is worthless unless it is successfully implemented. To makesure this happens successfully it is important to have a plan. The complexity of this plan shouldvary with the complexity of the situation. For simple conflicts, you may frame an agreement likethis: “Marie and I will take turns making the tea, and we will make sure that we let each otherknow when this happens.”

For more complex situations, such as those involving groups of people or multiple optionsolutions, a detailed action plan may be appropriate. It is important that each party takeresponsibility for implementing the solution, even if it is determined that one party is at fault.For example, let’s say that the conflict resolution process has determined that communicationissues between Ben and Mark are causing most of the conflict regarding overtime assignment.Although Ben and Mark are going to work on this problem by improving communication andkeeping fairness in mind, the remainder of the team will be responsible for supporting Ben andMark and following up to make sure no further issues arise.

For even larger implementations like corporate process changes involving many departments andteams, it is important to follow strict Project Management methodology like PRINCE2 orPMBOK. In some cases you may look to engage a Project Manager to implement the solution.The action plan should also include a list of things to do if the conflict is not actually resolvedafter implementing the solution. Typically, the parties will re-evaluate the cause and effectdiagram to ensure their analysis of the root cause was accurate. They may also want to examinetheir criteria and explore other solutions.



Section Ten: Additional Tools

To wrap up this workshop, we would like to share some additional tools that can help youresolve conflicts.

Stress Management Techniques

A definition of stress is physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension. You know when you areunder stress. Nothing is worth more than your health. Keeping your mind and body free fromstress requires a conscience effort on your part. Here are some suggestions to keeping a healthieryou:

Get plenty of exercise. If you do not exercise, park your car farthest from thebuilding and walk briskly, take the stairs as much as possible and walk at a faster thannormal pace around the office.

Get plenty of rest and sleep. Learn to compartmentalise your work and home life. Leave home issues at home and

work issues at work. Remain positive Stretch at least twice a day. Take your hands and place them on your hips and lean

back slightly until you feel your back stretch. Take your right arm and cross it infront of you, then take your other arm and gently push on the elbow of your right arm.Repeat this for your left arm. Get on your tip toes then rock back on your heels.Repeat several times.

Maintain your work schedule. Leave early to work and avoid traffic if possible Make sure you spend time at home with your family, meeting their needs too. Laugh whenever possible. Help others

Keep good relationships with your colleges and manager and you will experience less stress.



Learning Activity 4

List and briefly describe 5 stress management strategies that you could use.

1. _____________________________________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________________________________

Anger Management Techniques

Dealing with conflict can be hard on the mind and the body. Being well-equipped with someanger management techniques can help you stay calm during the conflict resolution process.Nothing is going to get solved when either (or both) parties are angry and upset.

Here are some tips to help keep you cool during the conflict resolution process. Deep breathing has beneficial mental and physical effects. Coping thoughts can help you stay calm, too. Some examples: “I feel like he is just trying

to push my buttons. I’m stronger than that!” or, “I’m not going to let myself get upset –that won’t solve anything. Instead, I am going to focus on getting this conflict solved.”

Make sure to take breaks as needed. If the person you are in conflict with becomesemotional or stressed, encourage them to take breaks as well.

After the conflict is over, talk about it with someone appropriate.

The Agreement Frame

The Agreement Frame can be used in any situation to explain your viewpoint in an assertive,non-confrontational way, without watering your position down. It is designed to encouragediscussion and information sharing between all parties. Although it can be used in manysituations, it is particularly effective in conflict resolution.

The Agreement Frame takes one of three forms:

I appreciate, and… I respect, and… I agree, and…



Here is an example of the Agreement Frame in use.

PERSON A PERSON BThe best way to resolve this conflict is for youto resign your position immediately.

I respect your opinion, and I think that theremight be some other viable options.

What options were you considering? I think that if I issued an apology to the teamfor the misunderstanding that we would be onour way to resolving the conflict.

I think that option is too low-key for thissituation.

I agree that it might not be a strong enoughstatement and I may need to have teammeetings to address the underlying issues.

Remember, the words “but” and “however” are conversation-stoppers. Try to avoid using themwith the agreement frame.

Learning Activity 5

Briefly describe the purpose and function of and Agreement Frame.

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Asking Open Questions

When possible, use the five W’s or the H to ask a question. Who? What? Where? When? Which? How?

These questions encourage discussion, self-evaluation, and open conversation. Some usefulquestions for conflict resolution include:

What happened? Which of the 2 options do you want to go with? When did this problem start? How does that make you feel? Who else is involved?



Section Eleven: Resolving the collision of gender-linked values

Values - rules for the road

Values are our rules for the road. They determine what behaviours and paradigms we regard asacceptable. They colour our perceptions of morality, beauty, justice, sound practice and fair play.They underlie our decision-making about goals as well as our methods of achieving them.Values determine mind-set, offer a consistency of behaviour over time and govern the 'how' aswell as the 'what' of behaviour. They are the mechanism behind the clock face, the workings ofwhat we loosely call 'personality'.

The degree of our commitment to a value indicates how core to our personality it is, and givessome indication of how flexible or inflexible we are, and hence how hard it will be to find ameeting ground in a conflict situation.

We express values as: preferences; opinions; beliefs; principles.

This list follows our increasing commitment to the value we hold and indicates deeply it residesin the core of our personality.

People hold some values consciously, such as being for or against abortion, or for or against guncontrol. But often people take their values for granted. These unconscious values emerge onlywhen the person reflects on why they choose to act in a particular way, perhaps in response tobeing questioned. These unconscious viewpoints are often expressed in very personal terms.Don't expect a handy label.

The formation of values

Most people would rate core values or principles, such as self-preservation, honesty, loyalty,pride in good work, very highly. But we cannot presume that other people hold all the samevalues as we do, or that they give them the same priority, or that they should. Values are formedby:

1. Personal experience: Values are frequently formed as a result of personal experiences. In thelight of everyday experience and the behaviour we 'discover' ourselves exhibiting, we areconstantly redefining our preferences, opinions and beliefs. These are our more lightly heldvalues or attitudes. Core values or principles usually require life-changing events to dislodge.

2. Culture: Children learn values, openly or by implication, from others who hold that value; forexample, in the family or at school. Men and women have usually grown up in and continue tobe affected by different subcultures. These subcultures influence our values and the order ofimportance they hold for us. Certainly there is a large overlap. Men's and women's lives aredifferent, but not that different.



In times of conflict, values may express as opposite polarities - when a particular value is calledinto question during a conflict, people tend to polarise and move to opposing extremities - theirconflict corner. At these times, particularly when they are in opposition to someone of theopposite sex, many men may align more closely with values from the stereotypically masculinestyle, women with values from the stereotypically feminine style.

If we move to our conflict corner, a polarised extreme, we are liable to play out the conflict as awin/lose game. Whoever shouts louder or has the greater power or manipulates best, wins. Onthe day it can seem great, but winning when the other person is losing sows the seeds forresurrection of the conflict. Long-term solutions that won't backfire or break down will usuallyrequire us to acknowledge and accommodate other people's values as well as our own. Each ofthe following eight gender-linked values is inherently valid in itself and each needs dueconsideration and respect. This is the essence of the win/win approach to conflict resolution. Theobjective of the gentle revolution is to balance the masculine and feminine ultimately within eachperson. To do so requires that both masculine and feminine values are validated and advanced.

Language

We probably cannot make one definitive statement about 'all men' or 'all women'. The adjectivesfemale and male denote sex type, and feminine and masculine refer to psychological qualitieswhich might reside in either sex. In order not to limit discussion, the person is often indicated bythe value that is motivating them at the time, to avoid naming a specific gender. The followingcomments are relevant to the cross-value conflict. This is often, but not always, a cross-genderconflict.

THE GENDER-LINKED VALUES

EQUALITY STATUSAGREEMENT COMPETITIONFEELING ACTIONS OBJECTSINTERDEPENDENCE AUTONOMY

EQUALITY AND STATUS

Characteristics: equality

The term equalizers is used to describe those people motivated by the value of equality at aparticular time. They are often, but not always, women. A number of characteristics clusteraround the equality value. Equalisers: Prefer to share power with others rather than use power over them. Create a level playing field. Want equality of opportunity. Measure with a yardstick of fairness. Tolerate different viewpoints. See everyone as basically the same. Consult. Seek power for the opportunity to self-actualise.



Characteristics: status

The term status-watchers is used to refer to people at the particular time they are motivated bythe status value. They will often, but not always, be men. Status-watchers: Shoulder responsibility. Measure status by output, position, resources or strength. Test relationships to check their relative standing. Accept legitimate authority. Validate hierarchies. Observe power issues carefully. Regard people as basically different. Demand respect. Seek status as a yardstick for self-respect

What is the good intention?

It's easy to misjudge people whose value systems are very different from our own, particularly iftheir actions impede our own needs or what we believe is for the best. Identifying a goodintention will temper our negative judgment. Even if we don't directly mention our appreciationof other people's good intentions, our own identification of it will subtly affect the way wecommunicate with them and significantly improve the climate of negotiations. Behind almostevery action, no matter how inconvenient or hurtful it is to us, lies a good intention in the eyes ofthe doer.

We don't have to agree with the underlying value or motivation, merely understand it so we canopen up discussion. When we identify the other person's best intention, we offer ourselves areality check. Of course, there may be some other pretty poor intentions, but refrain from angryconfrontation until you find at least one positive (or acceptable) purpose for their behaviour.Good conflict resolution begins with respect for the other person and the values that they standfor.

While the range of people's good intentions is enormously broad, a number arise directly out ofthe equality value. Equalisers often adopt rules for equitable relationship. These include: supporting the rights of friends and colleagues; avoiding arousing others' jealousy; using fairness as a yardstick for evaluating; negotiating from a win/win perspective; encouraging others' participation in decision-making. Good intentions of status-watcher may include: striving for self-improvement or self-reliance; building self-respect; creating a clear chain of command; using a strategically sound approach; supporting justice and law.



Spotting the underlying values

The underlying value will influence decision-making and sensitivities in a wide variety ofsituations. Listen to people’s language. It often tells us about the values they are using. Here’s asummary of a phone conversation I had recently. I’ve italicised some of the status and equalityclue words that reverberated throughout.

A representative for a group of hospital staff, mainly women, phoned the Conflict ResolutionNetwork. We chatted. She thought her group probably needed some sort of team-buildingworkshop. They had serious morale problems to deal with. She described for me the hierarchicalstructure of operating theatres where control and the issuing of orders and instant obediencewere necessary for efficient operating practice. The doctors and surgeons (mainly men) havesuperior status by virtue of position and education.

‘We know they have to be in charge, but we wish they had more of a win/win approach. Surely,we deserve a fairer deal?’ she said.‘You want it to be more even-handed?’ I asked.

Her next comment betrayed her group’s deep hurt and anger. ‘Sometimes doctors treat us likedirt. Some of the men, in particular, act like we’re their slaves.’ Although very dissatisfied, theykept their conflicts hidden. Status-holders in their hospital system had the power to deal withtroublemakers summarily. ‘Do I call it “equal rights”?’ queried my caller.

‘What would it look like if you had it?’ I asked.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘the other day we had a new woman surgeon on duty. We had a car crashpatient in theatre. When the operation was over, it needed a big clean-up - there was lots of bloodaround. This woman surgeon just pitched in and started helping. “You don’t have to do that, youknow,” I said to her. “I do know,” she replied, “but I’m already dirty so I might as well help.”She wasn’t setting herself up as higher than us. How could we encourage more of that sort ofattitude from the men?’

Not an easy one, I thought. Time pressures in the hospital system must make status issues worse.‘I’m really not saying that they should help clean up,’ she said, ‘but we need something tochange their attitude. They think we won’t look up to them if they treat us like equals, but in factwe’d respect them much more..’

Her group was quietly desperate and feeling totally unheard. The senior hospital staff of doctorsand administrators weren’t tuned in to equality language and values. The nurses and orderlieswere just as dedicated to goals of efficiency and patients’ wellbeing. They believed they wereentitled to a team relationship. They accepted their lower positional status, but didn’t believe itrequired the type of work atmosphere they presently endured. This group didn’t really needstructural changes. They wanted changes in day-to-day communication and attitudes.

The language and concepts this woman used in trying to define the problem, pointed clearly toher group’s thirst for recognition beyond relative status.



It would be very wrong to think that status-watchers don’t include equality as a value at all. Butwhen interacting in organisations they may focus first on status and position, and be slower torecognise that within positional power structures lie other possibilities for relating with others.

EQUALITY: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

Equality has a number of potential stumbling blocks. Values such as equality often reside belowconsciousness, but that doesn't mean they're inactive. At times we'll need to choose a moreconsidered response. We sharpen our conflict resolution expertise when we ask ourselves: 'Will Ireact or respond?'

React: To behave impulsively. To act out of conditioning (habit), whether or not that action isappropriate. To be swept away by emotion.

Respond: To behave thoughtfully. To act out of freedom, tailoring action to the circumstances.Emotions guide but do not rule.Stumbling block: Being too modest'It's nothing, really.'

Equalisers may be very alert to and uncomfortable with situations in which they are envied byothers. Acutely sensitive to unequal power relationships, some will underplay their achievementsto avoid alienation from less successful friends and workmates.

Stepping stonesDelight in our successes is healthy self-actualising. Over-inflation of ego is different, but can beeasily confused with self-actualising. Modesty will always have its place. If we don't want toirritate others, we need to practise self-disclosure about achievements with discretion. However,sometimes it's important to sing your own song, to blow your own trumpet. If your achievementsare unknown, you may not be given the respect you deserve.

Stumbling block: Taking offence at inequality'I do so much for them. What do they ever do for me?'

If you are frequently doing favours for someone else, you like to know you can count on thatperson to reciprocate sooner or later. Equalisers are more likely to be keeping score than status-watchers. To preserve equality, favours can't always travel only in one direction

Stumbling block: Taking offence at inequality'I do so much for them. What do they ever do for me?'

If you are frequently doing favours for someone else, you like to know you can count on thatperson to reciprocate sooner or later. Equalisers are more likely to be keeping score than status-watchers. To preserve equality, favours can't always travel only in one direction Stumbing block:Continued resentment'I'll never forgive them!'

In the animal kingdom, status conflicts are usually associated with the male of the species. Theseconflicts are generally violent and short - when dominance is established they're over. Fights alsooccur between females, however, and these are often far more vicious.



It's not that different for humans. Women aren't always the sweeter sex. In fact, women can bemore vindictive than men, and can hang onto their anger a lot longer.

Here are a number of common conflict triggers for a woman: she feels power has been used over her unfairly or manipulatively; she believes someone has usurped or undermined her equal status; someone won't give her the support which she feels, in fairness, she deserves; someone has been deceitful or spread lies, destroying the trust on which her equal

relationship with them has been built; someone has abused her goodwill and tolerance, another trademark of her equality stance.

A woman probably won't get over any one of these slights in one short dispute. Unless theincident was a pure misunderstanding, she probably is quite likely to hold a grudge for a longtime. Male equalisers are quite likely to have similar reactions.

Stepping stonesResentment is frozen anger. It is a deadly poison in relationships. To head towards forgivenessyou might ask yourself these questions: Is there something you need to say to the other person in order to communicate your

problem clearly? Is what you wish to say appropriate? Could you make a time to discuss the issue in private? The middle of an open-plan office

is rarely the right setting. What else would help you get over your anger and hurt? Are you able to ask for what you wish? Do you need to broaden your tolerance (not necessarily your approval) of some negative

qualities the person displays so that you can forgive the other person and wipe the slateclean?

The real purpose of anger is to create change.

STATUS: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

Stumbling block: Domination'You'll do it because I say so.'

Overt obsession with control: When people openly display excessive controlling behaviour,they often presume it is a requirement of their rank. They have misjudged the responsibilities ofleadership. This misjudgment is often fuelled by underlying emotional issues such as: perfectionism - a need for order and system, often to avoid being overwhelmed; or a need to establish status based on other people's subservience.

Covert obsession with control: Controlling behaviour doesn't only occur with people who areformally in charge of others. If the person doesn't actually have authority over another, the waythey exercise their demands may be more covert. Many men complain about women's covertcontrolling behaviour. Possibly it is the presence of a focus on equality alongside the status .value that leads women's to adopt covert behaviours. Also, they are less likely to hold the rankusually necessary for overt control.



Stepping stonesWhen is it appropriate to ask someone to change? When is out of line? Here are three questionsto ask yourself when a 'should' arises in your mind:

Does the problem affect you? Can you live with the problems their way creates? Does their way work?

Stumbling block: Territory protection'Get off my patch!'Status is often defined by personal territory. Territory is the area over which you have control,the 'patch' over which you have power or ownership. It may be physical territory - your office -or non-physical territory - your job responsibilities, or the number of people under yoursupervision. Some status-watchers can invest enormous amounts of time and energy in disputesover territory.

Disputes over territory issues can be very vindictive and need to be handled with the utmost care,so that neither the individual nor the company loses out.

Stepping stones Talk more openly about territory issues as they arise. Recognise the legitimacy of someone's concerns over territory infringements. Use every possible means to develop win/win outcomes that don't leave one person

dissatisfied.

Stumbling block: Undervaluing others'She couldn't do that. She's only a secretary.'

Status-watchers with one eye usually on their own status, can easily and quite unconsciouslydiscount others' skills and abilities. Undervaluing other people keeps status-watchers feelingthey're on top and in control. This attitude, however, is extremely frustrating for those affectedby it, and often results in the repression of people's potential.

Stepping stonesDiscounting other people's skills and abilities is insidious and unkind. We can guard againstbeing prejudiced and lobby for change in organisations where prejudice occurs. Largeorganisations often have equal employment opportunity divisions to address these problems. Inorganisations without a formal department, the disadvantaged group - for instance, women ormigrants - may need to network closely with each other to explore every avenue for change.Positive change may require long and careful work. Helpless resentment will not achieve thegoal.



AGREEMENT AND COMPETITION

Characteristics: Agreement

Agreers exhibit a number of characteristics. Generally, agreers: Keep the peace. Emphasise similarities and common ground. Are urgent about concluding disagreements. Modify behaviour and suppress needs readily to fit in with others. Need harmonious teamwork for job satisfaction.

Characteristics: Competition

Competers' style contrasts with that of agreers in a number of significant ways. Competers arelikely to: Enjoy the challenge of competitive strategies. Value competition because it drives people forwards and tests worth. Accept some aggression as part of the ‘rough and tumble’. See interaction with others as inevitably competitive. Use and receive one-upmanship as a comfortable, light-hearted way of relating.


Agreers’ good intentions start from the premise: other people will be considerate towards me, aslong as I’m nice. Competers generally base their behaviour on the premise: other peopleprobably won’t look after me, especially if I appear to be a pushover. I must watch out formyself.

It’s important to remember that self-interest is not a crime. Agreers sometimes need to givethemselves, as well as others, permission to pursue it more actively.

Three stepping stones for finding the good intention

The following three steps for finding the good intention apply not only to agreement andcompetition, but also to any set of values that is not our own.

STEP 1 Recognise how you may have suppressed your urges for a style opposite to yourpreferred style. Acquaintance with your suppressed urges dissolves the 'sound barrier' whenothers are doing things you don't approve of.

STEP 2 Acknowledge the good intentions of the style that is not your own. This opens a chink ofempathy, one of the most helpful ingredients of good conflict resolution.

STEP 3 Start listening. You may need to invite reticent agreers to talk to you. It's important notto later use what they say as ammunition against them, or you're unlikely to hear the truth fromthem a second time.



AGREEMENT: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

On the whole, agreement-oriented people are great to be around. When agreers take the path ofleast resistance, other people's lives go pretty smoothly. The agreer, however, may be drowningin a private sea of frustrated emotions and disappointment.

Stumbling block: Arguments lost‘I thought it was obvious I disagreed. That didn’t stop him!’

When agreers argue with competers, not only is there a clash about the substance of the problem,there is also a style clash to be addressed. It is usually the agreer who backs down.Agreers may see only two alternatives: losing repeatedly to competers or sacrificing their ownprinciples by ‘playing dirty’. There is a third way, however - appropriate assertiveness.

Stepping stonesAgreers can remain true to their core values and not lose out when arguing with a competer. Thismight imply that they: Adjust their expectations. Agreers cannot rely on the competer to tune in to what they

need and consider their needs. Also, they cannot presume that they will be offered thespace to put forward their point of view. They may have to grab it.

Master a win/win approach and use the approach very assertively. Don't go along withthings they really disagree with in order to please.

Oppose dominating or narrow-minded approaches. Are not always 'nice'. Show their anger clearly but in a controlled way. Plan strategically to 'call in the troops' if their own efforts are not sufficient.

Many agreers when they first resolve to become assertive are a bit clumsy and heavy-handedabout it. Pent-up frustrations from past losses are liable to spill into the present situation. Unsureabout how much pressure it takes to win, they push far too hard. Their judgment on how far it'sfair and responsible to take an issue can be defective. Their new-found assertiveness dramaticallychanges the dynamics of their relationships, and others around them may resist majoradjustments. Gradually things do settle down, as the person carves out a network of mutuallyrespectful relationships.

Use 'I' statements, which are an invaluable tool for an assertive win/win style. A well formulated'I' statement is often an excellent opener to an assertive approach to a difficult issue. It aims tocommunicate clearly and cleanly.

Clear: Your statement of the problem is precise and explains what is the matter.Clean: Your statement does not attack or blame the other person, and does not aim to hurt.

Stumbling block: People pleasing'She'll promise the moon...while you're in her office.'Agreers are people pleasers. They can find themselves agreeing with whoever they are talking toat the time. The agreer must not appear to blow with the wind. Unless they have clearlyestablished their impartiality, they are likely to be perceived as a turncoat.



Stepping stonesConflicts are generally best addressed early. If issues that could have been addressed are ignored,they can lead to further misunderstandings, mounting tension and, ultimately, a crisis.

Stumbling block: Failure to achieve positive results from conflictIf we avoid addressing conflicts, we lose the opportunity to search for new and better solutions toproblems.

The win/win approachSometimes problems seem like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Win/lose solutions are an incorrectassembly of the pieces. It takes care and thought to get all the parts into the right position so thata win/win picture can emerge. This requires a win/win approach and the expectation of findingan acceptable win/win outcome.

It certainly can be very difficult to maintain win/win strategies when the other person is playing awin/lose game.

Elements of the win/win approachThe win/win approach demands two commitments:

1. To work towards better solutions that give everyone more of what they really need in thelong term.

2. To engage in as much consultation and joint decision-making as the situation will allow.

A win/win approach is not the same as a win/win outcome. The commitments above do notguarantee a perfect result. But even if the result is less than a perfect win/win outcome, the use ofthe method makes a vast difference to long-term relationships.

When you know how you really want to play the game, you will become wonderfully inventiveabout new options. You may not even see problem situations as conflicts any more. They’ll lookmuch more like opportunities for positive change.

COMPETITION: stumbling blocks and stepping stonesLet’s remember that the spirit of competition is responsible for some of the finest qualitiespeople can display. When we unite to face a common enemy, we place ourselves in testingcircumstances that will ultimately prove our worth. We learn courage and endurance, as fewthings worth fighting for come easily. We learn to shoulder responsibility as others rely on ourskills, and we learn trust as we rely on other team-mates to do their part.

Despite all this potential for good that can come from competition, competiters can get it horriblywrong.

Stumbling block: Merged attachment to others inhibits personal power‘She’ll never cut it when the going gets rough.’



A highly competitive culture is self-perpetuating, keeping out anything unlike itself. Competitiveleaders recruit senior managers who display the traditional qualities of the hero warrior - thevictor of battles. These qualities include:

1. dominance;2. courage;3. confidence;4. tactical analysis.

Women’s agreement-oriented subculture generally encourages a very different set of leadershipskills. These are:

1. consultation ;2. an ethic of care;3. communication & conflict resolution expertise;4. whole system awareness.

Stepping stonesThe gentle revolution is still essential. Many men still need to learn that the contributions frommasculine and feminine perspectives can serve to balance each other, equaling better leadership.

Today’s environment needs both sets of skills.Real authority = dominance + consultation

Right action = courage + ethic of care

Enabled, empowered teams = confidence + communication & conflict resolution expertise

Strategic thinking = tactical analysis + whole system awareness

While our best leaders will be strong in all aspects, organisations will benefit greatly by puttingtogether teams of leaders with differing strengths, if the full range of those strengths is valued.

Stumbling block: Poor listening skills‘You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.’

Often when people are in competitive mode, they don’t really listen.

The secret of good listening is not only waiting for your turn to speak but taking in what theother person has said, staying with their topic and their feelings. An appropriate response may bea question that gathers more information about what they are trying to communicate. Make sureyou really listen to the answer! Listen to their criticisms, but look beneath what they say to theirthwarted needs, no matter how badly expressed.



FEELING - ACTIONS-AND-OBJECTS

Characteristics: feeling focus

People with a feeling focus display certain characteristics. Usually they: Believe that feelings, and sometimes intuition or creativity, are what really matter. Closely observe their emotions, creativity and intuition throughout the day

Are relatively willing to disclose vulnerable feelings. Believe workplace climates and processes should support employees. Believe discussion of feeling cements a team. Think emotions can be a guide to action. Tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty relatively well. See life as fundamentally an inner journey. Try to extract emotional meanings from their experiences.

Characteristics: actions-and-objects focus

The usual attention point for actions-and-objects focusers is external reality, rather than theirinternal world, as is the case for feeling focusers. This outer focus may lead actions-and-objectsfocusers to display many or all of the following characteristics. They: Are happiest when they are doing something.. Focus on the external world, or the world of ideas. Resist the expression of vulnerable emotions. Focus almost exclusively on tasks and output when in the workplace. Build rapport through the exchange of concrete information and conversations about

activities and objects. Use logical thought to plan action. Are often willing to take risks. Believe life is about mastery of objective facts and circumstances through action. Aim for competence and want others to trust and respect their abilities.


Feeling focused people and actions-and-objects focused people often find themselves at odds.Often the conflict between them cannot be solved until the other person believes theirperspective has been heard, understood and respected. We each need to cultivate anunderstanding of the good intentions of people whose primary focus is different from our own. Insituations where there is a clash between focuses, it is generally true that each perspective has acontribution to make. A good solution will nearly always incorporate something from bothperspectives.

Appreciating others’ differences can help us appreciate and grow ourselves. Negative judgmentsabout others are often negative judgments about repressed areas of our own nature. Manypsychologists believe that, in order to display the qualities we presently espouse, we may besuppressing our potential for their opposite. Wholeness and integration comes when we knowhow to manifest both a feeling and an actions-and-objects focus.




We can often spot these underlying values in everyday conversation once we are attuned to them.We can hear the values in common expressions such as: ‘I don’t want to hurt her feelings’, or‘Just give me the facts’.

Mapping

The conflict resolution skill of mapping is of enormous help when a feeling style clashes with anactions-and-objects style. Mapping is a method of clarifying the differing needs and concernsthat are driving the conflict, and is used when two or more parties to the conflict are together. Itbuilds up a picture of the whole problem in context, and makes place for people’s deeper values,as well as their immediate concerns.

Someone who understands the method can usually initiate the mapping process quite easily.Although mapping is often done using pen and paper, the steps do not always have to be writtendown. Instead, the points can be brought up in discussion by asking questions and makingstatements about everyone’s needs and concerns. Sometimes one person will do a map of aconflict alone as a preliminary to tackling the issue together, making informal guesses aboutwhat is motivating the other people involved.

Mapping meets the feeling focuser’s need for understanding and acknowledgment as well as theactions focuser’s need to objectify the situation and consider the problem via an analytical,logical and practical process. The person initiating the process can start with a feeling (e.g.distress, anger at injustice), then ask, ‘Why do you feel that way?’, and with a little probing theywill arrive at the feeling focusers needs and concerns. Or they can start with the actions focuser’s‘solution’ - their preferred action in the circumstances - and ask, ‘Why does that seem like thebest answer to you?’, and once again they will arrive at needs and concerns. Even though theyare seeing the problem from two very different perspectives, mapping helps them arrive atequivalent conflict source points. Mapping may help both parties with practical work-basedissues and with deeper values clashes. It’s also a very useful tool for group planning.

Identifying needs and concernsWhat does the actions person need?What does the feeling person need?

The purpose of mapping at this point in their argument is to go behind each person’s position andfind out what supports it. The major focus in mapping is:

Step back from conflict about solutions and get down to needs and concerns.

It’s a shift from confrontation to exploration. When you’re mapping, ask questions that draw outthe needs and concerns behind each person’s stand. If it’s impractical to ask them directly, putyourself in their shoes and consider how they’d be likely to answer. To develop a full map, you’dlook at the needs and concerns of all relevant parties.



Values exploration

You may also uncover relevant values with ‘why?’ questions. It is not necessary to distinguishthem from needs and concerns, but it is worthwhile watching out for them, as people don’t shifttheir values quickly and get angry if solutions do not accommodate them.

Drawing your map

1. Define the problem area to be resolve.2. Name the parties.3. List needs, concerns and, if appropriate, values.4. Design new options.

The mapping process makes the scope of the problem clearer and provides the opportunity totailor solutions to its various aspects. As well as pointing towards solutions, mapping provides anopportunity to understand other people’s concerns more deeply and often suggests alternativepractices to avoid conflict in the future.

5 FEELING FOCUS: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

We all need an intelligent balance between head and heart. Both men and women need awarecontact with feeling and enough distance to direct its development and control its use.

Stumbling block: Extreme emotional reactions‘How could you criticise me like that?’

Criticism hurts. Both men and women suffer when criticised, but those more in touch with theirfeelings may be seriously rocked. Actions-and-objects focusers are more likely to fend offcriticism by lashing out at the criticiser. Feeling focusers, on the other hand, will mull over thepainful words and become stuck in mental rehearsals of defences that they never deliver.

Stepping stonesA robust conflict, with open exploration of the issues involved, might serve the situation better.Alternatively, a mapping process could help: formally with pen and paper, or informally throughdetailed discussion of each other’s needs and concerns. It is possible for them to reach somegood solutions together.

Stumbling block: Difficulty confronting others‘I just can’t tell them what they’re doing wrong. But it’s driving me mad.’

Feeling focusers are prone to paint a surface veneer of agreement over discord, keeping their truefeelings on the matter hidden and thus undealt with.

Stepping stonesSometimes the kindest thing you can do for another person is to give them considered andappropriate criticism. If you get a defensive response to a legitimate criticism, sometimes it's bestjust to make your point and not worry that they seem to be ignoring it. Don't necessarily demandan admission or an apology. Often you'll see you've made a difference by their future actions.



Stumbling block : Focus too open‘If only you’d get to the point!’

Feeling focusers are sometimes excessively inclusive when presenting reports to colleagues.While each detail seems very important to them because it affects relationships and decision-making, actions focusers often prefer to make quicker assessments based on just the main facts.An over-inclusive feeling focuser can really annoy them and make them tune out.

Stepping stonesFeeling focusers should tailor their report to the person receiving it. Are too many details goingto bore or irritate an actions-oriented listener? Sometimes, you will look more efficient if youpresent the bare facts first. Wait to be asked for the extra information. In more formalpresentations, numbering your points often helps actions people follow your line of reasoning.

Willingness to resolveHow can you move on from conflict? The key step is a willingness to resolve. It demands awillingness to let go of bad feelings left over from the conflict and to overcome the desire forrevenge - even if it is as subtle as withdrawing contact. Of course, with some people you mayhave to set limits. But you need to be sure you motive is necessary self-protection, notretaliation.

The feeling focused person achieves self-mastery when they understand their emotions, andaccept both the positive and negative aspects of themselves. This doesn’t mean acting from theirnegative side, but it does mean being aware of it. When reactions such as anger, envy and thedesire for revenge are out of awareness, they are out of control.

Soliciting a win/win approach when the other person is in the grip of destructive feelings mayrequire courage and great emotional strength on your part in order to break out of ingrainedhabits of attack/defend and win/lose thinking. It may also require giving up assumptions abouthow things are, and how things should be. Transforming negative emotions into win/winapproaches to resolution demands that your emotional intelligence is finely tuned, robust andresilient.

ACTIONS-AND-OBJECTS FOCUS: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

Stumbling block: Task at the expense of people‘At least you could ask me how my holiday was before we get started.’

Actions focusers are goal-oriented. They want to know: What needs to be done? Feeling focusersare more oriented to the process - in particular, the human interactions involved in achieving agoal. They want to know: Is everything alright? Both focuses provide useful watchdog services,though they may not want to hear each other’s news.

Stepping stonesThe ability to focus on goals is an important key to organisational success. But there aremoments when a focus on process, particularly if it’s going wrong or could go wrong, is moreimportant. Single-mindedness can be a great source of strength, but it may limit the leader’sability to take in diverse opinions.



Focusing only on goals can also mean you miss the pleasure of the journey. Putting some focusonto the human element might add creative buzz and camaraderie - the best antidote to burnout.

Stumbling block: Poor skills in the domain of feeling‘What you should do is …’ ‘Yes, but …’

Most people prefer to find their own solutions to problems. Actions focusers often won’t talkabout a problem until they’ve run out of ideas. So they believe that if another person is talkingabout a problem, then they must want advice now. However, feeling focusers often use talk toclarify their process well before they’ve exhausted their options.

Stepping stonesIf someone is using you as a sounding board, don’t try to hurry their conversation along tooquickly. Remember, listening alone may be the best support you can offer. There is a place foryour input, but it’s usually further down the track and is best phrased as extra information ratherthan instructions. For example: ‘You know what I saw someone do in similar circumstances…’,or ‘I’ve tried … and it’s worked’, or ‘One possibility you might want to explore is...’. You leavethe power to take up your suggestion or not with the person. People learn far more when theywork with solutions they have chosen.

Men are beginning to reclaim their emotional life that has been stolen by their need to conformto outdated masculine stereotypes. They are beginning to tell the truth, even to each other, abouttheir fears, confusions, hopes and grief. They are beginning to see the problems that arise frombeing too angry, too distant, too clever or too busy.

When we start looking at our emotions in depth, often there are no answers - a huge challenge tothe outcome-oriented person. Emotions can be dark and confusing and seem to be, dare I say it,feminine. Action focusers may need to be vigilant in order to reclaim the whole of who they are:feeling and actions focused, internally and externally directed, analytic and global thinking,masculine and feminine!

INTERDEPENDENCE - AUTONOMY

Although the values of interdependence and autonomy are frequently gender related, obviouslythis is not always the case. As you read, consider how closely you and those you know fit ordiverge from the stereotypes. Knowing there are many exceptions, we often do see that: women generally place a higher priority on interdependence (social relationships,

closeness and intimacy); men generally place a higher priority on autonomy (individualism, adventurousness and

independence).



Characteristics: interdependence

The interdependence value will influence a range of attitudes and behaviours in the workplace.Interdependent players may: Believe we don’t get anywhere alone, nor do we have to. See people as a resource for support, information and advice. Accept responsibility to care for others. Place their own personal goals second to group goals. Prefer a consultative approach. Prefer collective group activity. Closely observe the patterns of interconnections between people. Use their social context to define themselves.

Characteristics: autonomy

While autonomous players may relate very well to other people, unlike interdependent playersthey are likely to have a clearly defined sense of self as separate from others. They will expressthis in a number of ways. They may: Aim to be an independent, powerful contributor to the organisation. Like the freedom to make independent contributions. Make tough decisions and see them through. Prefer to have total responsibility for a task. Form strong personal opinions. Rise to leadership positions easily. Protect individual rights. Value self-sufficiency and ego-strength, and expect others to act responsibly.


Excessively interdependent people can indulge in self-righteousness about their consultative,interactive style, while excessively autonomous people can be equally self-righteous about theresponsibility they exercise.

While interdependent and autonomous players probably have very different agendas influencinghow they relate to each other, good conflict resolution demands they respect each other’sviewpoint. The following exercise could sharpen your awareness of what may be driving anotherperson to the conclusions they are reaching.


The purpose of recognising each other’s differences is to help us forge meaningful andproductive relationships based on mutual respect, less clouded by negative judgements. Wheninterdependence or autonomy values are at issue, they influence people’s communicationpatterns. By observing these variations, we are able to pick up important clues about a person’sunderlying values. Consider whether they: Seek someone else’s advice or make decisions alone. Seek people out or withdraw when distressed. Use either rapport-talk or report-talk. Have different needs.



Work from different morality bases. Guide decisions of ethics and rules with situational concerns or with abstract principles.

Effective teamwork

An interesting balance between interdependence and autonomy was suggested by a group offirefighters who seemed to me to have raised the elements of effective teamwork to the level ofhigh art. They have to be highly disciplined, obeying instructions instantly and performingprecisely the role they were assigned that day. In a fire, their lives depend on each other, both asindividuals and as team. I asked them what they saw as the keys to effective teamwork. Theirexperience suggests useful principles for all team-builders in the workplace.

Mutual support Communication Trust Respect for everyone’s abilities Respectful familiarity with the team leader Team as community

INTERDEPENDENCE: stumbling blocks and stepping stones

Interdependence causes problems for many women and for a considerable number of men.Establishing an identity separate from others can be a lifelong struggle, with many stumbles onthe way. Conflicts can highlight lessons we must learn and motivate us to define for ourselves aworkable balance between interdependence and autonomy.

Stumbling block: Merged attachment to others inhibits personal powerInterdependence implies mutual dependence. When support doesn’t go both ways, we’re eithertoo reliant on others or we are being excessively helpful. Both are inappropriate forms ofdependency.

Excessive reliance on others - ‘You’re so much better at it. Will you do it for me?’A number of quite intelligent women habitually play ‘helpless and incompetent‘, particularlyaround men. When relationships are dependent rather than interdependent: we may expect that others should know what we need without us asking; we may rely on others for things we ought to be able to do for ourselves; we may manipulate others to help us when they don’t really want to.

Stepping stonesInterdependent players may need to regularly monitor their dependent behaviour, asking openlyfor what they want from others, being clear about how much help they’re really asking for,without demanding, expecting the answer yes or manipulating. They can take steps to enhancetheir own self-reliance. Whenever they manage alone a task they would once have relied onothers to help them complete, they can celebrate their growing competency.

Stumbling block: Merged attachment to others inhibits personal powerLack of clear boundaries - ‘I can’t say no.’

Boundaries are the way we use our energy to protect ourselves from others intruding into ourpersonal space. Good boundaries are part of having a clear self-identity. Interdependent players



may have a poor sense of self-identity, another problem of merged attachment. If we havediffuse boundaries, we get upset when others are upset, deeply disturbed when others are angryand we are unable to distinguish clearly between our own needs and someone else’s needs. Wemay feel guilty if we are unable to do what another person us to, even when there is nothing wecan do about it. We may be unable to say no to requests from others, even though we cannot ordo not want to respond.

Stepping stonesTo establish a separate self, we must be able to separate our own needs from other people’sneeds. While at times we may postpone our own needs, we will be comfortable asserting whatwe want. This is personal power-interdependence style.

In the process of pulling away from others, the interdependent player may appear to undergo apersonality change. Suddenly, the person that others could always rely on to be accommodatingand helpful seems to have deserted ship. Personal power for the interdependent person takes ahuge leap forward if this transition stage is successfully accomplished and the sense of moralobligation about serving others’ needs has fallen away. Then helping others become a choice, notan obligation.

Stumbling block: Creating 'them' and 'us' situations‘Did you hear what they’re plotting against us now.’

In masculine, autonomy-oriented workplaces, women can find that socialising together to createa deeper connection helps to counter feelings of alienation. Between themselves, they canprovide a community of mutual support. But this has its dangers. Women grouped for solidarityagainst men may also unite their opposition! Heavy adversarial approaches can makeinterdependent people highly uncomfortable and so they will often band together as a group.When they become involved in ongoing conflicts, they can be poisoned by gossiping and can stireach other to greater division. Internal fractures in the group are also likely when these dynamicsget out of hand. Petty rivalries and infighting can become particularly bitter.

Stepping stonesIf you find yourself involved in such struggles, asking yourself these questions might help:What is at stake here? Are we being competitive? If so, why? Is it:

1. the need for recognition?2. a cover for feelings of inadequacy?3. an urge to establish a separate identity?

Or is it:4. representative of a genuine difference of opinion that needs to be resolved?

Look for solutions to these problems rather than participating in ugly rivalries

AUTONOMY: stumbling blocks and stepping stonesWe seek autonomy to be free, to feel independent and have our own sense of identity.Ultimately, autonomy is the freedom to be ourselves; to be self-reliant, empowered, willing tolead and able to function alone; being prepared to stand up for a different opinion we believe in.Often we clutch at autonomy by standing against others rather than alongside them. Are weseeking autonomy by shutting other people out? Are we rejecting the influence of other decision-makers in our work? Do we see leadership as an all-or-nothing role rather than a flexiblefunction that may rotate within the group? Are we failing to recognise and respect our daily



reliance upon other people? Or are we failing to build solid channels of communication? Whenwe succumb to these stumbling blocks, the drive towards autonomy can become a limiting ratherthan a freeing force in our lives.

Stumbling block: Resentment about taking orders or advice‘No one's going to tell me what to do.'

Many men deeply resent taking orders from women. Their need for autonomy seems to come tothe fore when women rather than men may be controlling what they do. Autonomous players areliable to resent anyone who takes away their sense of being free to choose exactly what they doand when.

Stepping stonesBeing an autonomous player, you have a strong need to be the captain of your own destiny. Oneway is to learn to align your own free will with the instruction you have received. Of course, youdo ultimately have some choice. You could refuse to do the work demanded. However, that willhave consequences, probably serious ones. For this reason alone, you can choose to do what'sasked. But fear of negative consequences isn't usually a very good motivation for an autonomy-driven person.

You generally need to find a more immediate reason. The challenge is to rethink the situation sothat you can put your whole self behind the task.

Stumbling block: Hidden dependence‘I'm not dependent. Make me a cup of coffee, will you?'

Some men affirm their separateness from others because they believe the alternative isunwelcome dependence. When this is their underlying reason, they have not achieved trueautonomy. They are instead caught up in rebellious individualism. Some men are so conditionedto expect subservience from others, some are so used to being nurtured, that they don't realisehow often they are relying on others anyway - both in the workplace and at home. Theunthinking assignment of menial tasks to women because ‘that's what women do' is a commonsource of deep resentment for women.

Some men affirm their separateness from others because they believe the alternative isunwelcome dependence. When this is their underlying reason, they have not achieved trueautonomy. They are instead caught up in rebellious individualism. Some men are so conditionedto expect subservience from others, some are so used to being nurtured, that they don't realisehow often they are relying on others anyway - both in the workplace and at home. Theunthinking assignment of menial tasks to women because ‘that's what women do' is a commonsource of deep resentment for women.

Stepping stonesVery autonomous people can take the service of others for granted. When they are conscious oftheir interdependency on others, they will respect and recognise their reliance on those who domore routine tasks on their behalf. When other people do things for us, it needs:• thanks;• praise;• acknowledgment of the interdependent relationship;• adequate financial reward; and• appropriate opportunities to advance to tasks with greater levels of responsibility.



Stumbling block: Inability to sustain contact‘He never takes a moment to just talk.'

For many autonomous players, too large a dose of interaction takes them beyond their comfortzone. Autonomous players and interdependent players sustain different quantities of contact.This difference is most obvious at times of stress, when the interdependent player will usuallyattempt to engage with other people, while the autonomous player is likely to withdraw.Sometimes autonomous people will appear to be attending when they are not really listening andat other times they don't even pretend. In sustained periods of stress, it can be all too easy forautonomous people to move into isolation and let important relationships fall into disrepair. Thevery autonomous person may find connection with others difficult at the best of times.Sometimes it's due to an introverted personality style. Sometimes it masks insecurity or a fear ofcloseness with others.

Stepping stonesAllow time when you're not overly stressed to connect on a personal level with others who desireit. It doesn't have to be deep and meaningful, but it does have to be personal so they can build asense of connection with you. Connection is a two-way process - learning about the other personas well as allowing yourself to be known to them. True autonomy is not incompatible with adegree of reliance on others, or with recognising and fulfilling others' reasonable needs forintimacy and involvement.For psychological wellbeing, both autonomous and interdependent players need to create abalance between both sets of values and possess the flexibility to adjust to circumstances. Bothneed to develop a strong sense of self and an ability to set clear boundaries. Both need to be ableto give and receive support without negative consequences. True autonomy gives you a clearsense of your separate self with a capacity to create real connection with others.

ALTERNATIVES FOR HANDLING VALUES COLLISIONS

Challenging and changing values

The deep anger generated by values conflicts can become an instrument for positive change.People's values are not easily brought into question. They have a long history. They are generallyunlikely to be open for reconsideration. Yet if we fail to address the values collision, it is likelyto fester and become a serious communication breakdown.

It is not the differences in values per se that lead to conflict, but rather the claim that one valueshould dominate or be applied generally even by those who hold different values. Values are ourguide to what's right for us. Problems arise when we use our values to dictate what's right forother people, too.

When communicating your point of view, limit your use of ‘oughts', ‘shoulds' and ‘musts'.Useful alternatives are: ‘The way I see it ...', or ‘What seems important to me to consider is ...'.When someone is expressing values you personally disagree with, you may wish to make it clearthat their value is personal to them: ‘So do you feel that it's really important to preserve yourstatus in this situation', or ‘So you feel a bit of healthy competition is a good thing here?', or ‘Soyou want to keep relationships between staff harmonious?'. You move the emphasis away frommoral imperatives and back to statements of legitimate, but personal, opinions. In dealing with a



clash of values where the other person's value is not particularly honourable or suitable, it issometimes wiser not to encourage them to state the value they hold. Let's consider here apsychological theory called cognitive dissonance, the term used for the inner tension that causesus to alter either values or behaviours.

When our values and behaviour conflict, we restore their alignment by changing one or the other.If there is a discrepancy between what is publicly declared and what is privately believed, this isusually resolved by the person shifting the privately held value to align with the publicly statedone. So be careful. People cement in place values they publicly declare. If someone can beencouraged to state in public a positive value, the positive value is more likely to motivate futureaction, even if at the time they don't really believe it.

The theory of cognitive dissonance maintains that although values/behaviour modification is atwo-way street, the heaviest traffic is in the direction of behaviour driving the revision of values.Thus, if you are able to get people to alter their behaviour, their values are likely to shiftgradually, too.

It's important to remember that most people maintain a fairly consistent set of values throughouttheir lives. I believe this applies to the eight gender-linked values discussed in this book.Experience will modify behaviour to some extent and thereby impact on the value and refine it,but in the crisis of conflict people return to their preferred ‘corners' that have probably beenestablished since childhood.A request for more appropriate behaviour is often the most appropriate way to handle valuescollisions without directly discussing the value itself. If we get our intervention right - that is, itappears relevant and achievable - we may also be catalyst for some values reassessment.

Values collisions are particularly likely to occur at times when society's attitudes are in a state offlux. Both men and women struggle with defining new boundaries of acceptable behaviour.Expectations are changing so rapidly, that people often don't know where they stand.

As we absorb what the media, legislation, latest best business practice and colleagues are saying,we are swept away from rigidly defined masculine and feminine stereotypes and values. The newworkplace mix of men and women is taking us into uncharted waters. We cannot fall back onprescribed, clear gender roles any longer. Individuals must work out their own personal responseto the enormous choice. In this sea of new relationships, conflict resolution skills and techniquesfor handling values collisions are life rafts. They can give us the courage to tackle the toughissues.

A willingness to resolve conflict, first in yourself and then in the other person, will be the majorbreakthrough. As soon as you start focusing attention on the conflict resolving or dissolvingprocess, things generally begin to change for the better - and often very rapidly.



Section Twelve: Handling Complaints

By it’s very nature of being a service industry, dealing with people will create some tense anddifficult situations in our communications. The focus of dealings is often concerning valuableproperty and large sums of money; hence the issues can be highly emotive, sparking stress andsometimes aggression. By using the appropriate communication skills we can diffuse suchdifficult or aggressive client behaviour. A complaint may be received by the agency eitherverbally, by fax, email, letter or via a customer feedback survey and it is the method of handlingthe complaint that is crucial to the agency.

Correct business conduct and the legislation require that complaints be documented in a“Complaints Register”. A record of incidences and complaints can then be explored andresolution of those incidences is also documented.

The legislation of the Property Stock and Business Agents Act 2002 Section 32 dictates thatthere must be formal procedures in place for the handling of complaints. These are:

A licensee must maintain documented complaint handling procedures. These proceduresshall include a process that ensures that all complaints about staff behaviour towardsconsumers, and the agency’ s response to those complaints, are recorded and retained. Theprocedure is to provide that complaints of a financial nature are directed to the attention ofthe licensee in charge or the Manager to be supervised directly by that person. A separaterecord of the handling of financial complaints must be kept.

Due to the large sums of money in real estate transactions it is also particularly important toregister any complaints of a financial nature. This ensures adequate tracking of any discrepanciesand admission of error, showing the agency’s accountability in all transactions. E.g. If a landlorddoes not receive his monthly account, it will be important to track his money, referring to hisaccount and the rents received. Any outstanding money needs to be traced and accounted to thelandlord. Monitoring of complaints in this formal manner protects the agency, the client and thestaff. It is important that all agency staff is familiar with the agency policy regarding thehandling of complaints to assist the process of resolution and continual improvement of theagency’s procedures. The complaints register needs to be completed by the appropriate personand dealt with according to agency policy.



Another complaint scenario: Mr. Sweet calls the agency, complaining to you the receptionist thatthe sales agent did not turn up to their appointment at 10 Victoria Ave 45 minutes ago and he isstill waiting there. As well as handling the issue and attempting to locate the missing agent, thecomplaints register should be completed. A sample format of a complaints register could be:

Date NameContactDetails

Nature ofComplaint

Internaldirection ofcomplaint

Correctivestrategies

adopted byagency

Outcome

Learning Activity 6

Professional agencies adhere to the aim of “continuous improvement”. Explain how the use of acomplaints register assists the business in this process.

Answer:

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________



Section Thirteen: Difficult Clients

As mentioned previously we cannot escape the possibility of conflict occurring in our dealingswith clients given the nature of the dealings in real estate. Conflict is perceived as a negativeissue when people have different needs they are trying to meet but negative reactions orresponses result instead of their needs being satisfied.

Conflict situations are not easily managed and we need to apply the appropriate strategies in theworkplace to diffuse the conflict and achieve positive outcomes from the experience. Sampleconflict situations that can occur in real estate:

Not upholding duties; the agent not doing what they said they would Poor quality of advertising, unsuitable photos published Tenants breaching their agreement, putting dogs into the premises Misinterpretation of details, buyers thinking that the property is off the market due to

their offer being accepted Allocation of workload; scarcity of human resources in the office Differences of opinion or perceptions over in-office duties Allegations of discrimination

Learning Activity 7

List 3 other examples of potential conflict situations that can arise in real estate offices.

Answer:

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Aim for Outcomes- an appropriate skill when dealing with difficult clients is to aim for effectiveoutcomes to satisfy all parties and to resolve the conflict. Negotiation skills will assist you toarrive at the best outcome, which is a WIN/WIN situation. This refers to resolving the issuewhen both parties feel that they have gained from the negotiation. The most optimal outcomewill be one that is accepted by both parties as meeting their needs and solving the conflict. Ifconflicting needs and negative reactions continue, the situation can be made worse, therefore asolution is always sought.

Consider this scenario:Peter the property manager has informed Tommy tenant in writing that the townhouse he leasesis listed for sale. Peter requests in the letter that he wants an appointment with Tommy next weekto organize access to his townhouse and inspection arrangements for the sales team. Thefollowing week Tommy does not respond to the letter and Peter cannot reach him by phone.Peter is feeling the pressure from the salespeople, the contract is now in the agency and theproperty is formally on the market.



Two weeks down the track the for- sale sign goes up in front of the townhouse and the agentshave buyers to inspect the premises. Peter sends a letter to Tommy informing him again of thelack of Tommy’s response and gives him 7 days notice that inspections will be occurring onSaturday. That Saturday the agents take their buyers through the townhouse. Tommy arriveshome to see the agent’s card and storms up to the agency to have a piece of Peter for entering thetownhouse.

Learning Activity 8

a) Who are the parties affected by this conflict?

Answer: ______________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

b) What are the causes of the conflict?

Answer: ______________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

c) Suggest solutions to this conflict.

Answer: ______________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

d) What would be a Win/Win outcome?

Answer: ______________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________



Section Fourteen: Difficult clients over the telephone

The telephone can be an effective way to communicate and promote and market the agency,however not all communication over the phone will be pleasant. Rejection over the phone canfeel very impersonal and final in its effect. Angry clients can use the telephone to their advantageand the receiver lacks the use of those non-verbal clues to attempt to diffuse the anger.

Strategies to use with such difficult clients: Let the client talk, it provides you with a lot of information and can assist to diffuse their

anger Take notes as they talk to record details, always get their name and number Use a calm, monotone voice Show reflective listening by summarising the issues to them Be apologetic but do not admit blame, this must be handled by the appropriate person in

the agency Gauge the urgency of the situation, you may need to seek assistance immediately Show empathy and advise them of how their problem will be dealt with Ensure the incident is recorded in the complaints register



Section Fifteen: Signs of Conflict

A useful strategy when dealing with difficult clients is to be able to recognize behaviorassociated with conflict, these are:

Physical aggression Verbal threats Signs of distress such as trembling Intimidation or ridicule Resentment

Use your communication skills in the attempt at diffusing these behavioural signs by listening fortheir emotion, empathic listening will assist you to identify the conflict and view it from theirperspective. Also treat their emotion, focus on the issue not the person themselves, let them havetheir say, do not get defensive. Be firm but respectful, explain how you can/cannot assist them inan honest, approachable manner and finally keep calm. If you display conflict behaviour thesituation will be exacerbated, a smooth tone and voice will not aggravate their behaviour.

Learning Activity 9You are the alone in your agency and a homebuyer Barbara Booty has walked without anappointment to view one of the properties advertised in the window. You take her details for theenquiry register and explain that all the salespeople are on appointments but one is due back in20 minutes. You explain this to Barbara who decides to wait for the salesperson. You call thesalesperson to let him know of her waiting. 35 minutes passes and Barbara is still waiting,getting agitated. She wont sit down and is leaning on the reception counter, she wants you togive her the address of the property but you know that is against agency policy. The phone willnot stop ringing. Another buyer enters the agency and Barbara in her agitation says to them“Don’t bother trying to get any assistance from this office, there is no-one here to help you!” andstorms out of the office. You are left with another set of buyer looking at you.

a) Isolate the causes of conflict in this scenario.

Answer: _____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

b) What strategies could you have adopted to prevent the escalation of Barbara’s anger and

diffuse the situation?

Answer: ______________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________



Section Sixteen: Tenancy issues

Don’t let problems with tenants escalate

If a problem arises at any point in the tenancy, taking a pro-active approach to resolving the issuemay be an effective way to prevent the problem from escalating into a dispute. Minor problemscan become major issues if not dealt with early enough.

Fair Trading encourages landlords and agents to intervene early when tenancy problems firstemerge. For example, a tenant may be experiencing some kind of temporary personal crisiswhich is affecting their tenancy. Rather than take action in accordance with the tenancyagreement or the Act it may be more practical to provide the tenant with information on where togo for help, such as a Tenancy Advice and Advocacy Service.

Resolving problems quickly is not only good for tenants, it also benefits you the landlord byminimising the possibility of financial loss.

When you have problems

The first step in resolving a dispute is to discuss the matter with the parties involved. Ensure youhave a clear understanding of your rights and responsibilities in relation to the dispute bychecking the residential tenancy agreement, reading the Tenancy handbook or contacting FairTrading.

If the dispute with your tenant cannot be resolved either on your own or with the assistanceof Fair Trading, you may have to take the case to the Consumer Trader and Tenancy Tribunal(CTTT). The role of the CTTT is to quickly and effectively resolve disputes between tenants,landlords, traders and consumers.

The Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal

It is recognised that information will not resolve every problem or dispute. Some matters mayneed to be taken to the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal (Tribunal). Fair Trading staffcan answer any questions you may have on the process involved.

The Tribunal is an independent decision making body which hears and decides applications fororders from tenants and landlords. The Tribunal is a quick, inexpensive, and relatively informalway of resolving disputes.

Go to the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal website to access Tribunal applicationforms. Alternatively, pick up an application form from your nearest Fair Trading Centre.

Costs

The current fee for applying to the Tenancy Division of the Consumer, Trader and TenancyTribunal can be found on the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal fees page. A reduced feeis also available for eligible pensioners and full time students. Hearings are usually held withinone month and are conducted at a venue as close as possible to the premises.

http://www.cttt.nsw.gov.au/Applications/Forms.html

http://www.cttt.nsw.gov.au/Applications/Forms.html

http://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/About_us/What_the_Office_of_Fair_Trading_does/Fees/Consumer_trader_and_tenancy_tribunal_fees.html



Time limits

There are prescribed time limits for making applications to the Tribunal for certain orders. Forexample, in cases where an order is requested regarding broken terms of the tenancy agreement,this order should normally be sought within 30 days of becoming aware of the event.

Orders

The Tribunal can make orders, among others that: a term of the agreement be complied with compensation be paid to a tenant or landlord a rent increase is excessive the agreement be ended a rental bond be paid.

More information about time limits and orders is available on the Consumer, Trader andTenancy Tribunal website.

Hearings

The Member will first ask the parties to try to reach a settlement. If this cannot be achieved thecase will then be heard in the Tribunal hearing room. The Member will allow both parties, inturn, to tell their side of the events and present any evidence.

Hearings are usually informal, but formal hearings can be held on request, where witnesses canbe called and evidence is given under oath.

It is up to the person who made the application to provide enough evidence to convince theTribunal Member, on the balance of probabilities, that the orders they are seeking should begiven. Any orders made are binding.

http://www.cttt.nsw.gov.au/Orders/Decisions_and_orders.html

http://www.cttt.nsw.gov.au/Orders/Decisions_and_orders.html

http://www.letsrentproperty.net/tenants.php



Learning Activity 10

List the steps involved in making an application to the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

List 5 Orders that the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal may make:

1. ___________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________



Complaint Policy

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Course content

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Training delivery

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Or any other aspect of the course, you can put your complaint in writing to the company director

David JacksonCEOAustralian Salesmasters Training Co Pty LtdLevel 3, Suite 317, 30-40 Harcourt ParadeRosebery NSW 2018

Or visit our website: www.thesalesmasters.com and email us by completing the “Customer SupportForm”. All efforts will be made to satisfy any and all complaints.

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Documents

Workbook - CPPDSM4056A · 2015. 2. 3. · S:\ASTC Main Folder\RTO\Cert IV Property Services (Real Estate) - CPP40307\CPD 2015\NSW\Managing Conflict in the Property Industry\Workbook