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Presented by:Mary Nishikawa, MA, ELS
Editor and Trainer, AcademiaCactus Communications K.K.
Words are the building blocksof sentences: Use them precisely
Lecturer Introduction
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Understanding the concerns researchers andacademics have and helping them publish intop SCI journals such as Science and Cell
Mary NishikawaBoard Certified EditorTrainer, AcademiaOver 25 years of experience in the review,editing, and rewriting of biomedicalresearch reports
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Aims of seminar
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• Use plain words
• Write sentences that are clear and concise
• Position sentences in a paragraph properly
You will learn how to
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Plain, easy-to-understand words shouldNOT be used in academic writing
Is this correct?
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1. Does the use of “plain” words in a research reportmatter?
2. Does the choice or omission of words affectmeaning?
3. Does position of words in a sentence matter?
Questions to ask
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“Writing is an instrument for conveying ideas
from one mind to another; the writer’s job is
to make his reader apprehend his meaning
readily and precisely.”
– Ernest Gowers, The Complete Plain Words (1954)
1. Does the use of plain words matter?
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• Avoid abstract nouns– Use descriptive subjects and active verbs
• Avoid “elegant” words– Be direct and to the point
• Avoid verbose phrases and vague words– Be specific
1. Does the use of plain words matter?
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Sentence 1.
In consideration of the requirements for flat-rolled
aluminum products, there is the observation of an increasing
demand in the market for tight dimension tolerance,
especially for thickness distribution along the strip length
and profile (thickness distribution along the strip width).
Which one is easier to read?
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Source: Bagheripoor M, Bisadi H. Production and Manufacturing Research. 2014;2:128-141.
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Sentence 2.
Recently, customers are demanding tight dimension
tolerance in flat-rolled aluminum products; especially, they
require an evenly distributed thickness along the strip
length and profile (the width).
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Adapted from: Bagheripoor M, Bisadi H. Production and Manufacturing Research. 2014;2:128-141.
1. In consideration of the requirements for flat-rolled aluminum
products, there is the observation of an increasing demand in
the market for tight dimension tolerance, especially for
thickness distribution along the strip length and profile
(thickness distribution along the strip width).
2. Recently, customers are demanding tight dimension tolerance in
flat-rolled aluminum products; especially, they require an evenly
distributed thickness along the strip length and profile (the
width).
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Which one is easier to read?
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Use descriptive subjects, active verbs
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observation of increasing demandCustomers are demanding
In consideration of the requirementsThey require
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• Avoid abstract nouns
– Use descriptive subjects and active verbs
• Avoid “elegant” words
– Be direct and to the point
• Avoid verbose phrases and vague words
– Be specific
1. Does the use of plain words matter?
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Description 1.
Data collection from the National Health and Nutrition
Examination Survey between 1999 and 2001 showed a
great contribution towards the elucidation of individuals
who had reported injection drug use in the past year,
47.1% purchasing their last syringe at a pharmacy.
Which one is easier to read?
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Description 2.
The National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey
(1999 to 2001) found that 47.1% of people who had
reported injecting illicit drugs in the past year bought
their last syringe at a pharmacy. Hopefully, this will
clarify pharmacists’ perceptions and encourage them to
reach out to illicit drug users who care enough to buy
clean needles.
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Avoid “elegant” words
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buypurchase
clarifyelucidation
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• Avoid abstract nouns– Use descriptive subjects and
active verbs• Avoid “elegant” words
– Be direct and to the point• Avoid verbose phrases and vague
words– Be specific
1. Does the use of plain words matter?
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What does this mean?
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• Engineering services of the military have
unsurmountable difficulties because of
barriers in the stoppage of funding arising
from governmental bodies.
Ask the right questions
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Engineering services of the military have unsurmountable
difficulties because of barriers in the stoppage of funding arising
from governmental bodies.
Who are having difficulties?
What are the difficulties?
Why are there difficulties?
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Answer the questions
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Who? – Ecologists in the US Army corps of
engineers (USACE)
What? – Ecologists are loosing their jobs
Why? – Congress is contracting out to
private companies for coastal and water
resources engineering
After asking the questions
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• Engineers in the army corps are loosing
their jobs because US Congress has
stopped funding for waterways services
provided by the USAC.
Edit the sentence by
including the specifics
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Avoid verbose phrases
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Stopped fundingStoppage of funding
Avoid vague words
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Provided by“Arising” from
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Be specific in your writing
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US Congress?Governmental “bodies”
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Check your understanding.Is anything wrong with this sentence?
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Preventive services implementation had unsurmountable
difficulties because of barriers in the cessation of funding
arising from governmental bodies in healthcare.
Ask the right questions
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Preventive services implementation had
unsurmountable difficulties because of
barriers in the cessation of funding arising
from governmental bodies in healthcare.
Who is implementing the services?
What are the difficulties?
Why are there difficulties?
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Answer the questions
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Who? – Physicians
What? – Trouble implementing preventive
services
Why? – Dept. of Health and Human Services
stopped funding
After asking the questions
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• Physicians have had trouble implementing
preventative services in 2014 because the
Department of Health and Human Services
stopped funding the program in that year.
Edit the sentence by
including the specifics
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Check your understanding:Should we fix this sentence?
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Academic counsel can exert a powerful influence on nuclear
weapons proliferation that concerns those who purchase
weapon grade uranium because the negotiations helps in the
termination of the proliferation, according to the provision of
information related to institutions.
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Academic counsel can exert a powerful
influence on nuclear weapons proliferation
that concerns those who purchase weapon
grade uranium because the negotiations helps
in the termination of the proliferation,
according to the provision of information
related to institutions.
We’d better know what this means!
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Ask the right questions
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Who? – members of the national academy of sciences
What? – influencing world leaders in the IAEA
Why? – to stop buying weapons grade uranium and end
the proliferation of nuclear weapons
How? – present atomic energy commission simulations
of worst case scenarios
After asking the questions
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Members of the national academy of
sciences presenting atomic energy
commission simulations of worse case
scenarios can influence world leaders to
stop buying weapon grade uranium and
end the proliferation of nuclear weapons.
Edit the sentence by
including the specifics
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Use descriptive phrases
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influenceExert a powerful influence
National Academy of SciencesAcademic counsel
Use descriptive phrases
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presenting simulationsProvision of information
Atom Energy CommissionRelated to institutions
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Use plain words
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stopcessation
buypurchase
Use plain words
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endtermination
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1. Does the use of “plain” words in a research reportmatter?
2. Does the choice or omission of words affect meaning?
3. Does position of words in a sentence matter?
Questions to ask
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Check your understanding:Is a critical word missing?
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Pharmacist counsel can exert a powerful influence
on drug usage that concerns those who purchase
needles at pharmacies because the counseling helps
in the cessation of IV drug use, according to the
provision of information.
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Ask the right questions
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Who? – Pharmacists
What? – reaching out to illicit drug users
Why? – to help them stop using
How? – advise users to visit
methadone clinics
After asking the questions
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Pharmacists reaching out to illicit drug
users who buy needles at their shop
help users stop using IV drugs by
advising them to visit methadone
clinics.
Edit the sentence by
including the specifics
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1. Does the use of “plain”words in a research reportmatter?
2. Does the choice or omissionof words affect meaning?
3. Does position of words in asentence matter?
Questions to ask
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Sentences
Words
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Does position of words matter?
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• Sentence 1. Deoxyribonucleic acid, DNA, isthought to be the blueprint of life.
• Sentence 2. The blueprint of life is thoughtto be deoxyribonucleic acid, DNA.
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Writing easy-to readdefinitions
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“When readers see a technical term for the first time,
particularly a term that they will not instantly recognize,
they can best grasp that term if it appears not at the
beginning of a sentence, in its topic, but at the end.”
Move technical words to the end
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– Joseph P. Williams, Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace (1996).
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The blueprint of life is thought to bedeoxyribonucleic acid, DNA.
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Original:
“Roundabout (Robo) family proteins are
immunoglobulin-type cell surface receptors that are
expressed predominantly in the nervous system.” [1]
One way to define a term
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1. Stem Cells. 2009 January ; 27(1): 183–190. doi:10.1634/stemcells.2008-0292.
Improved:
Immunoglobulin-type receptors expressed
predominantly on the surface of neuronal cells
are the roundabout (Robo) family proteins [1].
Place term at the end to improve readability
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1. Stem Cells. 2009 January ; 27(1): 183–190. doi:10.1634/stemcells.2008-0292.
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Be kind to your readers
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Use plain words in sentencescontaining technical terms
Be specific: Revise yoursentence to reveal the maincharacter and action
Position the main charactercorrectly, at the start or end
Bringing it all together
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How do I writereadable
sentences?
Remember…
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1. Does the use of “plain” words matter?
Yes it does!
2. Does the choice or omission of words matter?
Yes it does!
3. Does position of words in a sentence matter?
Yes, it does!
Now we know the answers!
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• Joseph M. Williams. Style: Toward Clarity and Grace. TheUniversity of Chicago Press, Chicago and London; 1990.
• Wayne C. Booth, Gregory G. Colomb, Joseph M. Williams.The Craft of Research. The University of Chicago Press,Chicago and London; 2008.
References
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Contact Details
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Mary Nishikawa, MA, ELSBoard Certified Editor in the Life SciencesTrainer in Academic Communications
Tel: 03-5542-1950 Fax: 03-4496-4557URL: www.editage.jp www.cactus.co.jp
Dr. EddyTM personifies our efforts to support authors with good publication practices.He can be found at Editage Insights Japan http://www.editage.jp/insights/
