Women Plight in Occupied Berlin

8/10/2019 Women Plight in Occupied Berlin

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A Woman in Berlin

Anonymous. A Woman in Berli n: Eight Weeks in the Conquered City--A D iary . New York:Metropolitan Books, 2005.

An anonymous 34 year old woman has composed a diary beginning in April 1945. It is at thattime that the Russians invaded Berlin, which consisted of a large female population. For eightweeks, this woman kept a daily record of her experiences as well as those around her, and shetalks about the mass rape suffered by nearly all women. Her diary shows the horror war brings towomen, and she speaks to many women she meets and encourages them to talk about how theywere victimized. (First published in 1954. Writers name revealed two years after death as MartaHillers)

Ba ck in the attic apartment. I can`t really call it a home; I no longer have a home. Not that thefurnished room I was bombed out of was really mine either. All the same, I`d filled it with six

years of my life. (Page 2) But since the night I helped dig out people whod been buried in the rubble, Ive been

preoccupied, forced to cope with my fear of death. The symptoms are always the same. First thesweat beads up around my hairline, then I feel something boring into my spine, my throat getsscratchy, my mouth goes dry, my heart starts to skip. (Page 10 -11)

Beauty hurts now. Were so full of death. (Page 14)

Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day of life is a day of triumph. Youve

survived o nce again. Youre defiant. (Page 15)

Theres a split between my aloofness, the desire to keep my private life to myself, and the urgeto be like everyone else, to belong to the nation, to abide and suffer history together. (Page 18)

Once our role was t o play the ministering angel. Scraping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital and a field hospital. The front is everywhere. (Page 29)

The Nazi worl d ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killed

for the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat ofthe male sex. (Page 43)

I use my right hand to defend myself. Its no use. Hes simply torn off my garter, ripping it intwo. When I struggle to come up, the second one throws himself on me as well, forcing me backon the ground with his fists and knees. (Page 53)


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He looks at the pitiful group of people come to complain and laughs, laughs at my stammering.Come on, Im sure they didnt really hurt you. Our men are all healthy. He strolls back to theother officers. We hear them chuckling quietly. I turn to our gray assembly. Theres no point.(Page 54)

But for them any woman will do, when theyre grabbing in the dark. (Page 59)

What do es it mean rape? When I said the word for the first time aloud, Friday evening in the basement, it sent shivers down my spine. Now I can think it and write it with an untremblinghand, say it out loud to get used to hearing it said. It sounds like the absolute worst, the end ofeverything but it is not. (Page 63)

Before leaving he fishes something out of his pants pocket, thumps it down on the nightstandwithout a word, pulls the chair aside, and slams the door shut behind him. A crumpled pack ofRuss ian cigarettes, only a few left. My pay. (Page 64)

Ive never been so removed from myself, so alienated. All my feelings seem dead, except forthe drive to live. They shall not destroy me. (Page 66)

Were amazed to see so many women soldiers, with fiel d tunics, skirts, berets, and insignia.Theyre regular infantry, no doubt about it. Most are very young small, tough, their haircombed back smooth. (Page 69)

I am constantly repulsed by my own skin. I dont want to touch myself, can barely look at my body. I cant help but think about the little child I was, once upon a time... who made her parentsso proud... So much love... and evening prayers and all for the filth I am now. (Page 75)

We have no rights; were nothing but booty, dirt. We unload our rage on Adolf. (Page 79)

I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)

The Russians at the pump dont spend much time sizing up us water carriers. Theyve alreadycaught on that its mostly old, gnarled women who are sent to the pump. When Im there I, too,

wrinkle my forehead, pull down the corners of my mouth, and squint in order to look as ancientand wretched as I can. (Page 108)

Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their cle an record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


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Anyway, the unbridled raping sprees of the first few days are over. (Page 115)

This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For the

moment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant im agine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Page 115 -116)

...I am essentially living off my body, trading it for something to eat. (Page 116)

...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so moralistic and acting as if prostitution wereso much beneath my dignity. After all, its an old, venerable line of work, practiced in thehighest social circles. (Page 116)

But morality aside, could I actually slip into that pr ofession and still be pleased with myself? No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)

But our country is despondent, our people are in pain. Weve been led by criminals andgamblers, and weve let them lead u s, like sheep to the slaughter. And now people are miserable,smoldering with hate. (Page 130)

One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered

be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)

And this mass rape is something we are overcoming coll ectively as well. All the women helpeach other by speaking about it, airing their pain, and allowing others to air theirs and spit outwhat theyve suffered. (Page 147)

Each one of us will have to act as if she in particular was spared. Otherwise no man is going towant to touch us anymore. (Page 149)

The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is desolation, awasteland, not a breath of life. This is the carcass of Berlin. (Page 162)


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I couldnt help thinking about how good Id h ad it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess i tself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)

The Russians at the pump dont spend much time sizing up us water carriers. Theyve alreadycaught on that its mostly old, gnarled women who are sent to the pump. When Im there I, too,wrinkle my forehead, pull down the corners of my mouth, and squint in order to look as ancientand wretched as I can. (Page 108)

Isnt that the limit now theyre dema nding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at hi s service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For themoment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant imagine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Page 115 -116)


...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so moralistic and acting as if prostitution wereso m uch beneath my dignity. After all, its an old, venerable line of work, practiced in thehighest social circles. (Page 116)

But morality aside, could I actually slip into that profession and still be pleased with myself? No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)

But our country is despondent, our people are in pain. Weve been led by criminals andgamblers, and weve let them lead us, like sheep to the slaughter. And now people are miserable,smoldering wit h hate. (Page 130)

One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl would


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have reacted differently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)

And this mass rape is something we are overcoming collectively as well. All the women helpeach other by speaking about it, airing their pain, and allowing others to air theirs and spit outwhat theyve suffered. (Page 147)



Whats clear is that I was there, that I breathed what was in the air, and it affected all of us, evenif we d idnt want it to. (Page 168)

I feel that I belong to my people, that I want to share their fate, even now. (Page 175)

They say that millions of people mostly Jews were cremated in huge camps in the East andthat their ashes were used for fertilizer. On top of that everything was supposedly carefullyrecorded in thick ledgers a scrupulous accounting of death. We really are an orderly nation.Late in the evening they played Beethoven and that brought tears. I turned it off. Who can bearthat at thi s moment? (Page 223)

The most bitter thing in the life of a single woman is that every time she enters some kind offamily life, after a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt likeher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserve the precious peace.(Page 228)

Yes, maam is for internal use only, a currency of no value except among ourselves. To therest of the world were nothing but rubble women and trash. (Page 248)

An anonymous 34 year old woman has composed a diary beginning in April 1945. It is at thattime that the Russians invaded Berlin, which consisted of a large female population. For eightweeks, this woman kept a daily record of her experiences as well as those around her, and shetalks about the mass rape suffered by nearly all women. Her diary shows the horror war brings to


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hand, say it out loud to get used to hearing it said. It sounds like the absolute worst, the end ofeverything but it is not. (Page 63)

Before leaving he fishes something out of his pants pocket, thumps it do wn on the nightstandwithout a word, pulls the chair aside, and slams the door shut behind him. A crumpled pack of

Russian cigarettes, only a few left. My pay. (Page 64)

Ive never been so removed from myself, so alienated. All my feelings seem dead, exc ept forthe drive to live. They shall not destroy me. (Page 66)

Were amazed to see so many women soldiers, with field tunics, skirts, berets, and insignia.Theyre regular infantry, no doubt about it. Most are very young small, tough, their haircombe d back smooth. (Page 69)



I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has b een mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)


Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand h ave a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For themoment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant imagine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Page 115-116)


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...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so moralistic and acting as if prostitution wereso much beneath my dignity. After all, its an old, venerable lin e of work, practiced in thehighest social circles. (Page 116)

But morality aside, could I actually slip into that profession and still be pleased with myself? No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)

But our country is despondent, our people are in pain. Weve been led by criminals andgamblers, and weve let them lead us, like sheep to the slaughter. And now people are miserable,smoldering with hate. (Page 130)

One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted di fferently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)



The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is desola tion, awasteland, not a breath of life. This is the carcass of Berlin. (Page 162)

Whats clear is that I was there, that I breathed what was in the air, and it affected all of us, evenif we didnt want it to. (Page 168)


They say that millions of people mostly Jews were cremated in huge camps in the East andthat their ashes were used for fertilizer. On top of that everything was supposedly carefullyrecorded in thick ledgers a scrupulous accounting of death. We really are an orderly nation.Late in the evening they played Beethoven and that brought tears. I turned it off. Who can bearthat at this moment? (Page 223)


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An anonymous 34 year old woman has composed a diary beginning in April 1945. It is at thattime that the Russians invaded Berlin, which consisted of a large female population. For eight

weeks, this woman kept a daily record of her experiences as well as those around her, and shetalks about the mass rape suffered by nearly all women. Her diary shows the horror war brings towomen, and she speaks to many women she meets and encourages them to talk about how theywere victimized. (First published in 1954. Wri ters name revealed two years after death as MartaHillers)

Ba ck in the attic apartment. I can`t really call it a home; I no longer have a home. Not that thefurnished room I was bombed out of was really mine either. All the same, I`d filled it with sixyears of my life. (Page 2)

But since the night I helped dig out people whod been buried in the rubble, Ive been preoccupied, forced to cope with my fear of death. The symptoms are always the same. First thesweat beads up around my hairline, then I feel something boring into my spine, my throat getsscratchy, my mouth goes dry, my heart starts to skip. (Page 10 -11)


Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day of life is a day of triumph. Youvesurvived once again. Youre defiant. (Page 15)

Theres a split between my aloofness, the desire to keep my private life to myself, and the urg eto be like everyone else, to belong to the nation, to abide and suffer history together. (Page 18)

Once our role was to play the ministering angel. Scraping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital and a field hospital. The front is everywhere. (Page 29)


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The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat ofthe male sex. (Page 4 3)


He looks at the pitiful group of people come to complain and laughs, laughs at my stammering.Come on, Im sure they didnt really hurt you. Our men are all healthy. He strolls back to theother officers. We hear them chuckling quietly. I turn to our gray assemb ly. Theres no point.(Page 54)

But for them any woman will do, when theyre grabbing in the dark. (Page 59) What does it mean rape? When I said the word for the first time aloud, Friday evening in the

basement, it sent shivers down my spine. Now I can think it and write it with an untremblinghand, say it out loud to get used to hearing it said. It sounds like the absolute worst, the end ofeverything but it is not. (Page 63)

Before leaving he fishes something out of his pants pocket, thumps it down on the nightstandwithout a word, pulls the chair aside, and slams the door shut behind him. A crumpled pack ofRussian cigarettes, only a few left. My pay. (Page 64)


Were amazed to see so many women soldiers, with field tunics, skirts, berets, and insignia.Theyre regular infantry, no doubt about it. Most are very young small, tough, their haircombed back smooth. (Page 69)



I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body ha s been mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)


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Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For the

moment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant imagine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Pa ge 115-116)



But morality aside, could I actually slip into that profession and still be pleased with myself?

No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)


One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)


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Each one of us will have to act as if she in particular was spared. Otherwise no man is going to

want to touch us anymore. (Page 149)

The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is des olation, awasteland, not a breath of life. This is the carcass of Berlin. (Page 162)



They say that millions of people mostly Jews were cremated in huge camps in the East and

that their ashes were used for fertilizer. On top of that everything was supposedly carefullyrecorded in thick ledgers a scrupulous accounting of death. We really are an orderly nation.Late in the evening they played Beethoven and that brought tears. I turned it off. Who can bearthat at this moment? (Page 223)

The most bitter thing in the life o f a single woman is that every time she enters some kind offamily life, after a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt likeher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserve the precious peace.(Page 228)



weeks, this woman kept a daily record of her experiences as well as those around her, and shetalks about the mass rape suffered by nearly all women. Her diary shows the horror war brings towomen, and she speaks to many women she meets and encourages them to talk about how theywere victimized. (First published in 1954. Writers name revealed two years after death as MartaHillers)


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But since the night I helped dig out people whod been buried in the rubble, Ive been



Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day o f life is a day of triumph. Youvesurvived once again. Youre defiant. (Page 15)

Theres a split between my aloofness, the desire to keep my private life to myself, and the urgeto be like everyone else, to belong to the nation, to abide and suffer hist ory together. (Page 18)

Once our role was to play the ministering angel. Scraping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital and a field hospital. The f ront is everywhere. (Page 29)

The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat of

the male sex. (Page 43)

I use my right hand to defend myself. Its no use. Hes simply torn off m y garter, ripping it intwo. When I struggle to come up, the second one throws himself on me as well, forcing me backon the ground with his fists and knees. (Page 53)

He looks at the pitiful group of people come to complain and laughs, laughs at my sta mmering.Come on, Im sure they didnt really hurt you. Our men are all healthy. He strolls back to theother officers. We hear them chuckling quietly. I turn to our gray assembly. Theres no point.(Page 54)


What does it mean rape? When I said the word for the first time aloud, Friday evening in the basement, it sent shivers down my spine. Now I can think it and write it with an untremblinghand, say it out loud to get used to hearing it said. It sounds like the absolute worst, the end ofeverything but it is not. (Page 63)


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Ive never been so removed from myself, so alienated. All my feelings seem dead, except for

the drive to live. They shall not destroy me. (Page 66)

Were am azed to see so many women soldiers, with field tunics, skirts, berets, and insignia.Theyre regular infantry, no doubt about it. Most are very young small, tough, their haircombed back smooth. (Page 69)

I am constantly repulsed by my own skin. I don t want to touch myself, can barely look at my body. I cant help but think about the little child I was, once upon a time... who made her parentsso proud... So much love... and evening prayers and all for the filth I am now. (Page 75)



The Russians at the pump dont spend much time sizing up us water carriers. Theyve alreadycaught on that its mostly old, gnarled women who are sent to the pump. When Im there I, too,wrinkle my forehead, pull down the corners of my mouth, and squint in order to look as ancient

and wretched as I can. (Page 108)

Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to prese nt a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of my

own accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For themoment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant imagine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Page 115 -116)



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But moral ity aside, could I actually slip into that profession and still be pleased with myself?


But our country is despondent, our people are in pain. Weve been led by crim inals andgamblers, and weve let them lead us, like sheep to the slaughter. And now people are miserable,smoldering with hate. (Page 130)


be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were d ealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)

And this m ass rape is something we are overcoming collectively as well. All the women helpeach other by speaking about it, airing their pain, and allowing others to air theirs and spit outwhat theyve suffered. (Page 147)

Each one of us will have to act as if sh e in particular was spared. Otherwise no man is going towant to touch us anymore. (Page 149)

The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is desolation, awasteland, not a breath of life. This is the carcass of Berlin. ( Page 162)



They say tha t millions of people mostly Jews were cremated in huge camps in the East andthat their ashes were used for fertilizer. On top of that everything was supposedly carefullyrecorded in thick ledgers a scrupulous accounting of death. We really are an orderly nation.Late in the evening they played Beethoven and that brought tears. I turned it off. Who can bearthat at this moment? (Page 223)


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The most bitter thing in the life of a single woman is that every time she enters some kind offamily life, afte r a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt likeher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserve the precious peace.(Page 228)

Yes, maam is for internal use only, a currency of no value exce pt among ourselves. To therest of the world were nothing but rubble women and trash. (Page 248)






Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day of life is a day of triumph. Youvesurvived once again. Youre defiant. (Pag e 15)


Once our role was to play the ministering angel. Sc raping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital and a field hospital. The front is everywhere. (Page 29)


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The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat ofthe male sex. (Page 43)







Were amazed to see so many women soldiers, with field tunics, skirts, berets, and in signia.Theyre regular infantry, no doubt about it. Most are very young small, tough, their haircombed back smooth. (Page 69)

I am constantly repulsed by my own skin. I dont want to touch myself, can barely look at my body. I cant help but think ab out the little child I was, once upon a time... who made her parentsso proud... So much love... and evening prayers and all for the filth I am now. (Page 75)


I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so mis erable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)


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The Russians at the pump dont spend much time sizing up us water carriers. Theyve alreadycaught on that its mostly old, gnarled women who are sent to the pump. When Im there I, too,wrinkle my forehead, pull down the corners of my mouth, and squint in order to look as ancientand wretched as I can. (Page 1 08)



This is a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and n ever come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For the

moment Ive had it up to here with men and their male desire; I cant imagine ever longing forany of that again. Am I doing it for bacon, butter, sugar, candles, canned meat? To some extent Isure am. (Page 115 -116)


...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so morali stic and acting as if prostitution wereso much beneath my dignity. After all, its an old, venerable line of work, practiced in thehighest social circles. (Page 116)

But morality aside, could I actually slip into that profession and still be pleased wi th myself?

No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activ ity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)


One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suffered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collectively as well. (Page 147)


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And this mass rape is something we are overcoming collectively as well. All the women h elpeach other by speaking about it, airing their pain, and allowing others to air theirs and spit outwhat theyve suffered. (Page 147)


want to touch us any more. (Page 149)






The most bitter thing in the life of a single woman is that every time she enters some kind offamily life, after a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt li keher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserve the precious peace.(Page 228)



weeks, this woman kept a daily record of her experiences as well as those around her, and shetalks about the mass rape suffered by nearly all women. Her diary shows the horror war brings towomen, and she speaks to many women she meets and encourages them to talk about how theywere victimized. (Fir st published in 1954. Writers name revealed two years after death as MartaHillers)


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Theres a split between my aloofness, the desire to keep my private li fe to myself, and the urgeto be like everyone else, to belong to the nation, to abide and suffer history together. (Page 18)


The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earl ier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat of


I use my right hand to defend myself. Its no use. Hes simply torn off my garter, ripping it intwo. When I struggle to come up, the second one throws himself on me as well, forcing me backon the ground with his fists and kne es. (Page 53)





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Before leaving he fishes something out of hi s pants pocket, thumps it down on the nightstandwithout a word, pulls the chair aside, and slams the door shut behind him. A crumpled pack ofRussian cigarettes, only a few left. My pay. (Page 64)

Ive never been so removed from myself, so alienated. Al l my feelings seem dead, except for














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...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so moralistic and acting as if prostitution wereso much beneath my dignity. After all , its an old, venerable line of work, practiced in thehighest social circles. (Page 116)


No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. So theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited t o my pride. (Page 117)











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The most b itter thing in the life of a single woman is that every time she enters some kind offamily life, after a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt likeher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserv e the precious peace.(Page 228)





But since the night I helped dig out people whod been buried in the rubble, Ive been preoccupied, forced to cope with my fear of death. The symptoms are always the same. First thesweat beads up around my hairline, then I feel something boring into my spine, my throat getsscra tchy, my mouth goes dry, my heart starts to skip. (Page 10 -11)




Once our role was to play the ministering angel. Scraping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital an d a field hospital. The front is everywhere. (Page 29)


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The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat ofthe male sex. (Page 43)










I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken agai nst its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)


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Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to b oot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This i s a new situation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For the



...Writing this makes me wonder why Im being so moralistic and acting as if prostitution wereso much beneath my dignity. After all, its an old, venerable line of work, practiced in th ehighest social circles. (Page 116)


No, never. It goes against my nature, it wounds my self-esteem, destroys my pride and makesme physically miserable. S o theres no need to worry. Ill be overjoyed to get out of this line ofwork, if thats what I have to call my present activity, as soon as I can earn my bread in somemore pleasant way better suited to my pride. (Page 117)


One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suff ered a different kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcomi ng collectively as well. (Page 147)


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And this mass rape is something we are overcoming collectively as well. All the women helpeach other by speaking about it, airing their pain, and allowing others to air theirs and spit outwhat theyve suffered. (Pag e 147)



The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is desolation, awasteland, not a b reath of life. This is the carcass of Berlin. (Page 162)





The most bitter thing in the life of a single woman is that ever y time she enters some kind offamily life, after a while she ends up causing trouble: shes one too many, someone doesnt likeher because someone else does, and in the end they kick her out to preserve the precious peace.(Page 228)

Yes, maam is fo r internal use only, a currency of no value except among ourselves. To therest of the world were nothing but rubble women and trash. (Page 248)




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preoccupied, forced to cope with my fear of death. The symptoms are always the same. First thesweat beads up around my hairline, then I feel something boring into my spine, my throat getsscratchy, my mouth goes dry, my heart starts to skip. (Pa ge 10-11)


Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day of life is a day of triumph. Y ouvesurvived once again. Youre defiant. (Page 15)


Once our role was to play the ministering angel. Scraping up lint bandages. A cool hand on amans hot brow, at a healthy distance from the shooting. Now theres no difference between aregular hospital and a field hospital. The front is everywhere. (Pag e 29)

The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat of







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Ive never been so removed from myself, so alienated. All my feelings seem dead, except for



I am constantly repulsed by my own skin. I dont want to touch myself, c an barely look at my body. I cant help but think about the little child I was, once upon a time... who made her parentsso proud... So much love... and evening prayers and all for the filth I am now. (Page 75)


I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had b een good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken against its will. And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)



Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next thing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit tes tifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)






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But morality aside, could I actual ly slip into that profession and still be pleased with myself?


But our country is despondent, our people are in pain. Weve been led by criminals andgamblers, and w eve let them lead us, like sheep to the slaughter. And now people are miserable,smoldering with hate. (Page 130)




Each one of us will have to act as if she in particular was spare d. Otherwise no man is going towant to touch us anymore. (Page 149)


Whats clear i s that I was there, that I breathed what was in the air, and it affected all of us, evenif we didnt want it to. (Page 168)




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The Nazi world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being k illedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat ofthe male sex. (Page 43)


He looks at the pitiful group of people come to c omplain and laughs, laughs at my stammering.Come on, Im sure they didnt really hurt you. Our men are all healthy. He strolls back to theother officers. We hear them chuckling quietly. I turn to our gray assembly. Theres no point.(Page 54)








I couldnt help thinking about how good Id had it, until now the fact that love had always been a pleasure and never a pain. I had never been forced, nor had I ever had to force myself.Everything had been good the way it was. But whats making me so miserable right now is notso much the excess itself, extreme though it is; its the fact that my body has been mistreated,taken against its will . And pain is how it responds to the abuse. (Page 91)


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Isnt that the limit now theyre demanding that their sexual spoils be tidy and well behavedand have a noble character to boot! Next th ing theyll be asking women to present a policeaffidavit testifying to their clean record before theyre allowed to bed down with the victors!(Page 114)


This is a new situ ation. By no means could it be said that the major is raping me. One cold wordand hed probably go his way and never come back. So I am placing myself at his service of myown accord. Am I doing it because I like him or out of a need for love? God forbid! For the







One thing is for sure: if this were peacetime and a girl had been raped by some vagrant, thered be the whole peacetime hoopla of reporting the crime, taking the statement, questioningwitnesses, arrest and confrontation, news reports and neighbourhood gossip and the girl wouldhave reacted differently, would have suffered a dif ferent kind of shock. But here were dealingwith a collective experience, something foreseen and feared many times in advance thathappened to women right and left, all somehow part of the bargain. And this mass rape issomething we are overcoming collect ively as well. (Page 147)


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Ea ch one of us will have to act as if she in particular was spared. Otherwise no man is going to


The heat is stifling. The smell of fire hangs over the tracks. All around is desolation, awasteland, not a breath of l ife. This is the carcass of Berlin. (Page 162)










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Whats clear is that every threat to your life boosts your vitality. My own flame is stronger; Im burning more fiercely than before the air raids. Each new day of life is a day of triumph. Youvesurv ived once again. Youre defiant. (Page 15)



The Naz i world ruled by men, glorifying the strong man is beginning to crumble, and with itthe myth of Man. In earlier wars men could claim that the privilege of killing and being killedfor the fatherland was theirs and theirs alone. Today we women, too, have a share. That hastransformed us, emboldened us. Among the many defeats at the end of this war is the defeat of





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Women Plight in Occupied Berlin