Winning The One PDF, eBook by Robert Ford

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  • Winning The One

    2Robert Ford

    WinningThe Oneby Robert Ford

  • Winning The One

    3Robert Ford

    Part 1: IntroWhether youve just met someone while shopping in the grocerystore or youre involved in a committed relationship, knowingwhether a man is The One can be a challenge at any stage of arelationship.

    Even if you think a guy is perfect, youre certainly wondering howto go about discovering his long-term potentialand youre alsowondering whether your boyfriend considers you a keeper, too.

    What can you do to address some of these issues?

    How do you know if a guy is The One?

    And how can you show him youre The One for him, too?

    Im going to take you step-by-step through the most common andcritical questions that women face in their search for The One .

    The questions youll read are real questions submitted by womenjust like you in our community.

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    But before we get into the questions submitted by readers, I want toclarify what exactly I mean by The One.

    What I really mean by this is the one with whom you shouldchoose to be committed.

    I dont believe that theres just one soul mate for every person.There are millions of people in the world who youd be compatiblewith and would make wonderful partners whether its the man onthe park bench at the dog park or the man who sits in the cubiclenext door.

    So dont be scared by the idea that theres just one right man outthere for you.

    So sit back, mix up a martini and prepare to disprove everythingyou ever thought you knew about finding the perfect man for you.

    Its finally time for you to find and keep The One, and Im here toshow you exactly how.

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    Part I:How to Know If Hes the One

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    Part 2: First StepsLets start with some questions on those first few steps into yoursearch for The One and some of common issues that may comeup when you meet or start dating a man. Heres one from Linda inour community, who is wondering about that first phone call

    QUESTION: Who makes that first call after youve met?Does he think she is too pushy if she makes that firstmove? My friends say if he's really interested, he will callyou.

    Answer: Linda, your friends are right. While it might seemperfectly natural to use a phone number that a man offers to you,doing so will only convince him that youre either too pushy or tooeager neither of which equates to the promise of a first date.

    If a guy is interested in you, hell call.

    In fact, hell hold on to your number for dear life even if he doesfollow the 3-day waiting period rule that prevents him from callingyou before the requisite three days have passed since he firstgripped your number in his nervously sweaty palm.

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    So if you do receive a phone number from a man in exchange foryours, feel free to hang on to it if only to be able to recognize hisnumber on your caller ID when he does call.

    But do not, under any circumstances, use that number.

    The best part is, by not calling him, youre showing him that youreawesome woman with a lot going on and you arent sitting aroundwaiting for him.

    If he happens to call, say, while youre in the middle of a movie ordinner with friends and he doesnt reach you, that only adds to thechaseand this chase drives men wild!

    Hell find himself wondering what youre up toand realize thatyoure not waiting around for his call.

    By not calling him yourself, you actually give yourself all the powerin the would-be first dateand beyond, when youre in acommitted, long-term relationship.

    How great is that?

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    Carol hasnt gotten to that first phone call yet. Shes wonderingwhat to do about a guy thats she interested in but who hasntmade a move

    QUESTION: I think he is The One. How do I go aboutasking him if he is single and asking him out or gettinghim to ask me out on a date?

    Answer: First things first if you ask him out on a date, you areasking for trouble.

    Even if he says yes and you do go on a date, hell always feel likeyou were the one who made the first move and youll becompletely ignoring his biologically driven need for the chase.

    So rather than asking him out yourself, give him some subtleencouragement to let him know youre interested.

    After all, men scare easily, and they need some reassurance thatyou wont laugh in their faces if they decide to ask you on a date.

    Start off with some innocent flirting without going overboard.

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    Now, I realize that many women see flirting as an innate ability thatcannot be learned. But thats absolutely wrong! With a little work,you can become a flirting master.

    When flirting, you DO want to:

    1. Have fun and get to know a little more about him

    2. Show him that that you're interested

    3. Make sure you give him enough encouragement to ask youout

    You DON'T want to:

    1. Come on too strong

    2. Seem like you're just looking for a fling

    3. Appear desperate

    4. Scare him away

    In the meantime, though, it sounds like you already know this man,so maybe you dont need to try to get his attention across a crowdedroom.

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    But smiling and making eye contact as you speak will go a long waytoward engaging him in conversation a conversation in which youcan ask him questions about himself, laugh at his jokes, and revealsomething unique about yourself.

    Use body language to your advantage, too: Maintain a good postureas you speak, keeping your shoulders back and opening up yourbody toward him.

    Your flirting should quickly answer the question of whether or nothes single and hell ask you out on a date.

    If you need a more concrete answer, though and if you dont haveany friends or acquaintances who can tell you you might tryslipping it into your flirting routine, saying something like, Whatdo you like to do for fun? or, to be more direct, Your girlfriendmust love that you know how to speak Italian.

    And even if your flirting doesnt result in a date, just think of it aspractice for the moment when you do meet The One and heenthusiastically responds to your flirting by asking you out!

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    Part 3:Qualities of The OneLets get into some questions dealing with the qualities that TheOne should possess. Heres one from Andrea in our community

    QUESTION: How do you know if hes The One after ashort period of time? Do you have any tips to save womenfrom wasting time and effort on the wrong man?

    Answer: Every relationship is a learning experience, so its neverwasted time or effort. But its important to stay mindful throughoutthe process of dating someone to make sure that you are notcompromising yourself or your needs for a man.

    The only women who end up truly wasting time are ones whoignore that voice that tells them they are being mistreated,underappreciated, that the guy is exhibiting deal breakerbehavior.

    They stick it out anyway, hoping to fix or change the man andthe relationship.

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    This never works.

    REMEMBER: You cannot change him, fix him, or savehim.

    As you go through the dating process with a man, consider mychecklist of qualities that The One should have:

    Similar and/or complimentary life goals and dreams:If you dream of being a stay-at-home mom and hes astruggling artist who wont be able to support you, this is anissue you need to look at. If, however, your goals and dreamsfit well together and could be supported and made possible byone another, he could be The One for you.

    On the same page about major issues, such asfinances, faith and family: What kind of a spender orsaver is he? What about you? Do you share the same religiousbeliefs, or can you at least respect one anothers beliefs? Canyou agree on the number of children you want to have, andwhen to have it? Youll need to be able to compromise onthese issues for the relationship to work.

    Ability to grow spiritually, intellectually andemotionally: People grow and change hopefully for the

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    better. If your man supports opportunities for growth, thats agood sign. If hes controlling and insecure threatened by theidea of you trying new things hes not The One for you.

    A full communication toolkit: You need to be able to useyour communication skills together to convey your needs andresolve disagreements. If youre not perfect, dont despair all thats necessary is the desire from you both to work onyour communication.

    Youre his #1 priority: You dont play second to his career,his family, or his friends. In a marriage, putting your manfirst ensures that you both make the best possible decisionsfor your family.

    Youre your true self around him: You dont feel theneed to be perfect with him. He can see you with no makeup,messy hair and a toilet brush in your hand as you listen toBarry Manilow songs, and hell still feel madly in love withyou.

    Pam writes that shes got a lot of choices in the men shes datingright now and wonders which one is The One for her

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    QUESTION: I have several men pursuing me, and Im notsure who might be The One. How do I choose the man thatwon't lose interest or disappear and will ultimately be TheOne for me?

    Answer: Congratulations for giving yourself the freedom to dateand leave your options open! Youre allowing yourself to choose theman with whom you will spend your time, and that can only meanyou will find success in a long-term relationship.

    You can automatically eliminate anyone you see as inferior. As youprobably already know given the fact that youre not settling onone guy before youre really sure not every man is meant to beThe One for you.

    Eventually, youll need to evaluate whether a given man has thequalities youre looking for in a man and move on from anyonewho doesnt.

    Ask yourself what youre looking for in a serious relationship, andthen use those criteria to determine whether a guy is, in fact,Boyfriend Material and therefore has the ability to be The One.

    Heres a checklist to help you:

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    Stable Career Does he have a good job or is he pursuingan education?

    Passion Does he have goals and dreams for his future? Ishe committed to pursuing them?

    Good Health & Habits Does he take good care ofhimself? Does he have any habits that are deal-breakers foryou?

    Balanced Emotional State Does he seem stable free ofrage issues and excess emotional baggage?

    There are TWO of you in the Relationship If yourguys three favorite words are Me, me, and me, you need tobreak it off fast.

    Treats You Well Does he treat you with respect andconsideration? How do you feel when youre around him happy, relaxed, safe? Uneasy, insecure, controlled or unsafe?

    Treats Others Well Is he friendly with people aroundhim? Is he kind to waitresses and generous with tips?

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    Healthy Relationship Track Record What is his datinghistory like? Has he had serious relationships or is he the kingof one-night stands?

    Good Relationship With Family Is he close with hisfamily? (Just beware of the mamas boy! A man who hasntcut the cord with his mother is nothing but trouble.)

    Maturity Level Is he mature on an intellectual andemotional level? Does he follow through on hisresponsibilities?

    One Your Level Mentally & Emotionally Can he holdhis own in intellectual conversations and those on a deeperlevel (beyond just where you want to go for dinner)? Does hechallenge you intellectually?

    Potential for Commitment If hes young, has areputation for being a player, or hangs out with singlebuddies who are into the scene, it could be a long timebefore hes ready to settle down. If he has friends in seriousrelationships, though, theres a good chance hell be ready forthat phase himself soon enough.

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    QUESTION: How do you know if he is The One especially if you've been disappointed in the past? Howmuch cynicism is healthy and how much is going to ruinyour own future? Is a dating relationship that is SO goodsomething that is too good to be true?

    Answer: It's a sad to say, but most women have had so manynegative experiences with men that you find it virtually impossibleto believe it when a relationship actually goes RIGHT.

    It's as if until you find a major FLAW with a guy, you can't believethat he's for real.

    Flaws can be anything from an emotional issue you need to fix, aphysical characteristic you need to learn to get over, or anindifferent attitude toward you that makes you think you need toCONVINCE this man that you're good enough for him.

    In other words, when things are finally GOOD, you can actually endup CREATING our own problems in the relationship just so youcan say, "Ahhh, OK. *This* feels familiar."

    But dont let the bad guys out there ruin it for the good guys!

    I know its hard, but you need to try not to become cynical.

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    A lot of women I help seem to think that a good man is like aunicorn...

    You spend your childhood dreaming that you'll actually find onesomeday...

    And then when you FINALLY do you say, "Oh come on... This isjust a figment of my imagination. Unicorns (good men) don't reallyexist."

    The truth is, there ARE great guys out there! Lots of them.

    Why should it be so unbelievable to think that when one of themmeets a awesome woman like you, he knows he needs to dowhatever it takes to keep you?

    That he actually might WANT to call you just to hear your voice?

    That he CAN'T WAIT for his next date with you... to get to knowyou better and hopefully get another one of those amazing kisses hewas so lucky to get last time? CAN happen.

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    And it WILL happen for you if you just continue to followwhat I teach you in this program!

    You just have to do a little work to open your heart, shake off thoseyears of bad experiences that may have made you cynical oruntrusting in any way, and get in the right frame of mind to receivethe healthy love that you truly do deserve.

    Diana from our Community writes that her man isnt meeting allher needs and wonders about his long-term potential

    QUESTION: Ive met a great guy who treats me well, but Idont consider him to be The One because he doesnt meetall my needs. What do I do?

    Answer: If he doesnt meet your needs, then theres no way he canbe The One. Just because a man treats you well doesnt mean thatyoure ultimately compatible.

    Just keep in mind that its OK, and better for you in the long run, tobe selective when dating.

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    It sends a strong message to men that you know what you want,you value yourself, and you arent going to just settle for anyonewho shows interest.

    This confidence drives men crazy (in a good way) and makes youstand out from all other women youre someone they mustcompete for.

    And men love competition!

    If the needs that you mention have to do with physical attraction,think of it from a guys perspective: Have you ever known a man totry and force himself to date a woman hes not attracted to? Noway!

    There are plenty of other men out there with whom you can becompatible, and by s...


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