Apr

122012 BACKPAGE

session v5:00-6:15 p.m.

Reliving TraditionOlin Hall 423Toan E. Tabasco, moderator

Siam Said Eggy | Traditional Basket Making, 5 p.m.The Lummi Nation traditionally submerged cedar bark underwater to create a pli-able material that would later harden after being dried in the sun. The bark was woven into sturdy, durable baskets that could hold water without any leakages. In this presentation, audience members will get the chance to perform the same tradi-tion that Native Americans have done for hundreds of years: weaving baskets under-water.

Marshal D. S. Mehya | Mole Hunting, 5:15 p.m.For many indigenous cultures, moles were pests, much as they are today. In order to deal with these pesky mammals, they were hunted, killed and eaten, often with the sauce that has come to bear their name. Due to their rather ugly appearance, hunt-ers found conventional weapons (such as knives, spears and arrows) to be largely ineffective. Strangely enough, large wooden mallets seemed to be the only tools that were able to kill these tunneling monstrosities. This is one of the few opportunities that will allow people over 10 to be able to hit a mole with a large hammer without being embarrassed at playing a children’s game.

Kay Vaughan Brujian | Songbird Musical Duets 5:30 p.m.In the 12th century, European musicians discovered a way to manipulate the beauti-ful songs of the many birds that sung unbidden throughout the land. First off, two birds were captured and their feet were affixed to a small, moveable platform, usu-ally made from wood. They were then prompted to sing by their captor; the most preferred method was to hit them with a large rock. In this manner, the birds sang in rapid succession, or as one, at the direction of their human conductor. Shamefully, this tradition was lost, but was recently discovered by a Whitman anthropology major. In an effort to breathe life into this dead art form, a live demonstration has been prepared with real songbirds; though, due to the blunt force trauma delivered to their frail bodies, they will most likely die as a result of the demonstration. To reiterate, two birds will be killed with one stone.

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Canadian Literary PluralityOlin Hall 157Patricia Vanderbilt, moderator

alternativeS C H O L -

A R S H I P SSome might be happy (or disgust-ed) to hear that Whitman has im-plemented a myriad of scholar-ships so that each student will have a decent shot at an “award.” Here some of the more reasona-ble of the available scholarships:

The Golf Caddie Scholarship:Ever felt that you excelled in lugging a bag full of metal around a grass course while giving moral support to someone who only addresses you as “Slave person?” Then Whitman has the perfect scholarship for you.

Are you one of the students who has always seemed to have that natural talent for mimick-ing the mating call of the decrep-it-looking Shoebill bird? (Look it up. It’s worth your time.) Then you might just be lucky enough

to win Whitman’s prestigious Shoebill Bird Mimic Award!Tired of people assuming you’re a Mormon based on your fair com-plexion, lack of facial hair and so-cially unaccepted style of clothing? Take a crack at Whitman’s increas-ingly popular I Look Like A Mor-mon But Am Not Scholarship.

Occasionally there’s a student out there with the ability to make a green apple appear out of thin air. If you are one of these lucky students, take a chance at winning the esteemed Apple Conjurer Scholarship.

Do you posses the elusive but much sought after ability to correct-ly predict people’s futures based on the subtle movement of their hips? Then try collecting the high-ly competitive but rarely award-ed Hip Reader Scholarship.

This obscure but charming award is for those lucky few who have obtained the ability to accurate-ly define a tree’s height to with-in an inch upon first glance.

FIND MYFRIENDSCREEPER STYLEFind My Friends is an iPhone app that allows you to view the approxi-mate locations of certain friends who also have the app. Accused by some as creepy, it is very convenient for meeting up with your homies. What happens when this app is used on the tiny campus of Whitman?

• When the app tells you your friend is in the west wing of Jew-ett, you search through every floor before finding them behind it in the parking lot, damn accuracy.• You see your friend is in Reid, and begin walking over there. However, by the time you arrive, she’s already halfway back to Lyman, stupid quick-ass walks across campus.• You wonder where your crush is while at a party. Oh, there, 10 feet away from you, perhaps should’ve checked your own eyes before your iPhone, get your cool on, yo!• You see your friend is at Safe-way. Aw yeah, can you pick me up some cheese man?• You can check what off-campus house a friend left their phone at the night before. Aw yeah now that’s convenience!• You wanna know what time to go down to dinner, you look for when all the dots move to the

a l t e r n a t i v eSCHOLARSHIPSSome might be happy (or disgust-ed) to hear that Whitman has im-plemented a myriad of scholar-ships so that each student will have a decent shot at an “award.” Here some of the more reasona-ble of the available scholarships:

The Golf Caddie Scholarship:Ever felt that you excelled in lugging a bag full of metal around a grass course while giving moral support to someone who only addresses you as “Slave person”? Then Whitman has the perfect scholarship for you.

Are you one of the students who has always seemed to have that natural talent for mimick-ing the mating call of the decrep-it-looking Shoebill bird? (Look it up. It’s worth your time.) Then you might just be lucky enough to win Whitman’s prestigious Shoebill Bird Mimic Award!

Tired of people assuming you’re a Mormon based on your fair com-plexion, lack of facial hair and so-cially unaccepted style of clothing? Take a crack at Whitman’s increas-ingly popular I Look Like A Mor-mon But Am Not Scholarship.

Occasionally there’s a student out there with the ability to make a green apple appear out of thin air. If you are one of these lucky students, take a chance at winning the esteemed Apple Conjurer Scholarship.

Do you posses the elusive but much sought-after ability to correct-ly predict people’s futures based on the subtle movement of their hips? Then try collecting the high-ly competitive but rarely award-ed Hip Reader Scholarship.

This obscure but charming award is for those lucky few who have obtained the ability to accurate-ly define a tree’s height to with-in an inch upon first glance. Good luck achieving the Tree Whisperer Scholarship.

LET’S GET SOME CHARIOTRACINGALL UP IN HEREAfter spending most of my natural life as a music nerd, I’m excited to learn more about and support the sports played here at Whitman. I’m coming to understand that I have more in common with jocks than ancestors in central Africa. My only qualm with the athletic program here is that it seems to be missing a few crucial sports. Let me lay them down for you:

CHARIOT RACINGWhen did this die out? I don’t un-derstand. After watching “Ben-Hur,” I couldn’t think of anything else besides getting my hands on a chariot and a hot-blooded steed. Just picture a fleet of chariots with the blue and yellow WC painted on the side. Just. Imagine it.

THE BALLOON GAMEPlayed with an air-filled balloon and no net, this game is typically an unspoken but nationally ac-cepted birthday party tradition. The only rule: Don’t, under any circumstances, real or imagined, dire or peachy keen, let the bal-loon touch the ground. Heads will roll.

BIATHLONDid anyone see this at the Olympics?? Cross-country ski-ing with periodical shooting stints? Ridiculously cool, and good practice for those Whitties who choose to try their hand at surviving in the Arctic Tundra after graduating (which, statis-tics show, is somewhere around 83 percent).

DON’T STEP IN THE LAVA!Another derivation of a childhood game, this traveling team sport has practical applications rather like biathlon. The members could have meets at active volcanic sites and move through dangerous and life-threatening obstacle courses (what fun!). International finals are always held in Pompeii, where everyone feels really quite awk-ward about it.

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Cartoon by Ruth Hwang

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