JANUARY 2015“Some memories are

unforgettable, remaining ever vivid and heartwarming!”

~Joseph B. Wirthlin

Continued...

As this new year begins, my wife and I are making final preparations for our daughter's wedding. As the days grow closer, I am struck by the number of symbols

employed in this affair. Whether it is the (very expensive) white dress, traditional music, floral bouquets, or a hundred other details, this day is steeped in tradition. Customs and symbols fill the proceedings from beginning to end.

Symbols are all around us in bereavement, too. Whether it is the photographs of a life shared or the memorabilia of special places visited and extraordinary experiences enjoyed, these symbols create the visual reminders that undam a flood of memories. Especially in the early weeks of loss, one way grieving people sometimes attempt to manage the pain evoked by these symbols is to avoid them. These individuals put away the photos and hide or give away all of the reminders of the life shared.

My work with bereaved people and my own experiences in loss detail a different pathway. While most people cannot face a steady barrage of reminders, it seems largely unhealthy to attempt to avoid them altogether. In fact, I doubt seriously we could ever completely escape the reminders of the life lived even if we desperately wanted to do so. Here are some tips for managing these memories.

Give yourself permission to feel sadness, joy, and many other emotions. A common notion in western society is that grief should be quickly—and privately—faced. We sometimes even secretly wonder what is “wrong with her” when a grieving person exhibits tears some months after a loss. Photos and memorabilia often provide jarring reminders of the loss, however, and sadness is an inevitable part of those reminders. You will also likely find that the stories shared often produce laughs and fond recollections of experiences shared. Simultaneously, grieving people feel both extremes of emotion—and everything in between.

“Dose” exposure to images. Most of us do not need to sit with the photo albums for several hours every day. Rather, setting aside some “reflection time” once, twice, or three times a week can be a good way to start. Perhaps you will find yourself gradually wanting to give more time to these remembrances but be willing to start slowly at first.

Find a “buddy” to share some of the memories. An adult child or friend can be a friend to share some of the memories, to cry alongside you, and to help you remember stories from days past. Whether this person knew your loved one or not, the sharing time can be helpful for you both. Some bereavement support groups give entire meetings to having participants share a favorite photo or two while telling a story from their loved ones' lives.

Write through the process. When looking at photos and memorabilia, write down what you

Pictures Worth a

Thousand Words

Symbols are all around us in bereavement. Whether it is the photographs of a life

shared or the memorabilia of special places visited and extraordinary experiences

enjoyed, these symbols create the visual reminders that undam a flood of memories.

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307-358-3843

PLATTE CHAPEL1108 Ninth Street, P.O. Box 816

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turning the pages through grief

Sent to you courtesy of...

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Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. HoferOwners/Funeral Directors

Highmore, SD ● 605-852-2432 Miller, SD ● 605-853-3127Gettysburg, SD ● 605-765-9637 Faulkton, SD ● 605-598-4141

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William G. Hoy is a counselor and educator with more than 25 years experience working with people in grief and the professionals who care for them. In addition to his oversight of a large hospice bereavement program, Dr. Hoy teaches on the faculties of Baylor University and Marian University.

{Bill Hoy • griefresources@msn.com

Created and owned by Madsen Ink, Co. • Copyright 2015

madsenink@comcast.net

...continued

Content and book review provided by Bill Hoy where indicated. Other content is from various sources and experts.

are thinking about or feeling. Add a paragraph of “history” about the experience depicted by the photo or souvenir. After my dad died, I took a couple of hours on Saturday mornings every week to write about some of my favorite memories.

Weekend camping trips with our family, a particularly memorable summer vacation to South Dakota, and his penchant for always having a camera in his hand were a few of those memories often evoked by the photos he had taken as an amateur photographer.

Select an era or particular experience on which to concentrate. You might want to start by concentrating on a particular trip enjoyed together or a specific era from the life you shared. Look for photos and mementos along a theme like

“when we were young together,” “our hike on the Appalachian trail,” or “the family vacation to Disney World.”

Create a composite image to provide a legacy to other family members. A friend's mother died recently and Kay was telling me about one of the ways her dad had found to cope in the absence of his wife of more than 60 years. Soon after his wife's death. this man began collecting selected photos and written recollections together in a scrapbook. His daughter told me that his growing scrapbook had become a project to provide a tangible legacy to his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. See the book review for one resource to help you get started creating a keepsake project.

—Bill Hoy

Most of us need a “nudge to get started” when it comes to finding a permanent home for the photos and memorabilia collected over a lifetime. Mary Lynn Maloney gives us just that “nudge” in the packed 96 pages of Memory Art: Thirty Ideas for Shadowboxes and Other Keepsake Displays (Kalmbach, 2007). With project titles like “Grandpa's Workshop Remembrance” and “Old World Memory Map,” Maloney provides easy-to-follow directions for people who are not very “crafty,” and ideas for seasoned crafters who only need a creative idea to get started. If you have dozens of old photos, consider creating memory boxes for each of the grandchildren on their next birthday. Through these gifts, you will share a legacy to pass on to their children.

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(BPT) - Whether snuggling in for the night or just trying to catch a few quick winks, your environment plays an important role in determining if you're counting sheep or counting Zzzs. From noise reduction to lighting, there are a few easy ways you can turn your bedroom into a tranquil oasis.

“A third of the adult population suffers from insomnia from time to time, ” says Dr. Christina Brown from the Florida School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University in Tampa. “In a good number of cases, getting to sleep and staying asleep is a matter of your surroundings.”

Anne Holic, interior design instructor at The Art Institute of Washington, a branch of The Art Institute of Atlanta, focuses on areas of the bedroom that you may want to re-evaluate in order to create the sleep haven you've been craving. These include lighting, furniture and decor.

Lighting:Humans were created to be in-synch with the sun cycle. For this reason, Holic recommends installing dimmer switches on your lights, which she says can mimic the way the sun works. Holic also recommends using window treatments such as blinds or heavy drapes to eliminate light.

Both Brown and Holic warn about electronics that provide artificial light in the

bedroom. "Get rid of your phones, TVs and tablets while in bed. The artificial light will interrupt your sleep cycle and keep your brain activated, making it harder to get to sleep and keep you off the more natural sleep patterns," Brown says.

Furniture and decor:Holic emphasizes that paint colors are important. You want to choose colors that are calm, such as blues, greens or a calm violet and avoid colors in the red family. In addition to color, Holic says people are thinking more environmentally and choosing paints with low or no volatile organic compound (VOC).

Simplifying the space is critical, according to Holic. She says that along with the TVs and computers, exercise equipment and any other potential disturbances should be removed from the bedroom. Don't forget to include some inspiring artwork that is meaningful and brings you feelings of calm.

Make sure you have a comfortable mattress, and think about adding an area rug to your bedroom. “Area rugs give a cozy feeling to the room,” says Holic. “They work well, because carpets can harbor a lot of dust and mold.”

Brown recommends a white noise machine or ceiling fan to drown out the background noise. Holic agrees, adding that white

noise, like the hum of a ceiling fan, can reduce the background noise you hear by about 20 percent.

If you are interested in following some of the principles of feng shui in your bedroom, Holic suggests keeping the bed away from doors and anchoring the bed with a strong headboard and nightstands on both sides.

Both Holic and Brown agree that keeping your home cooler during the night will help you sleep better. Keep your thermostat at the most comfortable cool setting, as changes in your body's thermal regulation will wake you.

“In the short-term, just one sleep-deprived night can interfere with your ability to concentrate, affect your mood and even make you drowsy during the day,” explains Brown. If getting healthier is a goal for you, make getting adequate sleep part of your plan.

For more information about Argosy University, visit argosy.edu. For more information about The Art Institutes, visit artinstitutes.edu.

The bedroom: the key to a restful night's sleep

It is especially important for grievers to get a good night’s sleep. Although it isn’t that easy during this difficult time,

here are some helpful tips.