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The MADERA CHATTER is printed weekly, courtesy of Central California Public Service Broadcasters and its advertisers. Office 46174 Skyline Ridge Road, Coarsegold, CA 93614 Cell (559)696-3756 Email: info@thechatter.org

WHAT’S HAPPENING!

THURSDAY, MARCH 28: CHOWCHILLA SWAP MEET, 6:30AM- 3:30PM, 24134 Rd 16, Buy – Sell-Swap, Info: 559-363-9856. FRIDAY, MARCH 29: NATIONAL MOM AND POP BUSINESS OWNER DAY. Our economy couldn’t run without small mom and pop businesses. They create economic growth and provide almost 70% of all new jobs in the country. Shop Local!

SATURDAY, MARCH 30: ROCK-A-PALOOZA CLASSIC ROCK FESTIVAL, 12 pm -8pm, ApCal Vineyard 32749 Avenue 7, Madera. Spring kick-off event, will feature 3 great bands playing Classic Rock hits! $17 in advance, $20 at gate, 21 yrs & older. Outdoor event- bring a lawn chair. For more Info: (559) 674-9463. FREE INCOME TAX ASSISTANCE, 9AM-1PM, Community Action Partnership, 1225 Gill Ave, Madera. 559-673-9173. No appt needed. Service provided by volunteers. Come prepared with your documents. INCOME MUST BE BELOW $51,000. SATURDAYS ONLY! FRIDAY, APRIL 5, 6, 7: CHOWCHILLA AMERICAN LEGION POST #148 AND SONS OF AMERICAN LEGION YARD SALE. 8 am -3 pm, 445 Trinity Ave. Lots of treasures, clothes, furniture and more.. Proceeds for community and veteran projects.

SATURDAY, APRIL 6: CHOWCHILLA VFW AUXILIARY POST #9896, CRAFT FAIR AND HOBBY BAZAAR. 10 am -6 pm, VFW Hall 245 South 5th St. Chowchilla. Gifts, hand crafted items, raffles and more. Vendors wanted! For more info (559) 696-3756.

DAIRYLAND BAND BBQ CHICKEN DINNER FUNDRAISER— 5pm -7 pm, Dairyland School at Road 13 and Avenue 181/2. Dine -In or Take -Out, For tickets and info (559) 665-2394.

SPRING INTO A FAIRMEAD BINGO!, 12 pm -4 pm at Farnesi’s

Steakhouse. $20/20 games , presale tickets $18. For more Info

call (209) 247-8000 or (559) 665-0848.

CRAFT FAIR & HOBBY BAZAAR, Saturday,

April 6, 10am – 3pm. Vendors wanted!

Hosted by Chowchilla VFW Auxiliary Post

#9896. 245 South 5th St. Chowchilla. Hand

crafted items, jewelry, gifts, raffles! For

vendor space info call Judy (559) 696-3756

or Samantha (559) 706-7935.

MADERA COUNTY ARTS COUNCIL—CENTRAL VALLEY SPRING POP UP, Saturday, March 30, 11 am-5pm. 424 N. Gateway Drive, Madera. Stop by and support local artisans and vendors! Jewelry, crafting, baked goods and much, much more. Info (559) 661-7005

2019 MADERA COUNTY JOB FAIR, Thurs-day, April 4th 10am-2pm, Madera Fair-grounds – 1850 Cleveland Ave. Register at CalJOBS www.caljobs.ca.gov Be prepared to complete application, bring copies of your resume, dress professionally. For more info: contact Jorge Espinosa—Workforce Assistance Center (559) 662-4540.

MADERA COALITION FOR COMMUNITY JUSTICE 25TH ANNUAL CESAR CHAVEZ CELEBRATION, Sunday, March 31, 12pm-3:30pm at Cesar Chavez Elementary School—2600 Pecan Ave, Madera. Food, music/song, folkloric dancers, horse tricks and more! Info (559) 661-1879.

RANCHO HILLS SENIOR CENTER –IN THE MADERA RANCHOS AREA, 37330 Berkshire Dr, Madera. M-F, 9 am-1 pm. Call (559) 645-4864 for info on their available weekly activities..

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

WANT TO BUY OLD ROCK/BLUES RECORDS! 50’S, 60’S, & 70’S. Must be in good condition.

Call Craig (559)665-4300

NEED MORE MONEY? SELL YOUR ITEM HERE! Call (209)247-8000

FREE BARN CATS to good home. All cats Spayed and

Neutered. CALL 559-696-3756

CALL JUDY 559-696-3756

SELL IT HERE!Call (559)760-8267

QUOTE FOR TODAY

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.—Reba McEntire

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn’t have a buck, the skunk didn’t have a scent, so they put it all on the duck’s bill.

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking … and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?” The other blonde turns and says “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida …?”

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

I thought it was the dryer that shrank my clothes. Turns out, it was the fridge. . .

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

A ventriloquist is performing with his

dummy on his lap. He’s telling a

dumb-blonde joke when a young

platinum-haired beauty jumps to her

feet. “What gives you the right to

stereotype blondes that way?” she

demands. “What does hair color

have to do with my worth as a

human being?” Flustered, the

ventriloquist begins to stammer out

an apology. “You keep out of this!”

she yells. “I’m talking to that little

jerk on your knee!”

My wife texted me a

selfie in a new dress

and asked “Does this

dress make me look

fat? I texted back “Noo!” My phone

autocorrected my response to

“Moo!” Please send help!

I used to think it would be cool to

be able to read other’s people’s

minds. Then I joined Facebook and

got over that!

Every 10 years, the monks in the

monastery are allowed to break

their vow of silence to speak two

words. Ten years go by and it’s one

monk’s first chance. He thinks for

a second before saying, “Food

bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed

hard.” It’s the big day, a decade

later. He gives the head monk a

long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m

not surprised,” the head monk

says. “You’ve been complaining

ever since you got here.”

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A CALIFORNIAN IF… ** You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance. **You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach. ** You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach. ** A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

What do you call a bear with no teeth ? - A gummy bear.

ANIMAL FACTS: - Baby elephants suck their trunks for comfort just like baby humans suck their thumbs.

RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED AND TROUBLED MIND: ** I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.

Talking Dog For Sale—A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retire-ment home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith in-structed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.” The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.

DID YOU KNOW—Taco Bell is named for its founder, Glen Bell.

What’s ironic about the inventor of the

Stop Sign?

“Father of Traffic Safety” William

Eno invented the stop sign,

crosswalk, traffic circle, one-way

street, and taxi stand—but never

learned how to drive. The example

of irony: He never got the chance to

benefit from his own invention.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?” Lawyer says: “$1,000 for 3 questions.” Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?” Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn’t have a buck, the skunk didn’t have a scent, so they put it all on the duck’s bill.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn’t dirty, the cobwebs are gone.

My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.

I think I might never put my glasses back on.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

TRIVIA - JOHN QUINCY ADAMS: First president to be photographed.