What It Means to Be a Mom Today

8/4/2019 What It Means to Be a Mom Today

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Gen Y Moms

Born be tw ee n the ye ars of 1981 & 2000

18 million Ge n Y mom s

Collabo rative, want to ac hieve succ ess overnight a nd viewthem selves p rivileged a nd spe c ial

They va lue e xpe riences and were b rought up in a world aroundcontrol/technology

They a re highly educ ate d in greater numbe rs than ever be fore

They have set out to red efine motherhood*THE US MOM M ARKET2010


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Wha t It Means To Be A Mom Today

It is as if before she wa s in her own b ubb le a nd whenbecoming a pa rent, she stepped out into the op enand bec am e foc used on muc h more than herself

There is so muc h p ressure o n w om en full stop - but the pe riod be tween birthand the first year just knoc ks you for six [rea lly imp ress you] in every way.


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Pressures Comes From Everywhere

VS.

MOM CULTURE

MOM

MOM

MOM

SELF

VS.

VS.


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MEDIA

DIY

GREEN

SOCIETY HAS CREATED ANIMAGE OF THE PERFECT MOM


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MEDIA IS PORTRAYING

PARENTING AS AN EASY,

GLAMOUROUS JOBMoms a re to assume tha t baby-minding is

pa inless, ea sy and c hea p (the d issona nce b etween thisand rea lity ma kes her fee l bad about herself)


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Twothirds

of mom sop t for crash

dietingafter giving birth*

*GURGLE.COM

59% of mom s blam eceleb rities who lose theirba by w eight quickly for

putting p ressure on them **GURGLE.COM

The med ia c ertainly triesto p ortray the imag e of

'pe rfec t pa rents' espec iallyusing c eleb s and TV Series. I

often wonder whetherpeo ple a re just like me

behind c losed doo rs andwhe ther I am rea lly as bad

a pa rent as I think I am*NETMUM S PEER PRESSURE PARENTING

REPORT, DECEMBER 2010

Media


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THE DOWNTURN OF THE

ECONOMY HAS FASHIONED

DO-IT-YOURSELF MOMSMom s are motivated by saving money in hard ec onomic times.

They a re ha ving to find ways to ho ld on to a standard of living by ma kingtradeo ffs for servic es they onc e turned to p rofessiona ls or brands for.


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Mo ms are surrounded by

do-it-yourself p rod uc ts andare emb rac ing this c hang e,whic h c an b ring added stress

to their a lrea dy busy lives

I stea m a nd puree fruits and veg eta b les, and they last for like four days.Ma son p retty m uch loves everything. I ga ve him red be ets, and it got all over hisfac e, which ma de the funniest p ic ture. He a lso loves swe et p ota toes, c arrots, and yam s.Som etime s I mix pureed pea c hes, pea rs, ba nanas, or app les with p lain yog urt or an a ll-natural organic jelly.

- KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN, PARENTING MAG AZINE, FEBRUARY 2011

Gen Y moms a re a part of a very

c an-do genera tion. They a reextremely self-suffic ient. If somethingdoes not work, they find a wa y to fix it.

*THE US MOM MARKET2010

More than 70% of moms who have bee n pregnant in the last 3 years have ma de their own baby foodGROWIG TREND: MORE MOMS MAKING HOM EMADE BABY FOOD FOR HEALTH, ECONOMIC BENEFITS, PR NEWSWIRE - JANUARY 2011

Do-It-Yourself (DIY)


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MOTHERHOOD HAS

BECOME A KEY MOTIVATOR

IN WOMEN GOING GREENChildb irth c aused mo ms to ma ke drastic c hanges in their lives; due to theconc ern o f sa fety issues caused by toxic p rod uc ts that could b e found in

their home or b roa der environmenta l imp lica tions baby will be b roug ht up in.


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Green

Tod ays mom c ares ab out theenvironment, but a lso b a lanc ing

the rea lities of jugg ling a ca reer,fam ily, home and the d esire to live in

an ec o-aw are, sustainable life.

For mom s, the mo veme ntto a natural and go od

earth can be summedup in one sentenc e:"greening is a goo d

thing if it is ea syfor me to do ".Moms wantit Eco-Easy.

Mom is pragmatic a boutliving g reen. She will buybe tter for you and theea rth if it doe s not c ost

more, take more timeor she feels it will

truly ma ke adifference.

Mo st of the semom s are g oing

green due tofamily, not

environmentalcauses

THE US MOM MARKET 2010

*THE GREEN MOMECO-COSM: A

SOCIAL STUDY INTO

THEIR MOTIVATIONS,CO NVICTIONS ANDINFLUENCES, 2011


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INFORMATION PROCESS

MOLDING EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN

THE BREADTH OF INFORMATION OUTTHERE FOR MOMS, BY MOMS CREATES

A COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT

PARENTING STYLES


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MOMS SEEK OUT INFORMATION

FROM OTHER MOMS, LEADING

TO A SENSE OF FAILUREIt is in the day-to-day c onta c t within c ommunities, family and friend s tha t moms canoften feel most vulnerab le. Som e mothe rs end up fee ling inad eq uate, while others

put p ressure on themselves; fee ling stressed tha t they c annot do everything right.


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The Information Cyc le


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The Information Cyc le

Just ha ving m ore friends isa g rea t help. When I do

c hat to othe r moms I find Iam just the sam e as them

and worrying a bo ut thesame things.

The p ressure to c onfo rm to wha teveryone e lse is do ing a nd d icta ting isintense. We ofte n end up feeling likethere is som eth ing wrong with us if wha twe experienc e or what w e re d oingdevia tes a t a ll from the no rm. We soonlea rn to doub t our own intuition and

judgment. *WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEY REALLY FEELABOUTMO THERHOOD, THEAUTHENTICM OM .COM, 2010

I found the internetrea lly useful for find ing out

informa tion - espec ially when it'slate a t night and too late to c all afriend , or it's something yo u don't

want to d isc uss with a friend .*NETMUM S PEER PRESSURE

PARENTING REPORT,

DECEMBER 2010

Gen Y moms are muc h more a ttac hed to mediathat c onnec ts them to other moms online - such as

internet c omm unities, b logs and video -sha ring sites -suggesting the y p refe r to rely on p ee rs ra ther than

experts to help them parent, ac c ording to a study.**G EN X AND GEN Y MOMS USE INTERNETDIFFERENTLY,

MARKETING CHARTS.COM - DSEPTEMBER 2008

Wome n with children highly value c onve rsat ions

with other moms when seeking ad vice a nd

informa tion abo ut new produc ts.**DIGITAL MOM, RAZORFISH & CAFEMOM STUDY, 2010

Most w ome n c omp ared themselves with the mo ms that they a re m ost in

co ntac t with on a da y to da y ba sis, with 3/ 4 of those who m ad e

c om pa risons saying t hey c om pa red them selves with their mo m-friend s

Gen Y moms Crave soc ial cha nge , see t hem selvesas pa rt. They tend to have muc h higher atta c hment

to interactive tools like blogs, social networking sites,

and vide o sharing that a llow them to c onnec t

direct ly with othe r mo ms.*ARE YOU AN X OR A Y MOM?, WMAG - SEPTEMBER 2008

NETMUMS PEER PRESSURE PARENTING REPORT, DECEMBER 2010


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MOMS ARE FEELING

PRESSURE TO MOLD

EXCEPTIONAL CHILDRENSoc iety tha t is ob sessed with sta tus and fixa ted on perfec t performance and

achievement. This tric kles down into the pa rent ing rea lm. This compet itive, high p ressureenvironment is c ausing women to feel overwhe lmed, anxious and exhausted .


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Mo ld ing Exc ep tiona l Child ren

Educationcontinuesto be the

#1concernfor moms

Getting infants/ tod d lers in the b estenric hment program s

+Ensuring they a ttend the rightpreschools

+Involving them in the p rop er

activities

+

Orchestrating their lives=

A guarantee ac ce ptanc e into thebe st co lleg es, pa ving the wa y to

the best jobs and lifestyles

ACHIEVEMENT AND PRESSUE AREFELT IN ALL TOO FAMILIAR FORMS

"The scho ol system is so o bv iously broken," said one mom, e c hoingma ny othe rs who said t heir number-one c onc ern is ma king sure their

kids get the e duc ation and op portunities to me et the ir po tential.*THE BESTAND WORSTTHINGSABOUT BEING A M OM TODAY - BABYCENTER - MARCH 2008

SO IT SEEMS WE HAVE DEVISED A NEWTORTURE FOR MOTHERS A SET OF

EXPECTATIONS THAT MAKES THEM FEELINADEQUATE NO MATTER HOW

PASSIONATELY THEY ATTEND TO THEIRCHILDREN.

"Moms these days dea l with load s of 'mo m g uilt' bec ause of the things

we 're a ll expec ted to ha ve o r give our children," one mo m said. "Thatinclud es ma teria l things but a lso nonmateria l things like the b esteducation, the best social life, the best travel and cultural experiences.

*THE BESTAND WORSTTHINGS ABOUTBEING A M OM TODAY - BABYCENTER - MARCH 2008


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MOMS FACE ANINNER-STRUGGLE BECOMING THE

BEST MOMS THEY CAN BE

SELF-IDENTITY

CAREER

FREE TIME

RELATIONSHIPS


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MOST WOMEN STRUGGLE

WITH IDENTITY ISSUES UPON

BECOMING PARENTSMa ny women find they have subsumed themselves in their role a s mo thers

to suc h a grea t extent, they have d rifted fa r from their c ore selves. Fully immersedin the lives of their c hild ren, they find it d iffic ult to focus on their own need s.


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Self Identity

Most wom en struggle to som e extent with ident ity issues uponbec oming pa rents; they typica lly confront the loss of a utonomy and

va rious aspec ts of self, enormous lifestyle c ha nges and shifts inprofessiona l sta tus. This p rocess is exac erbated by a soc iety tha t

enc ourages women to sub jugate the ir needs to those o f their child ren.

Inundated with a huge numb er of c omp eting d ema nds, mo thers c omm only

repo rt tha t the ir nee ds c om e last. This scena rio is often experienced as a zero-sum g am e: m ore time de voted to self-c are m ea ns less time ad dressing the

need s of the household , espe c ia lly the c hildren.

Many women discove r that their sense of self bec om es

fused with their role as mother. Conseq uently, maternal self-worth bec omes inextricably linked with c hildrens

comp etencies and ac hieveme nts.

THE AUTHENTIC M OM - WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEYREALLYFEEL ABOUT MOTHERHOOD


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More rec ently, many women find they have subsumed themselves intheir role a s mothers to suc h a grea t extent, they ha ve d rifted far fromthe ir c ore selves. Fully immersed in the lives of the ir c hild ren, women

find it d iffic ult to foc us on their own needs.

BALANCINGA

CAREERWhile the Gen X mom struggled to strike the right work-life b a lanc e,

Gen Y Moms tac kle life ho listic a lly and a re d etermined to ma ke it wo rk for them

Ca reer oriented w orking


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Career

When I do think of q uitting, itsalmost never to stay ho me w ith my

two kids. Instea d, I think ab outpursuing something new or maybefreelanc ing so I could set my o wnhours and wo rk on just the things I

really like (thats also a fantasy; mostfreelancers do plenty that is gearedto simp ly pa ying the bills). But e venthen, I snap out of it. I thrive on t he

stimulation of an office.

The w ay w ome n view the ir employme nt situation has enormous implications for their attitudesab out w ork and life. When w ome n self-ide ntify themselves as having a ca reer, they report

be ing more satisfied a nd feeling more p ositive in eve ry area .

It is estimate d 7 out of 10 mom s with c hildren ove r 1 yea rs old work toda y.

The do wnside forcareer-oriented

mo ms is tha t the y

are m ore likely to

feel they can t get

aw ay from w ork,

and mo re likely to

think that m ana gers

and c o-workers

que stion the ir

commitment.

Ca reer-oriented w orkingmo thers are also more

satisfied with their decision towo rk, the op po rtunity theyhave to de velop skills, the

level of respe c t they p erceiveat work, and the supp ort they

ge t from their ma nag ers inmeeting family and home

de ma nds. Plus, they are m orelikely to rep ort fee ling

hea lthy, tha t their life is inba lanc e and that their workfulfills a h ighe r purpo se tha n

just making money.

Im c ontem plating q uitting and I am b eg inning to b elieve, as I go over and ove r the

ad vanta ge s/d isadva nta ges in my mind, that m ayb e the g rass is just a d ifferent shade o fthe same green. You ve p ut your finge r on it just right . I wa sn t a b le to think it out so c onc isely! T

little time I have fo r myself (at wo rk and on assignme nts) will a ll be g one , I keep telling m yself

They p rojec t ma nag e the ir lives, making time for fam ily but a lways

keep ing ca reer on the front b urner. Not wo rking is not ev en a n op tion.

These w om en ha ve m uc h to o ffer com pa nies. They a re supe r effic ient

and foc used , and c an p ac k 10 hours of wo rk into a five-hour da y

80% of w ome n worked during the month they w ere supp osed to g ive birth in com pa rison to 35%in 1960's


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MAINTAING FULFILLED

RELATIONSHIPS

Women a re often shoc ked to d isc over that the c hallengesof pa renthood c an result in grea ter ma rita l c onflic t ra ther

than the strengthening o f the bond they expec ted .


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Relationships

THE AUTHENTIC M OM - WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEYREALLYFEEL ABOUT MOTHERHOOD


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More rec ently, many women find they have subsumed themselves in the ir role a s mo thersto suc h a grea t extent, they have d rifted fa r from their c ore selves. Fully immersed

in the lives of the ir c hild ren, women find it d iffic ult to focus on their own need s.

MOM IS FINDING THAT

SHE HAS VERY LITTLE

FREE TIME, IF ANY AT ALL


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Time For Herself

Im going tomorrow to a c tually try on some c lothes

in a real store for the first time in 2 years. Im amedioc re m other like the vast majority o f women,because Im human, Im not a she-c at.

Hav ing more time for myself so I would be ab le torecharge batteries and have fresh and open mind.

If you a re b usy ra ising c hild ren w ithout soc ietal he lp andtrying to ea rn a living d uring a recession, you d on't ha vemuc h time to question and c hange the world that youand your children inhabit. Wha t e xhausted , overworked

parent has time to protest under such conditions?

Moms may

be moms, butthey are alsowomen withinterests

beyondparenting.


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The Truth of The Matter Is

MOMS TAKE THESE PATHS ANDREALIZE THEYLL NEVER ACHIEVETHE SUCCESS DEFINED BY THIS

PERFECTION...


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QUOTES ABOUT THIS FRUSTRATION

Parents have very high expec tations of themselves, and it is notsurprising that we are a ll driven by a natural desire to want to d oour best for our children. Most pa rents are striving to rea ch an

idea l of a happy fam ily life, but the p ressures they face can bevery great, and expec tations are som etimes unrea listic.

There is no suc h thing as a

'pe rfec t' pa rent. There a reso m any d ifferent wa ys ofra ising c hild ren and youcan only rea lly know ifyou've done a good jobuntil they a re a dultsthemselves. All you c an d ois try your best a nd loveyour child ren. Som etimesyou have to make d iffic ultdec isions tha t make youfeel like a b ad pa rent (e.g.sleep tra ining/ c ontrolled

c rying) but you have toknow tha t this is the best forthem in the long run. If theyturn out ok in the end,you've done a good job .

It is very ha rd to adm it you find it so ha rd, so Ijust put a front on it and keep quiet. I feelasham ed I can't manage it all as well as

others do . I have no one to tell how ha rd it is.

Being a pe rfec t pa rent is impossible.

DEEP DOWN MOM KNOWS PERFECTION IS UNATTAINABLE/ IMPOSSIBLE

NETMUMS PEER PRESSURE PARENTING REPORT, DECEMBER 2010


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SHE NEEDS TO REALIZE ITS OKAY TO

FOCUS ON HERSELF TO BE THE BEST MOM

Solution

It's important to understandthat just bec ause they ha vehad c hildren doe sn't meanthey have c hanged their

out look, ac tivities, or pe rsona lbe liefs -- they have just ad ded

"baby" to the mix. Being aparent is only one p art of whothey a re a nd it co -exists with

everything e lse they emb od y.The re is less separation

betwe en "momm y time ," "wo rktime" and "me time," but rathe ra mo re infused state where allof the ir passions and interests

co me together.

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What It Means to Be a Mom Today