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Page 20 Women in Higher Education (www.wihe.com) / October 2014 I have been thinking a lot lately about some choices I’ve had to make in my personal life After almost a whole lifetime of being in school (K–12, undergradu- ate, graduate, PhD) I have learned to make sense of the world around me through research, questions and writ- ing And although I am no longer in academia, I apply that approach to my life on a regular basis So the past few weeks I have spent my time reading and writing in order to make sense of my options A few things I have learned … You have to take care of yourself Often choices become about the right thing to do, or the thing that benefits most people But we tend to forget about how choices affect us Sometimes even the process can affect us Regularly I try to remind myself that I can choose to move forward or I can choose to be stagnant Sometimes I win the argument, and sometimes I lose it Where did I pick up this language of choice? In a very unlikely place A few months ago I started reading the book The 5 Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, 1995) by Gary Chapman I was struck by how often the author used the vocabulary of choice when talking about two people who were in a long-term relationship The idea of choosing to be happy or choos- ing to be with someone or choosing to stay with someone to make it work resonated with me, and I carried it on to other things in my life Some days choosing me meant focusing on the work on my docket Other days choosing me meant knitting and watching Scandal on my iPad I made the decision to go find the things that made me happy How often do I choose to do something else when I should prioritize myself? How often are someone else’s priorities the default? Think about the last time you consciously made a choice It might be small or it might be a big deal When was the last time you said, I want to do it this way, or bet- ter yet: I choose to do it this way? It’s a process Lately I’ve been more deliberate about my daily routine It’s almost like living in slow motion, paying close attention to what’s going on around me Some- times this helps and sometimes it doesn’t I’m still fine- tuning the process, and I remind myself it’s okay to take my time It’s easy to forget how many things we have choices over Especially in a world where structural inequality is always playing against minorities and in favor of the white heterosexual male majority Structural inequality can weigh us down and make us feel like there’s no way that we can get ahead THE EDITOR’S END NOTES What Do You Mean, I Have To Choose? But there are still choices we can make every day Some of them have even been streamlined, where you make a choice once and it just keeps on happening Others, we assume there’s no other way around it, when in fact you can make decisions Hard choices as just that: hard As I was writing this article, I came across a TED Talk by Dr Ruth Chang from Rutgers University NJ titled “How to make hard choices” Chang is a phi- losopher who studies hard choices and what goes into making them In her TED talk Dr Chang shares with viewers that we think all hard choices are big choices, and that hard choices are hard because we’re stupid In fact, she says, hard choices are hard precisely because there is no better option She explains that hard choices are often on a par; they may be different, but they’re in the same neighborhood of value, like, say, if you’re weighing career choices or whether to get married or stay single Dr Chang posits that when we think of hard choices as on a par (instead of think- ing of them as things with equal value that will reveal themselves to us when we do the math), we can put our very selves behind an option This response, she says, is a rational response but supported by reasons created by us When we create reasons for our- selves, we become the people that we are Basically? We shouldn’t beat our heads against a wall trying to find a better choice We should find our answers inside us This insight was remark- ably soothing to my soul It’s not that I can’t find the answers It’s that maybe I’m looking for them some- where else Ultimately, Dr Chang points out that hard choices are the choices behind which you put your agency “Hard choices are precious opportunities to celebrate what is special about the human condition” Where am I now? Actually, I still have a long way to go So I write and I read and I engage in self-care practices, like going to dinner with friends or treating myself to a manicure on a weekday Give it a shot Next time you have to do something, think: Am I choosing to do this? Or is someone forc- ing me to do this? How can I take care of myself in the process? Till next time, LSF To-Read pile on night table. Too many choices!

What Do You Mean, I Have To Choose?

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Page 1: What Do You Mean, I Have To Choose?

Page 20 Women in Higher education (www.wihe.com) / October 2014

I have been thinking a lot lately about some choices I’ve had to make in my personal life . After almost a

whole lifetime of being in school (K–12, undergradu-ate, graduate, PhD) I have learned to make sense of the world around me through research, questions and writ-ing . And although I am no longer in academia, I apply that approach to my life on a regular basis . So the past few weeks I have spent my time reading and writing in order to make sense of my options .

A few things I have learned …

You have to take care of yourselfOften choices become about the right thing to do, or

the thing that benefits most people . But we tend to forget about how choices affect us . Sometimes even the process can affect us .

Regularly I try to remind myself that I can choose to move forward or I can choose to be stagnant . Sometimes I win the argument, and sometimes I lose it .

Where did I pick up this language of choice? In a very unlikely place . A few months ago I started reading the book The 5 Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, 1995) by Gary Chapman . I was struck by how often the author used the vocabulary of choice when talking about two people who were in a long-term relationship .

The idea of choosing to be happy or choos-ing to be with someone or choosing to stay with someone to make it work resonated with me, and I carried it on to other things in my life .

Some days choosing me meant focusing on the work on my docket . Other days choosing me meant knitting and watching Scandal on my iPad . I made the decision to go find the things that made me happy .

How often do I choose to do something else when I should prioritize myself? How often are someone else’s priorities the default?

Think about the last time you consciously made a choice . It might be small or it might be a big deal . When was the last time you said, I want to do it this way, or bet-ter yet: I choose to do it this way?

It’s a processLately I’ve been more deliberate about my daily

routine . It’s almost like living in slow motion, paying close attention to what’s going on around me . Some-times this helps and sometimes it doesn’t . I’m still fine-tuning the process, and I remind myself it’s okay to take my time .

It’s easy to forget how many things we have choices over . Especially in a world where structural inequality is always playing against minorities and in favor of the white heterosexual male majority . Structural inequality can weigh us down and make us feel like there’s no way that we can get ahead .

THE EDITOR’S END NOTES

What Do You Mean, I Have To Choose?But there are still choices we can make every day . Some

of them have even been streamlined, where you make a choice once and it just keeps on happening . Others, we assume there’s no other way around it, when in fact you can make decisions .

Hard choices as just that: hardAs I was writing this article, I came across a TED

Talk by Dr . Ruth Chang from Rutgers University NJ titled “How to make hard choices .” Chang is a phi-losopher who studies hard choices and what goes into making them .

In her TED talk Dr . Chang shares with viewers that we think all hard choices are big choices, and that hard choices are hard because we’re stupid . In fact, she says, hard choices are hard precisely because there is

no better option . She explains that hard choices are often

on a par; they may be different, but they’re in the same neighborhood of value, like, say, if you’re weighing career choices or whether to get married or stay single .

Dr . Chang posits that when we think of hard choices as on a par (instead of think-ing of them as things with equal value that will reveal themselves to us when we do the math), we can put our very selves behind an option . This response, she says, is a rational response but supported by

reasons created by us . When we create reasons for our-selves, we become the people that we are .

Basically? We shouldn’t beat our heads against a wall trying to find a better choice . We should find our answers inside us . This insight was remark-ably soothing to my soul . It’s not that I can’t find the answers . It’s that maybe I’m looking for them some-where else .

Ultimately, Dr . Chang points out that hard choices are the choices behind which you put your agency . “Hard choices are precious opportunities to celebrate what is special about the human condition .”

Where am I now?Actually, I still have a long way to go . So I write and

I read and I engage in self-care practices, like going to dinner with friends or treating myself to a manicure on a weekday .

Give it a shot . Next time you have to do something, think: Am I choosing to do this? Or is someone forc-ing me to do this? How can I take care of myself in the process?

Till next time,LSF

to-read pile on night table. too many choices!