What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?

7/28/2019 What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?

1/5

What Do You Do

with the Whirlwind Kids?

by Linda Ranson Jacobs

everal of you have mentioned or asked for

help with the children who show up in yourDC4K classes who appear to be whirlwinds,

storming through the rooms disrupting

everything and everyone in sight. There are

many reasons children who come to DC4K havean abundant amount of energy or exhibit

frenzied activity. You may wonder if they will

ever run out of energy. Some may even remind

you of the Energizer bunny who keeps on goingand going and going. Sometimes it helps to

know that its not you or your program. Many

times the active kids are disruptive, andsometimes they are not disruptive to the other

children but to the adults.

I wish I could say if you do this or this thenthe child will get in control or in the very least

slow down, sit down and listen. But every

situation and every child is different. There is no

one size fits all when it comes to ministeringto the child of divorce. And that is what DC4K

is all aboutministering! Think about Jesus

when He ministered and healed people. He

didnt have a one-size-fits-all method. In thestory in Matthew 8:16 where He healed the

demon-possessed, the Bible says He did it with

a word. In Matthew 9:6 when the lame man

couldnt walk, He told the man to get up, takehis mat and walk. In Mark 8:2223 Jesus spit on

the blind mans eyes and put His hands on the

man to heal his blindness. We could findsituation after situation involving Jesus whereHe dealt with each person on an individual

basis. The same could be said for the many

children attending DC4Keach one is differentwith different wants and needs.

Something else Jesus did was to think outside

the box, so to speak. When you come up against

a situation such as an overactive child, askyourself, Now what would Jesus do? Well,

Ill tell you what He would do. He would get

creative. Some of you may remember a situation

in the Bible when many people showed up tohear Jesus talk and they all wanted to see Him.

Mark 4:1 reads, Once again an immense crowd

gathered around him on the beach as he was

teaching, so he got into a boat and sat down and

talked from there (TLB). There are going to betimes when you will need to get creative in

order to reach some of these children

especially the overactive kids.

In order to minister to the many active children

who come to DC4K, it might help you tounderstand what causes all the excessive energy

and hyperactivity. Here are a few reasons for

excessive amounts of energy along with

suggestions on how to deal with those children.

Who Is in Control?

For some children it is an issue of who is incontrolthe child or the adult? All that

excessive movement can tend to get on an

adults nerves. I overheard one mother say to

her child, You are working on my last nerve!Hmmm, guess who had control over the adult in

this situation? To some kids, getting an adult out

of control puts the child in charge. For some

children, it becomes a game. Decide in advancehow much movement you can handle. You may

have to do some adjusting and change your

mindset about what it means for a child to listen

and pay attention.

Some children can listen without sitting down.

If this is bothersome to you or other children,

S


2/5

try negotiating with the child. The conversation

might go something like this, Chris, I noticeyou seem to be fidgeting a lot during the video.

Is this something that helps you to listen? If the

child agrees, then continue with, Well, I have

to tell you I have a hard time paying attention tothe video with all that moving around. During

the video, how about if you sit at the table and

watch? That way you can fidget, and I can sit

still and concentrate. Keep in mind you haveasked the child a question. With a question

comes an answer, and it may not be the answer

you expect. If this is the case, then either adapt

or ask the child for another solution.

Nervous Energy

For some children the whirlwind behavior isnervous energy. Have you ever been so nervous

you just couldnt sit still? Children can get

nervous too. This is especially true when

something has been given a big buildup. Maybetheir parent has really pushed the idea of DC4K

and the children have great expectations. Give

these kids time to calm down. Give thesechildren a little extra attention. Have an adult sit

next to them several times during the session.

Not Knowing

Not knowing what is going to happen, the fear

of the unknown, can result in a disruptive or

whirlwind child. You have to keep in mind thatmany of these children have been through a very

confusing time. They may feel they cant trust

anyone. Try to put yourself in their place. To a

child it seems like one day everything was finein their homes, the next day a parent moved out,

left the child devastated and now everything is

not fine. Nothing has been the same since that

day. Keep telling the children they are safe. Usethe Safekeeper concept over and over until you

are saying it in your sleep! Explain everything

that is going to happen during the session. Show

them the schedule, and assure them each DC4Ksession is going to be just like the first one.

Fear of Feelings

The disruptive or whirlwind activity may be a

cover-up for facing feelingsthe child may

think, If I keep moving, I dont have to feel

anything. Or the child may not know what todo with all the feelings. One little girl in a

DC4K group kept jumping all the time. She

wouldnt stop jumping. One night the leader

asked her what she did when she got mad, andshe said, Oh, I jump. I jump until the anger

goes away. Evidently the anger had yet to go

away. Help the children identify their feelings.

Help them to recognize what their feelings looklike. Anger might look like a mad-looking

scowl, jumping up and down, a clenched fist,

etc. For instance, the little girl who was angry

knew she jumped up and down a lot, but shehadnt connected the jumping with anger until

the leader asked her what she did when she was

angry.

Fear of Pain

Disruptive behavior might be a cover-up for theintense pain the child feelsIf I keep busy, my

heart wont hurt so much and I might forget my

mom moved out. Encourage these kids to talk.

One little boy explained he was upset when his

mom moved out. Every day he said he wouldjust sit and watch TV until one day one of his

friends came over and invited him to go outside

and play. He got so caught up in having a goodtime with his friends that when he came inside,

he forgot his mom had moved out. He asked his

dad, Wheres Mom? His dad gently reminded

him his mom had moved out and they weregetting a divorce. For a short time this child was

able to forget how much it hurt not to have his

mom around. Because the vigorous play felt

good and allowed him to forget, it will be ashort journey for him to adopt the premise If I

keep moving and busy, I dont have to hurt

anymore.

Excitement

Sometimes it is excitement. Finding out thereare other kids facing the divorce of parents can


3/5

be comforting as well as exhilarating. It can be

exciting for the children to know they are notalone. For some children DC4K might be a time

to take a break from the sadness of grieving. For

others, they might be on a honeymoon, but give

them a few weeks to get adjusted and then theexcitement may hit and they wont be able to

calm down either. Laugh with them and enjoy

these children and their energy. DC4K can be

fun for the leaders also!

Nutritional Issues

For a few children it is a nutritional issue. Toomuch soda, caffeine and not enough protein,

water and foods with nutritional value can cause

hyper kids. This is why some of the snacks are

so important. Research shows within 15 minutesafter drinking a glass of water some children

will settle down. Also, drinking a glass of water

will help with headaches. So if these children

are giving you a headache, perhaps you shouldtry a big glass of water. Dehydrated brains need

to be hydrated with water.

Lack of Sleep

Some children will actually be very tired.

Certain children will get overly tired, and when

this happens, they develop frenzied actions. Dueto stress levels, many of our DC4K kids are not

getting the deep REM or rapid eye movement

sleep. Consequently this causes excessiveenergy to build up. One of our DC4K groups

had a child who for several weeks in a row went

to sleep during the storybook time. One evening

they decided to let him sleep for a few minutes.When he woke, he was calm.

Disorganized Lifestyle

Some children will live in a disorganized world.

They live in chaos at both homes. Chaos is the

pattern in their brain. When they come to

DC4K, they bring that pattern with them. Everhave a group going along just fine and all of a

sudden one kid walks in and everything falls

apart? This is chaos at work. For these children,take a no-nonsense approach. Give them their

personal schedule and say, I notice each week

you cant decide what to do. Im going to helpyou this week by showing you what I want you

to do. Then show the child by walking along

beside him or her for the entire session. You

might even ask the child periodically, Whathappens next?

Many of the children who live in a world of

chaos will need structure when they attendDC4K. While you cant structure their lives

outside your environment, you can incorporate

structure into your DC4K sessions. In the book

Blame It on the Brain by Edward T. Welch,structure is referred to as boundaries,

guidelines, reminders and limits. It is a fence

that can help contain and direct. He says this

means having clear, simple and written rules.Each week you may have to rehearse these same

rules with the same child.

Rehearsing and Practicing

An example of rehearsing and reinforcing

structure is to use the session schedulementioned before. The first time, walk the child

through the schedule. The next week, hand the

child a personal schedule and rehearse it by

talking the child through it. The rehearsal could

go something like this, Scotty, last week Ihelped you by staying next to you all evening.

This week I want you to follow this schedule on

your own. Think you can do that? Wait for thechilds answer. If he says, No, I cant, take the

time to physically stay with the child throughout

the session.

If he says, Yes, quickly talk through the

schedule. Scotty, what is the first thing on your

schedule you hold in your hand? What comes

after that? Scotty, I also want you to show mewhat you are going to do with that paper when

you are not looking at it. (Help him make a

commitment.) You might have to help the child

decide where to put the paper schedule. It couldbe in his pocket, on a bulletin board, on a

clipboard, etc., but the child needs to have a

plan regarding what hes going to do with theschedule. Having a plan for a piece of paper is


4/5

helping him change the chaos to order in his

brain. Next week when he walks in the room,you can say, Scotty, whats your plan for your

schedule tonight? meaning what are you going

to do with your time tonight and where are you

going to be keeping your schedule.

Use the Childs Name

You may have noticed in the conversationabove that the childs name was used each time

the leader was talking to the child. Research

tells us that hearing ones own name in

everyday situations is an attention grabber. Itcauses a sudden rise in our own self-awareness.

Using PET scans, researchers were able to see

what happens in the brain when people hear

their first name. There was an increase in bloodflow to the part of the brain that plays a role in

our processing of self (Perrin, F. et al. [2005]

Neuropsychologia, Vol 43[1], 1219).

Helping Active Children Make a

Commitment

For some children, especially those diagnosed

with ADHD, allow them to use the session

schedule as a checklist. In the bookEnriching

the Brain by Eric Jensen (Jossey-Bass

Education), it says to supply prompts forupcoming events or changes, and memory assist

devices. The session schedule can become the

ADHD childs memory assist device. Theschedule will alert the child as to what comes

next. As he or she completes an activity,

encourage the child to physically make a

checkmark next to the item on the schedule.

When a person makes a commitment, carries

through with the commitment and

acknowledges the success of completion,serotonin levels in the brain are increased. Brain

research shows that serotonin is a chemical in

the brain that affects our emotions. It has a

calming effect on us, and it can keep a childfrom exploding with aggression. It bonds us

with each other. Research also shows aggressive

behaviors, obsessive compulsiveness and evendepression are linked to low levels of serotonin.

(Conscious Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey,

www.consciousdiscipline.com).

The checklist should not be used as a means for

getting a reward (such as a sticker, gum, candy,

etc.) but as something the child has control over.The reward is the childs sense of

accomplishment and the feel-good feelings he or

she has when making the checkmark and

realizing he or she has accomplished completinga goal. When you notice the child checking

these items, comment on the childs effort.

Karin, look at you. You are using your

schedule checklist, and it is helping you stayfocused. Describing what the child is doing and

commenting on her effort will also add to her

sense of success.

Keep in mind some of these children have

several different environments to adapt to each

day. They may start out at the moms house in

the morning; go to their grandparents beforeschool; attend school for six hours; go to an

after school program; get dropped off at DC4K

after going to dinner with dad. How many adultscould adjust successfully to this many

environments with different sets of rules and

expectations in each place? Not many, I suspect,

yet we expect and even demand the kids do it.

It Has Been Working for Them

One other very important reason for activechildren is some of these children simply dont

know how else to act. Unfortunately for you,

this behavior has been working for them. They

have inadvertently been rewarded for beinghyper and/or disruptive by all the negative

attention it has brought them. Take away the

negative attention. Dont judge them, but simply

describe what they are doing. Example: Youwalked across the room and pulled the chair out

and sat down. That was helpful. Watch them,

and comment when they fit in, when they follow

the rules and when they are calm. Do not tag theexperience with praise but simply describe their

actions.


5/5

Steps to Take

Try to assess what is causing the excessive

energy and the cant sit still syndrome. Next,

be the adult in charge of the situation and

accommodate each child. This doesnt mean letthe child run rampant, but it may mean these

active kids dont always have to sit down and be

quiet. It may mean they need a piece of paper to

doodle on when you read the story. Or they maywant to color the first page of the weeks lesson

in their workbook while they watch the video. It

may mean they stand while working on their

workbook or lie on the floor when writing ontheir journal page. It may mean you have to

adapt and adapt! Its okay to ask the child what

is best for him or her. Example: Sally, I noticed

you have a hard time sitting down at the table towork in your workbook. What would be better

for you than sitting down?

For some children you may have to put yourhand up like a stop sign and say in an assertive

voice, STOP! Running from one table to the

next is not safe [or helpful, or appropriate]. Anassertive voice has self-confidence and

assurance to the quality. It is not a harsh voice

but is firm. Ask the child what he or she could

do that would be safe (helpful or appropriate).

Other children may need for you to tell them

what needs to happen. A conversation might go

something like this, Johnny, I have noticed youcant seem to make a decision about what you

want to do. When you run from area to area (or

you dont listen), your body is telling me you

need my help. I am going to give you twochoices. Now, do you want to go to the Self-

Serve Snack or the art project? You will need to

stay in this area for the next five minutes. Then

add, Do you need for me to help you after fiveminutes, or will you be able to handle things

yourself? Be matter of fact with an attitude that

this is the way things are going to be.

Be careful how you approach these children.

Some adults think because a childs family life

is disruptive, the child needs their pity. Childrendont need your pity. They need your empathy.

They need boundaries. They need structure

within the confines of a loving environment.They need for you to be an adult they can

depend upon and trust. They need for you to

give them dignity. Kids deserve their dignity,

and too many adults in their lives have takentheir dignity away. They need to be able to

count on you, the adult, to be in charge, to be

the leader, to be in control at DC4K, not

controlling but in control.

Maya Angelou once said, People wont

remember what you said. People wont

remember what you did. People will rememberhow you made them feel. This quote can be

adopted for our children in DC4K.

Children wont remember what you said.Children wont remember what you did.

Children will remember how you made them

feel.

MMVI by the author and/or Church Initiative. All

rights reserved. Reproducible only when used with a

Church Initiative ministry program.

Linda Ranson Jacobs is the DC4K creator and developer.

For more information, email [email protected]. To discover

more about DivorceCare for Kids or to find a DC4K

group near you, go to www.dc4k.org.

Documents

What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?