Welcome to the Absence of You Training!$100 savings certificate is available to you if you register for the School of Coaching/GSC this weekend… You may immediately apply this toward

Introduction

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copyright 2003 schoolofcoaching.com | CoachVille LLC all rights reserved. duplicate with full attribution.

Welcome to the Absence of You Training! Welcome to Phoenix and the Absence of You Training from CoachVille. Here are several things we would like you to know about the training… The event runs from 9am to 5pm both days. We start on time and end on time. There will be water available throughout the day. You will have 60-90 minutes for lunch. Details will be announced during the morning of each day. Networking We will be having a casual networking session after the event on Friday, 500 – 630PM. Join us for an hour of casual networking with presenters Tom Stone, Dave Buck and your fellow coaches, a wonderful way to meet new friends and create new business connections. A cash bar and light munchies will be provided, attendance is optional. Hope to see you there! A dedicated website for Absence of You Training attendees is available. High quality versions of the materials in your handouts, as well as other tools and resources, are available to you at http://www.absenceofyou.com. The username is absence and the password is training. (Only participants in the Absence of You Training may access this site. Do not give out the username or password.) As has been our custom, we will continue to add to this site and email you periodically when substantial additions have been made. You have a lifetime pass to this site/area. You may attend the Absence of You Training in any of the 2003 cities, free! New Trainings will be scheduled soon. To view the remaining cities, visit http://www.coachvilleconference.com. If you wish to register for an additional city, please visit http://www.coachvilleconference.com, click on the city that interests you, click to register, log in and our system will recognize you and let you register at no charge for the additional city or cities. This offer is good only for you, of course, and is not transferable. And it is only good during 2003. If you are curious about the School of Coaching or the Graduate School of Coaching… Please come back from lunch 20 minutes early and we’ll have a brief presentation about what the program offers. And, you can always ask one of us during the event. And/or email [email protected] who is available to answer your questions. $100 savings certificate is available to you if you register for the School of Coaching/GSC this weekend… You may immediately apply this toward your tuition. Your choice: Single payment of US $1695 ($1795 less special $100 savings) Six installments of US $299/month (first installment is only $199, given $100 savings) Nine installments of US $199 per month (first payment is only $99 given $100 savings) The tuition for the School of Coaching/Graduate School of Coaching increases to US $4495 on June 1, 2003, so enroll now and save over 50%. Enjoy the event! And please let us know what we can do to serve you. -- Tom & Dave

Introduction

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Welcome What brings you here?

Outline for Day 1 • Absence of you and Coaching • What does absence of you mean? • Core Dynamics of Common Problems (overview) • Philosophy and Illusions • Dynamics 1 – 6 (out of 12) • Practice Identifying Operating Dynamics

Outline for Day 2 • Absence of you and Masterful Coaching • Dynamics 7 – 12 (out of 12) • More Practice Identifying Operating Dynamics • Coaching techniques for resolving Core Dynamics • Completion conversation

Absence of You and Coaching

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Coaching and Absence of You •Coaching = Helping an individual (or team) produce a desired result by co-creating solutions and awareness

•Great People Make Great Coaches

•Greatness = a state of being easily experienced when common illusions are absent

•Absence of you = absence of common illusions

Coaching is adding things and removing things •Adding things: concepts, solutions, clarity, accountability

•Removing things (absence of…): limiting beliefs, assumptions, environmental blocks, conflicting intentions

Hi-End Coaching… •Understands the predictable nature of situations, people

•Responds to the underlying dynamic

•If you don't recognize what's really going on, you'll be coaching symptoms or on the surface

•Answers the question: What is REALLY going on here?

Masterful Coaching

•Beginning coaches solve problems

•Intermediate coaches look for the source of the problem and collaborate to solve it.

•Masterful coaches CAUSE problems! And then respond to the occurring dynamic.

Absence of You and Coaching

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Conflicting Intensions •Emotionally healthy, well-functioning individuals carry out their intentions unless there is a dynamic that conflicts with the stated desire.

•This is an extremely common situation and a natural part of the coaching conversation.

•In this program we will show you how to listen for and resolve these dynamics with your clients (and yourself)

Conflicting Intentions Cancel Each Other's energy

Philosophy of “Absence of You”

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Getting the sense of yourself from the essential nature

of what you are and not from anything

other than that.

Common notions about the state of Absence Of? •This kind of experience is only for saints and monks—not for us ordinary types! •It takes lifetimes of meditation and austerities •Resignation and Cynicism •Our “notions” of what we think would be living in a state of Absence Of •The expectation that Absence of State is going to be “flashy” •Thinking we’re there—thoughts of it are NOT it •Being so attached to the process of getting to it that we never arrive

Why live in a state of Absence Of? •Always trust and act on your intuition

•Freedom from the past and future

•Total presence – living in the moment

•Free of judgments

•Freed from the grip of emotion

•Capacity to feel anything and everything

•Complete self-sufficiency/independence

What would it be like to live (and coach) from this place?

Core Dynamics of Common Problems

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The Core Dynamics of Common Problems •The Core Dynamics = the language of problems

•Core = The central or innermost part

•Dynamic = of or relating to energy

•Provide language for uncovering conflicting intentions.

Behaviors Based In Illusions

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Each fundamental way in which the sense of being whole is lost

leads to an illusion of separateness


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The Illusions of separateness •Not using the Process of Knowing (feeling) fully

•Being overly identified with the objects of perception

•Being overly identified with the sense of “I” as an individual ego

Behaviors – not feeling fully •*Addictions •Avoiding possible painful consequences of one’s actions •Habitually projecting possible negative outcomes onto the future •Worry •*Anxiety •Fearing things that don’t exist •*Depression •Not trusting and acting on your intuition •Being judgmental •Getting absorbed in the past or future •Becoming lost to the grip of emotion * Diagnosed behaviors must be handled by a licensed therapist

Behaviors – overly identified with objects •Getting your sense of who or what you are from anything other than your own pure essential nature •Becoming overly attached to people, things, places, situations, etc. •Neediness •Clinginess •Dependence •Obsessive thinking •Longing for … •Fear of change •Fear of loss •Fear of being alone •Fear of abandonment •Fear of not being seen/heard •Insecurity •Over ambition


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Behaviors – overly identified with ego •The habit of trying to force an outcome

•Selfishness

•Trying to figure things out

•Over-relying on our intellect

•Creating expectations of having it “my way”

•Becoming frustrated when things don’t happen the way we think that they should

•Being overwhelmed by positive things and overly disappointed by negative things

Core Dynamics Of Common Problems •We call these illusions the “core dynamics of common problems”

•They are based on conditioning and become our default “operating system”

•They are always at conflict with what we truly desire

•Next we will work with each of the 12 in detail.


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1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully Staying away from situations in order avoid feeling a particular way. •Based on experiences of being overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were particularly vulnerable or delicate •In an attempt to avoid the experience of such intense overwhelming feelings, we make an inner decision to resist feeling things fully. •We as if blame the process of feeling things for the experience of being overwhelmed. •This dynamic is characterized by any activity that involves the avoidance of feeling things fully. •This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you feel it fully, you will be destroyed.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I feel anything and everything without the fear of being overwhelmed.

•Discussion: Describe common life situations based on this dynamic?

•Questions that will uncover this dynamic


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2) Ignoring your intuition Denying your inner knowing in order to avoid possibly painful consequences in the short term. •Caused by being punished for acting on your inner knowing/intuition •We were overwhelmed by the punishment •This is the parental game called “Let control the kids through emotional manipulation.” •This dynamic is about avoidance of negative or painful consequences of acting on your intuition. It is a compensation for not feel fully. •This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you act on your intuition that you won’t be able to face the consequences.

“All people are offered help by their Intuition, but most pick themselves

up and escape as fast as possible!” -- Winston Churchill

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I completely trust my intuition and I always act on it




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3) Being Judgmental To avoid dealing with your own issues •We judge something in order to create an illusion of separateness from it, in order to distance ourselves from it. •There is something that is a part of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge and embrace. •If there was no charge inside of us about it then we would be neutral. •By creating the illusion of separateness through judging people, things or even parts of ourselves, we break down the experience of Wholeness and create an illusion that we are isolated and separate from the rest of the world. •This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding the issues that we really need to address and resolve within ourselves and the illusion that we can’t.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: Everything I experience is a part of me. I acknowledge it, embrace it and

value from it.




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4) Avoiding the present Getting lost in stories of the past or future •When this dynamic is present we tend to get lost to the stories that we make up about our experiences. •The experiences are intrinsically meaningless. •Often we can become so absorbed in or identified with our stories that we begin to feel that they are real. We live inside them. •We make ourselves the victims not of what happened to us but to the stories that we become dedicated to about the events. •This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding being present and the illusion or fear that being present will be difficult.

Expressions of this Dynamic: •Getting lost to the grip of emotion •Getting absorbed in stories about the past and/or future •Projecting possible negative outcomes on to the future •Getting lost to addictive behaviors •Having a database of unresolved emotions

When this dynamic is absent you feel: •I experience emotions fully but without getting lost to them •I live in the wonder and delight of uncertainty •I easily face and fully feel anything from the past

Feeling into the most intense part

of the energy of the feeling


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4) Avoiding the present

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I live completely in the present moment.




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5) Looking for yourself where you are not Seeking validation from accomplishments. - Seeking the approval of others. - Defining yourself through things or roles.

•Subject – Object – Process of Experiencing

•We live inside it without realizing that it permeates our every experience.

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are incomplete and need something from outside yourself to be whole.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I am whole and complete.




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6) Mistaking Need for Love Confusing the feeling of getting a need fulfilled with the feeling of love.

•Attachment, Identification and Need are “marketed” to us under the false label of “Love”.

•Love is pure giving without any need to take or receive anything.

•Unconditional love is the only thing that truly is Love, everything else is based on need.

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that love is something that you get from others / outside of yourself.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I love without needing anything in return and I participate in relationships

of mutual giving.




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7) Resisting Change Looking for something constant in the world around you in order to feel secure

•The world is constantly changing

•We long to have a non-changing basis to our lives

•We tend to look for the non-changing in the world of change and we want to keep things the same

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that stability and security can be found in the changing world around us.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I have a deep inner sense of equanimity.

I live in the delight and wonder of uncertainty.




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8) Limiting Self Expression Holding yourself back out of the fear of losing the approval of someone or some group.

•When we express ourselves powerfully, some people aren’t going to like it

•This is because it make them uncomfortable that they are not being fully self expressed

•In order to not hold ourselves back we need to be so secure in love for ourselves that we don’t need it from others

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that it is lonely at the top

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I can be fully self expressed

without fearing the loss of love from others




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9) Trying to Force an Outcome Being attached to some event happening in a particular way (my way) and being blind to the thing happening in some other way.

•The laws of nature act through you.

•When you think that it is you who are taking an action you are overly identified with your body, mind and personality, overly identified with being the “doer.”

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are your ego.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I get the sense of myself from the essential nature of who I truly am

rather then from my actions or accomplishments.




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10) Excluding Other Perspectives Over identification with the intellect and thinking you have all the answers •This is not knowing the difference between thinking and knowing •Having all the answers •Being Clueless •Doubting •You may react by getting upset / angry / frustrated. •This comes from being overly identified with the fruits of our actions and the experience of things that happen to or body / mind / personality.

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are the victim of your experiences.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I know things from deep within myself

and I know the difference between thinking and knowing.




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11) Manufacturing Interpretations Creating doubt by getting overly absorbed in trying to explain something •We habitually manufacture interpretations of our experiences. It’s a very human thing to do. •However, everyone’s interpretations will be different, so the interpretations only exist in your head. •We want to understand it so we try to figure it out. •Much later you might say, “Oh! Now I see why that happened.”

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that everything is not perfect.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I sense the perfection of everything

even when my intellect doesn’t get it.




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12) Over-reacting to Circumstances Creating doubt by getting overly absorbed in trying to explain something

•Getting the sense of who you are from outside of yourself can make you feel vulnerable.

•Big changes or events can be disturbing and trigger over-reactions

•This dynamic interferes with our ability to maintain a sense of who we are under extreme circumstances

•This dynamic is based on the illusion that who you really are can be affected by anything.

When this dynamic is absent you feel: I feel a deep sense of equanimity

during experiences of pleasure or pain.



Coaching for Core Dynamic Issues

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Core Dynamics Coaching •To be effective in coaching a client when you recognize that one or more core dynamic is present is to help your client re-establish a basic sense of wholeness, centeredness, integration.

•Simply understanding how the sense of being integrated and whole has been lost begins to restore it.

•However there are specific things that can be done to shift or redirect the client’s energy and attention to re-establish the sense of wholeness.

Coaching for the Three Primary Dynamics •Resisting Feeling Fully –Help the client learn to feel things more fully and improve there access to their innate capacity to feel.

•Looking for Yourself Were You Are Not –Support the client in getting their sense of self simply from the essence of who they really are.

•Trying to Force an Outcome –Support the client in learning to live in the wonder and delight of uncertainty and see the perfection in everything just the way it is.

Specific Coaching Techniques •Waiting

•Feeling into the core of the feeling

•Practice feeling things fully

•Shifting to neutral/unplug the power

•Make the decision to always act on your intuition

•Make the decision to see the world as a mirror

•Make the decision to notice the habit of looking outside yourself for completion


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Waiting •It may be necessary to simply be with the discomfort of not knowing for some time.

•The answer will come when it is time for it to come and it will come as a certainty that has no charge to it.

•Practice being aware that there is a gap between your experiences and your responses to them.

•Notice whether you are reacting automatically or whether you are at choice and cultivate being at choice in how you respond.

•If there is any doubt in the best way to respond, wait!


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Feeling into the core of the feeling •When you are lost to an emotion

•Notice that what you are feeling is the energy of the emotion in your body

•Allow yourself to feel right into the core of the most intense part of the energy of the emotion

•If there is more than one layer of feeling there, find the core of the energy of each feeling and feel down into it

•Mastering this ability allows you to quickly come out of the grip of emotion


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Practice feeling things fully •Notice when one of the dynamics based on not feeling fully is operating in your life

•Notice what it is that you have been avoiding feeling and allow yourself to start feeling it

•Notice the fear of being overwhelmed

•Notice that feeling things fully doesn’t kill you and that you actually have a much greater capacity to feel than you thought you did

•You have just had a habit of keeping a lid on accessing that capacity


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Practicing unplugging the power •Notice the difference between reacting and responding

•Decide to master of these two steps: •Be aware of every conditioned reaction as it is beginning to arise in your awareness •Unplug the power/ shift to neutral •Disallow the thought to continue to receive any energy/power. •You are so used to them being present that you won’t notice without choosing to pay attention. •Thinking that you don’t have control over which ones you allow to be present is a part of your conditioning. Neutrality is the most powerful dismantler of negativity


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Decide to always act on your intuition •Try it and you will find that you can fully feel the feelings that come up without being overwhelmed

•Notice that the fear is that someone may get upset with you

•Do you really want to be manipulated by the intense expression of emotion?

•Do you want to continue to participate as if you were still five years old?


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Make the decision to see the world as a mirror •Practice noticing the process of judging others and/or judging yourself

•Adopt an attitude of looking inside yourself for the charge when you find yourself judging

•Practice acknowledging and embracing the charge in yourself related to the issue that you are judging

•Think of the other person as giving you the gift of being the mirror so you can see those parts of you that you have been avoiding that need some attention


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Make the decision to become aware of the habit of looking outside yourself for completion •Practice noticing the habit of looking outside yourself for love, respect, acknowledgment, appreciation, sense of completion, etc.

•Then notice the feeling that is driving this looking outside.

•Feel it fully.

Additional Documentation

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Note from dave Hello there. Well, first of all, thanks sooo much for participating in our first absence of you program. In the process of creating this program I had the pleasure and challenge of working through an enormous amount of material written by Tom. I have included – for your reading pleasure – the long version. (Even this required some editing) You may find it illuminating.

What Does the Absence of You Mean? Who do you think you are? • Your body? • Your mind? • Your personality? • Your ego? • Your name? • Who are you anyway? It means being free of identifying with everything that you think you are, none of which is REALLY YOU It means getting the sense of yourself from the essential nature of what you are and not from anything other than that.

The reality of who you are is… • Pure Awareness • Pure Potential • Pure Being • Pure Universality • Pure Existence • Pure Consciousness • Wholeness Everything else is just an illusion We tend to not even be aware that this is true

So What? Why would we want to live in a state of Absence of You? • Always trust and act on your intuition • Freedom from the past and future • Total presence – living in the moment • No judgments • Freed from the grip of emotion • Capacity to feel anything and everything


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• Complete self-sufficiency/independence

Have You Experienced the State of Absence of You? Do You Live the Continuous Experience of Absence of You? It Is So Simple That We Miss It Spiritual Seekers Look For It Where Is It? The reality of who/what you are is already available to you Most people don’t notice it or enjoy it because of…

Conditioning and Habits Why Aren’t We Aware of It All the Time? The Main Bugs in Our Inner Human Software Come From Our Conditioning What would it take to be able to live in a state of Absence Of all the time? Gaining and Stabilizing the Style of Functioning that Maintains the State of Absence Of

The Physics of Self-Sabotage Canceling Out the Energy of Conditioning and Habits You will be learning specific techniques to cancel out the Energy of the charge that holds the Conditioning and Habits in place.

Our Notions About Absence Of… This kind of experience is only for saints and monks—not for us ordinary types! It takes lifetimes of meditation and austerities Resignation and Cynicism


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Our “notions” of what we think would be living in a state of Absence Of The expectation that Absence of State is going to be “flashy” Thinking we’re there—thoughts of it are not it Being so attached to the process of getting to it that we never arrive

Problems and suffering in human life occur when we lose the sense of being whole. Each fundamental way in which the sense of being whole is lost leads to an illusion of separateness The underlying causes of having problems and not living and enjoying our full potential


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The Illusions of Separateness Occur in Three Fundamental Ways 1) Not using the Process of Knowing (feeling) fully 2) Being overly identified with the objects of perception 3) Being overly identified with the sense of “I” as an individual ego

1) Not Using the Process of Knowing (feeling) Fully Behaviors based on this core dynamic include: • Addictions • Avoiding possible painful consequences of one’s actions • Habitually projecting possible negative outcomes onto the future • Worry • Anxiety • Fearing things that don’t exist • Depression • Not trusting and acting on your intuition • Being judgmental • Getting absorbed in the past or future • Becoming lost to the grip of emotion

2) Being Overly Identified with the Objects of Perception Behaviors based on this core dynamic include:

• Getting your sense of who or what you are from anything other than your own pure essential nature

• Becoming overly attached to people, things, places, situations, etc. • Neediness • Clinginess • Dependence • Obsessive thinking • Longing for … • Fear of change • Fear of loss • Fear of being alone • Fear of abandonment • Fear of not being seen/heard • Insecurity • Over ambition


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3) Being Overly Identified With the Sense of “I” as an Individual Ego Behaviors based on this core dynamic include: • The habit of trying to force an outcome • Selfishness • Trying to figure things out • Over-relying on our intellect • Creating expectations of having it “my way” • Becoming frustrated when things don’t happen the way we think that they should • Being overwhelmed by positive things and overly disappointed by negative things

We call these illusions Core Dynamics Core Dynamics Are at the basis of the majority of problems in human life Are a result of inner conflicts The way we desire to be vs. the way we habitually operate based on our conditioning Conditioning = our operating system Our default reactive tendencies They are based on the three core dynamics and the subsidiary dynamics that arise from them.

1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully When this dynamic is absent you feel: I feel anything and everything without the fear of being overwhelmed. • Based on experiences of being overwhelmed by intense feelings • Happens when we were particularly vulnerable or delicate • The overwhelming experiences seem so extreme that they will destroy us. • In an attempt to avoid the experience of such intense, overwhelming feelings, we

make an inner decision to not feel things fully. • We as if blame the process of feeling things for the experience of being

overwhelmed. • This dynamic is characterized by any activity that involves the avoidance of feeling

things fully. • It is based on the illusion that if you feel it fully, you will be destroyed.


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• The following dynamics are “application software” built on the operating system of not feeling fully.

2) Not trusting and acting on your intuition in order to avoid painful consequences When this dynamic is absent you feel: I completely trust my intuition and I always act on it, and easily face the consequences. • Caused by childhood experiences of being punished for acting on your inner

knowing/intuition • Such as, painting a picture all over your bedroom wall, etc. • In the extreme, we fear being destroyed by that big person (parent) • Or at least we fear loosing our supply of getting our needs met • (think painful and scary). • We didn’t have the capacity to be present to intense feelings without being

overwhelmed. • This is the parental game called “Let’s socialize the kids through emotional

manipulation.” • Where did they get it? From their parents of course! • This dynamic is about avoidance of negative or painful consequences of acting on

your intuition. It is one of the compensations that you develop for not allowing yourself to feel fully.

”All people are offered help by their Intuition, but most pick themselves up and escape as fast as possible!” ~ Winston Churchill ~

3) Being judgmental as a way of not dealing with your own issues When this dynamic is absent you feel: Everything I experience is a part of me. I acknowledge it, embrace it, and value it. We judge something or someone as wrong or bad in order to create an illusion of separateness from it, in order to distance ourselves from it. Why do we do this? Because there is something being presented to us that we don’t want to experience.


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There is something that is a part of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge and embrace. If there was no charge inside of us about it then we would be neutral. By creating the illusion of separateness through judging people, things, or even parts of ourselves, we break down the experience of Wholeness and create an illusion that we are isolated and separate from the rest of the world. This dynamic is about avoidance of issues that we really need to address and resolve within ourselves, but we can’t quite do that so judging serves to insulate us from facing them. Do you see how this is an application of not feeling fully?

4) Avoiding the present Avoiding the present has several forms. Staying stuck in negative emotional states When this dynamic is absent you feel: I experience emotions fully but without getting lost to them. • Every emotion has a certain quality of energy to it. • We create these patterns of energy from within ourselves. • Emotions are different flavors of energy moving through the body. • The energy of intense emotions is sometimes too much for us. • We try to move away from the intensity of the emotion and we end up dancing

around the edges of it to avoid the discomfort. • This keeps us stuck in the emotion sometimes for a long time. • The way out of the grip of the emotion is to do the reverse of what we are

conditioned to do. • Instead of going away from the intensity of the emotion, go right into the core of the

most intense part of the energy of the emotion and you will eventually come to the silent place from which the energy of the emotion is emanating.

• This dynamic is about avoidance of intensity and discomfort. • Do you see how this is an application of not feeling fully?

Getting absorbed in stories about the past and/or future When this dynamic is absent you feel: I live completely in the present moment. • When this dynamic is present we tend to get lost to the stories that we make up

about our experiences.


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• The experiences are intrinsically meaningless. • The stories we make up about our experiences are what have meaning. • This is what we do as human beings. We make up stories. • We give meaning to everything. • However, the meaning, the stories that we create, are independent of the original

events. • The stories only exist in one place—our mind. • Often we can become so absorbed in our stories or so identified with our stories

that we begin to feel that they are real. We live inside them. • We make ourselves the victims not of what happened to us but to the stories that

we become dedicated to about the events. • This dynamic is about the avoidance of being present. • When we are not present we don’t have to feel what is in the moment. • Do you see how this is an application of not feeling fully?

Projecting possible negative outcomes onto the future When this dynamic is absent you feel: I live in the wonder and delight of uncertainty. There is an important distinction between sensing real danger in the present and the dynamic of projecting possible negative outcomes onto the future. When we don’t know what is coming, we tend to make up a story about what might happen and then become afraid that it might happen. • This is a misuse of the natural capacity to have the emotion of fear that alerts us

when we sense that real danger is present. • This dynamic leads to living in the discomfort/fear/terror of uncertainty. • We need to be fully present to and feel the feelings of the discomfort of not

knowing. • When the capacity to fully feel the feeling of uncertainty is present, and when you

can fully trust and act on your intuition, the experience of uncertainty transforms from fear and terror to wonder and delight.

• Do you see how this is an application of not feeling fully?

Having a database of unresolved pain / fear / anger / emptiness … When this dynamic is absent you feel: I easily face and fully feel anything from the past. Having a database of unresolved pain/fear/anger/emptiness is one of the principle contributing factors of having addictive tendencies. • It is common for people to develop a habit of holding onto fear or anger or other

emotional energies.


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• There are various reasons for holding onto these energies—usually out of a sense that there is some usefulness for survival, revenge, etc.

• The database of emotional energy held in the body tends to keep us in conflict with others and ourselves and supports habits of reactivity.

• When the pain/fear/anger/emptiness is intense, it is a natural reaction to avoid experiencing this intense discomfort.

• To avoid the discomfort we find a “drug of choice” to numb us to the discomfort. • Avoidance of feeling these deep painful feelings appears to be at the basis of all

addictive behaviors. • Not allowing oneself to feel and resolve these accumulated and unresolved feelings

is obviously also one of the compensations for not feeling fully.

5) Looking for yourself where you are not When this dynamic is absent you feel: I am whole and complete. • It is almost universal to derive part of the sense of who we are from outside

ourselves. • In our early life we are so close to our parents that they can feel like they are part of

us. • If one of them is unavailable in some way then we can feel that there is “something

missing.” • This leads to a kind of longing to find the missing part of our self in the outside

world. • This happens at such a young age that it is just a feeling, not something for which

we have words. So it is, by its nature, insidious. • We live inside it without realizing that it permeates our every experience. • This dynamic is characterized by any activity that involves attempting to get the

sense of who or what we are from anything other than our own pure essential nature.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are incomplete and need something from outside yourself to be whole.

6) Mistaking Need for Love When this dynamic is absent you feel: I love without needing anything in return and I participate in relationships of mutual giving. Most people confuse love and need.


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Think of popular songs with words like – “I love you, I need you, and I can’t live without you!” What is Love? Lots of people have no idea of what love really is. It’s confusing! Attachment, Identification, and Need are what we observe as the motivation for most relationships. These are “marketed” to us under the false labeling of “Love”. We think that this is what Love is because we have rarely experienced or observed the true experience of Love. Truly experiencing love only happens when you don’t feel the need to look for it outside of yourself. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love others. On the contrary, when you love yourself fully for the first time you have a basis for distinguishing between love and need. Love has no needs. It is self-sufficient. Love is pure awareness enjoying and appreciating itself. It doesn’t need anything back. Love is pure giving without any need to take or receive anything. This is what is meant by the expression “unconditional love.” Unconditional love is the only thing that truly is Love, everything else is based on need. This dynamic is based on the illusion that love is something that you get from others / outside of yourself.

Note: there is no additional information about #7 Resisting change or #8 Limiting Self-expression 9)Trying to force an outcome When this dynamic is absent you feel: I get the sense of myself from the essential nature of who I truly am, rather than from my actions or accomplishments. When you have a desire and forget about it and then it just shows up in your life, the laws of nature have brought about the manifestation of your desire without your body, mind, and personality having to participate beyond just having the desire. When it seems like your body, mind, and personality are needed in the process, it is just the laws of nature that are acting through you. • When you think that it is YOU who is taking an action, you are overly identified with

your body, mind, and personality, overly identified with being the “doer.” • The problem doesn’t come from having our body and mind engaged in action. • It comes from the illusion that your ego (small self) has authorship of action. • This dynamic is about being caught up in the illusion of being the doer. Are you a human being or a human doer? Most of us feel like human doers. When this dynamic is absent, we tend to feel a sense of oneness with life.


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We live in the frictionless flow / in “zone” all the time. Instead of trying to force an outcome to be our way, we have desires and enjoy watching them come into being independent of the sense that we are making it happen. This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are your ego. Note: There is no additional information available about #10 Excluding other perspectives 11) Manufacturing Interpretations When this dynamic is absent you feel: I know things from deep within myself and I know the difference between thinking and knowing. It is rare to coach someone who is under the illusion that they have all of the answers. This kind of person doesn’t tend to hire a coach. It more frequently shows up as doubting or trying to “figure it out.” This is confusion over how to know that you know. We are heavily conditioned to use our intellect to “figure it out.” However, when we make decisions with our intellect we often regret it later. We are each designed to sense that we know something in one or more ways. Real “knowing” is a function of sensing deeply that you know and knowing that you are not deluded. This dynamic is based on the intense conditioning that intellectual understanding is the only way to know. We over-rely on our intellect when we feel that we can’t trust our inner knowing. This dynamic is based on the illusion that knowing is done with the intellect.

12) Over Reacting to Circumstances When this dynamic is absent you feel: I feel a deep sense of equanimity during experiences of pleasure or pain. When something “good” happens we may react with being overjoyed. Or, we may react by feeling that we don’t deserve it. When something “bad” happens we may respond to it with balance and grace. Or, we may react by getting upset / angry / frustrated / depressed. This comes from being overly identified with the fruits of our actions and the experience of things that happen to our body / mind / personality.


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This dynamic has overlap with the dynamic of being judgmental. This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are the victim of your experiences.

Experiencing Pure Awareness Our essential nature is so simple that we miss it. The silence of pure awareness is in the gap between thoughts. Being completely present all the time— Living in the Now Experiencing Pure Awareness in the Gap Between Thoughts Exercise and Mastery Debug and Upgrade for Mastery

Coaching Techniques You Can Use When the Core Dynamics Are Present Strengthening our Conscious Connection to Wholeness Exercise and Mastery Debug and Upgrade for Mastery Core Dynamics Coaching To be effective in coaching a client when you recognize that one or more core dynamic is present is to help your client re-establish a basic sense of wholeness, centeredness, integration. Simply understanding how the sense of being integrated and whole has been lost begins to restore it. However, there are specific things that can be done to shift or redirect the client’s energy and attention to re-establish the sense of wholeness. If the basic way in which wholeness has been lost is expressed as the dynamic of not feeling fully, there are techniques that you can teach your client to help them both feel things more fully and also expand their access to their innate capacity to feel. If the basic way in which wholeness has been lost is expressed as the dynamic of being overly identified with the objects of experience, then the coaching techniques will center around supporting the client in seeing that they are not the things from which they have been getting the sense of and getting them increasingly comfortable with having the sense of who they are come from the pure potentiality of their essential nature. If the basic way in which wholeness has been lost is expressed as the dynamic of being overly identified with the ego, the sense of individuality, then the focus of the


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coaching will be techniques that help the client to come out of this illusion and allow life to happen rather than attempting to force it to happen.

Waiting It may seem contrary to a lot of what we have done in the past in coaching. We may inadvertently be supporting the continuation of the illusions that are causing the client’s issue. We may not be good at waiting ourselves. So we try to help the client figure it out (over-reliance on the intellect) Or we help them try to force the outcome when the real answer is that it is not time to know the answer yet It may be necessary to simply be with the discomfort of not knowing for some time. The answer will come when it is time for it to come and it will come as a certainty that has no charge to it. Do we really want to help them force an outcome and further the illusion that they are the doer? Or do we want to train them in being able to allow desires to flow through them as premonitions of what is to come and help them to get out of the way for what the laws of nature are organizing for them that is far better than anything they could imagine. Practice becoming aware that there is a gap between the things that you experience and your responses to them. Notice whether you are reacting automatically or whether you are at choice. Cultivate being at choice in how you respond. If there is any doubt in the best way to respond—WAIT!

Feeling Into the Core of the Feeling Allowing your awareness to feel down into the core of the most intense part of the energy of an emotion, is like diving down into the fountainhead of the energy. This is a technique for transcending on the sense of feeling. Sometimes there are layers of feelings, as if one is on top of the other. If you feel down into the core of the feeling and it seems to be gone but there is another feeling there, find the core of the new feeling and feel down into it just to see what’s there. Sometimes there can be several layers. Whether there are several layers or just one, when you feel your way down into the core of the most intense part of the energy of the emotion you will eventually find … nothing. The nothing that you will become aware of is the nothingness out of which you created the emotion. There can also be the sense of lifting off or letting go of the grip of the emotion. It just dissipates as if it is dis-creating itself.


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There can also be a sense of, “Oh, that was just a wave of me. I created that.” At this point you are no longer in the grip of the emotion at all. Mastering this ability is a great skill that allows you to quickly come out of the grip of emotion. This ability keeps you from getting lost to this kind of illusion of separateness.

Practicing Feeling Things Fully Notice when one of the dynamics based on not feeling fully is operating in your life / your client’s life. Make the decision to allow yourself to start feeling those things you have been avoiding. See what it is like to not avoid the feelings. Notice the fear of being overwhelmed. What you will find is that feeling things fully doesn’t kill you and that you actually have a much greater capacity to feel than you thought you did. You have just been keeping a lid on accessing that capacity.

Mastering the Skills of Eliminating Conditioned Responses Shifting to Neutral/Unplug the Power Once you become aware of a core dynamic that is based on conditioned “reactive” responses, decide to become a master of these two steps: Be aware of every conditioned response as it is beginning to arise in you. Unplug the power/ shift to neutral.

Shifting to Neutral/Unplug the Power Notice that you are beginning to react with a conditioned response as opposed to a conscious choice. Disallow the thought to continue to receive any energy/power. The reactive conditioned thoughts are contrary to what you really want in your life. You must make the conscious choice to become aware of them. You are so used to them being present that you won’t notice unless you choose to and pay attention. Becoming aware of the Core Dynamic operating at the basis of your issue will help you recognize the type of conditioned responses that habitually come up in your mind.


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Shifting to Neutral/Unplug the Power This is just like unplugging the power on a CD player or an old phonograph. It just stops or winds down. It is the same as shifting to neutral gear in your car. You roll to a stop. Recognize that you are the only person who is in control of which thoughts you allow to continue in your mind and which ones you allow to sink back into the nothingness from which they cam. This is very powerful. You do not have to continue to be the victim of your thoughts. Thinking that you don’t have control over which ones you allow to be present is a part of your conditioning. It’s not true that you are a victim of your own thoughts. You just haven’t known that.

Shifting to Neutral/Unplug the Power It is more effective to shift to neutral/unplug the power than to Negate the thought Dwell on it Deride yourself for having started to think it Neutrality is the most powerful dismantler of negativity. The state of mastery of the skill of eliminating conditioned responses is when you have the very clear awareness that every action you take is coming from the Wholeness of your Being and reactivity is absent. You know that the mastery is present when you can honestly say – “I skillfully manage my thoughts and feelings in such a way that nothing whatsoever interferes with the fulfillment of my intentions.”

Make the Decision to Always Act on Your Intuition Always act on your inner knowing/intuition and be willing to face the consequences. Try it and you will find that you can face the consequences. It is helpful to realize that the person who is getting upset about what you did is attempting to manipulate you with an intense expression of emotion, much like your parents did when you were little. Noticing that it is the other person being caught up in their own conditioning can help you to not participate as if you were still six years old. If they are abusive, obviously you need to leave or get help. But if it is just someone not liking it and you are being true to yourself, who is to say that allowing them to have their upset isn’t the most loving thing you could do for them.


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The way to know is if you are simply acting from your knowing and being true to yourself.

Make the Decision to See the World As a Mirror Practice noticing the process of judging others and/or judging yourself. Adopt an attitude of looking inside yourself for the charge when you find yourself judging others or yourself. Practice acknowledging and embracing the charge in yourself related to the issue that you are judging. Think of the other person as giving you the gift of being the mirror so that you can see those parts of you that you have been avoiding and need some attention.

Become Aware of the Habit of Looking Outside Yourself for Completion Practice noticing the habit of looking outside yourself for love, respect, acknowledgment, appreciation, sense of completion, etc. Then notice the feeling that is driving that. Feel it fully. Feel anything and everything without fear of being overwhelmed. Totally trust your intuition. Always trust and take action on your inner guidance regardless of the possible consequences. Clearly distinguish between the inner noise and inner guidance. Easily stay present to the consequences of your actions. Have a real sense of the perfection of everything even when the intellect doesn’t understand it. Have a willingness to be outrageous if your inner directive guides you to. Have a sense of deep connection/oneness with your inner guidance. Take the jump to light speed (be fully self expressed) even if those who love you can’t make it with you. Be ready to leave some people behind. Be able to turn down tempting opportunities that would distract you from what your inner directive tells you to do. Stay completely present all of the time. Spontaneously align with your divine purpose all the time. Easily wait (even for a long time) when this is the best thing to do. Stay out of the stories and simply be with what is. Come out of the grip of emotion.


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Have the ability to accept things at face value rather than taking things personally. Have the ability to see other people’s reactions to your actions as theirs and to not take the reaction personally. Have the ability to be open and vulnerable. Be curious. Feel connected to others. Love yourself. Feel competent. Feel successful.

Capacities and Characteristics of Living Free of the Core Dynamics • Feeling loveable • Creative • Able to enjoy • Concentration • Expressing your feelings to others • Knowing that fundamental change is possible • Accepting happiness / bliss • Trusting your body • Capacity for intimacy • Self-worth • Freedom • Playfulness • Compassion • Unity with the universe • My purpose is always completely clear and energized and I fully live it in every

moment of my life. • When my inner guidance speaks to me, I always hear/feel/sense it in whatever

form or manner that it comes to me. • I am comfortable when the inner guidance says to me that it is not time to know yet,

so I peacefully wait. • I am so at peace with waiting that patience is a non-issue for me. • I do not try to force an outcome. • I am unattached to the outcome of anything. • Whenever I am unclear on what to do, I gladly and easily wait. • I am free of the habit of creating expectations. • Every aspect of the way that I live naturally supports my continual experience and

enjoyment of living on purpose.


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Human Software Engineering and the WaveMaker (aka “The Precious”) Getting Used to Living in Wholeness Becoming aware of the comfort of the familiarity of suffering and illusion Living in a way that maintains the enjoyment of wholeness

Inner Human Design, Inc. 4019 Goldfinch St. #314 San Diego, CA 92103 619-291-8600 www.innerhumandesign.com [email protected] [email protected] Email discussion groups

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