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The Southeast OutlookA supplement to

mArch 13, 2014

InsIdeWeddIng coordInAtors eAse WeddIng dAy stress, Page B2Include god In every Aspect of your WeddIng dAy, Page B4jump-stArt mArrIAge WIth A heAlthy lIfestyle, Page B7the top seven bIble verses for your WeddIng dAy, Page B8

DAYr A q u e l h u b b A r d /A l l A n g l e s p h o t o g r A p h y

Wedding

2 MARCH 13, 2014 | SOUTHEASTOUTLOOK.ORGB2 WEDDING DAY

Before you say I Do ...

Southeast Christian Church

Marriage MinistryThe church wants to partner with you as you establish

the spiritual, relational, and logistical foundation for your future life together. It is our desire to do everything we

can to assist you, not just in planning a wedding ceremony, but also a marriage that is pleasing to both you and the Lord.

502-253-8000

By RUTH SCHENK |rschenk@secc.org

Southeast Christian Church member Connie Roach is a big cheerleader for marriage.

That’s why she’s been a wedding coordinator for 25 years in addition to working as executive vice president of a computer integrations com-pany, raising alpacas on her farm and serving as chairwoman of the board at A Loving Choice pro-life pregnancy center in Shelbyville.

It’s a role she loves, an investment in the lives of young couples just starting their lives together.

Roach prays for the couples she serves, tries to ease wedding day stress, encourage them and honor their wishes for an unforgettable day. Her job description as a wedding coordinator is to serve the minister performing the ceremony, work with the family, review vows, work with the photographer, care for the bride and groom and immediate family. She reinforces church guide-lines such as no smoking or alcohol and keeps the ceremony on schedule.

“The very best thing for me is seeing cou-ples continue to love one another, be faithful at church and in caring for their families,” she said. “It’s an incredible blessing when you work with Godly families who are supportive of the bride and groom. Those days are a great celebra-tion. I love being part of it.”

She cherishes brides who stay in touch long after the wedding, who come back to show off their children and talk about their lives.

She also understands the high-stress drama and challenges weddings can create.

There is the complication of family relation-ships. Roach has dealt with family members who

don’t speak to one another and brides who ask that a disruptive family member not be allowed into the church because of drug or alcohol addic-tion. Roach’s husband, Larry, has become her go-to bouncer when needed, and she often tells brides that they get two for the price of one.

Sometimes stress is in the details. Roach has searched for a misplaced wedding dress, missing gloves and rings. She has dealt with situations beyond her control such as torrential rain that delayed weddings, guests in automobile acci-dents on the way to the church and misunder-standings between family members.

She helped a hurting bride who fell and broke her arm in two places, worked with a bride who wanted her pets to walk down the aisle, calmed a few bridezillas who were difficult and demanding and soothed quarreling moms and mothers-in-law. She’s worked with the details of a Renaissance wedding, a spectacular, made-for-television-wedding that cost a fortune and a Filipino wedding with stunning dresses and customs.

She often assures families that God is in con-trol and sees their every need. She often stops to pray about details of the day.

But small challenges are far outweighed by great memories of the families Roach has served.

“I have seen Godly generations come together to support a young couple,” Roach said. “I have seen amazing young couples who honor God and want to serve Him. You never know what God will do in people’s lives. The goal is to honor God, to honor marriage and help these couples begin marriage in the right place. It’s a privilege to walk alongside them on a great day that should be a celebration of marriage.”

Coordinators ease wedding stress

s t e p h e n p o W e l l / t h e s o u t h e A s t o u t l o o k

In her role as wedding coordinator, Connie Roach serves the bride and groom, attends to last-minute details, works with family members, serves the pastor performing the ceremony and tries to eliminate stress. Her goal is to give the bride and groom an unforgettable day that celebrates marriage.

DAY Planners

MARCH 13, 2014 | SOUTHEASTOUTLOOK.ORG WEDDING DAY B3

MARCH 13, 2014 | SOUTHEASTOUTLOOK.ORGWEDDING DAYB4

By JACOB GLASSNER | jglassner@secc.org

A wedding is a sacred ceremony—a union before God and man. Most cer-emonies include Christian symbolism such as communion and the lighting of the unity candle, but here are some unique ways to include your faith in the big day.

Include God in every aspect of your wedding dayFaithful Unions

BIBLE RINGSInstead of having the ring bearer carry the wedding bands on a pillow, get some ribbon and tie them to a Bible.

THREE-STRANdEd CORdOften done instead of lighting a unity candle, the couple weaves together three cords representing husband, wife and God. This tradition comes from Ecclesiastes 4:12, which says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

SCRIPTURE SHOESGet a marker and have your bridesmaids or groomsmen write Bible verses on the bottom of their shoes. They each could include a whole verse or part of a verse. This also makes a great photo opportunity.

BIBLE BOUqUETPrint out a favorite Bible verse on a long strip of paper and tie it into your bouquet. Whoever catches your bouquet will find an inspirational surprise.

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HIGHLIGHT THE WORdPlace a Bible and some highlighters at a table in the reception area. Make a sign inviting friends and family members to highlight their favorite verse and write a note to the bride and groom.

FOOT WASHINGBased on the example of Jesus who washed the feet of the disciples at the last supper, foot washing is a way to show that a husband and wife plan to put each other first.

BIBLE vERSE HANGERSGet a permanent marker and neatly print Scripture verses on wooden coat hangers for bridesmaids to use as they get ready for the wedding.

SCRIPTURE CAKEInclude a Bible verse on your wedding cake. A popular verse from Song of Songs 6:3 is, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

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What does the $500 fee include? The $500 fee includes the cost of the

pre-marital class, a wedding coordinator and a facility fee.

Why do we have to attend a pre-marital class that lasts 10 weeks?

We want to build Christ-centered mar-riages that are built on a foundation of Biblical principles—not just host a wed-ding ceremony.

Why are wedding times so strict? Our wedding times are based around

our worship service times.

Can Dave Stone or Kyle Idleman officiate my ceremony?

Dave and Kyle are more than happy to officiate wedding ceremonies as their schedules allow.

—Sandra McConnell, Southeast Marriage Ministry

FROm STAFF REPORTS

One of the greatest reflections of Christ’s love for the church is a Christian marriage. Southeast Christian Church wants to do whatever it can to encourage, prepare and protect marriages.

The church wants to partner with couples as they establish the spiritual, relational and logistical foundation for your future life together.

Here are the steps to getting started on your journey:Contact the Wedding Ministry office

at (502) 253-8025.Complete the bride and groom online

forms (the link is available upon request).Register and complete the 10-week

premarital class.Complete the mentoring program.Meet with your wedding coordinator.Meet with the minister who will per-

form your ceremony.

Steps for getting married at Southeast Christian Church

Common questions for ceremonies at Southeast

r A q u e l h u b b A r d /A l l A n g l e s p h o t o g r A p h yThe Chapel at Southeast’s Blankenbaker Campus hosts numerous weddings.

MARCH 13, 2014 | SOUTHEASTOUTLOOK.ORG B7WEDDING DAY

H i g h l a n d C l e a n e r s. c om

r A q u e l h u b b A r d /A l l A n g l e s p h o t o g r A p h y

By BARBARA dAy | Special to The Outlook

If you are getting married any time soon, getting a jump-start on a healthy lifestyle is a good strategy for a lifetime of togetherness. Here are some sugges-tions on how to get started:Track calories and activity using

free smart phone apps like My Fitness Pal, LoseIt! or SparkPeople to get a han-dle on your calories needs. Using an app like this can help you learn how many calories you need each day and how many calories you are burning during activity. If you want to lose weight before

your wedding, cut 250 calories of food per day and burn 250 calories by exer-cising for a total of 500 calories a day or 3,500 calories a week. Cutting 3,500 calories equals about one pound of lost weight. Start early for weight loss so you can be successful before your wedding. Plan walks, runs or other activities

as a couple to establish an active lifestyle before the wedding and continue the habit after the wedding.To get a more muscular look for a

strapless gown, contact a credentialed personal trainer to design an effective muscle tightening program. This may take some time to get a nicely defined look. Find a cookbook or a website that

provides easy recipes that can assist you in eating a healthy diet. Suggestions: www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org, www.cookinglight.com and www.kraftrecipes.com. Develop a list of healthy pantry,

refrigerator and freezer foods that you both like so cooking is an easy affair for couples.

Jump-start marriage with a healthy lifestyle

Ask for a slow cooker for a wedding present. Attend a couple’s healthy cooking

class.Plant a garden either in your yard

or in a community garden area if you want to use your own vegetables. Too busy to cook? Make healthy

choices at your favorite restaurants by

going online to determine how many calories are in some of your favorite foods. If there are too many calories in a meal, either share or cut the food in half before you eat. Put the rest in a doggie bag for a lunch or dinner meal.

Barbara Day, M.S., R.D., C.N., is a Lifestyle Nutrition & Wellness Specialist and Southeast member.

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails …”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Colossians 3:12-17

By JACOB GLASSNER | jglassner@secc.org

Marriage is a divine institution, so it makes sense to integrate Scripture verses into a wedding ceremony.

The obvious way to include Scripture is to have a reading, but couples also might choose to print verses in the program or include them as part of the table settings.

First Corinthians 13, also known as “the love chapter,” immediately comes to mind when considering verses for a wedding. The beautiful lines—“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it

does not boast”—are familiar to most ears. They have been recited at countless wed-dings through the centuries.

If you are going for traditional, Corin-thians is the way to go.

Corinthians is followed closely in pop-ularity by Colossians 3:12-17 and Ruth 1:16-17. Ruth contains the famous lines: “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.”

There are numerous possibilities when it comes to what Scriptures to include in your wedding, but here is a list of seven favorites.

Scriptures for weddingsThe top7

1

2

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“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

mark 10:6-9

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:16-19

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”

Song of Songs 8:6-7

“But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.’”

Ruth 1:16-173456

7

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“‘At the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”’”

Those are the words written in Matthew 19:4-5. They are a reminder about what marriage is all about.

In Genesis 2:18, we read that God said: “‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” We later read that God made a woman from a rib taken out of the man and the man said: “‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’”

For the past few months, I’ve been eyebrows deep in planning for a wedding. I know my beautiful bride-to-be will agree that at times it has felt like trying to drink from a fire hose.

We went the do-it-yourself route on a lot of things, like “save the date” cards, invitations, programs, table décor and a candy buffet. In the age of Pinterest and Etsy, there are myriad ideas for any style or theme you can imagine.

Going into this process, I was blissfully unaware of this phenomenon they call “shabby chic.” Now I can tell you more than you ever cared to know about coordinating table runners with centerpieces (as I type this I can hear a little robot voice in my head saying “Your man card will self-destruct in 5…4…3…2…1”).

It isn’t just the DIY projects that are time-consum-ing. It’s picking out the right attire, getting a marriage license, researching and booking a honeymoon and mak-ing arrangements for out-of-town guests. Then there is the matter of finding the right caterer, baker, photographer, videographer, musicians and disc jockey. Again, more research (and, if you’re on a tight budget like we are, price shopping).

As I sit here and type this, I’m glancing over at the long “to do” list on the scratch pad on my desk. It includes everything from arranging airport parking to painting a wagon for the flower girl.

And it’s just one day’s tasks that are in addition to the rest of life’s busyness. My days have pretty much been like this since the beginning of the year.

It can be overwhelming, and the frantic pace and sheer number of minute details can create some tense moments for the strongest of couples.

So how do you avoid becoming a Bridezilla or a Groom of Doom?

First thing’s first: Pray without ceasing. In 1 Thessalo-nians 5:17, we are commanded to “pray continually.” When you start to feel overwhelmed, stop and ask God to take con-trol. Ask him to make sure that you don’t lose sight of what the wedding is really all about. It is a ceremony that marks the commitment to love, honor and cherish one another in all circumstances, and live as one for Jesus.

At least twice a day my fiancée and I pray this prayer: “God, no matter how busy things get today, may your hand be on every detail of this wedding, and will you please allow us to look past this day and see the blessing of a new life together in You. Will you please help us to keep You at the center of everything we do.”

There are scads of bridal magazines and websites out there that push the notion that a wedding is about assem-bling a Cinderella experience that makes the bride the belle of the ball for the day she has dreamed about since she was a little girl. Then there are TV shows like “Say Yes To The Dress” and “Four Weddings” that perpetuate the notion that you need to have the resources of Warren Buffett to be able to throw a wedding that people will remember.

But before you buy into the hype, consider this: Once this special day—the one you’ve been consumed with plan-ning for months—is over, what is life going to look like?

Take ample time each week during the planning process to step away from it and discuss goals and ambitions for the future. And I’m not just talking about taking a beach vaca-tion, buying a new vehicle or losing 20 pounds. I’m talking about how are you going to live your life in a way that hon-ors God and acknowledges that He is the Lord of your life?

You need to discuss how you will pray together, worship together, serve together, and even how you will plan a fam-ily and raise your children in the Lord.

At the end of the day, the lofty wedding bills will come due, photo albums and guest books will get packed away, white wedding dresses will gradually turn yellow and the taste of the $30-per-person dinner will be forgotten.

But what remains will determine what kind of a legacy you leave for future generations and what kind of an eter-nal impact you will have on those around you.

The timing of this publication couldn’t be more God-ordained. On March 15, 2014, I will marry my best friend, Stephanie.

The journey from the still summer night I proposed to her on the Belvedere all the way to the altar at times has been stressful as we navigate the challenges of planning a wedding and combining two lives into one.

But ultimately, I know I am marrying a woman who loves Jesus and loves me unconditionally. I look forward to worshiping and serving God with her and sharing all of life’s experiences.

It is my prayer that as you plan your wedding and pre-pare for married life, you will put God at the center of all that you do.

Brent Adams is editor of The Southeast Outlook.

Keep marriage in perspective while planning a wedding

s t e p h e n p o W e l l / t h e s o u t h e A s t o u t l o o k

Brent Adams and his fiancée Stephanie Hensel.

MARCH 13, 2014 | SOUTHEASTOUTLOOK.ORG B11WEDDING DAY

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superficial idols, like near-perfect beauty or financial or social status. In frus-tration, they keep cycling through “infatuation, dis-illusionment, rejection, and flight” to someone better, short-circuiting God’s design for mates to be reciprocal sanctifying agents. Keller recommends finding someone “who makes you a better per-son by just being around them.” A romance could sprout. Do you obsess over each other’s flaws or desire to work on them together?

Marriage is not primar-ily the emotional rush of romantic fulfillment but “unites feeling and duty, passion and promise” in covenant with God as supreme. Unselfishly serving and being commit-ted to your spouse’s holiness are critical and spur affec-tion. Good marriages finely balance truth, love, anger, forgiveness, affirmation, self-confidence, respect, joy and humility—all under God’s grace. But breaking your mar-riage covenant with your spouse also breaks it with God.

The marital covenant creates a secure haven for vul-nerability and intimate love. According to Keller, mates tell each other through sex, “I belong completely, perma-nently and exclusively to you.” God designed sex to unify mates, but extramarital sex abuses its power, making committing to a future mate much harder.

“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Bestselling author Timothy Keller is the founding pas-tor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan. He and his wife, Kathy, are both seminary graduates, and she contributed to “The Meaning of Marriage.”

The Kellers forged their marriage through trials—raising three sons, her intentionally shattering wedding china and especially battling radical sinful self-centered-ness.

Keller says, “Self-centeredness by its very character makes you blind to your own (self-centeredness) while being hypersensitive, offended and angered by that of others. The result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, anger and despair, as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing.” Each spouse feels misunderstood by their—once wonderful—mate, who is the main problem.

With the antidote—the Holy Spirit filling our love tank—we can continually overflow with generosity and love for our mates, who aren’t currently reciprocating. Happiness and fulfillment lie “on the far side of sus-tained unselfish service.” If each spouse deals with their own self-centeredness and ministers to the other, truce-marriages can become great ones. Keller calls for “Spirit-generated selflessness … thinking of yourself less.”

Marital success rates increase if you avoid pre-marital pregnancy, don’t marry too young, get reasonably edu-cated, come from an intact family and follow Christ. Christian spouses find “mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice” by following Jesus daily. Their toughest and most critical function is to live for each other.

Keller upends cohabitation rationales. While some delay marriage for financial security, research shows that the continuously married have 75 percent more wealth at retirement, and married men earn 10 to 40 per-cent more than single men with comparable jobs and edu-cation. Marrieds enjoy better physical and mental health. Teammate spouses or accountability partners encourage

Keller looks at marriage from Godly viewpoint

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character building and future success. Excuses not to marry generally mean: “I don’t love you enough to close off all my options.”

Delaying marriage often stresses women as child-bearing ability drops with age. Cohabitating men tend to dismiss unsympathetically such concerns of their low-maintenance girlfriends. Such independent “men” exploit marital benefits while seeking better girlfriends.

Most marrieds are happier than singles, in fact, very happy. Even most unhappy marrieds become happy if they stay married. Commitment to each other and God revives happiness.

Keller says, “A strong marriage … makes children grow up feeling the world is a safe place and love is pos-sible.” Children raised by married parents at least double their chances of positive life outcomes.

Perfectly compatible spouses exist only in fairy tales. Spouses must keep learning to love each other as each changes over time. As they get to know each other better, their love can deepen.

Keller notes, “To be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, hum-bles us out of our self-righteousness and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

In contrast, many single and divorced people chase

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When Aaron and Ashley Webber walked down the aisle as husband and wife on their wedding day, John and Peggy Henderson were in the audi-ence.

The Hendersons were the Webbers’ pre-marital mentors, but more than that, the couples are now friends.

“They are some of our favorite people,” Ashley said.

Southeast Christian Church requires couples being married at the church to take a 10-week pre-marital class and to be mentored by a couple.

The Webbers are thankful for the time the Hendersons spent with them.

“It opened my eyes to issues I didn’t even know existed,” Aaron said. “It was better to discuss them then versus six months into your marriage when you don’t have anyone to help you.”

They looked at things such as con-flict resolution, finances and family dynamics.

“He came from a family where there were two children, and I came from a family of six,” Ashley said. “So it was definitely a different way of being raised.”

Before being assigned a mentor, Aaron and Ashley each filled out an individual questionnaire that looked at their views on a host of topics.

The questionnaire gave the Hen-dersons a look at Aaron and Ashley’s strengths and weaknesses and what topics to address in their meetings. Mentors typically meet with couples five or six times before the wedding day.

“It helped bring up some issues that

we either didn’t want to talk about or issues that we hadn’t even thought about,” Aaron said. “I had to realize that it’s not about me, it’s about us.”

“One of the things that we really learned from them … is to give 100 percent of yourself to the other per-son without expecting anything in return,” Ashley said. “That has been something huge that we learned and tried to focus on in our relationship.”

The Webbers have been married 2½ years, and they both feel pre-mar-riage mentoring prepared them for the future.

“I don’t think we would be where we are in our marriage if it weren’t for doing the pre-marriage mentor-ing,” Ashley said. “It really was essen-tial to our marriage. It gave us an idea of what to expect.”

The Hendersons have been mar-ried nearly 15 years and have been mentors for about eight years.

“We have a strong desire for strong marriages and helping others,” Peggy Henderson said. “We will be the first to tell you that we don’t have the greatest marriage. We have a good marriage, and we have a passion to help others.”

The Hendersons cover topics such as communication, conflict resolu-tion, partner style and habits, finan-cial management, leisure activities, sexual expectations, family and friends, relationship roles, spiritual beliefs and parenting. John Hender-son said communication and conflict resolution are foundational to a good marriage.

“We teach each of them how to listen,” John said. “A lot of times, you

Pre-marital mentors help couples begin their journeydon’t listen because you are just pre-paring to talk—especially when you are having an argument. Couples are going to have issues and problems, but our goal is to get them to open up and talk about them now. You keep God in the middle of it, and you talk about it. It’s amazing what they learn about and from each other in just those five or six weeks.”

The Hendersons often share per-sonal stories—like how they dealt with a snoring problem—when they talk with couples about living together after they are married. John said each couple usually seems to have a neat freak and a messy person, and he wants them to go into marriage with realistic expectations.

“They are just in a dating role. You may not know about all of your future spouse’s habits,” Peggy said. “Up until you get married, you’re not seeing your spouse in that complete role—24/7.”

But above all, the Hendersons encourage couples to keep God first.

“Pray together and keep Christ in the middle of the relationship,” John said. “When you have conflict—every-one is going to have fights—you have to figure out why you are arguing. Don’t say things out of anger that are going to come back and bite you. Pray about it and don’t go to bed angry. Watch your tongue.”

“With God at the center, you are going to be able to withstand a lot,” Peggy added. “It’s just keeping that focus on Christ and not letting anyone bump Him out. We want couples to keep God first, their spouse second and then their kids.”

p h o t o c o u r t e s y o f s t e p h A n I e h A n s h A I r

Aaron and Ashley Webber worked with a pre-marital mentor before being married at Southeast 2½ years ago.