cloud2.snappages.comcloud2.snappages.com/2b4e5830095430261f1f3207d868… · Web viewCan’t you see how much stuff we have to get through in the next few days? ... We need a little

A MUNSCH FILLED LIFEOpen on attic scene, vibrant sheets cover stored items. Enter

Grandma with baby. Spotlight with low lights on background.

GRANDMA: A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back

and forth. And while she held him, she sang:

I love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

As long as I’m living

My baby you’ll be.

The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was nine years old. And he

never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he

always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled

across the floor and looked up over the side of his bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that

nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she

rocked him, she sang:

I love you forever,




The boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left

home and got a house across town.

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son

and said, “You’d better come see me because I’m very old and sick.” So her son came to see her.

When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:

I love you forever,

I’ll like you for always…

But she couldn’t finish because she was too old and sick. The son went to his mother. He picked her

up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he said this song:

I love you forever,


Draft I – Final Draft? 1 | P a g e


My Mommy you’ll be.

While the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went

into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping. He picked her up in his arms and

very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he

sang.

I love you forever,




Grandma leaves. Lights on background up, daytime in the attic.

Elizabeth running on, playing with various found objects on

stage. Father and other children follow, more somberly.

FATHER: (Sighing) Alright, kids. Let’s get started. We’ll make three piles. One to keep and bring home with

us. One to give away to the Salvation Army. And one to throw in the garbage. (points to DSL pile)

Stephanie, go through those boxes over there. (hands him a box) Mortimer, start with this box.

(points to Elizabeth) Elizabeth, help move all of the stuff into the big piles in the middle.

Family begins to sort out a few objects. Elizabeth starts digging

into a box in Stephanie’s pile.

STEPHANIE: Hey, get out of there!

ELIZABETH: I’m a dragon!!! Look at me! Fear me! I want all the treasure! Just give me the treasure and

there’ll be no problems whatsoever!

STEPHANIE: Cut it out. Can’t you see how much stuff we have to get through in the next few days? This is a

mountain of boxes.

ELIZABETH: My mountain! And if you want my treasure, you’ll have to slay the dragon!

MORTIMER: Hey, come help me with this box. It’s full of great toys!

ELIZABETH: No! My treasure! (beat) A crown!!! This is perfect! I’m a princess! With a crown! The prettiest

of them all.

STEPHANIE: Oh my God.

FATHER: Watch your mouth, young lady.

STEPHANIE: What? I only said, “Oh my God.” (It’s not like I’m running around with my dead grandmother’s

sheets and jewellery. That’s not right.) this seems an odd thing to say. Wondering why it is said.


MORTIMER: Hey guys. Boxes still here. How about we get back to it?

FATHER: No, I think Elizabeth’s right. We need a little levity- is this a word in a child/adult converation.

What else is in this story about dragons and princesses?

ELIZABETH: A castle. Like Cinderella’s.

STEPHANIE: Cinderella didn’t have a castle. The prince did. She was just a servant girl.

MORTIMER: Well, we can build a castle, anyway. Where would you like it?

ELIZABETH: Right here. (points to CS)

All except Stephanie build castle out of empty boxes. She

continues to organize in a corner.

FATHER: What else should be there?

MORTIMER: A dress! Princesses always have pretty dresses. (pulls a muumuu out of a box)

ELIZABETH: That’s not very pretty. That looks like something a grandma would wear.

Moment of silence. Stephanie glares at Elizabeth. Starts to storm

off stage. Stopped by Father.

FATHER: Hey, hold up. Don’t run off. I know you’re upset. Grandma meant a lot to all of us. Elizabeth

didn’t mean to be disrespectful - she’s only 8. Take a breath, join us. You’ll have fun with this, I

promise. And maybe we’ll all feel better by the time we’re done.

STEPHANIE: Whatever. I don’t need this. (exits)

Elizabeth, meanwhile, has found a much prettier dress in

another box/wardrobe. She is putting it on with the tiara.

Mortimer finish castle, get other props (like fire and landscape

painting) ready.

ELIZABETH: This is perfect!

FATHER: What else?

ELIZABETH: A handsome prince, named Ronald.

FATHER: Ronald?

ELIZABETH: What?! I like Macdonald’s.

FATHER: Okay. Ronald, it is.

MORTIMER: Not it!


FATHER: Seriously? So we need a Prince Charming. Can you imagine him? Close your eyes and think of the

handsomest boy you’ve ever seen.

Enter Ronald.

FATHER: I guess that’ll do. Wow. We need to get you out more.

ELIZABETH: Elizabeth was a beautiful princess. She lived in a castle and had expensive clothes and not you

guys. Go behind the couch. She was going to marry a prince named Ronald. Unfortunately, a dragon

smashed her castle (enter dragon), burned off all her clothes with his fiery breath, and carried off

Prince Ronald.

RONALD: Ow. Let me go.

ELIZABETH: Elizabeth decided to chase the dragon and get Ronald back. She looked everywhere for

something to wear, but the only thing she could find that was not burnt was a paper bag. So she put

on the paper bag and followed the dragon. He was easy to follow, because he left a trail of burnt

forest and horses’ bones. Finally, Elizabeth came to a cave with a large door. She banged on the

door.

DRAGON: The dragon stuck his nose out of the door and said, “Well, a princess! I love to eat princesses,

but I have already eaten a whole castle today. I am very busy dragon. Come back tomorrow.” He

slammed the door so fast that Elizabeth almost got her nose caught.

ELIZABETH: Elizabeth banged on the door again.

DRAGON: The dragon stuck his nose out of the door and said, “Go away. I love to eat princesses, but I have

already eaten a whole castle today. I am a very busy dragon. Come back tomorrow.

ELIZABETH: “Wait,” shouted Elizabeth. “Is it true that you are the smartest and fiercest dragon in the whole

world?”

DRAGON: “Yes,” said the dragon.

ELIZABETH: “Is it true,” said Elizabeth, “that you can burn up ten forests with your fiery breath?”

DRAGON: “Oh, yes,” said the dragon, and he took a huge, deep breath and breathed out so much fire that he

burnt up fifty forests.

ELIZABETH: “Fantastic,” said Elizabeth.

DRAGON: And the dragon took another huge breath and breathed out so much that he burnt up one

hundred forests.

ELIZABETH: “Magnificent,” said Elizabeth.

DRAGON: And the dragon took another huge breath, but this time nothing came out. The dragon didn’t

even have enough fire left to cook a meatball.


ELIZABETH: Elizabeth said, “Dragon, is it true that you can fly around the world in just ten seconds?”

DRAGON: “Why, yes,” said the dragon, and jumped up and flew all the way around the world in just ten

seconds.

Dragon runs around the auditorium very quickly.

DRAGON: He was very tired when he got back.

ELIZABETH: But Elizabeth shouted, “Fantastic, do it again!”

DRAGON: So the dragon jumped up and flew around the whole world in just twenty seconds.

Dragon runs around the auditorium less quickly.

DRAGON: When he got back he was too tired to talk, and he lay down and went straight to sleep.

ELIZABETH: Elizabeth whispered, very softly, “Hey, dragon.”

DRAGON: The dragon didn’t move at all.

ELIZABETH: She said a little louder, “Dragon”.

DRAGON: He still didn’t move.

ELIZABETH: She lifted up the dragon’s ear and put her head right inside. She shouted as loud as she could,

“Hey, dragon!”

DRAGON: The dragon was so tired he didn’t even move.

ELIZABETH: Elizabeth walked right over the dragon and opened the door to the cave. (Ronald enter)

RONALD: There was Prince Ronald. He looked at her and said, “Elizabeth, you are a mess! You smell like

ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you are

dressed like a real princess.”

ELIZABETH: “Ronald,” said Elizabeth, “your clothes are really pretty and your hair is very neat. You look

like a prince, but you are a bum.”

FATHER: They didn’t get married after all.

Ronald storms off. Dragon exits.

FATHER: Let that be a life lesson for you, children. You don’t need to date, not for another 30 years or so.

I’m in no rush for grandkids. Take your time.

MORTIMER: I know, I know. I’ve heard this speech a million times.

ELIZABETH: Boys are gross.

MORTIMER: Girls are annoying.


ELIZABETH: Girls rule and boys drool.

MORTIMER: Boys go to Mars to get more chocolate bars. Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

ELIZABETH: Stupider isn’t even a word, stupid.

MORTIMER: Shut up. You’re so annoying. You annoy everybody, even the dog.

FATHER: Well… you were no saint when you were younger. You ran all around the house. You pulled all

the books off the shelves. You pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and you took your mother’s

watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes your mom would say, “This kid is driving me

CRAZY!”

MORTIMER: What do you mean?

STEPHANIE: (re-entering with ugly snowsuit) Hey, look at what I found in the downstairs closet.

ELIZABETH: It’s so old!

FATHER: That’s the one. How did Mom get a hold of that? You wore this snowsuit when you were 4 years

old, Mortimer. It took hours to get you into the suit.

STEPHANIE: And when he finally got into it, he’d play for 5 minutes and need to get right out again to pee.

But he would refuse to pee before getting into the suit.

MORTIMER: I did not!

FATHER: That’s right! I forgot all about that! Do you remember that trip to Grandma’s house? You

wouldn’t pee before we left. We made to the end of the driveway before it became an emergency.

ELIZABETH: Emergency! Bee-doe, bee-doe, bee-doe! He has to make a pee-pee with his wee-wee!

MORTIMER: Shut up!

FATHER: Both of you calm down. But this gives me a great idea. Do you think you could fit back into this

snowsuit?

MORTIMER: Um… No.

ELIZABETH: He can! (holds up stuffed animal) Wow. This one looks just like you! (pulls a stuffed animal

dressed exactly like Father)

FATHER: That’s uncanny. (beat) One day we were taking you to see your grandma and grandpa. (beat) We

need a car.

ELIZABETH: Use this box!

FATHER: Good idea. (enter Mother) Before we put you in the car your mother said,

MOTHER: Do you have to go pee?


MORTIMER: No, no, no, no, no.

FATHER: Then I said, very slowly and clearly, “Do you have to go pee?”

MORTIMER: No, no, no, no, no. I have decided never to go pee again.

FATHER: So we put you into the car, fastened your seatbelt and gave you lots of books, and lots of toys, and

lots of crayons, and drove off down the road –

MOTHER: ZOOM!

FATHER: We had been driving for just one minute when you yelled,

MORTIMER: I HAVE TO GO PEE!

FATHER: YIKES.

MOTHER: OH NO.

FATHER: Now, wait just five minutes. In five minutes we will come to a gas station where you can go pee.

MORTIMER: I have to go pee RIGHT NOW!

MOTHER: (stopping car) SCREEEEECH.

Mortimer jumps out of car and pees behind a bush.

MORTIMER: PISSSSSSSSS! Ahhhh.

MOTHER: ZOOM! (enter Grandma)

MORTIMER: Hi Grandma. Can I go out to play?

FATHER: It was snowing, and you needed a snowsuit. Your mother had just bought you a nice new

snowsuit. When you saw that snowsuit you said,

MORTIMER: That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life. If you think I’m going to wear that ugly

snowsuit, you are crazy!

MOTHER: We will see about that.

FATHER: Before we put you into the snowsuit, your mother and I and your grandma all said,

ALL: DO YOU HAVE TO GO PEE?


MOTHER: Please put on your snowsuit.

MORTIMER: NNNNNO.

MOTHER: (jumping up and down) Put on that snowsuit!

MORTIMER: NNNNNO.Draft I – Final Draft? 7 | P a g e

FATHER: Your siblings jumped into their snowsuits and ran out the door. But not you.

GRANDPA: Please put on your snowsuit.

MORTIMER: NNNNNO.

GRANDMA: (jumping up and down) Put on that snowsuit.

MORTIMER: NNNNNO.

Big fight. Mother ends up in snowsuit.

MOTHER: That’s not right. Let’s try again.

Big fight. Mother back in dress. Grandma ends up in

undergarments. Dress and snowsuit in pile. Enter Grandpa.

GRANDMA: He won’t put on his snowsuit.

GRANDPA: Put on your snowsuit.

MORTIMER: NNNNNO.

Big fight. Grandma ends up in Grandpa’s suit, Grandpa wearing

the Grandma’s dress, Thomas still in underwear.

FATHER: Your sisters yelled from the yard,

SISTERS: Come and play!

FATHER: You ran across the room, jumped into your snowsuit, got your boots on in two seconds, and ran

out the door.

Mortimer gets his snowsuit on and runs off. Grandpa and

Grandma hide behind couch to change out clothes.

FATHER: You were outside playing for 3 seconds when...

Mortimer walks half way across stage and throws an imaginary

snowball.

MORTIMER: (yells) I HAVE TO GO PEE.

FATHER: Your mother and I ran outside, got you out of the snowsuit and carried you to the bathroom.

(actors struggle to find a toilet, finally settle on a cookie jar, Mother and Father leave him to it)

MORTIMER: PISSSSSSSSS! Ahhhh.

FATHER: When you came back down, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, we had a nice long

dinner. (dinner with Grandma, Grandpa, Mother, Father at centre – boxes as table) Then it was time


for you to go up to bed. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. Before we put you into bed,

your mother and I said,

ALL: DO YOU HAVE TO GO PEE?


Mother and Father tuck him into bed.

FATHER: We went back downstairs, Thump, thump, thump, thump, thumb, thump.

MOTHER: Just wait, he’s going to yell and say he has to go pee.

FATHER: Oh, he does it every night. It’s driving me crazy.

GRANDMA: I never had these problems with my children.

Signs: 5 minutes later, 10 minutes later, 15 minutes later

FATHER: I think he is asleep.

MOTHER: Yes, I think he is asleep.

GRANDMA: He is definitely asleep and he didn’t yell and say he had to go pee.

MORTIMER: singing

Clang, clang, rattle bing bangGonna make my noise all day.Clang, clang, rattle bing bangGonna make my noise all day.

FATHER: Mother went up the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. She opened the door

and yelled,

MOTHER: MORTIMER BE QUIET.

MORTIMER: Yes.

FATHER: She went back down the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. As soon as she got

back downstairs, you started to sing –

MORTIMER: singing


FATHER: Your grandma and your grandpa went up the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump,

thump. They opened the door and yelled,

GRANDPARENTS: MORTIMER BE QUIET.


MORTIMER: Yes.

FATHER: They went back down the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. As soon as they

got back downstairs, you started to sing –

MORTIMER: singing


FATHER: The neighbours were so upset about the noise next door that they called the police. (enter Police)

Two policemen went up the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. They opened the

door and yelled,

POLICE: MORTIMER BE QUIET.

MORTIMER: Yes.

FATHER: They went back down the stairs. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. As soon as they

got back downstairs, you started to sing –

MORTIMER: singing


FATHER: Well downstairs no one know what to do. Your mother got into a fight with the policemen. I got

into a fight with your grandparents. Upstairs you got so tired waiting for someone to come up that

you fell asleep. (exit Mother, Grandma, Grandpa, and Police) And that’s how we found you, once we

had bailed your mother out of jail.

MORTIMER: You made that up!

FATHER: God’s truth!

MORTIMER: That sounds like something from a kid’s book.

FATHER: Every parent has experienced this with at least one of their kids. Nothing out of the ordinary

here.

STEPHANIE: It happened. Trust me.

MORTIMER: You just wait until Dad makes up a story about you!

ELIZABETH: Ooooh! Make up a story about me! I want to be in a book!

STEPHANIE: He’s not putting you in a book. Be realistic!


MORTIMER: Yeah. You’d be folded and scrunched and trapped and stuck.

ELIZABETH: What’s that smell? Stephanie did you find a fart? (holds up fart)

STEPHANIE: Don’t be ridiculous! Good families like ours don’t have farts. (Elizabeth turns away to

rummage through boxes)

MORTIMER: Are you sure it’s a fart? Maybe it’s smelly socks. (holds up mismatched socks)

STEPHANIE: There were no clean clothes today! What was I supposed to do?

ELIZABETH: (Finds makeup bag in a box) Makeup! (opens lipstick empty) Oh. That’s too bad.

MORTIMER: You can blame Stephanie for that. She used sooooooo much makeup last year.

STEPHANIE: It was not last year. That’s so immature.

FATHER: It was when our house was being renovated! We stayed with your grandma and your grandpa.

(enter Grandma) You went up to your grandma and said,

STEPHANIE: None of the kids in my class have a ponytail. I want a nice ponytail coming right out the back.

FATHER: So grandma gave you a nice ponytail right out the back. When you went to school (Kids enter),

the other kids looked at you and said,

KIDS: Ugly, ugly, very ugly (Kids exit).

STEPHANIE: It’s my ponytail and I like it.

FATHER: The next morning, when you went to school, (Kids enter) all the other girls had ponytails coming

out the back. You looked at them and said,

STEPHANIE: You are all a bunch of copycats. You just do whatever I do. You don’t have a brain in your

heads. (Kids exit)

FATHER: The next morning your grandma said,

GRANDMA: Stephanie, would you like a ponytail coming out the back?

STEPHANIE: No.

GRANDMA: Then that’s that. That’s the only place you can do ponytails.

STEPHANIE: No, it’s not. I want one coming out the side, just above my ear.

GRANDMA: Very strange. Are you sure that’s what you want?

STEPHANIE: Yes.

FATHER: So your grandma gave you a nice ponytail coming out right above your ear (Grandma exits).

When you went to school, (Kids enter) the other kids saw you and said,


KIDS: Ugly, ugly, very ugly (Kids exit).

STEPHANIE: It’s my ponytail and I like it.

FATHER: The next morning, when you came back to school (Kids enter), all the other girls, and even some

of the boys, had nice ponytails coming out just above their ears (Kids exit). You developed a cunning

plan. You had saved up lots of money. You saved your birthday money, your Christmas money, and

your paper route money, and you had robbed your little brother’s piggy bank.

MORTIMER: (sticks his head out) Hey! Wait what?!

STEPHANIE: Hey, we share EVERYTHING!

FATHER: All together, you had one hundred dollars. You walked out the door holding all that money (enter

Mother) and your mother said,

MOTHER: Where are you going?

STEPHANIE: I am going to go buy myself some MMMMMAKEUP!

MOTHER: Oh, no!

FATHER: You didn’t pay any attention. (Mother exit) You ran to the drugstore, put the money down, and

said,

STEPHANIE: I want some red lipstick, blue lipstick, black lipstick, pink lipstick, yellow lipstick, purple

lipstick… I want one of everything you’ve got.

FATHER: The man gave you an enormous box of makeup. You picked it up, carried it home, and took it into

the bathroom. Then you said,

STEPHANIE: Now I am going to make myself BEEEEEEAUTIFUL!

FATHER: So you took some purple stuff and stuck it on your eyes. You took some green stuff and put it on

your cheeks. You took some black stuff and put it on your lips, and you colored your hair purple.

Then you put in nineteen earrings in one ear and seventeen earrings in the other ear. You looked in

the mirror and said,

STEPHANIE: Wow, I am as pretty as a movie star!

FATHER: You ran downstairs and (Mother enter) went into the kitchen. Your mother looked at you and

yelled,

MOTHER: AAAAAHHHHHH! (Mother exits)

STEPHANIE: What’s the matter with my mother? She’s acting very strange today.

FATHER: (Grandpa enters) You walked into the living room. Your grandpa looked up and yelled,

GRANDPA: AAAAAHHHHHH! (Grandpa exits)


STEPHANIE: What’s the matter with my grandpa? He’s acting very strange today.

FATHER: (Grandma enters) You walked up to your grandma.

GRANDMA: (taken aback) Stephanie, would you like a ponytail coming out the back?

STEPHANIE: NNNO!

GRANDMA: Would you like one coming out the side?

STEPHANIE: NNNO!

GRANDMA: Then that’s that. There is no other place you can do ponytails.

STEPHANIE: Yes, there is. I want one coming out the top of my head like a tree.

GRANDMA: That’s very, very strange. Are you sure that is what you want?

STEPHANIE: Yes.

FATHER: So your grandma gave you a nice ponytail coming out right out the top of your head like a tree.

(Grandma exits) When you went to school, (Kids enter) the other kids saw you and said,

KIDS: Ugly, ugly, very ugly. (Kids exit)

STEPHANIE: It’s my makeup and ponytail and I like it.

FATHER: The next morning, when you came back to school, (Kids enter) all the other girls and all of the

boys had ponytails coming out the top. It looked like broccoli was growing out of their heads. (Kids

exit) The next morning, you washed off all the makeup, and started over. This time you took some

yellow stuff and stuck it on your eyes. You took some purple stuff and put it on your cheeks. You

took some green stuff and put it on your lips, and you colored your hair red. Then you put nineteen

earrings in one ear, and two rings in your nose. You looked in the mirror and said,

STEPHANIE: Wow, I’m as pretty as TWO movie stars.

FATHER: You walked downstairs (Mother enters) and went into the living room. Your mother saw you and

didn’t say anything. She just fell right over. (Grandpa enters) Then you walked into the kitchen.

Your grandpa saw you and didn’t say anything. He just fell right over. Then someone knocked at the

door: BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM. You opened the door. (Mailman enters) It was the

mailman. He didn’t say anything either. He just fell right over. (Grandma enters) You went up to

your grandma.

GRANDMA: (taken aback) Stephanie, would you like a ponytail coming out the back?

STEPHANIE: NNNO.

GRANDMA: Would you like one coming out the side?

STEPHANIE: NNNO.


GRANDMA: Would you like one coming out the top?

STEPHANIE: NNNO!

GRANDMA: Then that is definitely that. There is no other place you can do ponytails.

STEPHANIE: Yes, there is. I want one coming out the front and hanging down in front of my nose.

GRANDMA: But nobody will know if you are coming or going. Are you sure that is what you want?

STEPHANIE: Yes.

FATHER: So your grandma gave you a nice ponytail coming right out the front. (Grandma exits) On the way

to school you bumped into four trees, three cars, two houses and one Principal. When you finally

got to your class, (Kids enter) the other kids saw you and said,

KIDS: Ugly, ugly, very ugly. (Kids exit)

STEPHANIE: It’s my makeup and ponytail and I like it.

FATHER: The next day (Kids enter) all the girls and all the boys, and even the teacher, had ponytails

coming out the front and hanging down in front of their noses. None of them could see where they

were going. They bumped into the desks and they bumped into each other. They bumped into the

walls and, by mistake, three girls went into the boys’ bathroom.

STEPHANIE: You are a bunch of brainless copycats. You just do whatever I do. When I come tomorrow, I

am going to have… SHAVED MY HEAD! (Kids exit)

FATHER: The next morning, you washed everything off. Then you looked in the mirror and said,

STEPHANIE: Oh, no! I spent one hundred dollars and all I have left is my regular face. This is terrible.

Nobody will think that I’m pretty!

FATHER: You walked downstairs. Your mother got up off the floor, and your grandpa got up off the floor,

and the mailman got up off the floor, and they all said,

ALL: Now you’re really learning how to use makeup! Now you’re REALLY BEAUTIFUL!

STEPHANIE: But, but, but… I don’t have on any makeup at all!

FATHER: Then you ran back up the stairs, looked in the mirror and yelled.

STEPHANIE: LOOK AT ME! I’M BEAUTIFUL WITH NO MAKEUP! (exits)

FATHER: (Teacher enters with bald cap) Meanwhile, the first person to come to school was the teacher. She

had shaved her head and she was bald. The next to come were the boys. (Boys enter with bald caps)

They had shaved their heads and they were bald. The next to come were the girls. (Girls enter with

bald caps) They had shaved their heads and they were bald. The last person to come was you, and

you had…


STEPHANIE: (enters) A nice little ponytail coming right out the back. I yelled, “HEY, WHO WANTS TO BUY

SOME MAKEUP?”

FATHER: All the girls, and some of the boys, in the classroom came running and asked,

KIDS: How much?

STEPHANIE: Three hundred dollars.

FATHER: So all the girls ran and got their birthday money and their New Year’s money and their tooth

fairy money, and they gave you the three hundred dollars. Then they ran into the school bathroom.

KIDS: Now I am going to make myself BEEEEEEAUTIFUL! (Kids exit)

FATHER: You used some of the money to pay back your little brother.

MORTIMER: (enters) You better have!

FATHER: And you took the rest to the thrift store to buy lots of old clothes for DRESS UP!

ELIZABETH: DRESS UP!

FATHER: That’s where you got all those dress up clothes, Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH: That’s the best story ever.

STEPHANIE: Remember how grandma would tell us stories when we were little? She made up these stories

about the things we were afraid of.

ELIZABETH: Like when I was afraid of the dark?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

FATHER: She did that for me, too. I think it was her way of helping us through the stuff we were going

through, to teach us lessons or prepare us for new situations. Stephanie, you had this habit of

running away when we went out in public. She told you a great story about accidentally stealing

and crashing an airplane before we had to go pick up your cousin from the airport.

STEPHANIE: I knew not to push not even one button when we were there.

FATHER: Mortimer, remember when you didn’t get a chance to go on that school field trip to the fire

station? She told you this great story about stowing away on a firetruck.

MORTIMER: I cried for the whole afternoon, when I wasn’t puking.

ELIZABETH: (Finds a cookie jar, sealed shut) I found a cookie jar! I wanna tell the story about the Dark!

FATHER: Alright.

ELIZABETH: When Jule Ann came down the stairs for breakfast,

Grandma enters, clearly not seen by other characters.


ELIZABETH/GRANDMA: (overlapping) There was a big cookie jar on the kitchen table…

GRANDMA: She turned it upside down, but nothing came out. So she hit the bottom of the jar, whap, whap,

whap, whap; and still nothing came out. (Mother enters, Father, Mortimer, Stephanie exit) Finally

she held the jar up over her head and looked in it. A small dark lump fell out, bounced on her nose

and rolled across the table.

ELIZABETH: WHAT’S THAT!

FATHER: WHAT’S THAT!

GRANDMA: The small dark ate Jule Ann’s shadow and got a little bigger. The small dark ate her father’s

shadow and got a little bigger. The small dark ate the toaster’s shadow and got even bigger.

ELIZABETH: I think it’s a Dark.

GRANDMA: By this time the Dark was as big as the toaster.

GRANDPA: (Grandpa comes in and sees Dark) HEY, WHAT’S THAT!

ELIZABETH: It’s a Dark. It eats shadows. (Grandpa picks it up and throws it out the window – off stage)

STEPHANIE: (Stephanie enters) No, that’s not how the story goes. Jule Ann’s father bought her clean clothes.

(Elizabeth exits)

STEPHANIE/GRANDMA: Jule Ann put on a clean new shirt and buttoned it up the front.

GRANDMA: She put on clean new pants and buttoned them up the front. Then she walked outside and sat

down under the apple tree. Unfortunately, hiding up in the apple tree (Mud Puddle enter), there was

a mud puddle. It saw Jule Ann sitting there and it jumped right on her head. She got completely all

over muddy. Even her ears were full of mud.

STEPHANIE: Papa, Papa! A Mud Puddle jumped on me.

GRANDMA: Her father picked her up, took off all her clothes and dropped her into a tub of water. He

scrubbed Jule Ann till she was red all over. (Mud Puddle exit) He washed out her ears. He washed

out her eyes. He even washed out her mouth.

ELIZABETH: (pokes head on stage) Because you had a potty mouth.

STEPHANIE: Shut up. I’m telling a story.

GRANDMA: Jule Ann put on a clean new shirt and buttoned it up the front. She put on clean new pants and

buttoned them up the front. Then she looked out the back door. She couldn’t see a mud puddle

anywhere, so she walked outside and sat down in her sand box. The sandbox was next to the house

and (Mud Puddle enter) hiding up on the top of the house there was a mud puddle. It saw Jule Ann

sitting down there and it jumped right on her head. She got completely all over muddy. Even her

nose was full of mud.


STEPHANIE: Papa, Papa! A Mud Puddle jumped on me.

GRANDMA: Jule Ann’s father picked her up, took off all her clothes and dropped her into a tub of water. He

scrubbed Jule Ann till she was red all over. (Mud Puddle exit) He washed out her ears. He washed

out her eyes. He washed out her mouth. He even washed out her nose. Jule Ann put on a clean new

shirt and buttoned it up the front. She put on clean new pants and buttoned them up the front.

Then she had an idea. Jule Ann reached way back in her closet and got out a big yellow raincoat. She

put it on and walked outside. There was no mud puddle anywhere.

STEPHANIE: Hey, Mud Puddle! (nothing happened. Louder) Hey, Mud Puddle!!

GRANDMA: Jule Ann was standing in the sunshine in her raincoat getting very hot.

Jule Ann takes off hood. Nothing happens. Takes off her raincoat.

Mud Puddle runs onstage to jump on Jule Ann’s head.

MORTIMER: (emerges from Mud Puddle costume) Wasn’t there a bunch of people that came out of the wall

and made a big mess. Yeah.

GRANDMA: Jonathan stood in the middle of the apartment and looked at the nice clean rug and the nice

clean walls and the very, very clean sofa. (Stephanie exits)

MORTIMER: Well, there is certainly no mess here.

GRANDMA: Then he heard a sound. It was coming from behind the wall. He put his ear up against the wall

and listened very carefully. The noise sounded like a train. (Sound effect: subway arrival/ding/doors

opening)

CONDUCTOR: LAST STOP! EVERYBODY OUT!

Bunch of people walk across stage from one side to the other –

one person stays on stage and lays down on a couch.

GRANDMA: Jonathan stood in the middle of the living room and looked around. There was writing on the

wall, gum on the rug and a man sleeping on the sofa, and all the food was gone from the

refrigerator.

MORTIMER: Well, this certainly is a mess. (tries to drag person off couch)

FATHER: (entering) Jonathan, what a mess!

MORTIMER: The wall opened up and there was a subway train. Thousands of people came running

through.

FATHER: Oh, Jonathan, don’t be silly. Clean it up.

GRANDMA: Father went to get a can of noodles (Father exits) and Jonathan cleaned up. When he was all

done, he heard a sound. It was coming from behind the wall. He put his ear up against the wall and


listened very carefully. The noise sounded like a train. (Sound effect: subway arrival/ding/doors

opening)


Bunch of people walk across stage from one side to the other –

someone stays on stage and lay down on a couch.

MORTIMER: Everybody out.

Couch person exits. Father enters.

FATHER: Jonathan, what have you done?

GRANDMA: Then HE heard a noise. It was coming from behind the wall. He put his ear right against the

wall and listened very carefully. The noise sounded like a train. (Sound effect: subway

arrival/ding/doors opening) Just then the wall slid open and a subway train pulled up.


Bunch of people walk across stage from one side to the other – two

people stay on stage and lay down on a couch.

STEPHANIE: (emerges from Crowd) It wasn’t a group of people, it was a mud puddle. (Bunch of people grab

mud puddle costume and throw it over themselves – Mortimer joins it).

ELIZABETH: (emerges from Mud Puddle) The dark! The dark! (Bunch of people grab dark costume and throw

it over themselves – Stephanie joins it).

GRANDMA: When the Dark was as big as a hill, it came back to Jule Ann’s house, sat on the roof and went to

sleep. The whole yard was so dark that Jule Ann could not go out and play.

FATHER: (entering) WHAT’S THIS! (runs into Dark)

GRANDMA: But it was so dark outside that he got lost. He could not even find the door to come back in.

MORTIMER: (leaving the Dark - interrupting) Jonathan went to the conductor. (Dark throws off costume, five

people sleep on couch, police and conductor watch TV, conductor find place onstage) This is not a

subway station, this is my house!

CONDUCTOR: If the subway stops here, then it’s a subway station! You shouldn’t build your house in a

subway station. If you don’t like it, go see City Hall.

GRANDMA: Jonathan went to City Hall and saw the Mayor. (Mob forms Computer)

MAYOR: If the subway stops there, then it’s a subway station! You shouldn’t build your house in a subway

station. Our computer says it’s a subway station, and our computer is never wrong.

GRANDMA: As Jonathan was leaving, he heard someone crying.


OLD MAN: (offstage) Oooooooh, I’m hungry.

GRANDMA: He found the room it was coming from. He went in, and there was a big, enormous, shining

computer machine.

COMPUTER: Wing, wing, ker-klung, clickety clang. (Old Man emerges from behind it)

OLD MAN: Do you have any blackberry jam?

MORTIMER: No, but I could get you some. Who are you?

OLD MAN: I’m the computer.

MORTIMER: Computers are machines, and you are not a machine. They go…

COMPUTER: Wing, wing, ker-klung, clickety clang.

OLD MAN: Well, that goes…

COMPUTER: Wing, wing, ker-klung, clickety clang.

OLD MAN: But the darn thing never did work. I do everything for the whole city.

MORTIMER: Oh. I will get you some blackberry jam if you’ll do me a favor. A subway station is in my house

at 980 Young Street. Please change it.

OLD MAN: Certainly, I remember doing that. I didn’t know where to put it.

GRANDMA: Jonathan ran out and got four cases of jam.

OLD MAN: Now, where am I going to put this subway station?

MORTIMER: I know. (whispers in Old Man’s ear)

OLD MAN: Don’t tell anyone the computer is broken. The Mayor would be very upset. He paid ten million

dollars for it.

STEPHANIE: (breaking out of Computer, which then exits) Jule Ann put on a clean new shirt and buttoned up

the front.

GRANDMA: She put on clean new pants and buttoned them up the front. Then she sat beside the back door

because she was afraid to go outside. Then she had an idea. She reached up…

ELIZABETH: (entering) And broke off a piece of her chair’s shadow…

GRANDMA: and held it out the window. And yelled…

ELIZABETH: FOOD! (Mud Puddle enters)

STEPHANIE: (interrupting) The mud puddle jumped over the fence and ran right toward her.

GRANDMA: Jule Ann threw a bar of soap right into the mud puddle’s middle. The mud puddle stopped.


MUD PUDDLE: Awk, yecch, wackh!

ELIZABETH: Right away the Dark flew through the window… (Mud Puddle twists sheet to fit into cookie jar)

GRANDMA: and jumped into the jar to eat the shadow. She taped it with tape, roped it with rope, and

wrapped it in a sheet. (put shadow into box, tape it with tape, tie it with rope, wrap it in sheets –

excessive and long mime here). Then all her friends helped her carry it to a garbage can and they

dumped it inside. Her father called the garbage truck. The truck came and took the Dark away. (all

exit with cookie jar, only Family and Grandma left on stage).

STEPHANIE: It never came back again.

ELIZABETH: All the shadows took a week to grow again.

MORTIMER: The subway station stopped in the mayor’s office! Isn’t that great?

Grandma smiles at the children. Moment of silence.

MORTIMER: Her stories were the best. Too bad we’ll never hear her tell them to us again.

ELIZABETH: But we can tell them to each other.

A moment of silence. Stephanie hugs Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH: What was that for?

STEPHANIE: It’s true. They’ll never disappear so long as we keep telling them to each other.

MORTIMER: And telling our own.

FATHER: I’m so proud of you. Grandma would love to hear you tell these stories.

Father draws kids to him in a big family hug.

FATHER: What do you miss most about grandma?

ELIZABETH: Her cooking!

STEPHANIE: Fried goat, rolled oats, burnt toast, and artichokes…

MORTIMER: Eggnog, pork sog, simmered soup, and hot dogs…

ELIZABETH: Jam jars, dinosaurs, chocolate bars, and stew.

The siblings laugh at the rehearsed lines. Beat.

MORTIMER: I’ll miss her hugs.

STEPHANIE: She listened. She really listened to me. Even when I was a little kid and nobody took me

seriously.


FATHER: I miss my best friend. I wish I could talk to her. Ask her advice. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m

going to do without her. I know she never stopped loving me like I was her baby. Remember that

lullaby she sang?

ELIZABETH: singing

I love you forever,




FATHER: That’s the one. I can still hear her singing that just before I fall asleep at night.

MORTIMER: She snuck into my room when she thought I was asleep to sing that to me. But I remember it.

ELIZABETH: Me, too!

FATHER: Then let’s keep singing it to each other. Should we continue to tell her stories as we go through

all her stuff?

Kids agree.

FATHER: Alright. Let’s go get some lunch.

MORTIMER: I want hamburgers!

ELIZABETH: I want chicken fingers and fries!

STEPHANIE: I want tacos.

FATHER: Let’s just make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the kitchen.

ELIZABETH: With swamp water!

Family exits.

GRANDMA: singing

I love you forever,




Lights down.

- Fin -


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cloud2.snappages.comcloud2.snappages.com/2b4e5830095430261f1f3207d868… · Web viewCan’t you see how much stuff we have to get through in the next few days? ... We need a little