THE SpartaN

La Cañada High SchoolVolume XX, Issue 7 April 1, 2010 lcspartan.com

Concert On the Roof

page 2

Mr. V’s Troubled

Past

page 4page 3

Fault Line Under Foothill

Due to La Cañada High School’s increasing financial problems and current controversy facing the pep squad, the admin-istration as well as the cheer advisors have decided it to be beneficial to the students and the school to combine the Flaggie team with color guard. It is believed that as they both practice very similar routines and dance moves, it would be a smart move on both parts.

This sudden action took place last week on Tuesday March 16th at an im-promptu meeting between Ms. Pittman, Ms. Davidson, and Ms. Kalb, who all decided that in order to cut the school’s spending on the uniforms and equipment that combin-ing the two teams would be the best option.

“Our district is not in the best place financially right now, and the smartest thing for us to do would be to cut back on un-necessary spending,” stated Ms. Davidson.

The Flaggies as well as the Col-or Guard have not reacted kindly to this very sudden change. In fact, both squads believe that bringing the two teams to-gether would cause the opposite effect.

“AS a team, we have learned to work together and have become accustomed to our traditions and we know how to coop-erate with each other; creating a new team in the middle of the year is just not the solu-tion,” exclaimed Flaggie Maanika Keesara.

As a result of the integration of the teams, there will have to be a reduction of the number of girls on the team, causing negative reactions amongst members of both teams. “It’s not fair that in the middle of the year girls are being cut from the team. Why does the school think that they have the right to do that?” questioned a member of color guard who wished to remain anonymous.

The Flaggies and Color Guard are planning on protesting these changes to the pro-gram. Expect the appearance of new Facebook groups and arguments in the coming months.

Pep Squad Faces More

Changes

Authorities in La Cañada Flintridge have a new weapon to assist in the battle against drug-possessing teenag-ers. Zoologists have recently discovered a rare breed

of squirrel that can better detect the presence of drugs with their incredibly keen sense of smell. These rare red squirrels are only found in certain parts of South America. The La Canada School District has purchased a scurry of squirrels last December in hopes that they will be more efficient than the drugs dogs.

The squirrels have been at the Squirrel Solution Training Center (SSTC) for the last couple of months, and have been receiving the “highest quality police [squirrel] training,” according to Terrence Jimenez of the Animal Train-ing Center. Each squirrel is custom fitted with his own patrol h a r n e s s a n d m u z z l e , w h i c h c o s t s $ 8 6 d o l -lars per squirrel. The training of each animal costs $ 5 , 0 0 0 - $ 8 , 0 0 0 o n a v e r a g e . T h i s i s a l l f u n d -ed by the La Cañada Unif ied School Dis t r ic t .

However, these new crime-fighting methods are not without controversy. Recently, our well known Tanya Wilson has been arrested and charged with the attempt to smuggle an endangered species across the border. As of now she is being charged with criminal intent and the “unauthor-ized taking, possession, sale, and transport of an endangered species,” according to representatives at the Wildlife Ser-vice. She is suspected of violating the Endangered Species Act of 1973. If convicted, she faces up to four years in Los Angeles County prison with a bail of $400,000. Informa-tion is still being withheld about future consequences.

Drug Squirrels Go Nuts at the High SchoolBy Margaret Beesley and Tamar Bezjian Photo Editor and Features Editor

This squirrel is in training at the Squirrel Solution Training Center (SSTC).

By Margo HartleySpartan Staff

School district officials recently an-nounced that starting this summer La Cañada will become a closed

campus due to ongoing problems. The officials recently held a meeting at the district office to discuss the issue and its effects on the students at La Cañada High School. People in attendance included Superintendent Jim Stratton, Director of Facilities and Operations Mike Leininger, LCHS Principals Audra Pittman, Joanne Davidson, and Kevin Buchanan. They met and started off with discussing what the problems were which caused them to make this drastic change. The problems included students going off campus dur-ing lunch without a lunch pass and failing to return to their 5th or 6th period class on time despite numerous warnings and consequences such as Saturday school. Ms. Davidson commented, “I have been at La Cañada for 5 years now and I never thought we would have to make such as rash decision, given the trust we have had in our students. Ms. Pittman followed up by saying that, “We should uphold our reputation of being a high achieving school by following simple rules so we can avoid situations such as this one.”

Since La Cañada High School opened up in 1885 it has been an open

campus which was much to the benefit of the students seeing that the school has confidence in them. Students have been able to go out to lunch with their friends and then come back in time for their next class. Sociology and Gov/Econ teacher Jim Harvey who has taught at LCHS for 37 years commented that at many other high schools including the one he graduated from the campus is closed and students aren’t given the privilege to go out to lunch because administrators worry about the effects it can have on students such as attendance and safety. Statistics show that if students go off campus for lunch they are more likely to get into trouble such as speeding, or even not returning to campus because they choose to travel far distances. This is why administrators across the country have decided to make their high school a closed campus. A recent example of this took place in Washington State when a group of friends went out for lunch and failed to return to their next class. It turns out that these students got a speeding ticket and were taken to the local po-lice station so their parents could pick them up. After that incident the school became a completely closed campus. If a campus is closed students in general are more likely to have better attendance and as a result perform better in class.

In order to keep students on

campus, high schools across the country have started a food program that they hope students will like. This program called Your Choice Foods was started after the Association of High School Cafeterias decided that students need tasty food but at the same time be able to get it while on campus. In this program, students will be able to order food from a set menu that is made by local restau-rants. The students will have a lunch plan in the beginning of the year with money that can go towards this program. Once the students use the money in the lunch plan it is up to them to add more money to it. Schools in California as well as Colorado have already become a part of this growing program. Education of-ficials hope that kids will get the food they want and at the same time be on campus to enjoy it. This way, students can avoid attendance problems and then not have to worry about facing the consequences. La Cañada High School decided earlier in March during a board meeting that it will vary their cafeteria menu to offer more varied, healthy and tasty choices for food. This will include having themed days such as Celebrate Mexico Day in which food from Mexico will be offered at a nominal price. LCHS is still in the process of creating a menu that students will enjoy and that will keep students on campus, hence the new rule.

LCHS To Become a Closed CampusBy Krishna RajagopalanSpartan Staff

Flaggies perform enthusiastically at the assembly.Photo by Erica Moore

2 April 1, 2010 La Cañada High School

news

UCLA scientists shocked South-ern California last Monday when they publicly announced the re-

sults of a series of tests made on Girl Scout cookies after several complaints of dizziness, fevers, hallucinations and nausea from the consumers. Scientists found more than four traces of differ-ent illegal substances in approximately three fifths of the boxes sold this season. This evidence led to an extensive inves-tigation to clarify the reason why extra ingredients were added to the original recipes. After two weeks, one of the factory workers confessed having let his 16-year-old friend pull a prank on the girl scouts by putting in drops of liquid into the mix. According to many news sources, the factory worker claimed he was not aware that the liquid would be harmful in any way; in fact he also claimed that he had no idea that the liquid was in fact liquefied versions of three different hallucinating drugs. Both

are currently being detained at the Los Angeles County Jail until further notice.Since it is impossible to differentiate the untouched batches from the spiked ones, Californians have been advised to throw out all boxes and Girl Scout cookies sales have been stopped till next year. Califor-nian doctors and chemists agree that the effects of this triple-combination can be lethal or can cause undesirable side af-fects such as loss of tactile sensation, temporary loss of speech (up to about four hours) and short term memory loss.One LCHS student complained: “It’s just such a disappointment, I don’t understand how two people could ruin the pleasure of eating Girl Scout cookies for everyone. I bought eight boxes this year, and I’m

afraid to try them out now!” ASB will be sending out vo-

cal warnings during announcements all next week warning people about the dangers, and a few class interven-tions have been talked about, though they have not yet been officially con-firmed. A few students have reported experiencing the effects from a few cookies, but luckily their intake was not big enough to cause an overdose.

LCHS student Virgil Wind-sor said, “I was just eating cookies at home while doing my homework and all of a sudden the words I had written in my essay jumped out at me and started running across the room. I wasn’t re-ally conscious at the time, I suppose,

but my sister told me that I proceeded by running after them in a pretty fran-tic way. I only really gained conscious-ness four hours later, with no first-hand recollection of what I had done.”

Another student, who wish-es to remain unnamed, looked at the whole incident from a more optimistic perspective. “When I found out about the Girl Scout Cookies scandal, I im-mediately took the affected boxes from my friends and experimented. They haven’t technically considered the cook-ies themselves as illegalities, so I saw no initial harm in what I was doing. It’s just a shame that I can’t remember what happened, because it kind of took the fun out of the whole experience.” So LCHS students, be wise and stay away from the cookies! No matter how entertaining the consumption of such cookies may seem, I highly doubt it’s worth risking your life and sanity.

Girl Scout Cookies Take a Lethal Turn

The Spartan staff received an anonymous letter that a collective of seniors with musical acclaim are to hold a performance on top of the cafeteria

the week before Prom. The letter suggests that some of these individuals may or may not be well-known, but did not wish to disclose their names for liability issues.

“…It’ll be sick. We got all the greats in our leagues. Plan for the best Senior music event of the year…” an excerpt from the letter reads.It was also suggested that this may be a grand finale for the senior pranking season and if so then it is appropri-ate. Those who possess great 60’s trivia would know that The Beatles hosted their last concert on the rooftop of their own company, Apple. If we seniors did the same, then we would go out with a bang the same magnitude of that legendary band. Proceeding classes might have a hard time putting together a prank that takes the same level of coordination and allusion. It’s all in the letter.

The identities of the performers may remain

a mystery, for the anonymous tip also states that their silhouettes will all be masked and their faces will be cov-ered by some sort of… covering. They are not offering a reward to whoever can guess who the musicians are- they did not say how many were “in their leagues.” However, they did give one hint.

“…We’ll come in every color and creed. A guitar or two, a Fender, a Musicman, a Squire, a Takamine, a few mic stands, we’ll even lug a drum set up there…” reads another excerpt from the note.When asked, Ms. Davidson said she would not give per-mission for such a dangerous activity to take place under her watch.

“And even if I did, it could only take place at lunch time so as to not upset the develop-ment of growing students’ minds,” she clarified.

Whoever these individuals are, they will have to go through a lot of trouble to convince the admin-istration (or discretely lug their equipment up with-out being seen) to allow them to do what Jack Gil-bert already does a fine job with except at an elevation.

By Naima VogtSpartan Staff

Seniors to Hold Concert on Roof

“It’s just such a disappointment, I don’t understand how two people could ruin the pleasure of eating Girl Scout cookies for everyone. I bought eight box-es this year, and I’m afraid to try them out now!”

-Jose Dizon

By Alexandra Van WieSpartan Staff

On March 23, 2010, the La Cañada School Board announced its decision to move La Cañada 7/8 off the Oak

Grove campus. This decision was influenced by a variety of parents and administrators who found a number of problems with the campus that the middle school and the high school share.

Since the presence of drug dogs em-phasized the prominent underground drug trade at LCHS, 7/8 parents have been voicing their complaints and concerns more fervently than before. Many parents are especially fearful of the habits that the Jr High students start.

“Tweeners are very different from the teens and the combined campus only encourages the expedited maturation,” explained 7/8 parent and na-tionally recognized psychologist, Dr. Sandra Kim.

“It’s more than that,” her husband Chris Kim added, “private investigation of Hahamonga Watershed park has revealed that many middle schoolers have picked up ‘chain smoking’ from the high schoolers.”

This is a serious concern as the con-sequences of starting such habits at a younger age are 10 times more devastating to one’s health later in life. Studies show that out of 12 year olds that smoke, 70% will end up in jail. The success rates of tween smokers (based on future income earnings) are rarely promising. It is not likely that a tween smoker will earn more than $2,000,000/year in their lifetime.

Several properties are currently un-der speculation for the new location of the middle school. A substantial amount of money has been set aside from the La Cañada School District’s budget for the purchase, construc-tion and renovation of the new middle school.

7/8 Will Move Off-Campus

By Terese Rutkowski Opinion Editor

Visit

LCspartan.com

Seniors to hold concert on roof of the cafeteria to go out with a bang the same magnitude of The Beatles. Adopted by John Gregg.

3 April 1, 2010 La Cañada High School

news

After the recent 4.4 earthquake that shook the beds of La Canada residents a couple weeks ago, there has been talk of earthquake safety and

protection in case a larger one hits our little town. It’s time to listen up. There have been recent reports show-ing dramatic tectonic activity along Southern California, the most recent readings occurring in Pasadena. JPL and NASA geologists have finally released data showing a new fault has been discovered right under Foothill Bou-levard, and a huge earthquake would be devastating.

“With new technology and ground tremor equip-ment, the magnitude of this upcoming earthquake far ex-ceeds anything we’ve felt in our lifetime,” warned Dr. Mor-gan Johnson, a leading geologist at JPL. The estimated 8.0

earthquake is predicted to hit around the end of this week, and the effects will be devastating. Safe houses are being set up anywhere with a concrete basement, but prepara-tions are limited. Along with destroying most of the free-ways out of town, this earthquake will most likely cause a tremendous tsunami that will affect the global community.

With limited supplies and even less chance to run, La Canada must prepare itself for one of the most monu-mental quakes in history. It has been said that a huge tec-tonic move has been long overdue, and we are about to ex-perience the magnitude of mother earth. If you want more safety tips or information on this upcoming phenomenon, check NASA’s website. The new information is streamed hourly, and an estimated countdown is located under the “Earthquake Watch” tab. To everyone, I bid you good luck.

When Kelsey Toms, a junior at La Ca-ñada High School and devoted mem-ber of the La Cañada High Young

Republican’s Club, heard the news on March 21, 2010, that the United States was to adopt a universal healthcare system, she was livid. So livid, in fact, that she decided that the Demo-crats would have to suffer the consequences of their seeming immature and bogus actions.

During a Young Democrats meeting, Kelsey ran into the room and started scream-ing and yelling, calling the members of the Democrats Club vulgar and rude names and threatening some of them. She then pro-ceeded to even hit a couple of them, ques-tioning how they could support such a bill.

“This bill destroys what Ameri-ca stands for and it will cause greater dev-astation than it will save,” said Toms. “What ever happened to the successful pre-vail? Not all of us can have everything.”

After physically and verbally abusing members of the club and even critiquing the government and the president, Toms reached into her backpack and pulled out pieces of rope that she and cut, and then tied the members to their seats. After successfully attaching each member to a seat and making sure none of the Democrats could get away, Toms took out her iPod speakers and iPod, and plugged it into the wall. After she set up her iPod, she turned on her favorite patriotic song, country singer Toby Keith’s “American Ride”. The song satirizes America and what it has become, hitting social, economic, and political issues such as illegal im-migration and gas prices. Toms played the song ten times, singing along crazily and telling the Democrats that they would be sorry that they had ever even dreamed of such a healthcare system.

When the bell that ended lunch rang, Toms simply unplugged her iPod and went to class, leaving them all still tied to their seats. They were finally found when the teacher whose room they were using returned from lunch and later freed when a custodian came up with rope cutters.

“It was one of the scariest things of my life,” said one Democrat member, who wishes to remain anonymous. “She was le-gitimately going crazy over this thing.”

Toms was called into the office later that day, and was suspended for two weeks for verbally and physically endangering the Young Democrats members in a school-based environ-ment. Toms also is facing charges from parents, who claim that their children were emotionally, and some physically, scarred by Toms’ outrage.

“I did what I thought had to be done,” said Toms. “And I don’t regret it. I stand for America.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Get Ready for a Massive Earthquake

Healthcare Bill Causes Brawl

By Alice Grubb JonesBackpage Editor

JPL and NASA geologists have finally released data showing a new fault has been discovered right under Foothill Boulevard, and a huge earthquake would be devastating. Photo Credit: Google Images.

By Hailey WilliamsSpartan Staff

CollegeBoard announced last week that a scor-ing error occurred for the March 2010 SAT. Scores for the exam have been voided and

students who took the March exam will have to re-take the test this weekend at the same testing center they took it last month and pay $15 to retake the exam.The error, said an article on CollegeBoard’s web-site, had to do with the experimental section. While the extra sections can typically be distinguished by the color of the tests’ cover page, this year all of the pages were the same color, causing scoring malfunctions. CollegeBoard President John McDougal explained, “There was a mix up in the colored cover sheets dur-ing print last month that was not noticed until af-ter the exams were distributed to the testing centers.”

A new exam, different from the March and April 2010 exam, will be created. CollegeBoard urges all students to reserve a seat and pay for the test as soon as possible.

“We apologize for this unfortunate turn of events. We have no choice but to require all students who took the March SAT exam to retake it. If they do not retake the exam, a minimum score of 200 will be given,” said Thomas Philman, vice president of CollegeBoard.

“This is really upsetting because I thought I did really well. I wanted to be done with SAT I after this exam,” said junior Joseph Kim. “I can’t believe they’re making us retake the test and pay for it too. It’s ridiculous.”

Another junior Ben Chon added, “Yeah, we spent so much time studying for this exam be-cause it’s an important factor for college, but Col-legeBoard is not doing a good job administering the test. They should at least offer the test for free.”

Other juniors showed similar amounts of frus-tration and despair after being notified of CollegeBoard’s mistake.

Visit www.collegeboard.com for additional information and updates.

By Emily KimNews Editor

March SAT Voided, Again

As spring washes over La Canada, Easter will soon arrive. In an attempt to raise school spirit and get into the groove of the Easter season,

LCHS administrators are planning an Easter Egg Hunt. Already familiar by most students, the objective of the event is to find an Easter egg hidden somewhere around the school campus. Although this may seem boring and almost childish to most high schoolers, it has been re-ported that there is a catch to this special Easter egg hunt. The winner of this year’s Easter egg hunt must pres-ent the egg to the school office in exchange for a seemingly too-good-to-be-true 75 bonus points. These bonus points are able to be allocated to any participating class and course. Many courses have already signed up to support the prize. Such sub-jects already include various AP, honor, and regular courses.

Mr. Angler, AP literature teacher, said, “It’s through our support that this event is possible. Would high school kids seriously go through looking for an egg for nothing? No, it’s the support of these classes that gives them an incentive. This in turn boosts school spirit and pride. A slight imbalance in academics is worth it.” A l i s t o f t h e s t i l l g r o w i n g p a r -ticipating classes can be found in the main office.

As word of the Easter egg hunt gets around, students have already started preparing for the big day.

S o p h o m o r e J o e K i m c o m m e n t -ed, “It’s probably more worth the effort to hunt for an egg than to s tudy for my chemistry tes t .” The egg, dressed in Spartan colors, will be wrapped in gold foil withsport red polka dots and is limited to any area under La Canada High School. The Easter Egg hunt starts as early as April 1st, and will last until the egg is found by a lucky student.

C o m m e n t i n g o n t h e m e r i t o f t h e event, Mr. Buchanan offered, “I really like eggs.”

Find the Easter Egg, Get Extra

CreditBy David RheeSpartan Staff

“I did what I thought had to be done,” said Toms. “And I don’t regret it. I stand for America.”

-Kelsey Toms

Young Republican Tortures Young Democrats

4 April 1, 2010 La Cañada High School

Features

Born in an obscure v i l l a g e i n t h e northern part of

Amsterdam, LCHS senior Willem Swart has always ardently identified him-self as a Dutchman. The son of a hemp farmer, Willem’s parents immi-grated to America when he was a wee little toddler in the glorious year of 1992. They found prosperity in the cobbling business, and basically realized the idyllic American Dream. Willem has al-ways been a self-pro-claimed Pokemon lover. In his early years, his ardor for video games vacil-lated between the realms of Digimon, Yugioh, and Pokemon, but when it all came down to it, he real-ized that only the Pokeball could make him happy. Much of his early years were spent trying to con-quer the mysterious world of Pokemon, and his mas-tery of the game was demon-strated by raising all 150 Pokemon to the master level of 100. Only a true gamer would understand, but for the common folk, this is defined as the pinnacle of any pokemaster’s career as a Pokemon trainer. He suc-ceeded in achieving this feat in all 10 games that the Pokemon corporation have released, and is currently a top contestant for the Guinness Book of World Records “Biggest Pokemon Nerd.” His only rival is a 9 year old Japanese boy named Yakiyama Daihatsu Fujipoontang. But Pokemon has not dominated all of Willem’s life. At the tender age of fourteen, he joined Youth and Gov-ernment, a YMCA run program that allows high school students to emulate the workings of state government.

“The program changed my life, it really did.

Before that, all I did was play Pokemon, but everything’s different now,” Willem confessed with a youthful smile on his face. Youth and Government was the exactly the conduit Wil-lem needed to channel his inner socialite in to being. He told me that he really found his niche in the program, and now wishes to work for the govern-ment as some kind of bureaucratic official.

“My d ream job would really be the chief of the Fed-eral Communications Commission. I always despised obsceni ty and inappropriate lan-guage, and I think hear-ing Slim Shady on the radio was part of what made me such a ‘poke-centered’ introvert,” said Willem with a sigh.

He has just re-cently been elected as an

officer for the Crescenta-Cañada YMCA Youth and Government delegation, serving as the Sergeant at Arms. His job is to maintain order during meetings, and, theoretically, if anything were to happen during the meetings, protect the delegates. Willem’s passion for altruism and civic duty have made him realize the true goals in his life, and he has moved on from a Pokemon fan to a member of the social clan. I asked a girl I know, who requested to remain anonymous, what she thought of Willem, and she promptly re-plied, “He is so smooth and nice. I really think he is one of the most popular guys at school. And for a good reason too.” Although the girl was a freshman, I think she speaks on behalf of the entire school.

Spartan: What was your role in the mafia?Mr. V: [Sighing] Well boys, you found it. I really want to go home to my family, so I’ll talk. I’m a big guy. I didn’t find them, they found me. When people didn’t do what they were supposed to, I stepped in, cracked some skulls, no big deal. What else?

Willem Swart’s By Ameer KhanSpartan Staff

All true music icons have become pop-ular seemingly

overnight. The bands or artists that take their time to rise to the top possess no real musical talent, but in-stead try to slowly accom-modate the public to their songs. Every artist worth remembering has had one catchy breakout song in-stead of just a bunch of similar boring songs. This is because listeners had to go through a whole al-bum of songs they would eventually become bored and uninterested with the singer. An honest music icon that exemplifies this talent and accessibility is the breakout star Ke$ha.

An art ist l ike Ke$ha is often misunder-stood because her lyrics require deeper examina-tion. The attitude of many critics is that her songs are prolonged nonsense that don’t show any meaning or thought process. Even some of her most devoted listeners feel the same and only buy her songs because they’re “catchy”. What this musically il-literate audience fails to realize is that her songs hold a deeper meaning.

For example , Ke$ha’s breakout song “Tik Tok” represents her emotional reflection on her childhood and attempts

to speak to those with the same problems. She starts the song by informing the audience what it’s like to “wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy”. This alludes to when she was put in the witness protec-tion program as a child and had to change her name a number of times, just as P. Diddy did. He was an icon of hers because he was able to change his name constantly and still make it in the music industry.

When she states that “when [she] leave[s] for the night, [she] ain’t comin back”, she is re-ferring to her many at-tempts to run away from her troubled home life. This troubled home life is further revealed in the cho-rus; “Tik Tok on the clock, the party don’t stop”. This is a crucial lyric that in-dicates the never-ending party that her parent’s life was, never caring for her and doing what they wanted around the clock.

Other songs rep-resent her political views and comment on the in-creasing impact of global-ization on third world coun-tries. Her song “Blah Blah Blah” poses a challenge to-wards communism and its revolutionaries.

Ke$ha’s lyrics are ground-breaking and once they are observed carefully they reveal a whole new artist that focuses on the deeper meaning of life.

Ke$ha Inspires the World By Erica MooreSpartan Staff

The Interview

English teacher Mr. Valassidis, if you have not beheld the mountain of a man, is an intimi-dating figure to students and teachers alike.

Weighing in at 300 pounds, Mr. V, or “V” as he demands others call him, could have single handedly crushed the Persian army at Thermopylae those many years ago. Towering over his whelps at over 6’3”, he is the Lighthouse of Alexandria in the English depart-

ment. As such, few students have gathered the cour-age to ask the depraved “V” about his past. Until now. English teacher Justin Valassidis sat down with Spartan news reporters and after 3 hours of interrogation, we finally cracked him. He let slip a few dubious terms that suggested involvement in a nefarious line of work. We played along and pretended not to notice that our very own “V” was beginning to sound like a Gre-cian Mafioso. Finally, we popped the question.

Mr. V appraches our cameraman, while he moves back for his own safety. Photo by David Belcher

Mr. V’s Troubled PastBy Christophe LaBelle, David Mkrtchian, and Alexandra Van WieSpartan Staff

S: Would you care to elaborate on that?V: No. All you need to know is that what I did is some-thing not everyone is cut out for.

S: Is the Greek mafia all it’s cut out to be?V : W h a t d o Y O U t h i n k ? W h y d o you think they make it a big deal? The Greeks are real men, unlike those Macedonians.

S: You’re often seen in Mr. Powers’ room consort-ing with other members of the English depart-ment. Is there possibly an English teacher mafia?V: I wouldn’t call it that. As lovers of the English language, we can’t help but seek each other’s intellectual company. When we trade our students’ papers for grading, we have our familia. That way, if a student disagrees with a grade, there are always two of us to deal with against the one troublemaker. Yeah, I picked that up from the big boys, but looking out for each isn’t such a bad thing, you know?

S: Do you ever find that your Greek heritage conflicts with the anti-democratic principles of the mafia?V: [Cackles] Historians will tell you that Greece essen-tially founded democracy, but what they often forget to mention is that the political models of oligarchy and aristocracy also began in Greece. My Greek homeboys Plato and Socrates were inherently anti-democratic. They didn’t trust common people to do the right thing. The ma-fia definitely takes power into its own hands, but always in the interest of the people. I see it all the time in teaching.

Gotta Catch’em All Photo by Margaret Beesley